The Silver Chains

The day of the his burial the sky was crying. The rain slid off the coffin, gently sliding down and down. No one dared to speak too afraid to break the calm and wake him up from his eternal slumber neither did anyone dare fling themselves on too the coffin. No one dared to even cry. We were each lost in our memories of him and the terrible truth that he was gone, some of us anyway.

They gently laid him deep into the rectangular hole. The thump echoed through the graveyard. The echo of the rain falling to the ground echoed into my ears. The sound of someone leaving registered through our minds. Rosaline.

I flinched at the sound of my mom’s voice.

“Rosaline?”

Rosaline turned around gave a quick nod turned around and went on her way. My mother sighed. “Nothing’s going to be the same. Not ever.” She wiped her eyes then gave a big sob. I caught her before she hit the ground.

“NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!!” she screamed to the sky. She went limp and lowered her head. Repeating the words softly as if in a trance. The whole time I kept a still composure even when my grandma turned on heel and left looking disgusted with my mother.

“Never in my day…” I heard her whisper. I let her leave. Not a word did I say afraid that if I spoke a cry would leak out. The horrible despair I felt.

The grave diggers left, the rain stopped and a strong breeze began. My mom began to shake of cold. I forced her to stand up and wrapped my coat around her shoulders. She looked at the tombstone, I looked with her.

R.I.P
Scott Dales
April, 20, 1960-November, 16, 2007
May you find Heaven

“Your father was a good man, Valerie.”

I swallowed my tears and said, “Yes, mom.”

She put the white roses on his burial spot. “Rest in peace my love. Rest in peace.” she said, resting her hand on the tombstone.

“Come now Valerie.” she turned around and began walking to the car.

I picked up a rose and held it tightly, the thorns biting into my skin. I felt the warm trickle of blood running down my palm. “Good-bye dad. May you find heaven.” And following the same path they all took I walked away from the rose with the thorns resting atop his tombstone.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I stared out of my window thinking about my dad. His kind eyes and the warmth of his hand resting on my head as he asked me about my day. He was a kind man. He was the kind of person who kept their cool at all times, never did I hear him scream or even sound angry on the contrary he was always so soft-spoken. Coming from such a horrible family I always wondered how come their malice didn’t rub off on him.

His mother, Helene, was very firm and judgmental. She kept her children in order with a strict hand. My father told me about the countless bruises he obtained from her disapproval of him and of course there was that scar.

Coming from such a strict family my father had many expectations. Above them all was doing perfect in school, anything below a 95 in any of his assignments was a hand to his face.

“That day Valerie I knew what type of mother I had. I have proof you know.”

He pointed his finger at the scar on his forehead. My eyes traveled to the familiar spot, I always wondered how he got that and know I know.

“H-how? W-why?” I stuttered my eyes growing wide.

“Because I did poorly on a test. My mother was so angry that I could bet my soul on it that she saw black. Blind with fury she was. She struck me down and I hit my head on the table, but just imagine if it was another, more vital, spot on my body. I passed out and next thing I knew I was laying in a hospital bed, my mother at my side crying to the doctor.”

“The poor boy fell of the stairs, how horrible it was seeing his body roll down them. There is only so much a mother can take and having the thought that her little boy was going to die was stepping over the line.”

“And then she gave off a big dramatic sob, and I swear the doctor gave a startled jump at the noise of it, then she said:”

“Oh! And the sound of his head making contact with the floor was horrid. I can remember the frightening scream I gave off.”

“Then the doctor started comforting her trying to tell her that it wasn’t her fault when she said it was. There was a lot more sobbing after that, then the doctor left leaving me and my mother alone.”

“She then turned around and gave me a wicked look.”

“Now Scott don’t try to pretend you weren’t listening. Are you listening Scott?!”

“She said angrily to me. By then I was so scared of my mother that I forcefully opened the rest of my eyes and looked at her. She looked nothing like my mother Valerie. How frightening it was to feel that you didn’t recognize your own mother.”

“Good boy! Now promise mommy that you won’t speak the truth to no one.”

“I just stared at her, fright dancing in my eyes. She noticed it and smiled but she wasn’t going to accept fright as a promise so she walked over to my bed and started shaking me.”

“I breathed out a soft yes and then she stopped. She brushed back the bangs that fell out of her perfectly made bun and gave me a satisfied sneer.”

Dad. These stories were just among the many that he told me. And even if most of them were about his horrible mother I would still miss them. Them and him. Him and them. Him.

“Valerie? You seem a little bit quiet back there, everything okay honey?” My mom said worriedly.

I didn’t reply. She just sighed, shook her head, and turned her eyes back to the road.

‘Just thinking about dad.’ I replied in my head.

I heard the sound of gravel crunching and the motor shut off. I looked up to my lonely house and at my mom opening the door. I walked through it and felt a chill crawl up my spine.

“I’ll be up in my room mom.”

“Ok” She said weakly

I walked up the stairs trying not to look at the walls that were scattered with pictures but either way the memories filled my head and I dared to look. His smile was everywhere, a still kind smile, the only smile I’ll ever get from him was through these picture. The realization broke me and I ran up the stairs feeling the pressure of hundreds of eyes staring at my self sneak away into the darkness of my room.

I slammed the door as hard as I could and fell unto my bed shaking with grief and fright but not once did I let any tears escape. I grabbed unto a pillow burying my head into its familiar scent and screamed. Screaming because I would never get to hug him neither talk to him. Never more, forever more will I be fatherless and never have some guidance from the person I loved the most. I began to rock myself back and forth on my side. In the darkness my body lingered lost in its sorrow as slowly the movement of it began to lull me into sleep and then did I begin to dream.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“Val, Val, Val?” I felt the weight of someone’s hand on my shoulder. Opening my eyes I saw the figure of my mom, her hair disheveled, eyes bright and alert. I grunted in reply, making it aware to her that I was awake. I sat on my bed, she grabbed a chair and followed my movement.

Looking at her now it seemed like she was struggling with something. “Mom, what’s wrong?” quietly I asked.

She looked at me her lip quivering, “I-I-I-,” She paused, seeming to not have the courage to tell me.

“Come on mom, tell me.”

She looked away and then looked back her cheeks decorated with now falling tears. “This isn’t easy Valerie…Its about your dad.”

I didn’t reply, she continued. “A few weeks ago, maybe two, your father and I were talking. The conversation began with the movie we saw, do you remember it Valerie?”

I nodded. Of course I would remember it. It was the last movie me and my father saw together.

“Well, it began there and then your father asked me with no feeling in his voice what I would do if he died. I looked at him surprised at his question and then began to laugh at the absurdity of it. Your father was always a healthy man Valerie, I never expected him to--Anyways he repeated the question and then I knew he was serious. So I answered that we would move away from this town and began anew in another.” She looked at me, waiting for a comment to spring from my lips, it didn’t happen. “Your father was all for it,” she continued, “he told me that moving away from his hometown would be the best choice.”

I saw how her eyes opened wide and she talked without blinking. “And then a few weeks later he died. How strange is that Valerie? How your father could somehow know that something like this would happen.”

“I guess it was meant to be mom. Who are we to be asking these questions? If he died then it must be for a reason.”

She nodded then she asked, “What was it that he told before he d-…passed away?”

I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. Bringing back that last memory of him.

“He reached and took hold of my hand and he grabbed the back of my head and brought me close to him. He spoke, his words slurred a bit but somehow I understood what he was talking about. In my ear he whispered: Find yourself Valerie. Find yourself in someone like I found myself in your mother. Don’t die alone Valerie, what a horrible fate that would be. For your eyes to close and see nothing around you and for your hearing to leave you and to be unable to hear anybody around crying for you. Heed my words Val. He was going to say something else but couldn’t because by then his heart had stopped.”

“Your father was a good man Valerie,” she echoed the words spoken back at the burial.

This time I let my tears run freely down my cheeks and reached over to my mom. She hugged me tight and we both cried, sharing our grief was all we could do for now.

“Tomorrow I’ll begin to look for a house, alright Val?” She said still hugging me.

“Yes, mom. Tomorrow we’ll start what my dad wanted.” I said.