Sunsets and Silhouette Dreams
waiting for proof
The ocean had always been her favourite place. She’d beg him to go on days when the sun took over the sky, leaving kisses of light across everything that it touched. He would protest at first, telling her it was too warm or they had too much to do, but he would always give in. They’d pack up the car, filling it with blankets and snacks and making the long drive to where the water met the sand.
Her face would light up as soon as the water was visible, the smile never leaving her face. They would find a spot with just enough sun to keep them warm but not enough to burn them and they would lay the blankets out, overlapping them slightly to create a giant square, and they would lay on them with their eyes settling on the shapes that the clouds made.
“It looks like a duck,” she would say, pointing up at a deformed blob of white. He would laugh and shake his head because she always thought it looked like a duck.
“It looks like a cloud,” he would sigh, turning to face her just in time to see her smile falter slightly. The pang of guilt hit him in the stomach in the same spot every time.
“Use your imagination,” she would urge, grabbing his hand and manipulating it so it was pointing up towards the sky, “that’s the beak there, and that’s his little foot.”
He would smile and agree with her, insisting that he saw it now, that he just didn’t see the head before and none of the rest made sense. She would smile with satisfaction and rest her head against his chest, the beating of her heart matching the crashing of the waves.
The entire beach was eerily quiet today. The wind had brought with it clouds filled with raindrops, twisting the sky into a dull gray that urged everyone to stay inside. From the inside of his truck it almost looked peaceful and he almost smiled before a shudder worked its way down his spine and snapped him out of it.
He opened the door to the vehicle, the dull chime that signaled that it was unfit to drive was the metronome with which he timed his movements, slow and steady, and one, and two, and three, and four. Pressing his feet into the ground felt wrong, walking felt even worse, as he made his way from the sturdy pavement to the unevenness of the sand. He could feel his feet sinking in, more and more with every step, and his wished he could just disappear under the tiny grains.
He walked slowly as he felt the wind rush past him, whispering mumbled words into his ears. He strained to hear them but failed, feeling his shoulder slump over in defeat. The water crashed around him and he looked out, noticing how the wind was toying with it, convincing the water to comply to all of its wishes. He felt a pain in his chest. As he walked along the sand his shoes slipped off and he felt the ground squish beneath his feet. He stood still for a second, breathing deeply to take in as much of the salted oxygen as he could before he continued toward the water’s edge.
The water moved towards his feet as soon as he stepped close enough, dampening the sand around him. He backed up a little and then sat down, far enough to not get too wet but close enough to still feel the water on his feet. It felt cool, not warm like it was in his memories. He sighed.
He looked up towards the sky, the clouds getting darker and heavier with each passing moment, and he closed his eyes as he felt a raindrop land on his face. He held his breath for a moment as he felt another, and then another, the water falling from the sky faster than it was lapping at his heels. He contemplated moving, taking his body somewhere dry and warm, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He felt water prick the corners of his eyes, tears this time, and soon he couldn’t tell where the rain ended and his tears began. He felt a sob bubble up from the pit in his stomach and he let it escape, well aware that he was alone, more aware of that fact that he had been in a long time.
He opened his eyes and looked out at the turbulent ocean in front of him. He had hoped that by forcing himself to go there maybe he would feel less alone; that being in her favourite place would somehow bring back a piece of her, but he was wrong.
He stood up, shaking the rain from his hair and stuff his hands into his pockets, the hole in his chest growing as he walked away from the ocean.
Her face would light up as soon as the water was visible, the smile never leaving her face. They would find a spot with just enough sun to keep them warm but not enough to burn them and they would lay the blankets out, overlapping them slightly to create a giant square, and they would lay on them with their eyes settling on the shapes that the clouds made.
“It looks like a duck,” she would say, pointing up at a deformed blob of white. He would laugh and shake his head because she always thought it looked like a duck.
“It looks like a cloud,” he would sigh, turning to face her just in time to see her smile falter slightly. The pang of guilt hit him in the stomach in the same spot every time.
“Use your imagination,” she would urge, grabbing his hand and manipulating it so it was pointing up towards the sky, “that’s the beak there, and that’s his little foot.”
He would smile and agree with her, insisting that he saw it now, that he just didn’t see the head before and none of the rest made sense. She would smile with satisfaction and rest her head against his chest, the beating of her heart matching the crashing of the waves.
>>>
The entire beach was eerily quiet today. The wind had brought with it clouds filled with raindrops, twisting the sky into a dull gray that urged everyone to stay inside. From the inside of his truck it almost looked peaceful and he almost smiled before a shudder worked its way down his spine and snapped him out of it.
He opened the door to the vehicle, the dull chime that signaled that it was unfit to drive was the metronome with which he timed his movements, slow and steady, and one, and two, and three, and four. Pressing his feet into the ground felt wrong, walking felt even worse, as he made his way from the sturdy pavement to the unevenness of the sand. He could feel his feet sinking in, more and more with every step, and his wished he could just disappear under the tiny grains.
He walked slowly as he felt the wind rush past him, whispering mumbled words into his ears. He strained to hear them but failed, feeling his shoulder slump over in defeat. The water crashed around him and he looked out, noticing how the wind was toying with it, convincing the water to comply to all of its wishes. He felt a pain in his chest. As he walked along the sand his shoes slipped off and he felt the ground squish beneath his feet. He stood still for a second, breathing deeply to take in as much of the salted oxygen as he could before he continued toward the water’s edge.
The water moved towards his feet as soon as he stepped close enough, dampening the sand around him. He backed up a little and then sat down, far enough to not get too wet but close enough to still feel the water on his feet. It felt cool, not warm like it was in his memories. He sighed.
He looked up towards the sky, the clouds getting darker and heavier with each passing moment, and he closed his eyes as he felt a raindrop land on his face. He held his breath for a moment as he felt another, and then another, the water falling from the sky faster than it was lapping at his heels. He contemplated moving, taking his body somewhere dry and warm, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He felt water prick the corners of his eyes, tears this time, and soon he couldn’t tell where the rain ended and his tears began. He felt a sob bubble up from the pit in his stomach and he let it escape, well aware that he was alone, more aware of that fact that he had been in a long time.
He opened his eyes and looked out at the turbulent ocean in front of him. He had hoped that by forcing himself to go there maybe he would feel less alone; that being in her favourite place would somehow bring back a piece of her, but he was wrong.
He stood up, shaking the rain from his hair and stuff his hands into his pockets, the hole in his chest growing as he walked away from the ocean.