Supernova

“Who goes first?” Ethan whispered.

“You, I guess,” I said.

He looked at me. “I’m sorry.” I gulped. He had tears in his eyes. Shit. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay, Ethan,” I whispered but he shook his head and grabbed my hands.

“No, Nova, it’s not.”

He reached over with a shaking hand and wiped my foundation off my face. I cringed, not because it hurt, but because he managed to get it off. He then rolled my sleeve up. His finger traced the scar while his eyes wandered to my stomach. He bit his lip, the tears spilling down his face.

“Because I wasn’t paying attention, you were permanently scarred,” he whispered.

“It’s not your fault…. The semi ran the red light.”

“If I hadn’t been drunk, I could have stopped without hydroplaning.” He looked at my face, his full of regret. “Whatever you say, it was my fault. I also shouldn’t have kissed you; not without your permission.”

I sighed and rubbed my right eyebrow. “You were drunk, Ethan. And we’ve been pressured by our parents for 12 years. Of course you would have kissed me.”

“Our parents had nothing to do with it, Nova,” he said. “And neither did the alcohol.” He let go of my hands and ran a hand through his hair. He sighed. “I’ve had- I had a crush on you since we were kids, Nova. You were the only one I really ever…. I never had a girlfriend, remember?” he whispered. “I didn’t even date when I was in college.”

I swallowed thickly. “When I was at university and Paul wanted to date me,” I whispered, “I thought it would help me forget.”

“Forget what?”

I covered my face with my hands. “You.”

“Why would you want to forget me?” he asked, his voice pained.

“Because of everything that happened,” I said. “You never even contacted me! After eight years, I thought you’d say something at least once! Hell, that’s what Facebook is for, Ethan!”

I stood up and ran a hand through my hair in agitation.

“I’m sorry I disappeared after I was released from the hospital, okay?” I said. “But I was hurt. And I just wanted to get away from everything. I wanted to get to England; to go to my dream university. Then the doctor said my scars would never go away and….”

“I wanted to contact you,” he said from behind me and I heard him stand up, too. “But Sandy said you didn’t want to and-”

I turned around. “Seriously, Ethan? You didn’t realize what was going on with her!?”

He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“All through high school she was bent on dating you,” I said, crossing my arms. “Of course she said I didn’t want to talk to you! With me out of the way, then you would have dated her.”

“That explains why she kept….”

“Kept what?”

He sighed, digging his hands in his pockets.

“After you left, she kept trying to make me forget about you. She said you were never really my friend. She said that’s why you left. Then she was dropping hints about us getting together. I never really liked her, though. Not that way.”

I shook my head. “So, if Sandy hadn’t gotten in the way, you would’ve contacted me? Be honest,” I added when he avoided my eyes.

“Honestly, probably not,” he said. “How do you apologize for something like that on Facebook? Or over the phone? You can’t! Maybe on one of the times you came home for the holidays….”

I looked at the floor. “I’m sorry I disappeared.”

“And I’m sorry you got hurt,” he whispered.

I looked up and gulped. He was right in front of me. With difficulty, I looked into his eyes. He held his hands up and I couldn’t stop my smile. I held my hands up, too, and put our palms together. He laced our fingers and we pushed then pulled so he could hug me.

He held me tightly and I shut my eyes, trying not to cry.

“I missed you, Nova,” he whispered.

“I missed you, too, Ethan.”

He sighed and I heard his heart beat faster.

“I need you to be honest with me,” he said and I bit my lip. “If none of that happened, would you ever consider being with me?”

I opened my eyes and stared at his arm. He didn’t push me for an answer which gave me time to think.

“It’s complicated, Ethan.”

“No, it’s not, Nova,” he said, stepping out of the hug and making me look at him. “It’s not complicated at all.”

I swallowed thickly. “Our parents-”

“Who gives a shit about our parents?” he said.

I stomped my foot. “I do, Ethan! For 12 damn years, my mom never got off my back about dating you! If we were to date-”

He shook his head. “Let me get this straight: you wouldn’t date me because you wanted to spite our parents!?”

“No,” I said. “I wouldn’t date you because….”

I clenched my jaw and turned away.

“Because why?” he asked.

“It doesn’t matter now, Ethan,” I whispered. “That’s in the past.”

“Are you kidding me?” he said in a harsh voice that made me turn. He was glaring at me but it didn’t feel like an angry glare. “Are you really that blind?”

“No, I’m not,” I said. “I know that you want to pick up where we left off but there’s too much pain. And I don’t mean from the accident and our fight.”

“Then what else is there?” he demanded.

My lower lip trembled. “My mom,” I sighed. “She’s been giving me hell ever since I got back.”

“About what?”

“Us.”

“So you’re spiting her.”

“No,” I groaned. “Jesus, Ethan. I’m scared, all right!?”

He looked at me then suddenly he was kissing me. I froze for a second but I kissed him back, standing on my toes and putting my arms around his neck. He ran his hand into my hair and exhaled slowly through his nose. I felt goosebumps erupt on my skin as his tongue slid into my mouth. I moaned and he pulled me close to him. I could tell he was still crying; his tears mixed in our mouths.

“I missed you so much,” he sobbed, pulling me in for another hug.

I wasn’t used to this side of Ethan. When we were growing up, he was always the tough guy. Every time I got hurt or bullied, he stood up for me. But we worked together. When he was upset, I would comfort him. Looking back, we might as well have been a couple.

“What do we do now?” I whispered, shutting my eyes tightly.

“I want to be with you,” he said. “But….”

“Friends first?” I suggested.

He laughed a little. “After that kiss? Probably not. But… slow?”

I looked at him and swallowed. “Slow,” I agreed.

He nodded and hugged me again.

“When are you going to tell my parents you’re their neighbor?” I asked as he walked me to my house.

He chuckled. “No time like the present.”

He knocked on the door and my mom answered. She blinked at me.

“I thought you couldn’t stand to ride in cars,” she said to me.

“Um… yeah, I didn’t drive her home,” Ethan said.

“What do you mean?” my mom asked.

“I still live next door,” he said with a small laugh. “Er…. I was going to tell you but I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me after-”

“You were right,” my dad said and I sighed. “Maybe you should just go, Mr. Preston.”

“Dad,” I began.

“No, it’s okay,” Ethan said quietly. “I get it. I’ll um… see you at work tomorrow, Nova.”

“Ethan,” I said. “Don’t go. Let’s just- You guys need closure, too.”

“Maybe not yet,” he sighed, seeing the look on my dad’s face.

“C-Can you drive me to work tomorrow?” I whispered and he smiled a little.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Good night,” I said and he nodded before leaving.