Just Us
2009
I shouldn't have been surprised to see you; we lived in a small town and it was Thanksgiving break. Where else would you have been but at my brother's platter party? It didn't matter to me, though, because I'd brought Damien. By then, we'd been together for six months and I had high hopes. My brother Malachi thought he was ok and even my mother had been trying to feed him every chance she got, which meant she liked him.
The whole day I made sure we were at opposite sides of the room. It wasn't that I harbored any lingering feelings but I had no idea what you would have said in front of Damien. Despite my efforts, you managed to corner me as I was coming out of Malachi's upstairs bathroom. I let out a squeak- I think it was a squeak- when you pushed me back in and locked the door behind us. Deciding not to beat around the bush, you asked if Damien was my boyfriend. I sighed and leaned against the sink.
"Why does it matter?" I asked.
You grabbed my hand and put it to your chest. Aside from the soft button-up shirt you wore and the hard pectoral muscles it covered, I could feel the pounding of your heart. It was beating almost as fast as mine. I couldn't let you know that so I took a step back and folded my arms. You didn't argue or plead your case or tell me you loved me. You simply looked at me with those hazel eyes, although they seemed more brown since the last time I saw you, back when you kissed me before you left for school and never looked back.
"He won't last," you said.
The words were on the tip of my tongue: Yeah, well, neither did you. But silently l pushed past you and let myself out of the bathroom. I almost felt like a cat caught with her paw in the fishbowl when Damien asked why he'd seen us coming out of the bathroom together. I hadn't talked about the orange grove summer with anyone but I didn't want to lie to my boyfriend... But that's exactly what I wound up doing. A story about something wrong with the pump in the toilet seemed to put him at ease.
Much to my chagrin, I saw you the next day and the day after that; in my dreams, and even with Damien sleeping in the room right beside mine, I couldn't escape you. I was more than happy when Sunday rolled around so Damien and I could hit the road. In the four short hours to get back to campus, I was able put you behind me and out of my thoughts.
The last person I ever expected to see was you outside my dorm the next morning. You shouldn't have been there and I definitely shouldn't have let you in. I had a class to get to and a life to live that you hadn't tried to be a part of.
You pulled me to you and squeezed me tightly, one arm around my waist and your other hand threading through my braids. I only meant to look you in the eye to tell you to leave but the words were silenced when you kissed me. I surrendered for just a second before pushing you away.
"Don't push me away," you said. "Don't pretend I'm alone in this."
I had to remind you that you pushed me away first and I wasn't one to stay where I'm unwanted. I wouldn't hurt Damien that way. I didn't know what the future held for us and I didn't care but I did know that I would need thicker skin before I saw you again. Even as I watched your car pull away from my building, I was trying to still my pounding heart. I told myself it was for the best.
The whole day I made sure we were at opposite sides of the room. It wasn't that I harbored any lingering feelings but I had no idea what you would have said in front of Damien. Despite my efforts, you managed to corner me as I was coming out of Malachi's upstairs bathroom. I let out a squeak- I think it was a squeak- when you pushed me back in and locked the door behind us. Deciding not to beat around the bush, you asked if Damien was my boyfriend. I sighed and leaned against the sink.
"Why does it matter?" I asked.
You grabbed my hand and put it to your chest. Aside from the soft button-up shirt you wore and the hard pectoral muscles it covered, I could feel the pounding of your heart. It was beating almost as fast as mine. I couldn't let you know that so I took a step back and folded my arms. You didn't argue or plead your case or tell me you loved me. You simply looked at me with those hazel eyes, although they seemed more brown since the last time I saw you, back when you kissed me before you left for school and never looked back.
"He won't last," you said.
The words were on the tip of my tongue: Yeah, well, neither did you. But silently l pushed past you and let myself out of the bathroom. I almost felt like a cat caught with her paw in the fishbowl when Damien asked why he'd seen us coming out of the bathroom together. I hadn't talked about the orange grove summer with anyone but I didn't want to lie to my boyfriend... But that's exactly what I wound up doing. A story about something wrong with the pump in the toilet seemed to put him at ease.
Much to my chagrin, I saw you the next day and the day after that; in my dreams, and even with Damien sleeping in the room right beside mine, I couldn't escape you. I was more than happy when Sunday rolled around so Damien and I could hit the road. In the four short hours to get back to campus, I was able put you behind me and out of my thoughts.
The last person I ever expected to see was you outside my dorm the next morning. You shouldn't have been there and I definitely shouldn't have let you in. I had a class to get to and a life to live that you hadn't tried to be a part of.
You pulled me to you and squeezed me tightly, one arm around my waist and your other hand threading through my braids. I only meant to look you in the eye to tell you to leave but the words were silenced when you kissed me. I surrendered for just a second before pushing you away.
"Don't push me away," you said. "Don't pretend I'm alone in this."
I had to remind you that you pushed me away first and I wasn't one to stay where I'm unwanted. I wouldn't hurt Damien that way. I didn't know what the future held for us and I didn't care but I did know that I would need thicker skin before I saw you again. Even as I watched your car pull away from my building, I was trying to still my pounding heart. I told myself it was for the best.