What He Left Behind

As I sit with my friends in the library before homeroom starts the next day, I’m surprised when Charlie appears out of nowhere, sitting himself down in the seat next to me, as though it’s the most casual thing in the world. Tristan, who is sitting the other side of me, shoots me a confused look and I shrug.

“Are you lost?” I question, narrowing my eyes at Charlie.

“Nope,” he says simply, grinning innocently as he leans back in his chair.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“I meant,” I correct, “Why are you here?”

“Nice to see you too,” he smirks, “I wanted to know why you didn’t answer my calls last night.”

“Oh yeah, I completely forgot. I was going to ring you back, I swear, but I got distracted, you know what I’m like,” I laugh.

“Distracted by what?” he barks, as though he’s angry. I’ve learned by now that he speaks in an aggressive tone almost all of the time, not necessarily because he’s angry though. I think it’s more of a habit, a habit formed out of the natural instinct to protect himself by sounding intimidating. Whilst of course, it doesn’t particularly make people want to be his friend, it certainly ensures people don’t want to be his enemy either.

“I was just hanging out with these guys,” I tell Charlie, smiling in the direction of my friends.

“That’s my bad,” Tristan admits, “We were having a Guitar Hero marathon and I wouldn’t leave until I’d beaten her. It took quite a while.” He ruffles my hair and I scrunch up my face, pushing him away. I notice Charlie’s jaw stiffen, his demeanour changing.

“You’re not very good then, are you?” Charlie snaps at him. Harlee giggles slightly and Amber chews nervously on her lip and Tristan looks confused.

“Charlie, can I speak to you for a second?” I demand more than ask.

“Sure,” he agrees, getting to his feet and smiling that stupid arrogant smile at the rest of my friends.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I cry once we are out of earshot.

“Nothing,” he shrugs, still acting as though this whole situation isn’t surreal and ridiculous.

“You’re treating my friends like shit. Tell me what’s up.”

“Fuck off am I treating your friends like shit,” he scoffs, that same hostile and defensive air about him as when I first met him. Something must have gotten to him because I’ve noticed he only gets like this when he feels threatened.

“Don’t get aggressive. You’re acting like a jealous boyfriend.”

“How am I?” he cries irately.

“Oh, I don’t know. How about the fact you’re whinging because I haven’t answered your calls, or how you didn’t even bother to greet my friends, or how you snapped at Tristan for no apparent reason?”

“You’re just being dramatic. I’m not doing anything wrong.”

“You’re acting like you’re superior to them. Would you stop trying to be intimidating and acting like
you’re more important than they are?”

“You’re mine, not theirs,” he whines, staring at the ground.

“I’m not yours Charlie. You don’t own me.”

“Yeah but you were my friend first.”

“Do you realise how ridiculous you sound? You’re acting like a little kid. Besides, I was friends with Amber before I was friends with you.”

“Sorry, who was the first person to talk to you when you started at this school?” he asks, suddenly losing the aggressive demeanour as he regains the upper hand yet again, a talent which he has mastered to a tee. I do not even need to think to know the answer to the question. How could I possibly forget the day that this arrogant but somehow charming boy came into my life?

“That would be you Charlie,” I sigh, rolling my eyes.

“Exactly, so you fucking mind yourself before you mind me,” he barks before disappearing out of the library. I take a second to compose myself, having suddenly been made to feel as though all of the air has been sucked from my lungs, a feeling that I have grown familiar with since being around Charlie.

It frustrates me beyond belief that even when he’s being an ass, I want to be as close to him as is physically possible. He has such a magnetic energy and it’s extremely inconvenient, especially when I want to be mad at him.

Once I have caught my breath and once the butterflies in my stomach have gone away, I go back to the table where my friends are sat, my thoughts completely all over the place.

“Sorry about him, I don’t know why he’s being like that,” I apologise.

“Don’t worry about it. All he’s done is make it even more obvious he fancies you,” Tristan teases.

“He doesn’t fancy me,” I counter.

“And Tristan doesn’t fancy Amber,” Harlee rebuts sarcastically. Tristan smirks a little, embarrassed and I wonder if he and Amber will ever get together. They’re perfect for each other and they act like a couple. Sure, Tristan may joke around about flirting with other girls, but unlike Charlie, he’s not the slightest bit interested in anyone other than Amber. They’re mad for each other.

The topic of conversation soon changes to college applications and tuition fees, although I’m too preoccupied to process anything they’re saying. All I can think about is Charlie and how hard I’ve fallen for him, and how I hope he’s fallen just as hard for me. I swear, I’m not usually this much of a lovesick puppy; I never get caught up over a guy. But this is different. I’ve never felt anything like this before. It’s almost intimidating because even though I’m young and naïve and have so little life experience, I know that I have never fallen for anyone in the way I have for Charlie, and sometimes I doubt that I ever will.

-

Two weeks later, there is a party at Charlie’s house. I am not keen on the idea at first. After all, I hardly know anyone, not to mention the fact that everyone will be getting pissed, but eventually Charlie talks me round as he always does. I have never been good at saying no to him.

Straight after school, he, Stan and I go out to grab a bite to eat. On the way back, we stop at a dingy looking convenience store downtown. Charlie gives me strict orders to stay in the car with the doors locked which I guess is his strange way of showing he cares. It is kind of sweet, by Charlie’s standards at least.

He and Stan don’t take long, and when they get back, they are both carrying large crates of alcohol which they quickly stash in the back of the van. I don’t know how Charlie manages to get hold of all this alcohol. He’s only eighteen, three years away from being legally allowed to buy alcohol, but he somehow manages to get everything he wants.

Once they have loaded the crates of alcohol into the back of the van, Charlie gets into the driving seat before taking a small bag from his pocket and passing it to Stan. My heart drops when I recognise the powdery white substance as cocaine. I suddenly feel uneasy, and I wonder whether staying for the party is a good idea. It’s too late to back out now though, and I know that Charlie would refuse to let me leave anyway because he’s so goddamn stubborn.

-

By 11pm, Charlie’s house is jam-packed full of people, most of whom I have never met before. I recognise a few people from around school but a lot of them are older or people from nearby schools.
I sit in the living room with Stan, Adam and Nick, the bouncer from the bar. Charlie doesn’t stay still for longer than a few minutes; he’s too busy chatting to anyone and everyone to sit down, which is just typical of Charlie. He gets bored of anything after too long.

It isn’t until a while later when things start to go wrong. Coral and the clones appear, and she makes a beeline for me as soon as she notes my presence. I force a smile as she rudely interrupts our conversation.

“What a surprise to see you here,” she mutters, rolling her eyes.

“Can I help you with something?” I snap, instantly losing the small amount of patience I had for her.

“You could tell me where Charlie is.”

“I really wish I could,” I say sarcastically, “But I don’t know myself.” That isn’t a lie. I have not seen Charlie for over an hour, and I don’t actually know where he has gotten to. It sounds pathetic but I like knowing where he is, just so that I have that reassurance. It’s not that I don’t trust Stan or any of the other guys; I just trust Charlie the most. I trust him to save me from any uncomfortable situations and I like to know he’s safe and staying out of trouble. I feel calm when he’s around, like I can relax.

“I find that hard to believe,” Coral scoffs.

“Oh grow up Coral,” I retort, “If I knew where he was I’d tell you.”

“Sure you would,” she frowns before stalking off into the crowd.

“What’s her problem?” Nick asks.

“Where do I start?” Stan muses, “She’s obsessed with Charlie. She thinks she’s god’s gift because she hooked up with him a bunch of times.”

My stomach churns at the thought of Charlie and Coral together and I feel silly for getting so possessive over someone who isn’t even mine.

“Oh fuck off; she and Charlie aren’t exclusive. He’s fucked half of the chicks at our school,” Adam scoffs, his facial features twisted into a look of disdain.

“Speaking of Charlie, I best go and find him,” I decide.

“He’s probably in the bathroom throwing his guts up by now, if I know Charlie,” Adam points out. The uneasiness in my stomach intensifies at Adam’s words. I briefly check the rooms downstairs for Charlie, carefully dodging all of the drunks.

Much to my relief, there are a lot less people when I get upstairs. I head straight to Charlie’s room, but my stomach drops as soon as I open the door. Charlie’s in bed with a girl I recognise from school on top of him, his tongue down her throat and their clothes scattered on the floor.

The girl gasps and pulls the blanket over her. Charlie sits up and looks at me with a guilty grin on his face. Quickly, I pull myself together and focus on hiding every emotion I feel right now.

“Jesus Charlie, ever thought of locking the door?” I mutter dryly, stepping out of the room.

“Noelle wait,” he calls and I step back inside, averting my eyes from the sight of the boy I’m hopelessly obsessed with in bed with another girl.

“What’s up?” he slurs, laughing a little, and I look him in the eye long enough to realise he’s intoxicated by more than just alcohol.

“Nothing, don’t worry.” He stares at me blankly for a second, so off his face that it takes him a while to process what I have said. The girl he’s with places her hand on his forearm and he inhales sharply before nodding in my direction.

“You can join us if you want,” he smirks, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“I’ll pass,” I scoff before leaving the room. My heart is racing and I suddenly feel hot and claustrophobic, unable to get the image of Charlie and the girl out of my head. I don’t understand why I’ve let myself become so attached to him in such a short space of time. I hate the fact that I’m dependent on him. It’s pathetic and weak and I’m setting myself up to get hurt. It’s a no-win situation and I knew that from the start, yet I chose to go there anyway. I’m annoyed with myself for being so foolish.

I go downstairs and step outside the house, desperate for some fresh air. There are a few other people milling about: a group of guys smoking what could either be cigarettes or spliffs, and a couple who are drunkenly falling about, their hands all over each other. I step around the side of the house and lean against the wall, fighting to get my breathing steady.

After a few minutes, I hear Stan’s voice and peer round the corner to see him talking to a small group of people whom I recognise from having seen around school. Putting on a smile, I walk over to the group and attempt to look relaxed.

“Did you find Charlie?” Stan asks me.

“Yeah, he’s in bed with some girl.”

“Oh god,” Stan sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

“What?”

“The girl he was with, is she blonde? Skinny with big tits? Wearing a lot of makeup?”

“I wasn’t exactly focusing on her tits but she was blonde and wearing a lot of make-up. Why?”

“That’s Miranda Marcus. Charlie’s had his eye on her for weeks. She’s going out with Dwayne Roberts but she’s a massive slag. Charlie will get killed if Dwayne finds out.”

I don’t know Dwayne, but I know of him. He’s captain of the football team. He’s not feared by everyone in the way Charlie is, but he’s bad news and people generally do not want to get on the wrong side of him.

But this is Charlie we’re talking about, and I’ve noticed that trouble follows Charlie around like a shadow.