What He Left Behind

By the time Saturday 20th eventually arrives, I’m just as desperate to talk to Rena as I was the first time I met her. After all, she’s been in this situation herself so maybe she’ll be able to help, or at the very least, she’ll be able to understand.

“Hey chick, how are you doing?” Rena asks when she arrives to pick me up.

“I’m so happy to see you,” I grin, practically throwing my arms around her. I feel stupid and embarrassed at first, but she laughs and hugs me back even tighter and I relax.

“You too, what’ve you been up to?”

“Schoolwork mainly,” I sigh, “I bet you don’t miss that, huh?”

“Nope, there’s not one thing I miss about school. I was a little shit in school anyway.”

“Really? I can’t imagine you like that.” To me, Rena is no less than flawless. She’s polite and kind and it’s clear she works harder than most people. I can’t imagine her ever getting into trouble.

“Oh god, I was awful at school. I never did anything I was meant to. I got into so much shit but I somehow managed to get away with it all, just because I was a smooth talker.”

“Sounds familiar,” I smirk, “Reminds me of Charlie.”

“Yeah, I can imagine him to be like that. I bet he’s an absolute charmer.”

“Just a bit.”

We make easy conversation the whole way to the city centre. Then Rena pulls up in the parking lot of the mall and leads the way to a restaurant which is far too classy and expensive for my liking. I’m glad I brought an extra twenty bucks after all.

“How long are you here for?” I ask once we’ve sat down and the waiter has taken our orders.

“Not long at all. I’ll either drive back tonight or check into a hotel and drive back first thing tomorrow. Jacob’s with my friend but I don’t like leaving him for too long.”

“How is he?”

“He’s great. I told him about you, and I showed him the picture of us from the other week. I think he likes that your hair is pink.”

“Aww, that’s so cute. I need to dye it again soon. My roots are bad.”

“I absolutely love your hair, you know.”

“Thank you,” I grin, “It was Charlie’s idea.”

“Seriously?”

“Well kinda…he said it as a joke but then I thought it was a good idea so I got him to do it for me.”

“Aww, he’s sweet. How long have you guys been together?”

“Oh we’re not together,” I say quickly. She narrows her eyes and looks at me dubiously. “We’re just friends,” I insist.

“You’re such a bullshitter,” she laughs.

“I’m telling the truth.”

“Oh come on, you fancy the pants off of each other, there’s no doubt about it.”

I can’t help but smile and cover my face with my hands. Rena reaches across the table and grabs my wrists, prising my hands from my face.

“You might as well admit it. I’ll get the truth out of you one way or another,” she assures, giving me that same look Charlie always gives me – a look you can’t say no to.

“Okay fine, I like him. But don’t you dare tell him because his ego is big enough already.”

Rena laughs and claps her hands. “If you don’t tell him, nothing’s gonna happen.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen, period. Charlie doesn’t date people.”

“Why not?”

“He doesn’t do commitment. He just has meaningless hook ups. I think I’m the only girl he’s friends with that he hasn’t hooked up with.”

“Doesn’t that say something? He must care about you.”

“Maybe he does but I don’t think he’d ever be able to commit to one girl.”

“He seems pretty damn committed to you and I’ve only met him the once. Even complete womanisers like him aren’t immune to falling in love.”

“Charlie in love,” I scoff, laughing at the idea.

“Noelle, stop being so negative,” Rena complains, “You two are made for each other.”

“How can you know that? You’ve met us once,” I point out.

“Because it’s textbook! Here’s how it works okay: he meets you and you’re hot as fuck so he’s attracted to you straight away,” she begins, “Am I right?”

I think back to the first time he came to my house when he tried pathetically to flirt with me and a smile tugs at my lips, which Rena takes as confirmation.

“He expects you to fall at his feet and jump into bed with him, but you don’t. Charlie’s so used to getting anyone he wants that you turning him down catches him off-guard. The fact that you’re not interested in him makes him more interested in you.”

“And then what?”

“He’s a typical guy so he can’t let it go. He won’t stop until he gets you into bed, but the more he
gets to know you, the more he realises he actually has feelings for you. It’s just like every crappy teen fiction book ever written.”

“Maybe you’re right but somehow I can’t see him trading in the random hook-ups for a committed relationship with me. He’s got a reputation to maintain and he’s not about to start turning down all the hot girls that throw themselves at him.”

“You might be surprised.”

“I doubt it. And how come he hasn’t declared his undying love for me then, huh?”

“Maybe he’s scared of rejection. Maybe he doesn’t know what to do because he’s never had actual feelings for someone before. Maybe he doesn’t want to destroy his reputation by asking a girl out because he likes her, not because he likes the look of her.”

“So what you’re saying is that I need to confess my feelings first?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“But it’s not that easy though.”

“Why not?” she whines.

“Charlie’s an addict.”

“Oh fuck,” Rena mutters, “I should have known there’d be a catch. There always is with guys like that.” She is quiet for second, clearly thinking things over in her head. I wonder if she’s thinking about Austin. I wonder if she gets upset when she’s reminded of him.

“How bad is it?” she questions.

“Not as bad as Austin’s was – not yet anyway. But it’s getting worse.”

“Right. Have you asked him to stop? Like I know it’s not that easy, but how does he react when you
bring it up?”

“He insists that he’s fine a lot. There have been a couple of times where he’s opened up a bit more and said he can’t get through the day without it. I think it’s a confidence thing. It’s like shooting up on whatever gives him that confidence he needs to get through the day. Without it, he’s a mess. He said he feels horrible about himself when he’s sober.”

“He’s just like Austin, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Does he know everything that happened with Austin?” she quizzes. I wonder if Rena knows that
Austin overdosed intentionally. I’m about to ask her but I abruptly swallow my words, unsure of
whether I’ll be able to handle talking about it, or whether it’s the right time to be asking Rena about such a sensitive topic.

“Yeah. He’s the only person I’ve told,” I answer.

“Do you know what his addiction stems from? Is it purely a confidence thing or is there more to it?”
I hesitate, aware that Charlie wouldn’t want everyone knowing his shit. But Rena isn’t everybody. She’s been there herself so she won’t judge. I trust Rena. I know it sounds stupid because I hardly even know her but she was Austin’s girlfriend and I trust Austin’s judgement; he wouldn’t fall in love with just anyone. Besides, I’m worried sick about Charlie, and I know I’ll drive myself insane if I don’t tell someone sooner or later.

I spend the next ten minutes filling Rena in on Charlie’s past. We talk for ages about everything that’s happened between us and try to work out how to help him, but it’s hard, because we both know you can’t help someone that won’t help themselves. Charlie’s so dependent on drugs that he can’t see himself ever being able to cope without them.

“It sucks because I could never leave him but I can’t deal with watching him do that to himself. I can’t watch another person throw their life away.”

“I know,” Rena sighs, “Look, you’re on winter break at the moment, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How about you come to LA with me? I know it’s last minute but I have a spare room. Maybe it will do you good to get away from here for a while. It will give you time to think about things, and you can meet your nephew.” My face lights up at the idea. I love Los Angeles, and I’d love to get away, and I’d love more than anything to meet Jacob.

“It’s Christmas in a few days,” I point out.

“Then you’ll get to spend your nephew’s first Christmas with him,” she persuades, before adding teasingly, “You don’t want to miss that, do you?”

-

As soon as we finish dinner, Rena bullies me into letting her get the check and then we go back to mine. Much to my dismay, my father is home from work, so Rena decides to wait in the car while I pack a bag. She says she doesn’t feel ready to meet my parents yet, even if they don’t know that she is their late son’s girlfriend.

“Hey dad,” I mutter as I walk through the living room towards the stairs.

“Hello,” he greets, a false smile plastered on his face as he briefly looks up from his laptop. I go upstairs and throw a few essentials into my bag, along with enough outfits to last me the week. Then I kiss my mother goodbye and tell her I love her and that I’ll be back soon before going back downstairs, bracing myself for an argument with my father.

“Where are you going?” my father asks as soon as he sees the large duffel bag I’m holding.

“I’m staying with a friend for a while,” I reply, trying to sound casual as though that will convince him this isn’t a big deal.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s Christmas on Thursday.”

“I’m not really bothered about Christmas,” I admit, knowing that Christmas in our house will be anything but fun.

“You might not be but how do you think your mother and I will feel not having you here?” he questions and I can’t help but roll my eyes. Once again, this has to be about someone else. It’s never about what I want.

“I’m sure they’ll be plenty of other days when mum can sleep and you can work and I can be miserable,” I say sarcastically.

“And where you’re going will be so much better? Where exactly is it you’re going?”

“Los Angeles.”

“What friends do you have in Los Angeles?” he exclaims, raising his voice. “You’ve never even been to the goddamn place. Don’t give me that!”

I mentally curse; I was planning to tell him that I’m staying with a friend I met last time I was there, but of course my parents still don’t know about my trip with Charlie. Typical me that is – never thinking my plans through.

“Dad, it’s not a big deal,” I mutter, unable to come up with any better excuse.

“Noelle, you are not going to LA over Christmas. Don’t be so ridiculous!”

“I’m not being ridiculous.”

“I don’t know where you’re staying, I don’t know how you’re going to get there and I don’t know who you’re going with. I tell you, if you’re going with that boy from the other day then you can unpack your bag this second.”

“I’m not going with Charlie,” I inform him, “And so what even if I was? He hasn’t done anything wrong. I don’t know why you hate him so much.”

“I don’t hate him. I just know he’s trouble.”

“You don’t even know him!” I argue, becoming irritated. I’ll be the first to admit that Charlie has a
talent for getting himself into trouble, but the fact that my dad has made that assumption based purely on Charlie’s appearance is unfair. He has no right to judge him.

“I don’t need to! You can tell a mile off that he’s no good!” my dad shouts, “Go upstairs and unpack right now. You are not going and that is final!”

“I’m almost seventeen. You can’t stop me!” I cry, heading towards the door. My father leaps up from his seat and aggressively grabs my arm, forcing me to face him.

“You go and I promise you they’ll be no place for you here when you come back!”

“Oh please,” I scoff, “There’d be no one to look after mum without me.” With that, I pull free of my father’s grip and walk out of the door, slamming it behind me.

“How’d they take it?” Rena asks when I get in the car.

“My dad was pissed. I don’t think my mum fully understood but she seemed fine.”

“Oh god, what a great first impression. Not only did I sleep with their son and get pregnant, now
I’m kidnapping their daughter over Christmas aswell,” she groans.

“Well we don’t have to tell them it was you,” I laugh, “That took me to Los Angeles, that is. I’m not sure there’s any getting out of telling them you’re the mother of their grandchild.”

What a strange concept. My mum and dad are grandparents.