What He Left Behind

On the evening of Christmas Eve, I am sat at the kitchen counter doing schoolwork, my headphones blasting music in my ears. Jacob is nestled in Rena’s lap on the couch as they watch children’s programmes on the television. I sigh in exasperation as I turn to the next page in the textbook to see a bunch more questions that I really can’t be bothered to answer.

“Noelle!” Rena calls, yanking my headphones out of my ears. I jump, having not even noticed her get up from the couch.

“Ouch,” I cry, shooting her an evil look.

“Your boyfriend’s here,” she informs me. I drop my pen and turn around to see Charlie standing in the doorway, a hand in the pocket of his jacket and a wide smile on his face. I’m so happy to see him that I don’t have time to yell at Rena for being so unsubtle.

“What are you doing here?” I gasp, jumping up from my seat and throwing my arms around Charlie’s neck. He hugs me back just as tight and I don’t want to let go, but I remind myself that Rena’s watching and embarrassedly pull away.

“I came to retrieve you, since someone,” he accuses, narrowing his eyes at Rena, “Has stolen my best friend.”

“Jealous boyfriend or what?” Rena remarks to me teasingly, before sticking her tongue out at Charlie.

“Yeah, she wishes,” Charlie smirks. He’s dressed in one of his many pairs of black skinny jeans, but he’s wearing a black button down shirt underneath his black leather jacket, which is abnormally smart in comparison to his usual attire. There’s no denying he looks attractive and suddenly it feels like it’s been an age since I saw him last.

Charlie looks to where Jacob is sitting on the couch. He gives me a look and I grin as Rena picks up her son and passes him to Charlie.

“Hello little man,” Charlie grins, holding Jacob close to his chest. Jacob starts babbling nonsensical words as he always does. “How are you doing? I’ve heard lots about you,” he muses, his tone softer and more gentle than usual. “If this isn’t the cutest kid in the world,” he remarks, “How old is he now?”

“He’s a year old on Monday,” Rena answers, “Time flies.” Jacob starts to fidget and Charlie bounces him in his arms, calming him easily. It’s strange seeing Charlie, who everyone knows as this intimidating impulsive reckless troublemaker, looking so relaxed and at ease with a baby in his arms.

I smile, feeling almost honoured that I get to see this side of Charlie that so few people know exists. Jacob begins to babble again and points at the television, so Charlie carefully places him down on his play mat. He stares adoringly at Jacob for a second before turning his attention to Rena.

“I need to borrow Noelle back for the evening,” he declares.

“Why would that be, Mr Hemmingway?” Rena enquires.

“None of your business,” Charlie mutters. His tone is aggressive and demanding, but I know him well enough to know that he’s only joking, and I’m grateful that Rena’s so similar to him in that way because it means she knows that too.

“Since you’re in my house…” she begins. Charlie shoots her a death glare and she laughs before holding her hands up in surrender and turning away.

“Okay fine, just pretend I’m not here,” Rena instructs, busying herself with tidying the kitchen. Charlie shakes his head and turns his attention to me.

“We’re going for dinner,” he announces, “Table is booked for seven so you need to hurry up. Dress nice.”

“Charlie,” I whine, confused, “You could have given me some warning. I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Good thing I brought this then,” he comments, picking up a large white gift box he must have left on the table in the hall.

“What’s this?” I gasp as he passes me the box.

“Open it,” he commands, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and looking at the ground. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was nervous.

Intrigued, I place the box on the kitchen counter and take off the lid to reveal the most gorgeous white dress. Carefully I hold it up, amazed that Charlie would do something so sweet. The dress is stunning: a lace spaghetti strap top with a floaty chiffon skirt that falls to just above the knee. I look to Rena, who is still politely pretending like she’s not listening, but I can tell that she is grinning widely with an ‘I told you so’ look on her face.

“Charlie,” I exclaim, turning to face him, my eyes wide with awe.

“What?” he asks timidly.

“Is this for real?”

“Yeah…do you like it?”

“I love it, it’s perfect,” I say, sliding my arms over his shoulders and burying my head in the crook of his neck. He snakes his arms around my waist but he’s still oddly quiet.

“Did you pick this out yourself?” I ask when I pull away much sooner than I’d have liked to, all too aware that Rena will be grinning smugly to herself.

“Tay helped,” he admits.

“How’d you know my size?”

“You leave your goddamn clothes all over my house you moron, it’s not that difficult,” he smirks, the usual confident Charlie returning, “Go get dressed.”

-

When I come back into the room, Charlie and Rena are sat on the floor playing with Jacob. They’re both laughing and chatting and it makes me happy to know that they get on. Charlie jumps to his feet as soon as he sees me, the most beautiful smile lighting up his face.

“You look stunning,” Rena marvels as she stands up.

“Doesn’t she always?” Charlie asks rhetorically and my heart rate speeds up a little bit. Charlie often says sweet things to me, but nothing like this, particularly not when other people are around.

“Are you ready?” I ask.

“Yeah,” Charlie replies, planting a kiss on the top of Jacob’s head, a simple loving gesture which makes me fall for him even more.

“You guys have fun. Have her back by 11, okay Charlie?” Rena teases, purposely winding Charlie up.

“Stop being bossy. You’re only like 5 years older than me,” he whines.

“Physically maybe, but mentally is a whole different story.”

“Shut up,” Charlie mutters, shoving her in the arm. She turns round and gives him a threatening look, pinching his arm. He squirms out of her reach and then somehow gets her in a headlock, holding her in front of him with her back to his chest. Rena frowns and then sighs, giving up fighting against Charlie’s strong hold on her.

“You smell nice,” she acknowledges. Charlie looks confused but chuckles to himself.

“Thank you,” he mutters, releasing her with a light shove.

“Your boyfriend’s scary,” she whispers to me, loud enough so Charlie can hear. He smirks and shakes his head but I note how he doesn’t argue.

“Your kind of sister in law is annoying,” he mimics as he grabs my arm and pulls me towards the door.

“Have fun,” Rena calls, giving me a knowing look. I mouth for her to shut up just as Charlie practically drags me out of the apartment.

-

Twenty minutes later, we arrive at one of the fanciest restaurants in Los Angeles and suddenly I’m glad I borrowed Rena’s heels instead of wearing my battered old Converse. Charlie laces his fingers with mine, acting as though it’s the most normal thing in the world. I wonder if he knows that his touch still sets my skin on fire and his eyes on me makes me feel like the only human being on the planet, and that that smile of his could make me say yes to anything. I take a deep breath, completely at peace as I pretend for a while that Charlie is mine and that I am his.

“What’s this for?” I query once we get seated at a table.

“No reason,” he answers absent-mindedly, not looking up from the menu. I stare at him, not quite believing him. Feeling my eyes on him, he glances up from his menu and laughs a little bit.

“Am I not allowed to take you to dinner?” he asks dryly.

“I’m not complaining,” I say quickly, “It’s just not like you.”

“I wanted to take you out,” he admits, avoiding my gaze, “You do a lot for me and I treat you like shit sometimes. I want to show you I’m not a complete ass.”

“Charlie, I don’t think you’re an ass. Do you think I’d have stuck around all this time if I thought that?”

“Coral does and I treat her like shit all the time,” he argues, and I notice a hint of guilt in his eyes.

“She has feelings for you though. I don’t think she could leave you alone even if she wanted to.”

For a moment, I feel almost sorry for Coral. After all, it doesn’t take a genius to see that she’s unconditionally in love with Charlie. She jumps through hoops for him; she gave him her virginity, she lets him use her over and over again but she keeps coming back in the hope that maybe eventually he’ll be interested in her for something more than sex.

It’s no wonder she dislikes me. She’s been pining for a close relationship with Charlie for years without success, and then I come into the picture and it’s like we became best friends overnight. That also explains her extreme dislike of Tay aswell.

“Have you seen her lately?” I ask Charlie.

“Not since school on Friday. She text me a few times but I didn’t reply.”

“Why not?”

“I use her,” he says abruptly, “Let’s be honest. I treat her like utter shit but keep her around purely because she’s a good shag. It’s not fair.” I stare at the ashamed look on Charlie’s face for a second, confused as to where his sudden change of heart has come from.

“Don’t tell me you’re developing a conscience,” I smirk, narrowing my eyes as I try to lighten the mood. The corners of his mouth turn up in an almost smile, but it’s gone as quickly as it appeared.

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth and sigh. Whilst even I can see that the way Charlie treats Coral isn’t nice, I don’t want Charlie to beat himself up about it, because I know what that leads to.
He feels ashamed of who he is, so he gets jacked up to make the self-loathing go away for a while, and then when the high wears off, he feels twice as bad as he did in the first place. He’s stuck in the vicious cycle of self-loathing and quick fixes which soon wear off and leave him with an increased sense of self-loathing than he had in the first place.

It’s the same cycle that my poor brother was unfortunately stuck in. I hate watching it happen to Charlie too. He’s an ass sometimes and he’s a bit rough around the edges but underneath it all, I truly believe that there is a good person, someone that is worth helping.

“How are the guys?” I ask, changing the topic in a bid to cheer him up.

“They’re happy. We played in a bar the other night and we’ve obviously got Battle of the Bands on
New Year’s Eve.”

“I completely forgot about that,” I exclaim, “I bet you’re so excited.”

“We’re stoked. You’re coming to that, right?”

“Yeah of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Good.”

“How big is the venue?”

“1000 cap, standing only, but it’s sold out already, which is crazy.”

“No way,” I gasp, “You didn’t tell me that.”

“It only sold out a couple of days ago. Being the incredibly generous person that I am, I put you on the guest list. Don’t say I don’t do anything for you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I laugh, “Is a meet and greet included?”

“I’m not sure,” he worries, “Fans go pretty crazy over the band, the singer especially. I’m not sure you’d be able to refrain from jumping his bones.”

“Oh really? I always thought the singer was a bit shit if I’m honest,” I mock.

“That’s weird because I’m sure the other day you mentioned you were their biggest fan.” I laugh and roll my eyes, glancing down at the menu and scanning through it.

“Charlie, how are we affording this exactly?” I ask, cringing as I notice the extremely dear prices.

“Don’t worry; I’ve got it covered,” he assures, before explaining, “I’ve got some cash from gigs and I’ve been working in a couple of bars. I’ll sort it.”

-

“Do you want to stay tonight?” I ask as we walk up the pathway to Rena’s apartment after the meal, “I’m sure Rena wouldn’t mind.”

“Nah it’s alright. My dad’ll kill me if I’m not home on Christmas,” Charlie responds. I wonder what Christmas is like in their household. I wonder if it’s like that time when I ate breakfast with them: everyone laughing and getting on and having a nice time. I wonder if Charlie and his brother can cope one day without their addictions dictating their actions, or if Christmas is as much of a shambles as Christmas was when my brother was involved.

“So you came all this way just to take me to dinner?” I ask incredulously. Charlie doesn’t reply right away. He just smirks and shakes his head and we carry on walking.

“Thank you for tonight,” I say honestly, “And for everything.”

“It’s okay,” he replies, oddly quiet compared to usual. I’ve noticed him getting like that a lot lately. It’s a strange sort of quiet: not an upset sort of quiet. If it was anyone but Charlie, I’d say it was a nervous sort of quiet. But this is Charlie. I can’t imagine him getting nervous about anything.

“Noelle,” Charlie says bluntly as I begin to unlock the door with the spare key Rena gave me.

“What?” I ask without turning round.

“Noelle,” Charlie repeats, his tone so authoritative and demanding that I simply can’t ignore him. I turn round to face him but I don’t even get the chance to speak before he grabs my face and smashes his lips onto mine.

For a second I am so overwhelmed that I can’t think straight, but the thing with Charlie is that I don’t have to think. Kissing Charlie comes as naturally as everything else does when I’m with him. I grip his shirt and pull him closer to me and he deepens the kiss, still holding my face firmly but with the utmost care, as though he’s afraid he’ll break me if he’s even the slightest bit rough. I slide my hands over his shoulders and link my arms around his neck so that I can be closer to him. I’m not sure what it is about Charlie but more than ever, I feel a need to be as close to him as is physically possible.

Charlie pulls away all too soon and his eyes are sparkling with the usual sense of mischief.

“I came here for that,” he tells me and I smile, my head too much of a mess to make sense of the situation, let alone speak.

“I’ll see you soon,” he says as he wraps one arm around my waist and the other around my shoulders. He buries his head in the crook of my neck, pressing his lips to my skin, firmly but carefully, just like before. I slide my arms around his neck and take a deep breath, inhaling as much of his scent as I possibly can. My heart is racing and I’m breathing heavily as a result of the kiss, and I know that Charlie has noticed, but for some reason, I can’t bring myself to pull away.