What Do You Want From Me?

“Del. Can I come over?” Delaney bit her lip as she held her phone against her ear, mentally debating on whether or not she should agree. She had this mental debate every time he called and asked. It wasn’t a new question, but it always held the same weight when he asked. She always weighed the same pros against the same cons, and she was always left with a stalemate. She wasn’t sure why she spent so much time having the same mental fight in her head, because the outcome always ended up the same.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want him to come over. But at the same time, she didn’t want him to come over. It was a bit of a twisted situation. She was unhappy if she told him no-missing his touch more that she had before she refused him. She was unhappy if she told him yes-always feeling ashamed, annoyed and mad at herself when he left again. Either way she was left feeling less than before, uncomfortably different, but she almost always told him yes, because at least with him there, no matter how brief, she got momentary happiness, even if it was false and completely in her head.

“Del. You still there?”

“Yea.” She said with a sigh. “I’m still here.”

“So, can I come over?” He asked again, his voice raspy and rough. Delaney sighed as she pushed up her glasses, pinching the bridge of her nose. She knew that she was going to regret whichever answer she gave. The whole situation was a giant catch 22. She lost either way and the cycle wasn’t going to change. No matter how much Delaney loved him, he didn’t love her the same way.

“Yea. Come on over Alex. I’ll unlock the door for you.” She responded, her heart already hurting.

“See you in a few Del.”