Canary and the Coal Mine

Again, I hit ignore as Nikki’s name lit up my screen, tossing my phone back into the cup holder as I took the exit for the airport. So I’d missed practice with Bryan, and lunch with the twins. Sue me.

“Your friends again?” Randy asked; I glanced over, giving a shrug and offering a smile. We’d spent all Saturday together, as I’d stayed in Connecticut with him until he was released to go home. Admittedly, most of that was just me desperately trying to avoid driving to Brooklyn with the others. Bryan and Brie still wanted to know why I’d been crying, and no doubt they’d told Nikki and John.

I was doing all I could to avoid anything with Dean or the Shield. Every time I thought of them, my chest tightened so painfully I thought my ribs would break; I’d been crying off and on the whole weekend. Luckily, Randy had been in and out of consciousness all yesterday on his medication, so at least he wasn’t hounding me like the others would.

“Yeah, Nikki’s just mad I missed our date.” We wouldn’t worry about the practice with Bryan right now.

“Your date, huh? So I’m gonna have to share my girlfriend?”

My entire face erupted into a blush, and he chuckled. As we came to a red light, he reached out his good hand and rested it on my knee. We hadn’t really put a name on what we were, but it looked like Randy had made the decision for us. Not that I minded, really. I liked the sound of it. Girlfriend.

“Honestly, when they find out, I’d be surprised if they want anything to do with me for a while.”

Something told me that dating Randy Orton was not in the approved actions list that Mama Brie and Papa John lived by. As the light turned green and Randy pulled his hand away, he nodded in understanding.

“I was actually thinking about that. I mean, we’re both a little… well, I’m a little rusty with the whole dating thing. Since my wife and I split, I haven’t really gotten out much.”

“Well, if we’re being technical here, I’ve only had one boyfriend before you,” I admitted, my cheeks tinting pink. I sounded like I was back in middle school, and honestly part of me worried that my inexperience with dating would put him off.

But he just chuckled and shifted forward, pointing to a near-empty parking lot on the corner.

“Can you pull over?”

Nervously, I swung the car in and parked, shutting the engine off and turning in my seat to stare at him in question. Any question of if I’d pissed him off disappeared when I saw the near-shy smile on his face.

“We can figure it out together, okay?” he mused, turning to face me as well. He reached out and took one of my hands, resting it on his knee while he played with my fingers. “So look. Until we know more about what we want, where this is going, I was thinking we’d keep quiet about us.”

If the relationship has to be secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

Nikki’s words caught me off guard, and I hesitated for a moment. Hiding our relationship from my friends, who were practically my family? I’d never really lied to my friends – the whole Renegade thing aside – and let’s be real here, with Nikki Bella as my best friend, how long could I last? Did I really want to hide who I was dating?

The thing was, though, Nikki had been talking about the model she’d dated – the asshole guy before John that had been cheating on both her and his wife with each other. This was Randy actually being smart and thinking ahead.

If I told the others we were dating, how quickly would John and Brie jump all over it? What would Bryan even think? And Nikki, god, she’d pick Randy apart in a heartbeat. Until we really knew what we wanted and how things were gonna be, maybe it was best it was just kept between us.

“Not forever, though. Right?” I hinted, and he gave me a grin as he leaned forward. His good hand came up and cupped my face, pulling me to him.

“’Course not. I won’t be able to hide my beautiful girlfriend for long.”

As I grinned and tried to duck down shyly, Randy’s hand tightened its grip just a bit, and he closed the distance between us. Our lips met slowly, and he moaned softly as his fingers threaded up through my hair.

I shifted closer and rested my hands on his leg as his tongue brushed against my own. We both moaned this time, and his hand moved to my waist, squeezing my hip eagerly as we pulled back for just a heartbeat.

Grabbing Randy’s shoulders I shifted and swung a leg over his, straddling him in his seat before kissing him again. The hand on my hip curved down along my ass, squeezing tentatively to test the waters.

At the hitch of my breath, he repeated his actions a little harder, pulling me closer to him in the process. Our tongues wrapped around one another as my hands slid down his chest, raking my nails over his shirt and drawing a shiver from him.

His hand ran up my side, fingers brushing over my breast; my lips pulled from his just long enough to lean down and press against his jaw. He groaned and dropped his head back as I traced my tongue down along his neck, pausing at his pulse point to press heated kisses along his skin.

“Fuck, Jay,” he breathed, hand groping my breast eagerly as my kisses moved even lower. I nipped at his collar bone as I let my hands slide just a little further down, against his stomach; his breath hitched and he swallowed hard –

My phone went off again, making both of us nearly jump out of our skin. As I ignored Nikki’s call, we both gave each other sheepish grins. Clearing my throat, I shifted back to the driver’s seat and tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Let’s get going,” he chuckled breathlessly. “We stay in this car any longer and I’ll be missing my flight.”

Again my face flushed a brilliant shade of red as I shared a quick smile with him. When we pulled onto the road again, he reached over and rested my hand on his knee, squeezing just a bit; he kept it there the rest of the ride, letting his thumb trace lazy circles onto my bare skin.

The smile he put on my face helped to push away the rising panic. As soon as I dropped him off, I’d be making the three-hour drive down to the arena in Brooklyn. Left alone with my thoughts and nothing to look forward to but the interrogation by my friends and the impending doom of the tag-team match tonight.

I pulled up to the front of the airport and put the hazards on as Randy smiled at me and climbed out. I met him at the back and opened the hatch, grabbing his suitcase before he could.

“I’m supposed to be the gentleman,” he pointed out, and I rolled my eyes at him as I sat it down and grabbed his duffle.

“Yeah, well, Mr. Manly-Man, when you’re able to use a can opener without assistance we can talk.” He chuckled and let me put the bag up on his shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

“TLC is in like four hours. It’s gonna take most your time to get down there, Jay. I can make it thirty feet to the check-in.”

With a laugh, I came forward and wrapped my arms around his waist as he tucked me to his chest. As much as I wanted to kiss him again, I knew it was best to just assume there were cameras everywhere. He pulled back, looking at me with understanding as he gave a wink.

“I’ll call you when I land, okay?”

“Alright,” I said in a voice that was a lot quieter than I’d been going for. Randy gave me a sympathetic smile and reached out, tucking my hair back behind my ear again.

“It’s gonna be fine, okay? I promise,” he told me as I stepped aside, letting him walk towards the building. He paused at the doors one last time and looked back over his shoulder, smiling one last time before heading inside.

--

The Shield were the first people I saw the second I arrived. I’d just gotten my duffle out, had just turned to go inside, when I caught them stalking across the parking lot. Dean was in front, flanked by Roman and Seth, all three in their attire, all three looking ready to rip something apart.

As quietly as I could, I let the hatch shut and I moved for the door. It was like they sensed me the instant I took a step. All three pairs of eyes snapped over to look at me, and I actually froze.

Not out of fear, no. I just had no idea how to react. Before the kiss, there’s no doubt I would’ve gone over to start something. No doubt that I’d have been over there flirting with Dean and tormenting his friends.

Now, all I did was meet his eyes and I felt like my heart was being crushed. All the lingering happiness and warmth from Randy just hours ago disappeared the moment Dean Ambrose took a step towards me.

No.

This wasn’t happening. I couldn’t handle this right now. I took two steps back and then turned without hesitation, all but running into the building. As I badged the access door, the guard glanced at his screen, and then up at me.

“Everything okay?” I asked as he eyed me curiously.

“Yeah, yeah, must be a glitch or somethin’,” he said, waving me along. “It’s pullin’ you up as Damien Sandow. Don’t worry, we’ll get that fixed.”

“Huh, what a mystery,” I managed, stuffing Damien’s access card back into my jacket as I hurried inside. Could’ve sworn I’d given that back…

As I rounded the corner, I nearly collided with John. He looked surprised for half a second, and then relief washed over his expression. Instantly, his arms wrapped around me and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Uh, hi?” I managed, hugging back before pulling away to stare up at him.

“We’ve all been worried sick about you,” he told me; guilt pulled itself to the top of my emotions and I dropped my gaze. “Nicole has been calling you all day.”

“Oh, oops,” I said quickly, glad I’d already stuffed my phone into the bag on silent. I pulled it out and pretended to be surprised. “It’s been in my bag all day. Sorry, had a few hang-ups on the drive. But I’m here.”

“Yeah, you are. Bryan can stop his panicking at least. C’mon.”

It was like John was dragging me to the gallows. The last – okay, second to last – thing I wanted to do was deal with my friends. Especially Nikki. God, she was gonna be through the roof.

I’d never blown her off to this extent. The longest we went without talking was when we were sleeping. How was I gonna explain two days of no contact if everything that had happened were things I didn’t even wanna talk about, let alone discuss and argue about?

“Look who I found,” John announced as he held the locker room door open for me; the twins glanced over, and both were immediately on their feet at the sight of me. Bryan let out a noise of relief and flopped back on the couch, clutching his face as he shook his head.

“Oh thank god,” he breathed as Nikki all but tackled me back out the door; John barely got his arm out to brace me in time. “I thought it was gonna be a handicap match for sure!”

Brie smacked him across the chest as I peeled her sister off of me and gently nudged her back. Both Nikki and John stared at me in surprise as I realized that this was probably the first time in two years that I’d ever backed out of a hug from my best friend.

“What’s wrong?” she demanded immediately, and my heart leapt towards her, ready to open up. I kissed Dean and he hates me. Randy kissed me and I kinda like him. I’m not strong enough to pull myself through tonight.

“Nothing,” I told her with a frown. “It’s good to see you too.”

“Don’t give me that after you ignored me all day,” she snipped, and I rolled my eyes, slipping past her to drop my bag on the bench.

“I wasn’t –“

“Your phone rings five times, and I was going to voicemail after two or three. If you’re gonna lie to me, you gotta step up your game,” she challenged; when I glanced back, she crossed her arms pointedly. “So. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, Sherlock Holmes.”

“Oh yeah, like nothing was wrong Friday night? Do you cry when nothing’s wrong?” Bryan chimed in, pulling himself up to look over the back of the couch as I sent him a scowl.

“Funny. Keep it up and I will make it a handicap match,” I threatened, earning a snort from his direction as I snagged my wrist tape out of the side pouch. Brie and John were in a silent conversation that involved a lot of raised brows and glances at me; Nikki was still scrutinizing me.

“Can I help you?” I asked pointedly when she followed me to the couch Bryan was sprawled across. I dropped onto the end opposite him, narrowly avoiding his feet. Nikki mercilessly pushed him onto his own side and sat right next to me, arms crossed.

“Just waiting for you to admit something’s wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong,” I huffed, rolling my eyes again as Bryan turned up the TV.

“Hey, I definitely heard some Jamien Sandless chants,” he chortled, casting a smile my direction. I did my best to return it, but I could just feel the grimace it turned into.

Because there were just a few matches between us and the Shield. All I wanted to do was never think or see those boys – Dean especially and foremost – ever again. And now they were all I could think about.

I was making myself sick, and Nikki was taking notice.

“Why’d you stay in Connecticut so long?” she asked, going a different route. “You told me you’d be here around noon.”

I’m pretty sure all these emotions broke my heart and I have a boyfriend I can’t tell you about and I don’t have any idea what to do or how to handle this and I feel like I’m drowning.

“I just wanted to sleep in a few more hours.”

“Why do you look so upset?”

Because I’m trying really hard not to cry but if you don’t stop looking at me like that I’m not gonna hold out.

“I’m just nervous about the match.”

“Yeah, considering you missed our practice this morning,” Bryan griped; at the look on my face, Nikki’s hand went back and hit him hard in the chest like Brie had. “Ow. What is wrong with you two?”

“Can we just watch the match? Please?” I added when Nikki pursed her lips. Thankfully, John had to head out to get ready for his match, and he distracted my best friend with his goodbye long enough to let me pull myself back in and close off a little more. When the door shut after him and Nikki settled back beside me, things fell blessedly quiet.

Every now and then, the twins shared a worried look, but my round of twenty questions with Nikki had seemed to die out for now. In spite of the impending doom slowly closing in around me, I tried to enjoy the match on TV. I really did.

But with every suplex and DDT, every takedown and reversal, we got that much closer to our tag match. My hands were shaking as I undid my tape; twice I dropped the roll.

Nikki’s hand darted out and caught it on the second fall, and reached to take my hand. To wrap for me like she’d done dozens of times. My whole body was a live wire, coiled tight and ready to spark and burst at any moment, and just that little touch had nearly sent me sobbing again.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, snagging the roll and pulling my hand away, trying to ignore the hurt that flashed on her face. Her eyes flicked away and she composed herself quickly, but the damage had been done. Jamie Lawless, merciless asshole, crushing the spirits and feelings of everyone around her. That was me, alright.

The bell finally rang; Rhodes Scholars stood tall in the ring, throwing their joined hands in the air as they celebrated their win. Again I heard Bryan ribbing me about Jamien Sandless; I kept my eyes on my wrists as I wrapped them methodically.

My fingers were still trembling. I could feel Brie’s on the back of my head. Nikki hadn’t taken her eyes off me. Even Bryan now was staring at me worriedly when I didn’t respond to his jokes. My face was decidedly neutral, and it was gonna stay that way –

“My name is Seth Rollins.”

What!? My head snapped up and I stared at the screen in horror. The camera Seth was holding passed over.

“I’m Roman Reigns.”

And then it settled in the middle, on the last person I wanted to see right now. All my breath left me in a sharp exhale as Dean stared into the camera.

“I’m Dean Ambrose. We’re the Shield. The Shield of Justice.”

Oh god. I couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t look at Dean. Nikki met my eyes as I looked around, about ready to just sprint from the room. Bryan and Brie were focused on the TV as Dean continued to talk.

“Ryback, you put CM Punk into surgery? You’re reckless. You’re dangerous. Punk’s champion for 392 and he’s robbed of the honor of defending his title tonight? ”

“We can’t let it stand. We won’t let it stand,” Roman growled, taking the camera. Dean chuckled as he pulled it back towards him, and my chest tightened as his face came on the screen again. Nikki reached across the couch and rested her hand on mine.

“Jay –“

“So tonight, Ryback, the Shield gives you a taste of your own medicine,” Dean threatened just as Seth tugged the camera to him.

“Feed me more, feed me more… Well tonight the Shield will feed you more than you can handle. And when you can’t stand, when you can’t walk, when you are crawling, the Shield will be the ones who finish you. ”

I shoved to my feet, desperate to get away. I couldn’t handle seeing Dean. I’d been so stupid to come here. Stupid to think I could face him and just pretend like it didn’t matter that I’d ruined our friendship –

“Finch. ” I froze and looked back at the TV. “Daniel. You think you two are off the hook?”

As Seth took the camera to address Bryan, I couldn’t take my eyes off Dean. The small smirk that flickered across his lips, the glint of his eyes as he listened to his teammate… my heart was being gripped tighter and tighter by all the damn emotions running rampant. I couldn’t handle it.

“Daniel, you have the audacity to walk around with Kane calling yourselves the tag-team champions? You’re a disgrace to the name. A team shouldn’t argue. A team shouldn’t hate one another. A team should work together to win together. You’re an embarrassment to the tag team championships. We’re not gonna stand for it.”

“And on top of all that?” Roman asked, and then smirked. “We just don’t like you. ”

I turned again for the door, trying to make a break for it when Dean just pulled me in again.

“And then there’s you, little Finch. We like you. We’ve told you that many times.” All heads in the room turned to me, surprised. This was news to them. I was trying desperately to keep my expression neutral, but from the narrow-eyed stare I was getting from Nikki, I imagined I was doing a pretty terrible job of it.
“We respect you as a wrestler, and it’s clear the management ain’t gonna show you off like you deserve. That’s injustice. So tonight we ain’t holdin’ back. You didn’t believe in our faith in you, well. We’re gonna prove it. We’re gonna give it everythin’ we got, so it’s time to step up and show the world what you got.”

“Consider it an offering,” Roman taunted, throwing back to the argument we’d had on Friday. My stomach twisted again.

“Or a death sentence,” Seth added with a chuckle. “Your choice, sweetheart.”

I was out of the locker room before the promo even finished. I stumbled down the hallway, trying to get as far from the locker room as I could. No doubt the others were wondering why I was freaking out over a Shield promo. I mean, really, why was I?
Just because Dean was on it.

For the past two days I’d been avoiding him religiously; much to Bryan’s dismay, I hadn’t even watched the footage of them for practice. I just… seeing him, remembering the hurt on his face, remembering that the friendship I’d been enjoying had all been ruined…

My chest tightened, and a few tears slipped down my cheeks. Wiping at them angrily, I finally came to a stop and turned to slump against the wall, dropping my face in my hands. It was a struggle to even take a few deep breaths; it felt like Dean himself was standing on my chest. The thought of that brought even more damn tears.

I was being a freakin’ baby about this, and that almost pissed me off more. For some reason all I wanted to do was cry. But crying all weekend hadn’t helped a single thing. All those emotions over Dean, the unnamed feelings towards Randy, the nerves about the match, I had to just push them down. If I kept lingering on them, they’d drag me under and I couldn’t let that happen.

Feeling wasn’t an option anymore. How much easier would it be to worry about split knuckles and bruises and concussions instead of trying to sort out everything that was threatening to suffocate me?

“Jellybean?”

My head snapped up and I stared wide-eyed at Nikki as she came up to me. Her face was drawn tight with worry, only to have it soften when she saw my expression. Oh god, if she started fussing over me, I was gonna lose it. And crying in front of Nikki was not something I could get away with.

“I’m fine, really. I’m just – I’m so stressed about the match, and –“

“I know what you’re like when you’re stressed,” she said softly; her arms crossed over her chest and she almost looked wounded. Look at me, hurting the people I care about some more. The thought tightened my chest and I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You’ve never lied to me before, Jamie. And now you’re missing practice and hiding away all weekend, and you’re crying –“

“I am not,” I defended, not doing myself any favors. Nikki gave me the ‘are you serious’ scowl. “Am I not allowed to be worried about a match?”

“If that’s what it was, that would be fine. But I know you, Jamie. Something’s wrong, and you know I’m here to help if –“

Movement down the hall behind her caught my eye, and I sucked in a breath. Dean and the Shield had just come around the hall; they’d paused to discuss something, but they’d be heading this way.

No, no, no, no, NO! I screamed, diving forward and wrapping an arm around Nikki’s waist. She let out a gasp as I spun us around the storage crates we’d been standing next to; just as Shield turned our direction I dropped and pulled her down with me.

Nikki landed hard on my lap and I slumped against the boxes. Her eyes widened in absolute confusion, and she went to stand.

“What the hell –“

My hand went over her mouth and she let out a muffled yelp.

“Just be quiet!” I hissed desperately; as a shadow passed over the boxes, we both flicked our eyes up. We could just see the tops of the Shield’s heads as they stalked past our hiding spot.

Once I was sure they were gone, I peeled my hand back off her mouth. She was on her feet before me, grabbing my arm and hauling me up before I could resist. Her eyes went from my wide, guilty ones, to the retreating men, then back to me.

“What happened with the Shield?”

“What?” I tried to laugh, shaking my head. “Nothing happened – no. I wasn’t, I just didn’t want to see them before –“

“What happened with Dean?”

My words cut off in surprise, and I stared up at her, mouth open. Way to play it cool, Jamie. Again, all the events of the last two days fought to break free; I so desperately wanted the comfort of my best friend. I withdrew back into myself as fast as I could, snapping my mouth shut.

“Nothing happened. Why would you –“

“Seriously, cut the crap,” she ordered, crossing her arms again. “You can lie to Brie and Bryan and John, but come on. Just freakin’ talk to me! You were fine – okay, you were holding it together – until Dean started talking about you on the promo. And now we’re playing hide-and-seek with him. It’s not freakin’ rocket science, Jellybean. Something’s going on, and –“

“Nicole nothing is going on! How many times do I have to say that?!”

“Well keep trying until you sound convincing,” she threw back; now it was my turn to cross my arms.

“Nothing. Is. Wrong.”

“Really?” she challenged, taking a step forward. “Because you haven’t been yourself since Friday night. The same night you ran out after Dean. You come back crying and then you disappear all weekend. And now –“

“Where the hell have you guys been?” Bryan gasped as he slowed his run, pausing by the boxes to scowl at me. “Jay, we’re up next!”

“Jamie, we’re not done here,” Nikki threatened as she raced after us to the locker room; Bryan looked back at me in question. We reached the locker room and I surged forward, throwing the door open and storming inside. “Dude, just talk to –“

I didn’t even slow as I snatched my bag and disappeared into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door as I slumped against it. Outside, I could hear Nikki and the others in a hushed, heated conversation. Tears of frustration welled in my eyes and I angrily wiped them away.

As I quickly tugged on my ring attire, I grabbed my phone from my bag and my heart jumped just a bit. A missed call from Randy, twenty minutes ago. Fast as I could I finished changing and just ran a hand through my hair to call it a day.

The others looked up and cut off talking as soon as I stormed out. Without pausing I threw the bag onto the bench and made for the door. Brie was the only one that moved to stop me.

“Jay –“

“I’ll see you out there, Bryan,” I said curtly; the door swung shut behind me. I hit Randy’s name and clutched the phone to my ear desperately. My chest was so tight I was afraid my ribs would snap. Breathing was hard; every inhale pushed the tears a little bit closer to falling, and every exhale was shaky and unsettling.

“Hey stranger,” Randy greeted. I could hear the smile in his voice and his warmth was so needed it actually stopped me in my tracks; I had to brace myself against the wall as relief flooded through me.

“Hey,” I said softly, voice breaking at the end.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I promised quickly, moving to watch one of the monitors to gauge how much time I had. “I just – the match is next. I’m… I’m really nervous.”

“Take a deep breath for me,” he ordered gently; I obeyed without thinking. “There you go. Now let it out slow. Okay?”

“Okay,” I breathed, turning to lean against the wall as I exhaled.

“Good. Keep doing that while I talk. Now look, you’re not stupid. This match is gonna be one hell of a fight. Shield are tough, and they’ve got tag-team experience that you and Ryback don’t.”

A valid point I hadn’t even considered; my chest tightened a bit more, but Randy continued quickly,

“That doesn’t mean they’ve got an advantage though, Jay. That means that you three need to stay on the same page. Read each other. You all know each others’ styles, and you can play off that. Now you’re smaller than them, but that means you’re faster. Shield have never really had to fight anyone like you before, and you can use that against them.”

Wade and Kofi’s match had just ended – good on Kofi for retaining – and now CM Punk was rambling something off about not being affiliated with Shield. Load of crap. I took another slow, deep breath as Randy finished,

“Look. You’re gonna be nervous. You’re always gonna be nervous. But what matters is what you do with those nerves. Turn those assholes upside down and prove to them you’re a force to be reckoned with, like I know you can. God, I can’t wait to come back and get my hands on Punk.”

“Are you watching?” I asked in surprise; okay, I should’ve expected that.

“’Course. Can’t pass up on seeing my girl kick some ass, now can I?”

His girl. I let a small smile come across my face as I tipped my head back against the wall. Warmth spread through me, easing a bit of the panic and angst in my chest. When I opened my eyes, I caught sight of Bryan in gorilla position down the hall.

“I gotta go,” I said softly. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“Alright. You got this, Jay. I’m rooting for you.”

“And I’m rooting for you,” I teased, glancing down at my shirt.

“Oh really?” he mused, and I smiled a little wider.

“Yeah, you’ll see in a sec.”

“Okay. Bye, Jay. Deep breaths, okay?”

“Okay,” I murmured, letting out a shaky one as the call ended. When I reached Bryan, he gave me a curious stare, but didn’t press anything from earlier. I turned to one of the managers and handed them my phone.

“Can you give this to Nikki Bella?”

As he nodded and headed off to find her, Bryan gave me a bemused look.

“You know she’s gonna be snooping through that the whole match.”

For the first time in a couple of days, I actually laughed and shrugged.

“I changed the passcode –“ to Randy’s birthday, “so worst she’ll do is lock me out of my phone. Again.”

“You’re up,” the stage tech announced, looking back at me. As I took a step forward, Bryan reached out and tugged me back. He’d pulled me into a hug, and I hadn’t realized how much I needed one. My arms locked tight around his waist and for just a heartbeat I buried my face in his neck.

“No matter what happens out there, I’m proud of you, okay?” he said sternly, pulling back to hold me at arms length.

“Same to you,” I promised, and he smiled just a bit before he squeezed my shoulders and urged me forward. The moment my back was to him, the tightness inside of me rose up, and the deep breaths I’d been trying to maintain started to slip. But Randy’s talk had settled some of the angst, and now there was a new fire burning through me.

This time, I wasn’t nervous. I was anxious. Desperate. Pent up; I needed to hit and be hit. All the shame and confusion and guilt, all the pain I was holding back was burning through me, ready to be let go. I wouldn’t cry; I would wreak havoc. Kick some serious ass and take whatever hits I needed to in order to unleash everything I was keeping down.

My music hit and I shot out from the curtain, forcing a smile onto my face. It was easier to pretend in front of the crowd that things were okay; all they wanted was Jamie Lawless, and for one match I could give them that much.

“Introducing first, from Ouray, Colorado, weighing 117lbs… Jamie Lawless!”

It was such a surreal feeling, having thousands of people cheering for me. The fans at the barricade along the ramp leaned out, hands grasping for me; I danced back and forth, bumping fists with as many people as I could. By the time I got to the ring, the grin on my face felt a little more natural.

As I vaulted over the rope, I spun on my heel and faced the crowd, pointing animatedly to my shirt. The cheers surged even louder, and I actually laughed at their reaction. Immediately, my mind went to Randy, and I wished I could see his face right now.

“I think it’s safe to say that Jamie is showing support for her friend and mentor, Randy Orton. After him being jumped by the Shield just forty-eight hours ago, d’you think she’s out for revenge?”

“My answer is yes, Michael. Just look at the fury on her face! She’s seein’ red, and she won’t stop until she gets a little payback for Randy!”

JBL had a point. I caught sight of my expression on the titantron as I turned to face the ramp, and I looked deranged. Not from anger, though. The only thing on my mind was absolute dread, because I realized what would be coming up in just a few minutes. Now I was out in the ring, and there was no more running or hiding.

I had to face Dean.

In just a few minutes, I’d be locked up in submission holds and maneuvers with the man I’d been avoiding religiously. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t look him in the eyes; I couldn’t talk to him. And now I had to freakin’ wrestle him?!

God, why had I even come out here?

Bryan’s music hit, barely managing to pull me back to the here and now. As he galloped down the ramp and rolled into the ring, I tried to look a little less sick to my stomach. When he turned to me and slapped a high-five, he caught my expression and went the same route as the announcers.

“Don’t worry. We’re gonna show those assholes what it means to mess with Team No-Less.”

The smile I tried to give him came out as a grimace; luckily, Ryback’s entrance distracted him from questioning my reaction. When I caught sight of his new purple ring attire I actually laughed in spite of myself, looking down at my clothes. As the big guy joined us in the ring, I looked pointedly at my clothes, then at his.

“Twinsies!”

He cracked a grin and held out his fist, bumping enthusiastically as his music died down. The three of us shared a look, and we all began to pace the ring, on the lookout. None of us actually thought they’d use the stage like everyone else. Honestly, I’d half expected them to just materialize at the barrier, like they’d done in the past.

SIERRA. HOTEL. INDIA. ECHO. LIMA. DELTA. SHIELD.

The crowd surged again, and the spotlight snapped to the back of the crowd in front of us. My heart was in my throat, watching as Roman, Seth, and Dean made their way to the stairs. Their music – they had freakin’ music now – ran through me, actually shaking me to the core.

It was just too much.

Dean was coming to the ring.

Just watching him storm down through the crowd brought tears to my eyes; I blinked furiously, trying to keep them back. A WWE superstar didn’t get all sappy and emotional in the ring. Besides, I’d already been crying about Dean Ambrose and it hadn’t solved anything. So now, now I’d just beat the life out of everyone and everything until I got beaten down myself.

“I say we bring the fun to them,” I suggested, glancing left; Ryback stood beside me, with Bryan right next to him. Both gave me smirks in agreement; thank god my friends were as pumped up as I was. Ryback shook himself out as Bryan rolled his shoulders back, preparing.

“I’ve got Rollins. Jay, you take Ambrose, Ryback –“

“No. I want Roman,” I cut in quickly, despair churning through me. I couldn’t face Dean one-on-one right now. I couldn’t. Though Bryan looked ready to argue, we were out of time – Shield had just jumped the Barrier.

“Go for it,” Ryback urged, before following Bryan left to take out Dean and Seth. Roman had just stood and flipped his hair out of his face as I flew through the ropes. He let out a yelp of surprise as I collided hard with him, both of us slamming into the barrier. He looked more than a little stunned to see it was me on top of him.

“Make that three takedowns,” I growled; just as the bell rang, Roman fisted my shirt in his hands and actually lifted me up. He flung me back mercilessly and I stumbled back, trying to keep my footing as he surged after me. I barely danced around the steel steps as he leapt over them, colliding with me and taking us both into the apron.

Roman fisted a handful of my hair and went to slam my face into the steps; my hands wrapped around his wrist and I let my body drop, jerking him down. His face hit the apron and he let out another yelp, lurching away from me and clutching his nose.

Leveraging myself against the apron, I rolled back onto my shoulders and then kicked both feet hard into his stomach. He stumbled back into the barrier, and I was leaping onto him a moment later. My legs wrapped around his chest and I braced my knees on the barrier as I pummeled my forearms into his face.

“I don’t believe – I do not believe that Jamie Lawless is taking on the powerhouse of the Shield! And winning! ” Michael Cole laughed; I scowled to myself. Why was everyone so surprised –

Roman, getting his bearing back, gripped my hips roughly and tossed me back off of him. My spine hit the steel steps and I let out a squeak of pain, rolling off and hitting the ground as I clutched at my back.

As ‘the powerhouse’ stalked towards me, an idea sprung to mind. He couldn’t hurt me if he couldn’t catch me, right? Roman leaned to grab my hair again and I rolled to the right, kicking out at his wrist. He dove for me again, but now on my knees, I scrambled forward, out of reach; I flipped onto my back to keep an eye on him. He let out an actual growl of frustration and went for me one more time. I surged up and forward as he dove, crawling over his back and driving him into the ground in the process.

The crowd laughed as I rolled up onto my feet and spun to face him. Poor guy actually looked confused at what had just happened. So maybe using your opponent as a jungle gym was unconventional, but hey it worked! Roman might be stronger than me, and pretty much twice my size, but if I played my cards right, I could use it against him.

He was angry now, shoving to his feet, turning to glower at me menacingly as I gave a cheeky smile and beckoned him forward. He lunged, and I sidestepped easily, throwing a punch into his ribs. He whirled, and I ducked under his arm, kicking at the back of his knee as I spun to get behind him. He sagged, and I spun to level a kick to his back, sending him face-first into the announcers table.

“Can you believe what we’re seeing!? Jamie Lawless – smallest superstar on the roster – has kept the upper hand over Roman Reigns since the start of the match!”

“She’s small, but she sure knows how to capitalize on her disadvantages! She is literally using Roman Reigns against himself!”

The Powerhouse got to his feet again, and the cold fury in his eyes was almost unsettling. He let out a roar and I actually leapt back as he dove towards me; he was freakin’ crazy! Again he went to throw a hit to my stomach. I spun sharp on my heel and leaned back to deliver a mean buzzsaw kick.

Roman had recovered just in time to catch my foot midair.

Shit.

He ripped me forward and I fell into him, desperately trying to scramble back. He wasn’t having any of it anymore. He wrapped his large hand around my throat and lifted me up, throwing me hard against the pole of the ring. The breath left me in one heave and I slumped down onto my knees, doubling over instantly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him leaping into the ring. I shoved myself onto my side and rolled back to look around. Apparently, I’d missed a few things. Bryan was slumped on the far side of the ring, a little more out of it than I was, and now Ryback was left alone with the Shield.

Fanfreakintastic.

Bryan caught my eye as I got to my knees. He gave me a look of warning as I struggled onto my feet. It was stupid to jump into the ring with Ryback and Bryan out of the equation. Three on one when it came to the Shield was never what you wanted. But honestly, I didn’t care. If they were beating me up, at least Ryback would have a chance to recover.

“Jamie –“ Bryan warned as jumped onto the apron. Ryback was standing across from me, on the outside of the ropes, trying to catch his breath. Seth flew over the top at him, knocking them both to the ground. Roman and Dean began to stalk forward towards him, and I dove into the ring.

Both men looked surprise at my sudden appearance as I placed myself between them and Ryback. My gaze never left Roman; I couldn’t look at Dean, I wouldn’t. His eyes were burning into me but I stayed locked on Roman, tensing up, ready to attack.

From behind them, Bryan was up on his feet with a ladder, pushing it into the ring. What was he –

Seth flew past me, diving between Dean and Roman into a baseball slide. He kicked the ladder into Bryan’s face and my best friend let out a shout of pain, dropping hard. I surged forward without thinking, trying to get to Bryan.

Dean’s arms wrapped around me to hold me in place.

Immediately I jerked back; whatever reaction he’d been anticipating, it hadn’t been that. A look of hurt flickered across his face just as Roman snagged me and hauled me back.

With a shout of surprise I tried to break his hold, but his grip was stronger than Dean’s, and I was easily manhandled into the corner. The angry Samoan wasted no time in beating me down hard, getting me back for the hits I’d given him earlier.

Just as I slumped down, Roman grabbed me under the arms and hauled me up. There was only a moment to get my feet under me before I was spun around and shoved hard towards the opposite side of the ring.

Seth and Dean had grabbed the ladder and lifted it for a clothesline. As they rushed forward, I gripped the edge and used the momentum from Roman’s shove to vault over it. The landing was a little shaky, sending me into the ropes, but I’d avoided the hit. The boys barely skid to a stop to keep from taking out Roman; irritated, they turned back to face me.

Ryback was in the ring behind them; I caught his eye and he nodded towards Bryan, by the announcers table. I dropped instantly and rolled myself out of the ring. As Seth and Dean stalked after me, Roman glanced back. He shouted in surprise as Ryback charged him, and the other two turned to help.

For a moment, at least, Bryan and I had time to recover.

“Hey, you good?” I breathed, taking a knee at his side and flipping him onto his back. My arm slid around his shoulders and I helped him sit up as he nodded slowly.

“Yeah, just gotta get the room to hold still,” he grit out, shaking his head. The crash of a ladder caught my attention and on instinct I looked behind me, ready for an incoming assault. But Ryback had Seth and Dean on their backs as he smashed the ladder onto boy of them; he had it covered.

“Can you stand? You’re no good to me as a speed bump,” I teased; he looped his arm around my shoulders and I let him lean mostly on me as we stood. He gripped the edge of the announce table to keep us upright just as we heard the snap of metal on bare skin.

Both of us glanced up at the ring; Roman stood over Ryback, beating him mercilessly with a steel chair. Bryan didn’t even have time to secure his hold on me before I was sprinting around to the other side of the ring.

Roman jammed the chair down into Ryback’s stomach just as I slipped into the ring. He lifted it once more to bring it down onto my friend’s head; he let the chair hang back and I reached up, ripping it out of his hands.

He spun just as I tossed it aside; he was actually surprised to see me back in the ring. My forearm hit his jaw so hard he actually stumbled back in surprise. He tripped over Seth as he tried to regain his footing and slumped in the far corner, completely at my mercy.

The ring shifted behind me; I hazarded a quickly glance, relieved to see Bryan had gotten himself in with me. Ryback rolled out to recover as Bryan kicked the rest of the Shield under the ropes, getting them out of the way.

“Keep him busy!” I told Bryan as he came to my side; we switched off in our assault on Roman as I grabbed the ladder and propped it in the corner across from him; Bryan gave the last of a series of kicks to Roman’s ribs. He’d left the powerhouse of the Shield stunned and helpless.

Perfect.

He turned to look at me as I approached, and I pointed to the ladder; he grinned. Each of us grabbed one of Roman’s arms and ripped him from the turnbuckle, flinging him mercilessly face-first into the ladder. As Roman staggered forward, stunned, Bryan and I shared another nod.

He grabbed my wrist and spun around, building momentum to swing me back into the ropes. He let go and I bounced off them, flying forward and throwing myself at him, leaping up and hitting a hard thesz press.

Roman dropped onto his back as I landed, straddling his chest. He was actually groaning in pain as the ref dropped beside us. I twisted myself onto my stomach to lay across him as I scooped a leg for the pin.

Roman’s massive hands slipped up and slammed into my torso, launching me up so forcefully I actually left the mat. I landed hard on my ass and took a moment to catch my breath.

Bryan and I spotted Ryback at the same time; he was being pummeled into the barrier by Seth and Dean. Already on his feet, Bryan slid out of the ring to assist our friend as I turned back for Roman.

He was just struggling to his feet as I got to mine, eyes locked on him. A flash of black diving off the turnbuckle caught my attention just in time; I sidestepped and narrowly avoided the flying elbow from Seth.

As he caught himself and turned, I spun and kicked out hard, catching him in the chest and sending him flying back into the ropes. He slumped to his stomach, groaning just like Roman as I dropped to my knees next to him. I flipped him onto his back and went for the cover; he kicked out a lot less forcefully than Roman had.

Though Seth rolled out of the ring, Roman was on his feet again, and looked more pissed off than I’d ever seen him. He turned to me, and I acted without thinking. It would be dangerous, but what did it matter?

Bryan caught my eye just as I climbed onto the top rope. He sucked in a breath and rushed towards me; he knew exactly what I was about to do.

“Jamie, get down –“

Dean tackled him from behind and then his eyes snapped up to mine. My heart twisted painfully and I turned on the corner quickly, back to Roman, facing the crowd. This was it. I took one deep, slow breath, and then sank down just a bit. As I surged up into the moonsault, my foot slipped forward off the rope.

Though I threw myself back, I hadn’t gotten the leverage I’d needed. There was a split-second moment, suspended in the air, when I realized how badly I’d messed up.

Arms wrapped tight around my waist; for a heartbeat, I was hanging upside down, my head just inches from the mat. The grip on my middle shifted and I was flipped upright, face-to-face with Dean. He let me drop to my feet as he stared at me in absolute surprise.

“What’re you doin’?” he demanded, having the audacity to look upset at me. What did it matter to him if I hurt myself? Where did he get off, being concerned for me after what had happened?

All those feelings I’d been forcing down and fighting away from threatened to break free, staring up at him. I couldn’t be here with him; I couldn’t talk to him. I couldn’t do it. As I turned to make my escape, Dean’s hand caught my wrist.

“Hey, don’t just –“

That damn unnamed emotion burst forward, surging through me and breaking Dean’s hold. Without thinking my hands slammed into his shoulders and forced him away from me, doing whatever I could to get the distance I needed.

“Finch –“

“Don’t pretend to care,” I whispered, too low for the cameras to catch. Dean withdrew, again looking like I slapped him. The same face he’d made when –

Tears pricked my eyes and I turned sharp, dropping flat and rolling out of the ring immediately. Though I’d avoided Dean, I had another problem. Bryan intercepted me before I got two steps from the ring; his face was a mix between fury and sick relief.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” he cried, gripping my shoulders and forcing me to face him as I tried to get away. “You almost –“

“Yeah, well, I didn’t!” I spat back, those damn tears rising up again. I couldn’t cry over Dean again, especially not in the middle of a damn match. I pressed my lips firmly together and tried to blink them back desperately. Bryan’s face softened just a bit at my expression as I caught something over his shoulder.

Save Bryan, sacrifice myself, I thought immediately, breaking his grip on me and grabbing hold of his shoulders instead, shoving him to the side just as Roman speared me.

We slammed into the barricade in front of the time keeper so hard we nearly went through it. I slumped down, stunned and in pain, as Roman shoved off of me. Trying to move felt like running underwater. Everything was sluggish; I heard Bryan shouting for me, trying to reach me. Roman got between us, and I shut my eyes.

My head was spinning like crazy, and my whole body felt like rubber. I knew I had to get up to help Ryback; Seth and Dean had to be in the ring, tag-teaming him. He needed my help, I just couldn’t get up.

An alarming howl tore through the air and I snapped my eyes open to look around. Roman was standing with his back to me; Dean and Seth were positioning a weak, disoriented Ryback for a powerbomb.

No! I was scrambling to my feet now, the urgency and desperation taking over and helping me get upright. Though I still swayed a bit, I stayed vertical. As the other two went to lift Ryback, I surged forward and wrapped my arms around Roman’s waist, pulling him back with everything I had. Except, right now, that just wasn’t a lot.

He turned and stared down at me, like an exasperated brother having to deal with his little sister again. He reached back and ripped my arms off him; as I stumbled back, he slammed a hand into my chest and I flew back against the ring.
As I slumped down against the apron, Shield lifted Ryback and powerbombed him through the announce table.

And then they turned on me. I was sitting on the ground, huddled against the ring, staring up at the three men as they advanced. Though Roman and Seth eyed me dangerously, Dean nearly looked worried, seeing me as disheveled as I was. Immediately, I looked away.

Though I tried to stand, I was still a little shaken up and I just managed to scoot myself further away. All three men moved to reach for me, and Bryan came flying through the ropes at them. Where had he even come from?!

He was back on his feet faster than they were, and he kept himself between the Shield and I, beating down whichever man tried to get up. He was giving me time to recover. It didn’t take long for the boys to overpower him, though.

I just got to my feet as Roman and Seth wrapped Bryan up and began to beat him back against the steel steps. When I rushed to help him, a pair of arms encircled my waist and pulled me back. Mint and musk wreathed around me, and I spun in Dean’s arms to glare up at him.

At my expression alone he dropped his hold, staring down at me like he was trying to read my thoughts. He took one step at me and I took two back. Again his face fell and it twisted my stomach roughly; I had to turn away.

“Finch –“ he tried; his hand caught mine. Not my wrist, or my arm. His fingers laced with mine and he tugged me around to face him gently. This time tears actually freakin’ welled in my eyes and I ripped away from him before they could spill over.

Dean, apparently, couldn’t take a freakin’ hint. He grabbed me again, this time hauling me all the way back to the other set of steel steps. Before I could even struggle against him he spun me to face him and had the audacity to bend me over onto my back and pin me down against the top of the steps.

For a moment I was so stunned I didn’t even fight back. My entire body was thrown into overdrive at having Dean against me, overpowering me, those illegal arms straining against the sleeves of his shirt as he held my shoulders to the metal… but as I stared up at him, the memory of what had happened last time we were so close slammed into the front of my mind.

“Finch, c’mon, just let me –“

Again my hands slammed into his chest; though he let go of me, I didn’t have enough leverage to get him all the way off. He moved to push my shoulders down again, and I slapped him.

The crowd ooh’d as he took a stunned step back, same expression he’d been giving me the last few days. So that was the face he made when he got slapped. Good to know.

His hand came up to hold his cheek, but he didn’t have long to stare at me in absolute surprise. Bryan, Seth, and Roman bundled back into him, and the whole group slumped against the barrier. Fists were flying everywhere; I could barely see Bryan under the others. All we were missing was Ryback, but he was still out in the rubble of the table. All up to me, then.

Without hesitation I ran forward and launched myself onto Roman’s back. He let out a yelp of surprise and stumbled back with the unexpected weight. My arms wrapped around his neck and I locked my legs around his waist, cinching on as tight as I could.

The crowd was roaring with laughter as Roman desperately tried to untangle me from him. Every time he tugged at my arms or legs I tightened my grip. He slumped against the barrier, trying to shake me, but I clung on even more.

“Get off me!”

“Make me!”

He let out another snarl and spun around, still fighting with my iron grip. As we turned, I caught sight of Bryan now in the ring with the rest of the Shield. Dean was pacing around him slowly, kicking him back down every time he tried to get up. Seth, in the meantime, had just set up the table, laying across the top ropes in the corner of the ring. What the hell?

Bryan was in trouble.

Apparently, though, so was I. Roman capitalized on my distraction and slammed my back into the corner of the ring. As I let out a squeak of pain, my legs loosened and he bucked up. I flipped over Roman’s head and slammed down onto my back at his feet. He smirked down at me as he sidestepped and began to patrol the ring.

As I got to my knees, Seth and Dean had just sent Bryan into the edge of the table, clotheslining him hard. He slumped, and the boys grabbed him up. He needed help, and he needed it now. As I surged for the ring, Roman slipped in front of me and slammed his hands to my shoulder. I stumbled into the barrier and slumped onto my ass.

He smirked at the look of irritation I shot his way as he continued to act as the Shield’s bouncer. Again I jumped up and dove forward, going to scramble up the side he wasn’t guarding. Roman was on me in an instant, grabbing a handful of my pants and shirt and hauling me back to throw into the barrier. Again.

Roman reached back and grabbed one of the discarded chairs from the ring. He turned for me, lifting it up, ready to strike.

“Roman!”

The big man paused and glanced over his shoulder; Dean had caught his eye, and he gave a shake of his head. Roman’s eyes flicked to me, down at the chair, and then back to Dean. After another quick shake of his head, Roman huffed and threw the chair back onto the mat.

What the hell.

After all that bullshit from the promo they’d given just before the match, Dean was trying to protect me? What happened to ‘We respect you as a wrestler. We’re not holding back’?!

Anger burst through me, hot and heavy, and I surged forward into Roman to tackle him into the apron. He caught me around the middle and threw me back, and I was on him again. As he went to throw me off, we heard the crowd let out a roar of excitement, and we both looked back.

Holy shit.

Seth and Dean were standing on top of the table – still up on the top corner of the ring, with Bryan up and in position. Just when I realized what was going on, Dean and Seth flipped Bryan up and back into a vicious powerbomb.

The entire mat bounced from the impact; Bryan didn’t move. He was in perfect position for a pin, but Dean and Seth were shaken from the hit as well. Roman and I realized he was their only option at the same time. He grabbed my hips – again – and threw me back off him as he scrambled into the ring.

Like hell we were losing after all this.

“One… two… th –“

My hand caught Roman’s ankle just as the ref went for three, and I ripped him back; his boot caught me and kicked me off of him, but I’d broken the pin. I slumped against the ropes, relieved, just as Roman turned on his knees to face me.

He was really fed up with me today.

An idea struck me, and I scrambled to my feet as fast as I could. Roman’s eyes lit up with fight and he dove at me in a spear. My hand grabbed the top rope and I let myself fall back, pulling the rope down and sending the powerhouse flipping over the top, out of the ring.

I didn’t even get the chance to stand on my own. Dean was in front of me, pulling me up to my feet. Seriously. He was the last person I wanted to be around, and he just couldn’t take the damn hint! So, apparently, I couldn’t be subtle with him.

As he spun me around I stared up at him with cold fury, balling my fists. He hadn’t been expecting that, apparently. As he studied me, I raised my brows in challenge.

“You talked a whole lot about not holding back with me,” I began; he caught on immediately, his eyes flicking to the chair he’d made Roman discard. “Told me all this crap about how you respect me.”

“I do –“ he began, and I cut him off with a sharp laugh.

“You wouldn’t even let Roman use a chair on me. I’m too delicate, right? Not strong enough?”

His jaw tensed, and he stared down at me, the unreadable expression back. I swallowed hard and tried to force away the tightness welling in my chest as I spat,

“That’s what I thought. So you’re either being weak, or you’re a liar. You pick.”

It was almost frightening, watching the anger come over his expression. This was no longer the Dean I’d kissed. The Dean that had playfully wrestled with me the weeks before today. The Dean that had protected me from Big Show and teasingly pinned me in the corridor.

No. This was Mox. This was Dean in ‘Shield mode’. He stared at me with the same cold, calculated anger that he gave the other opponents he’d been facing. I’d finally snapped him into action.

Dean lunged for me just as I did for him. We locked up in the center of the ring, and the crowd went crazy. Apparently, they’d been waiting for our faceoff. Dean went to toss me aside but I held tight to his arms, bringing him with me; the two of us fell into the ropes, and I brought my knee up to catch him hard in the ribs. He let out a breath and his grip slackened just enough to let me back out.

Right into Seth.

He spun me with no warning and slammed his elbow into my jaw. As I stumbled, clutching my face, Dean caught my arms and pulled them rough behind my back, holding me in place.

As I struggled, Dean leaned back, arching me out towards Seth just as he kicked me hard in the stomach. I let out a squeak of pain and Dean’s hold dropped, letting me curl down as I wrapped my arms around myself defensively. While I fought to get my breath back, Dean grabbed the back of my neck.

He and Seth backed me up to the corner and then rushed forward, slinging me into the table like they had with Bryan. Just barely, I turned and let the edge catch me in the side of the neck instead of the throat. It hurt like a bitch, but at least I could still breathe.

The boys let me drop onto the mat as they steadied the table. Just as I tried to crawl towards the apron, Dean reached down and scooped me up under the arms. A heartbeat later he swept my legs up, lifting me easily to maneuver me up onto the table.

“This is absolutely appalling. This is just a massacre. And it’s all legal, Michael. These men are going to destroy Jamie, and no one can stop them.”

“Well, John, the Shield clearly came into this with a plan, and so far have worked it to perfection. They’ve eliminated Ryback and Daniel Bryan, and now it’s a numbers game against the smallest opponent–“

“Wait a minute, wait a minute. Don’t tell me they’re gonna do what they did to Daniel Bryan on little Jamie! They’ll break her!”

They were going to powerbomb me. I had to act now.

While the boys climbed up onto the ropes to get in position I shoved up onto my knees. As Seth stood up on the table and leaned to hook an arm around my neck, I grabbed a fistful of his vest to tug it aside and threw the hardest punch I could into his exposed side.

“Jamie’s just trying to fight for survival here, doing all she can to stay in the game.”

“But how long can she last, alone against two members of the Shield? After the beating they just gave her to get her up on that table, I’m surprised she’s got any fight left at all!”

He let out a yelp, but kept his grip tight on me. As Dean got a knee on the table he got a punch to the side of the head. He fell back, staring at me furiously while I continued to punch at Seth. I felt his grip slackening just a bit. If I could just get his hold a little looser...

Again, Dean tried to crawl onto the table and I redirected a punch to him instead. He slumped back, and his fall shifted the table. Seth stood up just a bit to keep his balance and I pulled back, shoving him aside with all I had. The crowd cheered as Seth flew off the table, landing hard on the ground below.

Just Dean and I now.

He had just staggered to his feet, and turned to face me. The idea hit suddenly, even catching me off guard. This was quite possibly the stupidest thing I’d ever done in the ring. Repeating mistakes wasn’t something that I should’ve been doing in a match like this. But if it worked…

In a heartbeat I was up on my feet, turning on the table. Dean let out a shout of alarm as I crouched and sprung backwards, flipping into another moonsault. This time, it worked. I arched back perfectly, keeping my eyes on Dean just as my legs caught his shoulder.

He slammed to the mat, and his impact shook me off the pin I was going for. He just barely managed to roll away from me as I shoved to my feet. Before I could pursue him, the mat shifted and I spun just in time to duck Roman’s punch.

Down low, I threw a few quick jabs to his sides – which were just a little less padded than the rest of him, and then slid around him as he grabbed at my shirt. Just like I’d done when the match started, I danced out of his reach. Ryback was still motionless over at the announcers section, and Bryan was outside the ring with Seth, both men trying to get back to their feet. I was on my own for now, so I had to make the upper hand last as long as I could.

The frustration took over a lot quicker this time, and he let out a snarl as he grabbed my shoulders. Using his own momentum from the lunge, I spun us around and threw an uppercut at his jaw, sending him careening towards the turnbuckle. He tripped over the discarded ladder and pile of chairs and slumped against the ropes.

To my surprise, Roman used them to lift himself up and slam his feet into my stomach. I hadn’t been close enough to take the full hit, though, so when he came flying at me I was ready.

It was his own fault for going to pick me up. He hauled me up, parallel to the mat for a backbreaker, and I swung myself around and down hard, hooking his neck to slam us into a tilt-a-whirl DDT.

The eruption from the crowd was nearly deafening; their screams of excitement got me up off my back to lay across Roman’s chest. The ref hit the mat with us.

“One… two… thr –“

Dean’s arms hooked around my waist only long enough to fling me back. I hit the ropes hard, and as I stumbled forward he threw his arm out and caught me in a hard clothesline. Dean busied himself opening up a chair while I struggled to my knees.

He turned and tugged me up with an arm around my neck, holding me at his waist as he fisted a handful of my pants. Just as my feet left the mat for his suplex, I pushed off his hips and broke the hold. My shoulders hit the ropes behind me and I used the momentum to shoot forward and throw myself into Dean, tackling him onto the chair.

Dean laid beneath me, stunned from what I imagined was a pretty painful impact. Again the ref dropped for a three count, but a hand reached over and grabbed the waist of my pants. Roman actually freakin’ lifted me up like that, tossing me aside like a sack of surprised potatoes to save the match.

I beat Roman to my feet by just a heartbeat, but that was all I needed. I’d be getting an earful about my reckless techniques after the match, but for now, I’d do what I had to.

The moment Roman was fully upright, I threw myself into him; he tried to steady himself, but his foot hooked over Dean’s leg. There was a brief moment of faltering steps, and then we both flipped over the top rope.

Okay, so maybe that had been a stupid idea.

To be fair, all my other split-second decisions had worked out pretty well. But this time, I hadn’t taken into consideration just how big Roman Reigns really was. Because, of course, I ended up being his landing pad.

We tumbled down onto the steel steps; his body crushed me down, slamming my left shoulder mercilessly into the metal. I let out a cry of pain as tears welled in my eyes, and tried to kick him off of me, but Roman either didn’t notice my desperation, or he didn’t care.

Purposefully pushing off of me, he got to his feet and then stooped to grab me and manhandle me back into the ring. My shoulder was screaming in protest and now I was just fighting to keep him from hurting it more.

A blur of black and red flashed over me as Bryan actually tackled the big man off of me. Relief flooded my body; I wasn’t alone anymore! Pulling out the bit of energy I’d started to get back, I rolled onto my knees, favoring my aching shoulder, and shoved up to stand.

Just in time to watch Roman spear Bryan through the barricade. My heart actually dropped, making me slump over as a noise of alarm left me. My best friend wasn’t moving. Even as Roman stood up and Seth tugged him back, he didn’t move.

Out of desperation I scrambled forward, not even able to get to my feet as I slipped between Roman and Seth to get to Bryan’s side. His eyes were shut, and there was a smear of blood over his temple and ear, but he was conscious at least. Kinda.

“Hey,” I breathed urgently, cupping his face and patting his cheek. “You good?”

“Jay –“ he managed, just as two sets of hands grabbed my shirt and hauled me back. Roman and Seth flung me behind them, out of their way as they went for Bryan again. Just as I got my footing back, ready to surge forward and protect him, Dean wrapped me up.

He flung me into the ring and he was on me a moment later. Adrenaline kicked in again and the near-unbearable pain in my shoulder dulled to a sore ache, and I was able to put myself into the here-and-now.

Dean was straddling me; though there was just a hint of longing at having him so close, the look in his eyes and the stinging memory from Friday night kept me focused on the fight.

That, and Bryan lying motionless, gave me the push I needed to kick Dean up off of me. He was on his hands and knees beside me, catching his breath, when I threw myself onto his back. His body collapsed under mine. One of my arms wrapped around his neck and the other pulled his arm back into a half nelson.

Driving my knee into Dean’s back and leveraging up with my other foot planted – effectively kneeling on him – I got him into what I knew was a painful submission lock. I hadn’t done it since NXT, but from the crowds uproarious reaction, it was clear they approved.

“And look! Look! Jamie Lawless has Dean Ambrose at her mercy in her submission move, the Hemlock!”

“That’s the last thing I was expecting to see! I wasn’t ready for that turn of the tide! And it looks like Ambrose wasn’t either!”

Oh my god, Dean was struggling. He was actually beginning to wither under my submission hold! Submissions weren’t my thing; ever since getting my arm broken by Summer, I’d shied away from them. But now, with the WWE universe cheering me on, and Dean Ambrose on the verge of tapping out, I could easily see picking it up again.

Of course, leave it to the Shield to break up a victorious moment. Just as Dean’s hand lifted to tap out, Seth was on me, bowling me over onto my back and nearly getting me in a pin of his own. Though I kicked out before the ref even got to us, the Shield boys weren’t through with me yet.

As Seth struggled to his feet, Roman ripped me up and actually had the nerve to attempt a spur-of-the-moment suplex. Man, I must’ve really pissed him off tonight. No surprise there, really.

But as he lifted me I jumped with him, flipping over his shoulder and landing on my feet behind them. As he spun to see what had happened and why I wasn’t writhing in pain yet, I dropped down and caught myself on my hands, swinging my body around and sweeping his legs out from under him. Roman landed hard and smacked his head into the mat.

He groaned in pain and rolled away from me as I grinned in victory. Only to have that brief moment ripped from me as both Seth and Dean swarmed on me. Both men began to pummel me as hard as they could; something hard and cold caught my exposed, injured shoulder and I yelped.

Seth had a broken leg of the chair in his hand that he was using to beat me with, and that almost hurt more than anything else tonight. He hit hard, and the metal wasn’t as forgiving as Dean’s fists. Somehow, of course, he kept catching the one part of me that was already injured; my shoulder couldn’t take much more of that. I let out squeaks of pain as I writhed, trying to get away. Almost subconsciously I skittered into Dean, using him to block the blows from Seth. For a heartbeat, it felt like Dean was tucking me closer; I pushed the thought away before it could even form.

Thankfully, Seth got tired of the chair leg and tossed it aside, going back to just beating me with his fists. What a shame. But even without the added weapon, they still had the upper hand. My shoulder, back, and arms were sore and tender from the chair leg, and they used that to their advantage.

I knew something was wrong the moment Seth peeled away. Dean tugged me to my feet and I staggered back, looking around desperately for Seth. He was just behind us, propping open another chair. Dean surged on my distraction, shoving me back towards Seth as he kneed me in the stomach. As I doubled, eyes watering as I fought for breath, I realized a moment too late that I’d just been put in position.

Seth charged at me, leaping up at the last second and hitting me with a vicious curb stomp. My face slammed into the chair so hard I actually saw stars as I slumped onto my side. Blood pooled from my busted nose and split lip. The pain radiating from my head was strong enough to hold me in place. As I tried to unscramble my thoughts, the only thing that surfaced was holy shit that really fucking hurts.

Immobile and in an alarming amount of pain, I felt someone lying across my chest. Dean. He pressed my shoulders to the mat, and I didn’t have enough fight in me to push my shoulder up. So when the weight was suddenly lifted off, I rolled my head to look for Dean’s now-missing body.

Ryback!

He was back in it! He’d ripped Dean out of the ring by an ankle and threw him aside. A moment later the big guy had wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me to the apron and out of harms way.

“I got you, pipsqueak,” he promised, squeezing my shoulder briefly before he dove into the ring to intercept Roman and Seth as they got to their feet. With as powered up as he was, it was no surprise he easily dominated the two worn-down guys he was facing.

Roman made the mistake of diving at him; the Shield’s powerhouse was no match for our powerhouse right now. Ryback easily kicked him in the chest and sent him sprawling to the far corner. I was so caught up in trying to stop the bleeding and watching Ryback that Dean’s hands gripping my shirt actually made me yelp in surprise.

Just as Dean tugged me towards him, Ryback tossed something over the top rope to take him out. Oh my god, he’d thrown Seth! The smaller man collided hard with Dean and they both dropped like bricks against the barricade. I let out a laugh as I weakly pulled myself to the corner, watching as he went to town on a now-helpless Roman.

Dean recovered faster than I could, and he jumped into the ring to help his teammate. He beat Ryback off Roman, and the poor, stunned Samoan dropped to the mat as Ryback curled in to protect himself. But instead of continuing his onslaught on Ryback, Dean’s attention shifted to me.

Still somewhat helpless in the corner, he eyed me as he threw himself back against the ropes to launch himself at me. Ryback slipped between us and literally tackled Dean off his feet. The crowd ooh’d and I actually winced as Dean was driven mercilessly into the mat.

Ryback was up on his feet in an instant, doubling back to kneel at my side. He rested a hand on my shoulder, urging me to stay down. My hand came up to his and I gave a quick squeeze.

“Thanks, big guy,” I chuckled; he grinned and held out his fist, which I bumped as enthusiastically as I could. He stood then, as Dean got to his feet as well; he turned and braced himself in the corner, staying between Dean and I. The angry Shield member flicked his eyes to Ryback, and then to me. The big guy shifted to block me from his view.

“You want her, you go through me!” he threatened; something that was nearly bordering possessiveness lit up Dean’s eyes, and he surged. Ryback wasted no time, diving forward and taking Dean down with a vicious clothesline.

With Ryback in control, I took the time he’d given me to flip onto my stomach and do my best to get the world to stop spinning. Between the killer headache, the blood loss, and the exhaustion setting in, I was nearly out of the fight myself.

But I wouldn’t leave Ryback to fight the Shield alone. Not with Bryan out of the match, for all intents and purposes. Not with how far all of us had come, what we’d come back from, what we’d sacrificed –

A loud crash caught my attention, and my head snapped up; once my vision stopped swimming, I made out Ryback throwing Roman out of the ring – where Seth was already lying, discarded. The big guy climbed out after them and immediately they began fighting up the ramp.

He wouldn’t be alone, not if I could help it.

Dean was writhing in pain in the corner of the ring, so I had some time. I rolled off the apron and nearly collapsed the second my feet hit the ground. Just barely, I kept myself upright enough to stagger over to Bryan.

He was awake, but barely with me. His eyes fluttered as he stared up at me, and he frowned just a bit.

“Jay?... Yer bleedin’,” he mumbled, reaching up to brush his fingers over my chin. I patted his face gently.

“Yeah, a little. Hey, you stay here, okay?” I urged, not like I really expected him to jump up and rush off anytime soon. Bryan mumbled something else indecipherable as his eyes fluttered shut again. The sooner we ended this damn match, the better.

Using all the strength I didn’t even know I’d held onto, I forced myself up the ramp after the others. Ryback had Seth primed for a suplex. It would be one hell of a hit out here on the bare metal. Before I could make it to Ryback, or before he could even execute his move, Dean came sprinting past me, shoving me to my knees as he literally threw a chair at Ryback.

My teammate dropped hard, dazed; desperately, I forced myself to crawl forward as Roman and Dean grabbed some of the chairs that had been set out. The two of them began a barrage of hits against the defenseless man at their feet. Exhausted, in pain, and getting dizzy again, I did the only thing I could think of.

Between the hits with the chair I surged forward and covered Ryback’s body with my own. Roman hit me once, and then he dropped to the ground himself, breathing hard. We were all freakin’ exhausted. Even the chair shot from Dean was lackluster, and he stumbled back, almost falling over us too.

With no warning, Ryback reached up and held onto my waist to flip us both onto our sides. He braced his arm across me as a toppled ladder – courtesy of Seth – slammed into him. He’d used what had to be the last of his strength to keep me from taking the hit.

Having apparently gotten a second wind, Roman grabbed my arm and dragged both me and the ladder away from Ryback as the other two hoisted him up onto a table they’d pulled over. Roman gave me a parting boot to the injured shoulder – asshole – as he stalked over to join his teammates.

Whatever Shield had up their sleeve, it wasn’t gonna end well for my friend on the table. Especially not now that Seth was starting to climb the tallest damn ladder I’d ever seen.
Where I got the strength to get to my knees, I’d never know. But somehow, against everything in my body screaming at me to just stay down, I slowly pulled myself up on the barricade. God, everything hurt. My shoulder was screaming with every move. My legs were nearly numb, head spinning, back and arms aching… This match was gonna be the death of all of us.

As I staggered forward, I caught movement in the ring. Bryan was actually up, trying to crawl across the mat to get to the ramp. The problem was that Seth – at the top of the damn ladder – had seen it as well.

“Hey! Goat-Face is up! Keep him down!” he ordered, pointing quickly to the ring; Roman and Dean shared a nod and took off down the ramp.

Just me, Ryback, and Seth left back here to cause nothing but carnage. I could handle that. Just as Seth turned, ready to dive onto Ryback, I grabbed his arm and dragged him off the table.
We both staggered back a bit, and I let him drop heavily onto the stage, motionless, far away from any crazy high-flyer. And it struck me, right then and there, that I could have stayed back. I could’ve even run to the ring, to help Bryan.

But the thought of having Seth Rollins alone, realizing this was my chance to kick his ass, well. I couldn’t pass up on that, could I?

Seth wasn’t the only one surprised when I started to climb up the ladder next to his. Not as tall, but now that I positioned myself to stand on the very top I was nearly eye level with him.

“The hell do you think you’re doing!?” he barked, and then let out a yelp of surprise as I threw a hard forearm at him. We both swayed ominously but we clung to one another until the ladders stopped moving.

The moment they did, we were back at it. Trading vicious blows that send both of us teetering back and forth. The crowd was buzzing with nervous energy just as I saw an idea pop into his head. He fisted my shirt in his hands and freakin’ smirked.

He was gonna throw me off the ladder. Of course he would. I mean, from this height, a fall was disastrous –

That was it.

A fall from this height was disastrous.

And that was exactly what I needed right now to one-up his move.

I didn’t give him time to attack. My hands locked onto his arms, and I pitched us off the ladders. The crowd screamed; Seth let out a shout of alarm and I gasped just as the two of us went crashing through the stacked tables below.

The moment my head hit the wood, I was out.

--

Dean

Goat-Face slammed through the table; Dean couldn’t help the satisfied grin that flashed across his face at that. Roman dove forward and went for the pin as he glanced up the ramp.

Wait. Where the hell was Seth? And why was that meathead Ryback the only one coming down to the ring? Where the hell was Finch? All match, she’d been up in everyone’s business. Except his. She’d stayed on them doggedly, hadn’t even let up when it was 3-on-1. So what gives?

“One… two… three!”

Dean’s heart leapt into his throat; and he laughed in victory, pumping the air as he skittered around the broken edges of the table. He snagged Roman’s vest on the way and tugged his brother out to the apron the second the Meathead rolled in after them.

He and Roman laughed and held onto each other for support as they trudged up the ramp. Meathead hung off the ropes, doing the same thing Dean had been doing a second ago. He was looking for Finch.

“Pipsqueak?” he shouted, sweeping around the ring. Dean actively fought to keep the scowl off his face as something dangerously close to possessiveness rose up in him; he didn’t like anyone else having their own nickname for his Finch. Instead, he focused on the bigger problem: if the Meathead didn’t know where she was, what the hell had happened?!

“Where’s Seth?” Roman panted, bringing up the other problem. “Thought he had that freak under control –“

Dean glanced over as they reached the top of the ramp, and his heart actually fuckin’ stopped. Finch and Seth were lying motionless in a pile of broken tables. Two of the three people he actually gave a damn about on this roster.

His knees went weak and as he stumbled forward he almost fuckin’ fell just rushing to survey the damage. Dean dropped to his knees next to Finch as Roman went to Seth’s side. His brother reached down and shook Seth’s shoulder gently as Dean reached out cupped Finch’s face with a shaking hand.

“Roman?” Seth mumbled, blinking wearily; he was awake, and seemingly okay. Finch hadn’t moved. He leaned in a little closer and cupped her face, patting her cheek softly to try and bring her to. Another reason he was so fuckin’ glad Roman was big enough to hide them from most the crowd.

“Finch, hey, you with me?” he tried quickly, voice tight with nerves. Nothin’. She wasn’t waking up. Dean’s hand slipped to press two fingers to her neck. Thank fuckin’ god; she had a pulse.

“Man, we gotta go,” Roman pointed out, already trying to wrestle Seth to his feet. “We can’t be here babyin’ our opponent, y’know?”

“Just gimmie a sec,” he growled, turning desperately; the fuck had the refs gone!? He caught the eye of one, actually thinking about heading backstage. The look on Dean’s face stopped him cold, and when Dean jerked his head towards Finch, he came running.

“Get her to a fuckin’ medic!” he snapped; the ref nodded quickly and turned, jogging back to the ramp to signal for assistance. As Roman made a show of pulling Seth up, Dean leaned forward swiftly on an impulse and brushed his lips over Finch’s forehead.

As he and Roman hauled Seth back and off the tables, he saw two other refs and the Meathead rushing up the ramp to help her. As much as he hated that muscled ego with legs, he knew he’d take care of her.

Again, that borderline-possessiveness clawed at his already-tight chest, watching him kneel at her side just like he’d been. Except that fucker was allowed to cup her face and actually fuckin’ hold her hand as he worried over her.

With a final dissatisfied growl, he looped Seth’s arm a little tighter over his shoulder and stumbled backstage with his boys. No surprise when Seth refused the medic. Just as stubborn as he and Roman were.

“’M fine,” he urged as Roman and Dean dumped him onto the bench in the back locker room. Pretty much their locker room. No one ever came this far backstage. “Jus’ let me lay down. Fuck, Roman, quit it –“

Roman swatted Seth’s hand away as he tried, again, to examine the sizeable gash on the back of Seth’s shoulder. As the two of them continued to bicker, Dean backed slowly towards the door.

“I’ll be back,” he said, for apparently no reason. Neither looked up as he turned and practically sprinted down the hall. Finch was the only thing on his mind. He wove through backstage, ignoring all the surfacing aches all over his body. He had to find her. Had to make sure –

Don’t pretend to care.

The memory of what she’d said to him stopped him dead in his tracks. He actually stumbled and had to brace a hand on the wall next to him to get himself steady. The look of hurt and distress on her face when he’d pinned her on the steps… the fear in her eyes when he’d turned on her in the ring. Made him fuckin’ sick.

He’d been so fuckin’ stupid… and now he knew for sure he’d ruined it all with her for good. He’d been expectin’ the match between them to be heated and playful and as fuckin’ perfect as the last few weeks in the ring with her had been. Leave it to Dean to fuck it all up.

Why was he even going to see her? There was no fuckin’ way she’d want anything to do with him. He should just go back, let her be, but he just couldn’t. So what was he gonna do? He couldn’t just –

“I don’t even think she was conscious,” a voice he vaguely recognized fretted.

“Ryback said she was starting to come to as they brought her back,” Cena replied; Finch’s friends had beat him to her. No way he could go in now.

“Where’s Nicole?” what Dean assumed was the other twin asked.

“Right behind us. She wanted to get a change of clothes for Jay.”

He heard the door open and shut, and the hall went quiet for a moment. Dean stayed pressed to the wall, mind running a hundred miles an hour. The fuck did he do now? Did he just fuckin’ wait till they left with her? Did he just stop worrying about her and go back? Yeah right.

Maybe he could just walk by and listen in –

As he leaned around the corner, he froze. The other twin was rushing down the hall towards the medics room. He acted without thinking, stepping out into sight and saying quickly,

“Hold up.”

For someone he’d never even seen in person until this very moment, a surprising amount of emotions ran across her face as her head snapped around to look at him. The only one missing was fear; she hardened her stare as Dean took a step forward.

“What are you doing here?”

Dean swallowed; what was he doing? Might as well be honest with her. Like lyin’ would really get him anywhere.

“Came to check on her.”

The wonder twin – shit, what was her name? – actually crossed her arms and lifted one brow slowly, pursing her lips as she studied him. Dean just stood in the middle of the hall, one hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”

Dean’s eyes flicked to the ground for a moment, composing himself, before looking back up.

“Yeah. I uh, I figured. I just –“

“What happened?”

“What?” he asked, genuinely surprised. Hell, he’d been banking on the wonder twin to rip him apart any minute; didn’t she know already? Wasn’t that why this was a fuckin’ standoff?

“Jamie. She’s been off all weekend. And judging by that guilty look on your face, you know why. So what happened?”

Finch hadn’t told her? Part of him wanted to just throw it out there for the hell of it, but the other part – the part that was beating him up every second of the day for hurting Finch – told him to keep it to himself. Keep loyal to her, even if it was just keeping quiet.

“Think it’s up to her to tell you,” he hinted; the wonder twin’s expression darkened just a bit. “Not really my place to say.”

“You’re covering for her?”

Dean pointedly didn’t say a damn thing; she actually quirked a brief smile.

“Well either you’ve got a soft spot for her, or you’re afraid of me.”

This time it was Dean that let his lips flick into the hint of a smile.

“Nah. S’all Finch.”

The moment wonder twin’s brows flew up, he realized how that’d come out. He actually felt his fuckin’ face heat up, and his hand dropped from his neck to rub nervously at his shoulder.

“I didn’t mean –“ he let out a huff as a full-fledged smile took over her face. “Look. Just, uh, make sure she’s okay for me, alright?”

Slowly, the smile faded from wonder twin’s face. The two of them stood staring at one another for another heartbeat. Dean took the initiative and took a few steps back down the hall, letting his hand drop down at he turned.

“She’s hurting just as much as you are, you know.”

Dean paused mid-turn and looked over his shoulder, ready to throw back a quick answer, but the wonder twin was already gone. His heart sunk, just a bit, watching the door to the medic’s room swing shut.

Believe him, he knew.

--

The pain of the concussion and a deeply bruised scapula bone was almost preferred to the feeling of guilt that had risen up as Brie and John switched off their chastising.

My head hung down against my chest and I played with the bandage that ran from my elbow to my wrist. The metal supports on the table had done a number on me in a few places.

“So when Bryan specifically tells you not to do a move, exactly how does that translate into ‘do it twice’?!” Brie shot back; again, I just shrugged my shoulders, and then grimaced immediately as pain shot through me. I could practically feel the irritation surge through Brie. “Jamie! Seriously, do you have any idea how reckless that was!?”

“I know,” I mumbled; luckily, I was being quiet enough that neither of them caught the break in my voice.

“I don’t think you do,” John argued. “If pitched yourself off that ladder was any indication, it’s clear you were just asking for an injury! Is this what you wanted?”

“No, I didn’t –“

“You know how close you came to snapping your neck? How many times you came close?! You really want your career to end like that?”

Tears welled in my eyes; god, I just wanted this day to end. I’d been so stupid, and I knew it, okay?! So clearly throwing myself into the match like that hadn’t been the answer. But how did I even begin to explain to them what had happened? What I’d been doing?

The door opened again; Brie and John glanced back, and I held my position. I already knew who it was, and I wasn’t ready to have her break me apart too. A pile of clothes got sat next to me, and then gentle hands cupped my face.

Nikki’s soft, honey-brown eyes met mine; there was no anger, or irritation. There was love and worry and understanding. The softness in her expression cut through me and a tear rolled down my cheek as my lower lip trembled. Her thumb swept up to wipe it away as she turned to the other two.

“You’ve got a match to win,” she said gently to John; to Brie she added, “and I think Bryan’s in the next room over.”

“Nicole, we can’t just let this –“ her sister started, and something on her face must’ve shut down any argument either of them were about to come up with.

“I’ve got it from here,” she promised; though both hesitated, Nikki didn’t waiver. Only once the door shut did she turn back to me. Instantly, my head dropped again, but she caught my chin immediately. I just couldn’t meet her eyes; my own locked onto her shoulder, and I fought to keep the rest of the tears back as I whispered,

“Nikki –“

“Look. We can yell at you all day. But we all know that’s not what you’re like in the ring. And I know this isn’t gonna happen again. So there’s no point in tearing you a new one.”

When I didn’t respond, she let her hold on my face drop, coming to sit on the exam table next to me. Her hand rested over my own, squeezing gently. Oh god. The dam holding back my emotions cracked; a flood of all the events of the past two days was pounding on the fractured walls, trying to break free.

“But I need you to know what watching that match was like.” Her voice broke, and my head snapped up. There were tears in her eyes. “It wasn’t even the stupid moves you did. It was the look on your face. You just… you didn’t even care. When Dean caught you, you just looked mad. Like you’d wanted to botch that landing. And when you just jumped off that damn ladder –“

She rolled her eyes up, taking a deep breath as she blinked furiously, trying to keep herself together. The surge of my secrets pushed even harder to come out; my lip trembled again. At this rate I wouldn’t be able to hold back.

“Nikki,” I tried again, a little louder, more concerned this time.

“I know you’re hurting. I know that whatever happened Friday night really shook you up and I know you’re just bottling everything up. You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want. Like, I don’t know why you wouldn’t, because you always talk to me, and honestly I’m scaring the shit outta myself thinking of what would be so bad you can’t tell me –“

She couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. Her eyes dropped and she locked her gaze with me. Seeing my best friend so shaken up cut right through all my defenses; the bricks of the damn I’d built up began to crumble.

“I just – letting yourself get hurt like that isn’t gonna solve anything, Jamie. It just breaks my heart, nearly gets you killed… I just don’t understand –“

“If I get hurt in the ring, then it’s okay to cry.”

The words I’d let slip surprised both of us. The first leak of the fractured dam, and now it wasn’t gonna stop. My best friend stared down at me as she said softly,

“What do you mean it’s okay then? Jellybean, it’s always okay to cry –“

“No it’s not,” I argued, voice breaking as my lip trembled again. “It makes no fucking sense to cry! It’s so stupid and weak and pointless, but if I’m hurt then I’ve got a reason to cry.”

“You wanted to get hurt during the fight so you could let yourself cry?”

“It sounds pathetic when you put it like that –“ I began, and Nikki was quick to backtrack that one.

“No, no, it’s not. I just – Jay, it shouldn’t be coming to this! If something’s wrong, you know you –“

All of the emotions slammed into me at once and the last of my reserves, the last of the fractured dam in my mind shattered, and I let out an uncontrolled sob, acting on pure need when I threw my arms around Nikki’s waste. I buried my face in her shoulder and just cried.

For my shoulder, for our loss. For Dean shattering feelings I didn’t even understand, for Randy being caught in the middle of it all. For lying to Nikki and scaring my friends. For going against my own virtues of being in the ring and nearly hurting myself all because I was being absolutely ridiculous.

Nikki’s arms stayed tight around me, one rubbing soothingly up and down my arm, the other threading through my hair gently as her lips pressed to my forehead. How long we sat like that, I didn’t know. She never pushed me for more, never cut me off or told me to pull myself together.

Only once I sat up did she finally move, shifting to face me better. Her eyes searched mine curiously, still worried, as I took a deep, shaking breath. The words I’d been trying to keep back finally broke free.

“I kissed Dean.”