‹ Prequel: All of Me
Unhinged
002
Song inspiration
“Wow, I can’t believe you’re actually here.” She said as she embraced me into a hug. “How long are you staying?”
“I leave tomorrow.” I said short.
“Oh, well it was really good to see you.”
Yeah right. Not once did she make the effort to reach out to me after our break-up.
“Yeah, you too.”
She gave me a small smile before heading back over to her table.
“That's it Nick?” Joe asked.
“What do you mean?”
“That’s how you act toward her after not seeing her for almost three years?”
“I have nothing to say to her.” I began fidgeting with my napkin.
“Now I hardly believe that.” He said rolling his eyes and taking another sip of his beer.
“Can we just go home? Please?” I felt like I was going to turn into an emotional wreck if I stayed here any longer. Joe seemed irritated but finally agreed to go home. He didn’t understand that I wanted nothing to do with her after the way she treated me. It hurt me to see her happy, but in a way it also made me happy to see her smiling.
That night I caught myself tossing and turning; I was stuck on the decision on if I should leave or if I should stay in Cali for a little while longer. A small part of me hated myself for even thinking about staying for her after all she did to us; the other part of me wanted to hold her so dearly it hurt. I squeezed my eyes shut and practically forced myself to fall asleep.
“Nick, wake up.” I heard my mom say softly. It was time to catch my flight already?
I groaned. I knew I couldn’t stay, even if I wanted to. I had Cassidy waiting for me back at home and not to mention I had a year of school left to finish. “Alright, I’m getting up.”
I spent the entirety of the flight moping, seeing her really changed things for me and I wasn’t sure if that change was good or bad. When I arrived home Cassidy embraced me in a huge hug and told me how much she missed me and when she placed a kiss on my lips, I was nothing but distracted.
“You okay?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” I headed toward my room and collapsed on the bed. I was confused. It had been three years, three whole years since D and I had seen each other. Who knew in just under five minutes all of my feelings for her would come rushing back? Cassidy plopped down next to me. “Can I just have a minute Cass?”
“You saw her, didn’t you?” She asked.
I didn’t know whether to tell her or lie. “I did.”
“Did anything happen between you two? I mean you’re awfully quiet.”
“No.” I didn’t want to talk about this, about her. I pulled the covers over me and shut my eyes.
“Did you...did you want anything to happen?”
“Are you seriously asking me that right now?” I asked as I sat up.
“What? It’s a legitimate question.”
“It’s a fucking stupid question, that’s what it is.” I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to look for something to eat. I didn’t want to talk about D anymore.
“Why are you so mad?” She asked as she followed me into the kitchen.
“Can you just drop it?”
“Not until you tell me why you’re getting so mad over this.”
“I don’t want to talk about her with you! Don’t you get it?” I yelled.
“Yeah, I get it.” She scoffed, “How could I be so stupid? We’ve been together for almost 2 years Nick!”
I didn’t need this right now. I wanted to come home and relax and forget about her. I grabbed my car keys and headed for the front door.
“Where are you going?” She asked.
“Out, I need some air.”
“You still love her.” She said softly.
I paused. Of course I still loved D. How could I not? I chose not to respond to her and left.
--
I let a week pass before sitting down with Cassidy and explaining to her that nothing was going on between D and I and that we hadn’t even spoken at all. I apologized for the way I acted and tried to explain how I felt, as best as I could, about seeing D. She forgave me and things seemed to be instantly back to normal. It was around 12 am when I received a text message and all it said was ‘hey…’ my heart nearly ripped out of my chest. I looked over at Cassidy who was sleeping next to me. I put my phone face down on my nightstand and lied back down, that was until my phone began to ring. I quickly and quietly hopped out of bed and made my way to the living room. I stared at the ringing phone in my hand, unsure of what to do and before I knew it, I answered the phone. “Hello?”
“I know I shouldn’t be calling you.”
“You’re right, you shouldn’t be.”
“I just needed to hear your voice.”
“D, it’s been three years. You did fine without hearing my voice for three years, I think you’ll be okay.” I said as I slipped on some shoes and a light jacket and headed outside. There was no way I could talk to her with Cassidy in the next room.
“I know, I know. Just after seeing you last week I just can’t-”
“Stop thinking about me?” I said in a cocky tone. I wanted her to want me, to miss me.
“Yeah.I just want to see you, we need to talk.” She said softly.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Nick, I really think we-”
“D, I have to go. It’s 1 in the morning here.”
“I’m sorry.” She said before hanging up. I was kicking myself for being such an ass.
We can talk about it tomorrow. I do miss you. I hovered over the send button for a few seconds before deciding to go through with it. What was I getting myself into?
“Wow, I can’t believe you’re actually here.” She said as she embraced me into a hug. “How long are you staying?”
“I leave tomorrow.” I said short.
“Oh, well it was really good to see you.”
Yeah right. Not once did she make the effort to reach out to me after our break-up.
“Yeah, you too.”
She gave me a small smile before heading back over to her table.
“That's it Nick?” Joe asked.
“What do you mean?”
“That’s how you act toward her after not seeing her for almost three years?”
“I have nothing to say to her.” I began fidgeting with my napkin.
“Now I hardly believe that.” He said rolling his eyes and taking another sip of his beer.
“Can we just go home? Please?” I felt like I was going to turn into an emotional wreck if I stayed here any longer. Joe seemed irritated but finally agreed to go home. He didn’t understand that I wanted nothing to do with her after the way she treated me. It hurt me to see her happy, but in a way it also made me happy to see her smiling.
That night I caught myself tossing and turning; I was stuck on the decision on if I should leave or if I should stay in Cali for a little while longer. A small part of me hated myself for even thinking about staying for her after all she did to us; the other part of me wanted to hold her so dearly it hurt. I squeezed my eyes shut and practically forced myself to fall asleep.
“Nick, wake up.” I heard my mom say softly. It was time to catch my flight already?
I groaned. I knew I couldn’t stay, even if I wanted to. I had Cassidy waiting for me back at home and not to mention I had a year of school left to finish. “Alright, I’m getting up.”
I spent the entirety of the flight moping, seeing her really changed things for me and I wasn’t sure if that change was good or bad. When I arrived home Cassidy embraced me in a huge hug and told me how much she missed me and when she placed a kiss on my lips, I was nothing but distracted.
“You okay?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” I headed toward my room and collapsed on the bed. I was confused. It had been three years, three whole years since D and I had seen each other. Who knew in just under five minutes all of my feelings for her would come rushing back? Cassidy plopped down next to me. “Can I just have a minute Cass?”
“You saw her, didn’t you?” She asked.
I didn’t know whether to tell her or lie. “I did.”
“Did anything happen between you two? I mean you’re awfully quiet.”
“No.” I didn’t want to talk about this, about her. I pulled the covers over me and shut my eyes.
“Did you...did you want anything to happen?”
“Are you seriously asking me that right now?” I asked as I sat up.
“What? It’s a legitimate question.”
“It’s a fucking stupid question, that’s what it is.” I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to look for something to eat. I didn’t want to talk about D anymore.
“Why are you so mad?” She asked as she followed me into the kitchen.
“Can you just drop it?”
“Not until you tell me why you’re getting so mad over this.”
“I don’t want to talk about her with you! Don’t you get it?” I yelled.
“Yeah, I get it.” She scoffed, “How could I be so stupid? We’ve been together for almost 2 years Nick!”
I didn’t need this right now. I wanted to come home and relax and forget about her. I grabbed my car keys and headed for the front door.
“Where are you going?” She asked.
“Out, I need some air.”
“You still love her.” She said softly.
I paused. Of course I still loved D. How could I not? I chose not to respond to her and left.
--
I let a week pass before sitting down with Cassidy and explaining to her that nothing was going on between D and I and that we hadn’t even spoken at all. I apologized for the way I acted and tried to explain how I felt, as best as I could, about seeing D. She forgave me and things seemed to be instantly back to normal. It was around 12 am when I received a text message and all it said was ‘hey…’ my heart nearly ripped out of my chest. I looked over at Cassidy who was sleeping next to me. I put my phone face down on my nightstand and lied back down, that was until my phone began to ring. I quickly and quietly hopped out of bed and made my way to the living room. I stared at the ringing phone in my hand, unsure of what to do and before I knew it, I answered the phone. “Hello?”
“I know I shouldn’t be calling you.”
“You’re right, you shouldn’t be.”
“I just needed to hear your voice.”
“D, it’s been three years. You did fine without hearing my voice for three years, I think you’ll be okay.” I said as I slipped on some shoes and a light jacket and headed outside. There was no way I could talk to her with Cassidy in the next room.
“I know, I know. Just after seeing you last week I just can’t-”
“Stop thinking about me?” I said in a cocky tone. I wanted her to want me, to miss me.
“Yeah.I just want to see you, we need to talk.” She said softly.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Nick, I really think we-”
“D, I have to go. It’s 1 in the morning here.”
“I’m sorry.” She said before hanging up. I was kicking myself for being such an ass.
We can talk about it tomorrow. I do miss you. I hovered over the send button for a few seconds before deciding to go through with it. What was I getting myself into?