What He Left Behind

The next day, Rena has to go to work. Ordinarily, Jacob would go to Alice’s for the day, but I offer to take care of him; it saves Alice a job, plus I’d love to spend some one-to-one time with my nephew.

“You’ll call me if there are any problems at all?” Rena checks for the ten billionth time.

“Yes,” I reassure her.

“Okay, my phone will be on silent during the actual wedding ceremony of course, but aside from that, call whenever and I’ll answer right away.”

“I will do.”

“I’ll try to be back no later than 11. I wrote down everything you need to know,” she explains, pointing to a piece of paper on the kitchen counter, “I also left some cash if you need anything and I left Alice’s number aswell.”

“Rena relax; we’ll be fine,” I assure her before looking to Jacob who is balanced in my arms, “Won’t we?”

Jacob laughs when I tickle him under his arm and waves at his mum.

“Sorry,” Rena laughs, “I get so paranoid. Come here honey.” I pass Jacob to her and she gives him and a hug and a kiss before handing him back to me.

“I’ll see you later.”

“See ya.”

Jacob and I spend most of the day playing games and playing with his toys. He holds on to his stroller and tries to walk, which he’s getting increasingly good at, although he’s still quite unsteady. He eats lunch and dinner and snacks without any problems and he naps twice during the day, giving me time to get on with some schoolwork and to tidy up around the house.

-

By the time Rena gets back, Jacob is fast asleep in bed and I’m doing homework in the living room. Rena is relieved when I tell her that Jacob was perfectly behaved and that there were no problems. She talks about the wedding and we chat for a while about photography.

“So is photography definitely something you’d like to go into?” she asks.

“Ideally. Like you said, it’s tricky but I love photography so much and I’d really like to make a career out of it.”

“I’ll tell you what; I’ve got another wedding tomorrow, so how about I see whether you could come along?”

“Would you be able to do that?”

“I should think so. I know it’s last minute but I’ll be working from home Tuesday and Wednesday, so
this might be the only chance before you go home.”

“What would it be like exactly?”

“The wedding’s about an hour from here so we’d have to leave around nine, but then you can act as a second photographer, just like I used to. I’d have to clear it with the bride first obviously, but the wedding’s pretty huge and she’s lovely so I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“I would love that. Thank you so much.”

We chat for a while longer before going to bed just before midnight. I decide to charge my phone which has been dead for the past 24 hours. The battery ran out on the way over here, and I decided not to charge it because chances are, the only calls I’d miss are ones from my father yelling at me to come home, or from Charlie demanding that I hang out with him.

When my phone turns on, I’m surprised, but relieved, to see that there are no calls from my father. As much as it proves my point he doesn’t actually give a shit about me, it does save an argument. I do however, have five missed calls from Charlie and a text saying ‘ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE.’ I laugh a little, not understanding how Charlie can possibly say he’s not demanding.
I change for bed and decide to call Charlie back in the morning, far too tired to deal with him at the moment.

-

The next morning, I’m woken by the sound of movement in the hall. I glance at the clock to see that it is 7am; it must be Rena getting up. I get out of bed and put on my hoodie and go into the living room. Rena smiles and we do yoga together and then Jacob gets up and I help Rena make breakfast and then we sit in front of the television with a giggling Jacob nestled in Rena’s lap, and suddenly I realise just how wonderful everything is.

I may not have a brother anymore and my parents may be emotionally absent, but I still have a family. I have the brightest most adorable nephew who at not even a year old has an infectious sense of humour and a kind heart. I have Rena who may not technically be part of my family, but I think of her as a sister nonetheless. She’s confident and determined and dedicated and happy and after spending just a few days with her, I can already feel her personality rubbing off on me, because simply sitting on the couch at an hour of the morning doing absolutely nothing of any importance, I’ve never felt more content.

All the things that have happened in the past are exactly that – things that happened in the past. I’m not saying they don’t matter, I’m just saying they’re not controlling my life for once. I feel stronger than ever and more hopeful than usual. I never thought I’d see myself come to terms with my brother’s tragic passing, but finally, I feel like I’m ready to move on.

-

We don’t get home from the wedding until late, having had an extremely full-on but interesting day. It went so well and it’s made me remember why I was so passionate about photography. The guests were all lovely and I felt so relaxed, despite the fast pace of events. I got some nice shots which I was really happy with, as was Rena, and that’s like the ultimate seal of approval because Rena’s seriously good at her job. If she says a shot is good, then it’s good.

We unpack all of the equipment onto the kitchen counter and Rena, upon noticing the light flashing on the landline phone, dials voicemail. While Rena listens to her messages, I quietly put the cameras we used on charge and look through some of the photos.

“Anything interesting?” I ask Rena once she’s put the phone down.

“A couple of people wanting me to do some work for them, and a missed call from a number I don’t recognise,” she explains, nodding her head towards the piece of paper she jotted down the messages on. I instantly recognise the last number written down as Charlie’s.

“That’s Charlie,” I mutter, “He’s been trying to get hold of me but I forgot to ring him back. How’d he get your number?”

“It’s online. Probably got it through my Instagram or the company website,” she suggests, “Best ring your boyfriend back since he’s clearly missing you.” I smile and shake my head, taking out my
mobile and calling Charlie, figuring it’s best to do it now before I forget again.

“About fucking time,” he greets, answering on the first ring, “Care to explain why you’ve been completely AWOL?”

“Charlie, I’m so sorry. I was going to ring you back but I got caught up. I’ve been so busy.”

“What could possibly be more important than me?”

“Nothing. How could anything be more important than you are Charlie?” I tease, and Rena shoots me a knowing look, winking as she leaves the room.

“Los Angeles clearly is,” Charlie answers.

“Yeah, how did you know I was here?”

“Interesting story actually,” he remarks, pronouncing every letter of the last word.

“What happened?”

“I was walking past your house with Stan last night and your dad had just got home.”

“Oh god,” I groan.

“He took me by surprise to be honest. I didn’t think he’d even speak to me since I gather he’s not my biggest fan.”

“What’d he say?”

“He was asking about you, like where you were and stuff, acting as though I was holding you hostage or something. Scared the shit out of me because I thought you were at home. Do me a favour in future and let me know where the fuck you are,” he barks aggressively.

“Charlie, I’m fine,” I assure, “I’m with Rena.”

“Yeah well you could have let me know,” he protests.

“Okay dad,” I scoff.

“Oh fuck off then, I’m only looking out for you,” he mutters bitterly and I laugh. He turns into such a baby whenever he doesn’t get his way.

“Don’t be such a drama queen. What happened with my dad?”

“Nothing much really. I just asked where you’d gone and he said you’d walked out the door claiming you were going to Los Angeles, so I figured you’d be with Rena. How long are you there for?”

“I came here on Saturday and I’ll be back in time for New Year.”

“Noelle,” he whines, drawing out the last syllable.

“What?”

“That’s ages.”

“I’m sure you can cope just fine without me.”

“I can’t,” he complains, and I smile because I know he’s not like this with other girls and it makes me feel like maybe he does care about me as much as I care about him.

“Charlie,” I laugh, blushing, “I’ll be back soon and I promise I’ll see you right away.”

“You better.” Rena comes back into the room, now ready for bed. She shoots me a funny look and I stick my tongue out at her, still embarrassed now that she knows how I feel about Charlie.

“Right, I’m going to bed,” I tell Charlie.

“Noelle, what the fuck? You’ve ignored me for days and now you don’t even want to talk to me.”

“When did you become so needy?” I mutter teasingly, “I’ll ring you when I can and we can chat, but right now, I’m tired.”

“Noelle,” he pleads.

“Charlie,” I warn, standing my ground for once.

“Fine, have fun in LA probably making a new best friend.”

I laugh inwardly and shake my head. To think that he says girls are clingy.

“Stop being a baby. You’re still my best friend. I love you, okay?”

“I love you more!” he shouts childishly before I hang up the phone.

“You guys make me want to puke,” Rena grumbles as she pours herself a drink. I laugh and rub the temples of my head, thinking about Charlie and considering the possibility that he does have feelings for me too. Just friends don’t talk to each other like this, do they? I know Charlie has a reputation as a bit of a womaniser but I like to think he respects me enough not to play me.

“Can you just go out already?” Rena asks.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” I sigh before reminding her, “He’s an addict.”

“So? I went out with an addict, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” I agree, biting my tongue before I remind her just how that turned out.

“What’s the problem?”

“Where do I start?” I ask, beginning to count the issues on my fingers, “I’m not even sure Charlie has feelings for me. He likes sleeping around too much to commit to one girl. He’s slept with a trillion girls and I’m a virgin. My dad would have Charlie castrated if he found out we were together. I can’t cope with him going on some reckless drug bender every couple of days. His addiction is getting worse and I’m not going to watch him slowly kill himself.”

“Don’t be a dick Noelle. Jacob is probably able to tell Charlie has feelings for you. I’ll ask Charlie myself if you’re that stupid to see. He only sleeps around because he sees no reason not to. He’d give up his string of girls in a heartbeat to be with you. And what’s it matter that you’re a virgin? I’m sure he’d rather date a virgin than the school slut. Your dad doesn’t have to know that you’re dating. And you practically act like a couple anyway, how different will it be?”

“I don’t know Rena.”

“You’re thinking too much about the bad things. Imagine how good it will feel to call him yours, to know that half the girls in school are after him, but he chose you. I see your face when I call him your boyfriend. You smile like you’ve just won the fucking lottery. And do you know the best part? Charlie’s wrapped around your fucking finger. He will do anything you ask him to.” I laugh and cover my face with my hands, happy and excited and embarrassed and nervous all at once.

“Talk to him when you get home,” Rena orders.

“We’ll see,” I grin, blushing at the thought of being able to call Charlie mine.