Wilted Flowers

I lay in front of my garden with the bright florescent colored flowers and they mocked me with the way they stood tall and beautiful. I turned my head to the right, scanning my backyard; the grass was the brightest of green as it could possibly get while the trees stood vast and strong. I looked back towards the colorful garden and closed my eyes, picturing myself running through a field of wilted flowers that were stained with a dirty brown. I smiled to myself. Instantly the picture my imagination showed me warped into a black obsess, twisting and churning, causing my plump lips to curve into a frown. My eyes flew open; a sight of ugly flowers sitting before me were leaning on their side. In an instantly they quickly turned back to their bright mesmerizing colors that mocked my being. Letting out a sad groan and sat up straight.

Looking pass the garden and into the yard next to mine, that’s when I first saw him. His sun-kissed skin glimmered in the sunlight and light brown hair with a slight swoosh to it as it fell right past his ears. I wasn’t so sure but his eyes were the most brilliant blue that my golden-hazel ones have ever seen. I quickly looked away whenever he turned towards me and I felt my cheeks heat up, a feeling that I’ve never quite felt before.

"Keep your eyes o-o-o-off of that boy, Rae. You are not to -go towards him and don’t you dare introduce yo-yo-your-yourself. You belong in your misery to keep me looking beautiful…"

Looking up quickly I eyed the flowers, realizing that it was them who made the high pitched, shuddering voice I haven’t heard in a very long time; I had hoped the hallucinations weren‘t coming back. I scanned the bed of boutonniere and saw how they moved around, the pollen looked like it had a face. An eye, nose, and mouth formed in the yellow plant stigma and it smiled at me; mocking me some more. I shook off the image my mind created and turned my focus to how the boy in the next yard made his way to my fence and stared down at me, a small smile on his face. I forced my lips to curl up and smile back at him, even then I could feel the anger radiating from the flowers. I stood up and walked towards the fence to come face to face with the boy.

I had been completely wrong, his eyes were a dark blue that had a slight tint of purple with dark, long lashes surrounding his pupils in an almond shape. It was one of the most fascinating things I have ever been able to stare into. His lips a light pink, splits randomly placed showing signs of being chapped. His hair was layered and parted to the right side. The way his bright blue shirt reflected off of his skin made him look almost translucent…

“I’m Tony.” his voice echoed a beautiful melody against my ear drums, instantly making me smile.

I was so caught up in thoughts of how beautiful he was he had to get my attention by coughing. I now felt embarrassed and backed up a little, looking down and then right back up to him.

“I’m Rachelle, but you can call me Rae.” I could hear my voice and watched as he smiled at the way I seemed shy towards him. The way his eyes sparkled told me that he thought it was cute how I stumbled my words and the way my cheeks turned a little red while talking.

"Rae, you anti-so-so-social buffoon, get that stupid smile off your face. He’s not into you, he doesn’t even want to be yo-yo-your friend. He’s just being polite because he just moved in and he saw that you were alone. You’re too ugly to even be talking to him. Get ov-ov-ov-over yourself and go back inside and sulk in your sad pity…"

I shrugged off the high pitched voice and decided not to allow the hallucinations take control of me again. If I told him that my marvelous garden lived off of my misery, he definitely wouldn’t want to be standing in front of me holding a conversation. Everyone seems to leave after knowing that little information about myself. He’s been the only one to introduce themselves to me in five years before the accident happened. Everyone in the small of Shellsburg, Wisconsin knew about it and no one wanted to even look at it as if I was normal.

The thoughts of the accident flashed in front of my eyes and I shivered at the thought of watching myself scream at the top of my lungs running around my backyard like a maniac. I had just planted my garden, so excited to see my creation bloom into a beautiful mess of bright and brilliant colors; the best garden on the block. The flower bed had started to talk to me, obviously scaring me. I freaked out. I didn’t know how to control myself as I panicked. After being man handled by my step father, I was sent to a behavior hospital and diagnosed with the mental condition of seeing random hallucinations and hearing voices, schizophrenia.
From that moment forward, everyone knew me as The Crazy Girl.

Shaking the images from my head, I faked a smile and tried my hardest on listening to Tony tell me about the town he grew up in.
“Louisiana isn’t anything what you would think it would be. It’s boring and full of crazy hicks that spit their tobacco into cans.. Basically everyone hunts and only every once in a while does it snow, and boy, do I love the snow.. “ his voice dragged on and I noticed a slight country tang lingering behind his words.

“Wisconsin isn’t as fun as you might think, either. Shellsburg is too small and everyone knows everything about everyone. There’s no such things as ‘secrets’ in this town, so watch out who you talk to.” I warned him.

He let out a small chuckle, “Thanks for the warning.” and that sweet smile of his curled up on his face and I couldn’t help but to get lost into the happiness that washed over his face; ever so joyful, no doubt in the world.
It was like he was over whelmed with joy to be meeting me, the first person to talk to him in his new town.

“Rae, do you want to go get some coffee?” his question rang in my ears and I must have looked surprised because he hesitated his words in his next sentence.

"I’m sorry if that was too forward, but I would like to get to you better… “ his voice was softer then, scared of rejection and I couldn’t let his fear become a reality so I put on a big smile. It felt good to actually have a reason to smile for once. A warm feeling seeped into my body and it was the most pleasant thing I had felt in a long time. My eyes must have been glowing like a thousand stars, because that’s really how happy I was at the moment. My entire insides seemed to have moved around because they started to ache in a way that made my bones shake and it made my smile grow only bigger. If this was what happiness felt like then I would like it to never go away.

“Of course I will, Tony.” The words flew out of my mouth with such ease, as if I had been practicing them my whole life. My tongue tickled behind my teeth, my mouth filling with a bitter sweet taste against my taste buds once I realized what I had just agreed to.

"Rae! Are you crazy?! Don’t say yes to that bo-bo-boy! Get back here and sulk, cry and be depressed. You can’t be happy, you can’t be smiling! I need to be be-bea-beaautiful. You need for to be miserable so that I can be gorgeous! Rae! Rae! Pay attent-......."

The voice was suddenly cut off and I turned back to my garden to see my beautiful creation warp into something disgusting. A light, dead, brown swept over the bright florescent colors, ruining their resplendent and superb looks. Within seconds the stems from the flowers started to crumple up and fall over on top of the ones that were rotting. I looked back at Tony and I watched his reaction. He seemed a little surprised and looked at me.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, his voice full of concern. It had taken me a second before a whoosh of relief and freedom steeped over me. Nearly losing my breath, I felt as if the whole world had stopped.

Looking back at my garden, I didn't feel obligated to stick around and feed its taste for depression. I had finally decided to make a decision for myself that lead to potential happiness for a change instead of obeying the thoughts in my head which demanded me to kneel in front of its soil and sulk about every bad thing that's ever happened to me. I was finally feeling as if I was able to control the disease that smothered my mental.
For the first time in a long time, I felt confident in my being. I felt unstoppable.

"I'm absolutely perfect." I spat out from behind my teeth as I turned back to him just in time to see him climb the fence and jump over on to my side. This day was full of nothing but firsts for me. Nothing but good tingly sensations filled my stomach.

"What was that look for then? You looked like you saw a ghost in your flower bed." He chuckled at me as he stepped around me to stand in front of the garden. His eyes scanned every inch of it. A look of being impressed moved into his eyes and I gulped.

"I'm just not used to this. I haven't been invited anywhere in a very long time.. I'm usually always stuck here tending to my flowers." I lied, muttering under my breathe to him. I could feel him raise his eyebrow at me.

"Your flowers are amazing, Rae, they really are. But I'm sure they won't mind if you step away for a little bit." The way he spoke to me filled my insides with warm, comfortable tingles. He made me feel secure, not scared of what my imagination could do. I felt as if he were able to beat down any mean hallucination that could possibly appear in front of me.

"No, you don't get it.. The people here.. They don't accept me." I looked up at him as I spoke with soft words, waiting for him to ask for the details of why, but to my surprise he didn't. He reached his right arm behind his head and scratched as a goofy smile appeared on his face.

“I guess you could say that this town has some cheap seeds.” he laughed snd shrugged it off, lowering his arm and then reaching it out towards me, waiting for me to take ahold of his hand. My eyes blinked, full of curiosity. I hesitated before I did anything.

"Rae if you do this then we will die. If you do-o-o this then all yo-ou-our hard work will go to waste..."

The voice in my head was faint, fading more and more away from my consciousness. I knew that this was my time. My moment to start healing. My moment to start living my life the way that it had meant to be lived. My time to finally begin fighting the demons inside me, and win. I reached out slowly, taking ahold of Tony's warm hand and gasped when he squeezed ahold of mine.

He turned towards the exit of my fence and began walking, pulling me behind him. Trying hard not to stumble against my own two feet, I followed. Once we walk past the door of the fence my whole life is going to change. Change for the better. I'm not going to be The Crazy Girl anymore. I'm going to be Rachelle Elizabeth Bryant and no one, not even the voices in my head, are going to stop me from being just that anymore.