What He Left Behind

First and second lesson are hell. I feel so low that I can’t even function. My brain is so completely consumed with anger that I can’t process anything the teacher says. I have English third lesson and I make a point of arriving early so that I can sit somewhere there will be no space for Charlie to sit next to me. I really can’t face him at the moment.

I collapse into my seat and stare down at the desk, trying to drown out the constant noise and chatter of the other students in the room but it just won’t go away. Even when I sink down in my chair and press my hands to my ears and squeeze my eyes shut, everyone around me is still too loud and too close.

“What’s up with you?” a familiar voice asks, making me jump. My eyes snap open, meeting with none other than Charlie’s and suddenly I can’t take it anymore. I need to get out.

Frustrated, I get out of my seat and tell the teacher I have to go to the bathroom. He smiles sympathetically and looks concerned; he’s probably read my file and knows what happened back in Marietta. He probably pities me like all the others did back home.

“Noelle!” Charlie yells after me. I should have known he would follow me. He never quits. I carry on walking down the empty corridor, quickening my pace to try and lose him. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work. Charlie grabs my arm and spins me round, forcing me to face him.

“Fucking leave me alone!” I seethe, raising my fist to hit him because I’m so angry and can’t think straight. Charlie’s eyes widen and for a second he is shocked, but then that stupid smirk oozing mischief and arrogance returns.

“Go on then sweetie. You fucking lay a finger on me and let’s see what happens,” he dares. I breathe in sharply and dig my nails into my palm, lowering my arm. I’m trying so goddamn hard to control my temper but he pushes all the wrong buttons, I swear. The stupid grin on his face and the fact he finds this so funny makes my blood boil, and it takes everything I have to stop myself from doing something I’ll regret.

“Don’t push me,” I warn.

“Wrong time of the month?” he questions teasingly.

“You wouldn’t fucking understand!” I shout, wishing he’d go away. I guess a part of me knows this isn’t Charlie’s fault. It’s my own fault really but I’m angry and he’s the only person stupid enough not to leave me alone.

“Then talk to me,” he says simply, his voice genuine and concerned.

I stare blankly at him, shocked. I expected him to argue back or to walk off or to wind me up some more. I wasn’t prepared for him to be so…caring about it, I guess you could say.

“Why do you even care?” I ask, my voice no longer raised but still bitter and accusing.

“Because you’re my friend,” he says with a shrug. I narrow my eyes, trying to figure him out. There I was thinking I knew him already but here’s a side of him that I didn’t think for a second existed. I wasn’t aware stupid full-of-himself aggravating Charlie was actually capable of being nice.

“Am I though?”

“Of course you are,” he confirms, confused.

“I don’t even know you.”

“Well we’re not gonna know each other two weeks after meeting for the first time.”

“That’s not what I meant Charlie,” I sigh, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. “There’s always this act with you. Every time I’ve spoken to you, you’ve either been drunk or high or putting on that annoying cocky façade. For one second, could you just drop it?”

“Noelle, I’m not putting on an act,” he defends.

“Yes you are. No one’s that self-assured in real life. I don’t know how you manage to fool everyone else in this place but you’re not fooling me. You were acting like a jerk at Stan’s by the way. I don’t know what you want from me but if you’re looking for a new fuck buddy then you’re looking in the wrong place.”

Charlie sighs, suddenly looking almost ashamed. “I’m an ass when I’m like that, huh?”

I nod.

“I’m sorry. Stan told me what happened and I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m not expecting anything from you at all,” he clarifies, “Can we start over?”

I shrug.

“You should come to band practice tonight. We won’t be drinking a lot. It will be fun.”

I look up at him, sucking my lips together.

He pouts and then smiles hopefully and says, “I’ll pick you up at 5?”

“Fine.”

-

The rest of the day is much better. I feel like a weight has been lifted and suddenly everything is a little easier. My mind is clear and I’m actually excited to be hanging out with the guys this evening. Despite everything, they seem like decent guys. They’re funny and I think their hearts are in the right place.

At my old school, I had a bunch of friends but I shut myself off from them when things started going downhill with Austin. I no longer had the time to go to parties or to concerts or to school football games, and so we ran out of things to talk about. I lost all desire to have friends so I ignored their calls and eventually they stopped calling.

When Austin was gone and the majority of the truth came out, suddenly everyone wanted to be my friend. People were sending me nice messages and inviting me out to things and people I’d never even spoken to before were offering condolences and shoulders to cry on and various other things that wouldn’t bring Austin back.

Here it is different. No one knows me and I can start doing normal teenage things like I used to do before everything went wrong. This is my best shot at being the closest thing to ordinary.
I hear a car engine outside and glance out the window to see Charlie pulling up in his battered old van. Picking up my bag, I rush downstairs and write a note to tell my dad I’m going out. It’s probably a waste of my time, since I’ll most likely be home before him anyway, but better to be safe than sorry.

-

“Hey doll,” Charlie grins as I open the passenger door to the van, “You look good.”

“Thanks,” I grin.

“Tonight will be fun, I promise. You’ll enjoy it.”

“Where are we going?”

“Mason’s place,” he explains. It isn’t long before Charlie kills the engine outside a small rundown house on the outskirts of Oak Park, the typically poorer side of town. I think the whole of Oak Park is pretty rundown actually. I’m not sure a richer side of town exists in this place.

As promised, I have a really fun evening. It’s clear to see how passionate all of the guys, not just Charlie, are about their music. They invest everything they have into their band and it really pays off. They’re perfectionists, particularly Charlie. Between songs they joke around and wind each other up and I realise they have a good group dynamic. Their personalities bounce off of each other. They have an almost perfect balance of fun and talent and energy and ambition. After a few hours of practicing, we sit down to chat and I find that despite how jerky Charlie in particular acts at school, they’re really easy to talk to. When it starts to get late, Charlie offers to walk me home since they’ve been drinking a little bit.

“Thank you for inviting me Charlie,” I say honestly, “You guys are great.”

“Anytime sweetie, you’re not so bad yourself,” he teases. When we arrive outside my house, I’m strangely reluctant to leave. Charlie plants a kiss on my cheek before saying goodbye and heading back to his. My stomach is filled with butterflies as I replay the events of the evening. I can’t understand why I am so drawn to this boy whom I know barely anything about. He really is one giant puzzle.

-

“Hey girl,” Amber greets when we meet before school the next morning, “Congratulations are in order, you’ve been here two weeks and you’ve already sent the rumour mill into overdrive.”

“How so?” I ask, not quite following.

“Oh gosh, I’ve heard everything from you hung out with Charlie Hemmingway to you slept with Charlie Hemmingway.”

“That escalated quickly,” I muse, “I hung out with him, yeah, but that’s the extent of it.”

“Brilliant,” she mutters dryly, “Glad to hear you took my advice.”

“Amber,” I laugh, “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal? Do you know how much trouble that boy gets into?”

“I saw his band play. It’s not like I’m planning a bank robbery with him.”

“I guess,” she sighs, “You know, it doesn’t even matter. I’m not here to tell you who you can and can’t hang out with. Just be careful.”

“Always am,” I assure.

“Half the girls in school will hate you just because you’ve hung out with him, you know.”

“Why? It’s not like we’re dating.”

“Yeah, I know. But some of the girls are obsessed. Things get really bitchy.”

“I’m sure I can handle it.”

“I hope so.”

We arrive at our homeroom class and take our seats. Charlie doesn’t turn up and neither does Stan, so I assume they’re both bunking. Throughout the class, I am constantly distracted by the three girls behind me whispering, one of which is the Coral that the guys were talking about the other night at the gig. They’re all wearing more make-up than they are clothes and they’re glaring at me as though I’ve done something wrong. This sort of drama is so petty I can’t help but smirk. At my old school, it seemed like whatever I did got me talked about, so I soon learned to see the funny side.

When the bell rings, I pick up my things and leave the room, but I only get a few metres down the hall before I’m stopped.

“Noelle!” a voice behind me calls. I turn around to see Coral and the two other girls from homeroom catching up with me.

“Hey,” I enthuse with a false grin.

“That didn’t take long,” Coral smirks.

“What’s that?” I ask, playing dumb to wind her up.

“You and Charlie,” she laughs, as though it should be obvious. There’s a spiteful tone to her voice which I guarantee is her feeble attempt at trying to intimidate me. I’m not scared of her though. I’ve dealt with things a lot scarier than bitchy teenage girls.

“I didn’t sleep with him if that’s what you’re thinking,” I tell her, examining my nails and pursing my lips, just because I know it will antagonize her. It’s too easy.

“That’s weird because everyone’s saying you did.”

“That’s weird because if it did happen, which it didn’t, everyone wouldn’t have been there,” I state matter-of-factly.

“I’d be careful if I were you; the amount of people he’s slept with, it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s got some sort of disease.”

“Catch them from you, did he?”
Coral opens her mouth to respond but either she second guesses herself or can’t think of anything to say. She starts to look extremely uncomfortable. I don’t know how exactly she was expecting me to respond but I can’t work out why no one stands up to people around this place. I, for one, will not be pushed around or walked all over by anyone, particularly not a bunch of Barbies. Well aware of the fact I’m a couple of inches taller than her, I step closer to where she is standing, so that there is only a small amount of space between us.

“Don’t try and intimidate me honey. We all know Charlie doesn’t care half as much for you as you do for him.”

“You don’t know a thing about me and Charlie,” she attempts to argue, the look on her face telling me that even she knows it’s a lame response.

“I know what Charlie’s told me,” I retaliate, deciding not to give away anything more than that. Leaving her to sweat it out is a much more enticing idea. Coral takes a step away from me and her friends look awkwardly between the two of us.

“I’ll see you around,” I smirk before turning on my heel and walking away.