33 Weeks
one/two
March 3, 2016
Dear Cassie,
My mom told me that all wounds heal with time. She must have been lying to make me feel better because there's no way that's true. The knee I broke when I was nineteen still aches in the cold, the cut on my palm keeps ripping open every time it finally scabs over, and my heart hurts even more now than it did when I first found out you left.
Everything reminds me of you; I wonder if that's how it is for you, too.
I drink a milkshake and I think of late night drives to Groton for your favorite strawberry kind. I see purple and I miss running my fingers through your lilac strands. Timber begs when I take the can of whipped cream out and I can't help but remember how you started that awful habit one day. We take a trip to the ocean and all I can think about is how the angry grey waves look so much like your eyes when you're mad.
I miss you.
I hope things are going well for you and I hope this letter gets to you. It's a long shot, I guess. You weren't lying when you said you didn't like to settle. This all probably would have been easier if I heeded the warning, right?
Wherever you are - stay safe, Cass. At least do that much for me.
Everything reminds me of you; I wonder if that's how it is for you, too.
I drink a milkshake and I think of late night drives to Groton for your favorite strawberry kind. I see purple and I miss running my fingers through your lilac strands. Timber begs when I take the can of whipped cream out and I can't help but remember how you started that awful habit one day. We take a trip to the ocean and all I can think about is how the angry grey waves look so much like your eyes when you're mad.
I miss you.
I hope things are going well for you and I hope this letter gets to you. It's a long shot, I guess. You weren't lying when you said you didn't like to settle. This all probably would have been easier if I heeded the warning, right?
Wherever you are - stay safe, Cass. At least do that much for me.
With love,
April
April
May 18, 2016
Dear Cassie,
I graduated today. High honors, a 3.8. You were right about the gowns: I could never pull off red like you do.
I've got a job lined up at that little clinic outside of New London.
It's weird. We talked about what things would be like after graduation. Move into our own little apartment, live off ramen and grilled cheeses until I paid off my loans. We'd spend our days at work and come home to the puppy we'd adopt and every night we would fall in each other's arms. We made it sound so perfect. Well, no, I guess that's wrong. It sounded perfect to me, but I guess if you saw it that way, you wouldn't have left.
I wish I could be angrier. I wish I could hate you.
Have you found another girl? Or are you too busy exploring the world, living your dream? Whatever you're doing, I hope you're happy. Seriously. I just want you happy, Cass. And if that isn't with me...I'll just have to live with that.
I'll get over you some day. I mean, realistically, I know this can't last forever.
But for now, just know that I'm still yours.
For now, I'll wait.
I've got a job lined up at that little clinic outside of New London.
It's weird. We talked about what things would be like after graduation. Move into our own little apartment, live off ramen and grilled cheeses until I paid off my loans. We'd spend our days at work and come home to the puppy we'd adopt and every night we would fall in each other's arms. We made it sound so perfect. Well, no, I guess that's wrong. It sounded perfect to me, but I guess if you saw it that way, you wouldn't have left.
I wish I could be angrier. I wish I could hate you.
Have you found another girl? Or are you too busy exploring the world, living your dream? Whatever you're doing, I hope you're happy. Seriously. I just want you happy, Cass. And if that isn't with me...I'll just have to live with that.
I'll get over you some day. I mean, realistically, I know this can't last forever.
But for now, just know that I'm still yours.
For now, I'll wait.
With love,
April
April
June 11, 2016
Dear Cassie,
My family put Timber down today. I wish you could have been there. That dog loved you as much as I did.
Work is okay. Everything is okay. My bed is a little too big for just me. I’m so used to your tangled limbs that it feels empty without them. I’m thinking of getting a dog of my own; the apartment I moved into allows them as long as they’re under fifty pounds. I took a trip to the shelter and saw this sweet little hound mix that I may just have to go and look at again.
I hope you’re okay, too.
Work is okay. Everything is okay. My bed is a little too big for just me. I’m so used to your tangled limbs that it feels empty without them. I’m thinking of getting a dog of my own; the apartment I moved into allows them as long as they’re under fifty pounds. I took a trip to the shelter and saw this sweet little hound mix that I may just have to go and look at again.
I hope you’re okay, too.
Sincerely,
April
April
August 28, 2016
Dear Cassie,
Maybe my mom was right after all.
I think it really is starting to heal.
I don’t wake up missing you anymore. You’re still in the back of my mind, but you’re not every thought that courses though my head. Maybe it’s just because I’m really busy at the moment. I work at the clinic four or five days a week, and now I’ve got Milo on my hands, too. Yep. I ended up picking up that beagle I told you about last time. He’s a sweetheart, Cass. You’d love him. He hasn’t even had any accidents in the apartment!
I really hope you’re doing well. I looked at your Facebook for the first time in months the other day and you look happy. I’m glad. You really did go after your dreams, didn’t you? That’s good.
Stay safe, Cass.
I think it really is starting to heal.
I don’t wake up missing you anymore. You’re still in the back of my mind, but you’re not every thought that courses though my head. Maybe it’s just because I’m really busy at the moment. I work at the clinic four or five days a week, and now I’ve got Milo on my hands, too. Yep. I ended up picking up that beagle I told you about last time. He’s a sweetheart, Cass. You’d love him. He hasn’t even had any accidents in the apartment!
I really hope you’re doing well. I looked at your Facebook for the first time in months the other day and you look happy. I’m glad. You really did go after your dreams, didn’t you? That’s good.
Stay safe, Cass.
April
September 5, 2016
Cassie,
I was wrong again.
I miss you. I’m not okay.
Please come home to me.
I love you.
I miss you. I’m not okay.
Please come home to me.
I love you.
Still waiting,
April
April