Canary and the Coal Mine

Arms slowly snaked over my waist, and I smiled against the pillow, letting myself be pulled back against Randy’s chest. Lips brushed my shoulder blade; I could feel him smiling too.

“Merry Christmas,” he murmured, before moving a little higher and kissing along my neck. The light stubble of his growing beard caught me off guard and I giggled, shrinking away from the touch.

“You’re in a good mood,” I teased, shifting to look over my shoulder at him. Immediately, Randy caught my lips with his, so forceful it took my breath away. One arm around my waist pulled me closer as the other hand began to skim up my stomach.

I felt his hardness press against my back; as subtly as I could, I shifted away just a bit and turned in his arms to face him. Instead now, he rolled over and pressed me to my back, pinning me between the mattress and his roaming hands.

“‘Course I am,” he breathed, nipping at my lips as his hands cupped my breasts. I sucked in a gasp and began to knock his arms away. He swatted my hands off him and went back to groping me. “Waking up next to my beautiful girlfriend does things to me. Better than any Christmas present.”

“Randy,” I said softly, catching his wrists forcefully and ducking from a kiss. His eyes flickered between mine, and I saw the same hint of irritation cross his face he’d been trying to hide all week. He sighed and lifted himself back off me, rolling over and standing up as I gave him an apologetic smile.

After the trouble I’d gotten into Monday night, I’d all but been forced to take a ‘leave of absence’. To put it simply, Bryan gave me a plane ticket back to San Diego and the option to go on my own or be carried onto the plane. With Nikki staying on the road with John, and Brie with Bryan, I’d had the whole house to myself.

Which meant, of course, time with my secret boyfriend. Being injured at the same time had its perks. It’d been amazing because for reasons not understood, Randy thought I was pretty great. He actually laughed at my jokes, didn’t argue at the shows I picked on Netflix, and had even cooked us dinner all four nights.

Tonight I was flying into Scottsdale to meet the twins at home for Christmas dinner, and Randy’d be heading back home, so I knew his patience with my prude behavior was reaching its end. He watched me as I stood and stretched; when I went to skirt past him into the hall, his hands slid around my middle and tucked me to his chest.

“It’s been months, Jay,” he sighed, trailing a finger longingly down my hip. I turned in his arms and stared up at him with a frown.

“Randy, we’ve been dating like ten days -”

“I’ve been stuck watching your perfect ass work out in leggings with me since August,” he pointed out; guilt pooled in my chest when I remembered his words after the first time he’d kissed me. We’ve been flirting for months now anyways. He’d been flirting with me the whole time he’d been training me. “I get wanting to take it slow and all, but you’re killin’ me here.”

He ducked to press a kiss to my cleavage and I rested my hands on his chest to hold him back. Instead, his hands slid across my waist and roamed down over my ass. As he gave a squeeze, I sighed and pressed my lips together. He rolled his eyes but retracted his hands back to my hips.

The playful touching and kissing had been fun. We’d both enjoyed fooling around, until it hit me that Randy wasn’t like my other ‘boyfriends’, if they could even be called that. We weren’t just getting to second base and calling it a day. The teasing was Randy’s foreplay, and every time I let him start building up, his disappointment at my rejection was even harder to bear. I’d learned pretty quick it was easier to keep him at bay than to get him to stop.

“I know,” I said quietly, more guilt welling in my chest as I stepped back out of his hold. I watched the frustration he tried to push aside flicker again as he studied me. “I just - I’ve never done things like that before, and I just, I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“We’re flying to opposite ends of the country in four hours,” he murmured, trying to pull me to him again. “I don’t know how long they’re keeping me on medical, and I can’t go much longer without a release, Jay.”

I didn’t have the heart to push him away again as his hands slid under my shirt. When he realized I wasn’t resisting, he pulled me to him and immediately pressed his lips to mine. His hands up my sides, one going to my breast and the other gripping my back tight to keep me in place. His lips moved down to travel over my jaw, pausing at my ear as he murmured,

“I’ll be gentle with you.”

...

“I’ll be gentle with you,” Drake slurred, grip tight on my hips as he pressed my back against the wall of the utility closet. Panic burned through me; my shaking hands fumbled against his as I tried to break away.

“Stop it, Drake,” I whimpered, wincing as his head knocked against mine. His lips left a wet trail from my collar bone to the top of my ring attire. He slid his tongue eagerly under the fabric, across the tops of my breasts, and I squeaked in alarm. “Stop!”

“What, you too good t’ get fucked in a closet?” he sneered, unfocused eyes flicking to meet mine; my lip trembled, and he laughed. “Shouldn’t lead a guy on like that, Westy. It ain’t fair. You dress like a slut, you get treated like one. C’mere -”

He slid my shorts down half an inch as the door was flung open. A drunk and giggling Trina fell in, bumping into Drake and knocking him back from me. She turned, surprised, and let out another round of giggles.

“Oops,” she said to the person behind her as he stepped into view. “Think this one is taken.”

Mox’s baby blue eyes met mine as I ducked away from Drake. He stepped to the side as I stumbled past him, one hand fixing my top as the other desperately pulled my shorts back up.

“It ain’t,” Drake growled; I could feel Mox’s eyes on me as I all but ran down the hall. “You two got room for one more?”

...

At Randy’s reassurance, the panic of being trapped in the closet with Drake surfaced, and I immediately pulled back, ducking out of his grip and pressing myself back against my dresser. My boyfriend stared at me in confusion and irritation as I quickly rearranged my top.

“I-I’m sorry. I just can’t. Not yet.”

He studied me for a few moments as he ran a hand over his head, letting it fall back to his side. He let out a breath, and as I opened my mouth to keep going, he held up a hand.

“I get it. It’s no big deal,” he told me, sounding less than convincing as he adjusted himself in his sleep pants. “I’m sorry. Just forget about it, okay?”

Another round of guilt surged through me, and I moved towards him.

“Randy -”

“Really, Jay,” he assured, leaning forward and brushing a chaste kiss over my lips before stepping around me to head downstairs. “You want bacon or sausage?”

He was down the stairs before I replied. Tears stung my eyes; I let out another huff of frustration at myself as I moved back and dropped onto my bed. Why was this so complicated? It was Randy. He was my best friend. Just because Drake had hurt me didn’t mean Randy would.

But it was more than just friendship. It was everything I’d been afraid of growing up. Sex was more than just one night of fun to me. My parents had a one night stand, and look how that turned out. The countless crushes that had just wanted to get in my pants. How easily Drake had thrown me aside when I’d told him no. I didn’t want my relationship to be just about the intimacy. I wanted to build up something with Randy before we got that far.

This was another one of those things I wanted to talk to Nikki about. She knew about the tough situations, knew how to handle relationships and pressure and all the things I was overthinking. She’d know why I still felt so hesitant with Randy and why every now and then I’d still literally ache with the realization I could never have this with Dean. With an exasperated huff I fell back on the bed and covered my face with my hands. As great as it was dating Randy, I couldn’t wait until we could go public with this. I needed help, and I needed it yesterday.

Pushing my turmoil of thoughts aside, I sat up and trudged down the steps, ready to apologize again to Randy. He was just putting the sausage on for us when I came around the corner. He caught my eye and gave me a warm, genuine smile. The irritation was completely gone, and he actually looked happy to see me.

“There she is,” he said, stepping back and opening his arms up as I came over to him. He held me close and I wrapped my hold around his waist. My face pillowed against his bare chest and I let out a breath of relief. This is what I wanted. “I figure we can eat while we open presents. Sound like a plan?”

“Sounds perfect,” I promised, looking up at him. Hell, this whole week had been perfect. Words couldn’t express how much it meant having him here with me. I hated being alone. Since Nikki had started spending all her time with John, I hadn’t been home. The house felt so empty without her that I preferred the small hotel rooms, and the nights I got with Randy on the road. This was just the best of all worlds.

We settled on the floor of the living room as we ate, handing each other our presents. As shoes were my addiction, I immediately recognized the size and weight of the gift I was handed. I couldn’t help my grin as I tore off the wrapping paper; my hands froze when I saw the brand on the box, though.

“Randy,” I breathed, eyes widening as I looked up at him. “You didn’t -”

“Let’s see what santa brought you,” he teased, smile playing along the smirk he was giving me. With shaking hands now, I lifted the lid off, and I actually squeaked in disbelief. The pair of shoes in my lap were easily over a thousand dollars. Not that I’d been ogling them online for months now.

“How did - these are - Randy, I can’t accept these,” I breathed, too nervous to even take them out of their box. When I looked back up at him, he was grinning.

“‘Course you can, Jay. It’s what Christmas is for,” he informed me, moving to unwrap the gift I’d gotten him. After gingerly setting the shoes aside, I dove forward and tried to pull it away. He easily held me off him as he twisted around to continue.

“No! Stop! I need a do-over,” I said quickly as he got the wrapping paper off. “Randy! My gift just looks stupid now -”

He managed to pin me in his lap with his arms around me as he pulled out his gift. Curious, he unwrapped the bundled t-shirt to extract the second smaller box, and his face lit up when he shook it out. It was the first Jamie Lawless shirt they’d printed, and I’d given him the one I was given.

“Jay, this is awesome!” he laughed, hugging me closer and kissing the top of my head. I pulled back in surprise, and saw he was grinning even wider now.

“It’s just a shirt -”

“No, it’s your shirt. I can rep my girl now,” he told me, and I felt my face turn a million shades of red as he sat it aside. He grabbed the other box, and like me, he already knew the shape. He pulled out the (now very underpriced) watch I’d picked out and stared at it with gratitude.

“It’s nowhere near what you got me -” I started, and to my surprise he sat the watch on the shirt and pulled me into a kiss. A soft sigh escaped me as I felt myself melt against him. His arms tightened around me, and though his hands brushed over my hips, he kept them from wandering as he pulled back a bit.

“Jay, I don’t care. Price doesn’t matter. I just got you something I knew you’d like. And you did the same.”

“You really like them?” I hinted, and he chuckled at my shyness. His lips caught mine again softly before he nodded.

“Yeah. I love ‘em.”

He stood with me still in his lap - okay, that was more than a little hot - and managed to scoop up his shirt and watch. He carried us to the stairs and set me on the second step, so for once I was a hint taller than him. My arms slid around his neck and I leaned down to press a slow kiss to his lips.

He moaned against them as my tongue flicked out, and he parted to let me in. My tongue brushed against his languidly as his arm tightened around my waist. He moved to stand on the first step, making us even as he deepened the kiss.

Just as my mind began to catch up with my emotions, warning me to slow my roll, Randy pulled away. He was breathless, eyes dark with desire, but he actually pulled himself off of me and cleared his throat.

“Let’s go get ready before we miss our flights.”

Randy dressed in my shirt and put on the watch I’d gotten him, but I packed my shoes instead of wearing them. Nikki had an eye for designer, and she knew I’d never spend that kind of money on myself. He didn’t seem to mind, even complimenting my outfit as we headed for the car.

“You look like a Christmas ornament,” he teased, hand briefly running over the leggings, cupping my ass for half a second before he moved back and opened the door. The blush on my cheeks was almost as red as my shoes.

Though his shoulder was doing better, I still drove us to the airport, and even wrangled his bag out of the back. He just rolled his eyes, but didn’t fight me on it at least. He learned quick.

This time, we got to walk into the airport together. As desperately as I just wanted to reach over and hold his hand, I focused on fiddling with the handle of my suitcase instead. We didn’t even look at each other until we were standing outside his gate.

He pulled me into a tight hug and I squeezed back, taking one last deep breath of his cologne before we pulled away. I tried to fight the sadness on my face; I had no idea when I’d be seeing him again.

“Hey, no sulking,” he murmured; I saw his hand twitch, wanting to reach out and cup my chin. That wasn’t something that friends did. So I forced a smile onto my face and he just snorted. “And now you look like you’re in pain.”

“I am,” I said gloomily, and we met each others eyes. We both held our stoic expressions for another heartbeat, and then burst out laughing. “Wow. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound that melodramatic.”

“You’re adorable, you know that?” he said, unable to resist hugging me one more time. “I’ll call you when I land, you little Christmas ornament.”

“‘Kay. Travel safe,” I giggled, pulling back and giving his arm one last squeeze. He gave me a wink and then he was through the gate, pausing once more to look back and smile before he disappeared.

Emptiness settled in the pit of my stomach, and I blew out a breath. I’d been lucky, having Randy this week, but I wished he’d be coming with me. Meeting my ‘family’ and getting to know my friends. Being public with our relationship so I could at least kiss him goodbye.

Yeah, so I was sulking. Sue me. I wandered aimlessly through the airport, trying to burn the hour as fast as I could. Nikki, Brie, and Bryan were currently on their own flight home, John was flying to visit his family, and let’s be honest, I didn’t have anyone else I talked to.

Maybe I’ll call Ryback, I mused as I wandered through a souvenir shop. I let out a huff of breath when I realized I still hadn’t discovered either Damien or Cody’s numbers. Now that would’ve been entertaining. I’d have to figure those out.

Gives me something to do when I get back, I reasoned with myself, browsing the keychains. As I carded through a few near the bottom, one in particular caught my eye. The skyline of Cincinnati with Cin City across the front. I tugged it out and turned it over in my hand, grinning as I thought back to the days in CZW. A drunk Mox coming out and stealing the mic from the announcer.

"Nah, I ain't from Cincinnati anymore. Say I'm from 'Cin' Sity. Ha, get it? Ya get it? Cause it's Cincinnati - no? Whatever. It's fuckin' funny. "

One of the first times I'd ever seen him in the ring, and he'd made me laugh. Okay, I kind of needed this. The lady at the register probably thought I was a little insane, giggling to myself as she rang me up. I tucked it safely in my suitcase and tried to ignore how excited I was to give him a stupid keychain.

Would he even remember it? It was kind of dorky. But it was one of the things that had stuck with me, and I mean, there was no way I could ignore something that perfect. Besides, it was Christmas. An excuse to give dorky things and not get too much crap about it.

As I finally settled down outside my own gate, my phone went off. I frowned at the number on my screen - one I'd never seen before - and tentatively hit answer.

"Hello?"

"Uh, hey Finch. It's uh, it's Dean."

Speak of the devil; I nearly dropped my phone.

"Oh, hey!" I grinned, and immediately cleared my throat in an attempt not to sound like a teenager again. "What's up?"

"Just, ah, just haven't seen you 'round the last few days. Just makin' sure you're okay an' shit."

My entire face lit up, probably jumping right to scarlet as I grinned down at my shoes. Where had he even gotten my number from? Not gonna lie, I glanced around the airport, half expecting to see him sauntering over to me, smirk on his face. Why was he even calling? Just for this? Had he really been worried? Dean Ambrose didn't worry. Did he?

“Oh, yeah, no. I’m fine,” I assured, trying not to sound as giddy as I was. “Nikki and the others kinda put me on medical leave. Apparently, I meddle.”

“Nah,” he said with fake surprise. I snorted. “Not you. Not the chick with a concussion jumpin’ on announce tables an’ pickin’ fights with the Shield.”

“I know, they’re being ridiculous. It’s not like the Shield’s even a real threat.”

This time, he snorted.

“How ‘bout we put that to the test, darlin’?” a shiver ran through me. “Got a feelin’ you can’t keep yourself outta the ring when we’re in there anyway.”

“Is this you openly inviting me to kick your ass again?”

“Awful cocky for someone who ain’t even up to my shoulders.”

“I am too!” I argued indignantly. “Just because you have like six inches of muscle on top of them doesn’t mean anything!”

“What, you measurin’ my muscles?”

I pressed my lips together to stop the squeak that surfaced. I heard him chuckle at my silence and I glowered at my sneakers.

“It was an exaggeration,” I finally mumbled, and he laughed louder.

“Yeah, okay. Keep tellin’ yourself that.” After a brief pause, he blew out a breath of air. “I gotta get goin’. But uh, you... you have a good Christmas, okay?”

Okay, yeah. My face was permanently crimson at this point.

“You too, Dean,” I said genuinely, smiling against my phone. “Thanks for checking in on me.”

“Someone’s gotta,” he told me, and I laughed softly. “Merry Christmas, Finch.”

“Merry Christmas Dean,” I said, smiling as we hung up. The stupid grin stayed on my face the whole damn flight.

——————x———————

“Jellybean!” Nikki squealed, launching at me the second I came around the corner. She literally tackled me off my feet, landing on top of me in a bone-crushing hug. Thank god my shoulder was mostly healed.

“Hey Snickers,” I teased, hugging her back just as tight. A set of hands grabbed Nikki and, thanks to her iron-clad grip, hoisted both of us to our feet.

“My turn,” JJ said, grinning down at me as he pried his sister off of me. My face lit up and I dove forward, wrapping my arms around ‘Brother Bella’. I hadn’t seen him in almost six months. Though I wasn’t as close to him as I was Bryan, he was still part of the family I’d been ‘adopted’ into.

After another round of hugs - this time getting Brie and Bryan as well - JJ grabbed my bag for me and we headed for the parking lot. Brie and Nikki were deep in an argument about which diva was currently the biggest backstabbing bitch, so I hung back with my brothers and reveled in being back in Arizona.

Scottsdale was practically my home. Come to think of it, besides my actual hometown of Ouray, I’d spent the most time here. In just a few months, it would be two years since I met the Bellas. Since we attached to each other and refused to let go. The smile that settled on my face was warm, it was one of comfort. I didn’t get to say it often, but today, I was home.

——————x———————

Even crammed in the back between Brie and Nikki, I was happier than I was even this past week. Being in Arizona put a special warmth in my heart, and the family around me made it even better. Despite the fact that JJ had completely overruled my claim to shotgun, and Bryan had cheated at rock-paper-scissors to take the front seat.

“I can’t believe you guys seriously stopped for food,” Brie chastised as I stuffed a nugget in my mouth. The boys and I exchanged looks, and shrugged on cue with one another as JJ literally poured the remainder of his fries in his mouth.

“Doesn’t mean we won’t be eating what mom made,” he mumbled; the twins made a face at him as I laughed.

“How can you even eat that much? Where do you guys put it?” Nikki laughed, eyeing me as I polished off the ten piece before we even hit our street.

“Winter’s almost here. I gotta store food for the winter,” I informed her, cautiously leaning forward. The second Bryan glanced out the window, both JJ and I dove for his box of fries. We glared at each other briefly, long enough for our victim to come to his senses.

“You’re both pirhannas!” he laughed, twisting away and guarding his food. Brother Bella threw me a cold look in the rearview mirror.

“I was gonna split my loot with you,” he informed, turning off the main road. Our house at the end of the street was like a beacon to the homesickness welling in my chest when I was on the road.

“You’re a liar. You were in it for yourself,” I argued, and he scoffed, pulling into the driveway. He opened his mouth to reply, but the moment the car was parked, I was scrambling over Nikki’s lap to get out.

I felt like... well, a kid at Christmas. I’d been counting down the months until I could come back to Arizona, and I was finally home. Finally home. As I tore into the house, I nearly tripped over the smallest member of the family, and of course had to stop and greet her too.

“I missed you Josie!” I cooed, dropping to my knees and scooping up Brie and Bryan’s dog onto my lap, hugging her to my chest. She wriggled around to lick at my face; I let out a laugh and fell onto my back, trying to keep her at bay. Bryan, the first one in, busted out laughing seeing my predicament.

“I’m being attacked,” I gasped, holding the surprisingly heavy dog up above me. Thankfully, upon seeing her ‘dad’, she twisted out of my hold and raced to maul him instead.

“That’s what you get for assaulting my food,” he informed me, with absolutely no concern for my wellbeing. I smirked at him as he yelped in surprise when Josie’s tongue swept over his cheek.

“Jamie, sweetheart!”

‘Mom’ was on me the moment I shoved to my feet. She bundled me into a warm hold, tucking me to her chest and kissing me on the temple as I wrapped my arms around her. My own mom... I wouldn’t go there on Christmas. I immediately pushed the ache of sadness to the back of my mind as I buried myself in the hug.

“Hey momma,” I grinned, reveling in her hold for a few more moments before pulling back to let her actual children swarm her. Nikki scowled at me as she passed, pointedly straightening her dress.

“You just crawled on a six thousand dollar outfit,” she pointed out, hugging her mom while still giving me a sour look.

“Look at that. Six thousand dollars and you still can’t get enough fabric to cover yourself decently,” JJ noted idly as he dropped the bags in the foyer; Nikki flipped him off and Mom smacked her arm.

“It’s Christmas! No fighting! I only see all my children once or twice a year, so you’re gonna be on your best behavior!”

I stuck my tongue out at my best friend when mom turned her back, and Nikki gasped.

“You are such a brat!”

“You know you missed me,” I teased, and she made a face as she flipped her hair dismissively over her shoulder.

“Ew. I did not.”

“I think the tackle-hug says it all,” JJ argued, fist-bumping me as he passed to the kitchen. Nikki flipped him off.

“Nicole!” mom snapped again, and I snorted at my best friend’s expression. She rolled her eyes, but wrapped an arm around me.

“I’m pretty sure my own mother loves you more than me.”

“I can’t help being so sweet and adorable,” I informed her, giving a cheeky smile as we followed the others into the kitchen for dinner.

Man, it was good to be home.

——————x———————

“You have got to be kidding me,” Bryan groaned as I unearthed the bedazzler from the wrapping paper. I let out a squeal of excitement and hugged the box to my chest, grinning at my friends.

“John just did it to keep her from stealing mine,” Nikki pointed out, watching with amusement as I rocked back and forth with my new favorite gift.

“I can already hear Damien crying,” I sighed happily, setting the box with the pile of gifts so far. A couple more cow t-shirts from Bryan (he knew me so well), a new phone case and backpack from Brie, the perfume from mom, leggings from John Laurinaitis - yeah, it was still a little weird he was dating mom - and a cow travel pillow from JJ.

“You’re really gonna wear this on the plane?” Brie sighed, making a face as she poked at the gift her brother had given me. I swatted her hand away and gave her a cheeky smile.

“Of course. And I’ll make sure to always get a seat next to you when I do.”

“You’re embarassing!”

“You’re too easy to pick on.”

“Quit being a bitch and let her open my gift,” Nikki whined, bumping Brie out of the way as she settled across from me and dropped a box in my lap. The same shape as I’d opened this morning; my heart jumped up. Shoes - and cows - were my only weakness, and my friends knew me well.

I passed Nikki her gift, and we both unwrapped at the same time; we squealed on cue together and the others in the room flinched. Of course, she’d read my mind and bought me the pair of shoes I’d been ogling.

“These are beautiful,” I told her, wrangling her into a hug. She was still cradling the Christian Louboutin perfume I’d given her like it was a newborn. Thanks to John and Brie, we’d managed to track down the kind she’d been going on about since last month, and it was clear we’d gotten it right.

“This is so perfect,” she told me, squeezing a little tighter before sitting back. She reached behind her and pulled out two smaller boxes. “Brie, get your ass over here. You and Jellybean are opening these together!”

Brie smacked her sisters arm as she scooted back to sit with us accepting the box she was tossed. We pulled the paper off together, and by Nikki’s three-count, we both opened our boxes. We each had a third of a heart necklace; Nikki tugged out the necklace from her cleavage and showed us her third.

“What are we, six?” Brie laughed, nevertheless pulling hers out and slipping it over her head. I had the middle of our necklace, and fittingly that’s where I ended up when the twins roped me into a group hug. Of course, it only lasted a few moments before they pushed away from each other.

“Ew, you’re gross. Why did you hug me?” Nikki whined, making a face as Brie rolled her eyes.

“You hugged me, you freak. Go feel up someone else.”

“You’re the one that was -”

“Okay,” mom cut in, scowling at the twins. “Enough. The pie’s ready, if anyone’s still -”

JJ, Bryan, and I scrambled to our feet and sprinted for the kitchen before she’d even finished talking.

——————x———————

“That’s your fourth plate. Do you have any self control?” Nikki scrutinized as JJ dropped back onto the couch beside us. Even after the leftovers were put away he was still raiding the fridge. We’d all moved to the family room and were sprawled in various states of contentment.

Mom and John were curled on the loveseat, sipping wine. Bryan and Brie were jammed into the recliner together, with Bryan and Josie snoring in tandem. Nikki was sitting on the end of the couch, and as usual I’d just ended up on her lap, leaning against her chest with her arms wrapped around me.

“Just because you’re miserable being on that 1,000 calorie diet during Christmas doesn’t mean we all need to suffer,” JJ pointed out, sitting on the other end and turning, stretching his legs out over the middle to jab at my legs with his foot. I kicked him away briefly.

“You only get to annoy me if you give me your roll.” Nikki gave me an incredulous look as I caught JJ’s offering. I munched happily, settling back against Nikki again as JJ playfully jostled my legs and mom told us a story about the twins when they were little.

This is what I’d always thought holidays with the family would be like. Last year the twins had been working so we’d been on the road, and we’d missed Thanksgiving this year too. So to finally be together, away from wrestling, with nothing else to worry about except beating JJ for the last piece of pie... life was good.

At some point I must’ve dozed off, only stirring back to consciousness when Nikki’s leg started vibrating. I peeled an eye open and looked up at her as she shifted me off her lap to stand up.

“Is that a phone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

She snorted and rolled her eyes, letting me slump against the arm of the couch as she pulled her phone out and answered,

“Hey, love. Merry Christmas.”

As she wandered into the kitchen to talk to John, I pulled out my own phone - grinning at my new case - and checked for any missed calls. A text from JJ from half an hour ago saying he’d stolen the remaining pie (damn!) and an alert that Nikki had tagged me in something on Twitter.No missed calls or texts from Randy. I’d texted him in the car ride home, and again after dinner, but still nothing.

As I sat up, I saw the only other people left in the living room were Brie and Bryan, both snoring peacefully on the recliner. I opened up twitter to reply to Nikki before calling Randy, and paused at the first picture on my newsfeed.

Blessed to spend the holiday with my family. Merry Christmas.

Randy was grinning ear to ear in the picture he’d posted, his daughter Alanna on his lap, and his ex-wife beside them. My stomach twisted as I stared at the picture, realizing this is why he hadn’t called yet. He’d probably been met at the airport like I had, and just like me, he had his own family to catch up with.

As much as I hated myself for it, jealousy twisted through me as I stared at his ex. He’d told me Samantha would be coming by, of course. He wanted to see his daughter, and just because they were divorced didn’t mean they weren’t still friends for their little girl. He’d told me after the holidays they’d officially announce their divorce. He didn’t talk much about her, and I didn’t pry. He said the divorce had been finalized back in April, but they’d wanted to let everything settle before making things official. It was the one and only thing he’d told me about their relationship, and it was really all I needed to know.

Maybe it made me a bad person for looking forward to that. I hated secrecy, and at times like this I wanted the world to know we were dating so I didn’t feel so guilty. Plus, of course, Nikki would have the best advice to give me about bottling my stupid insecurities with him being around his ex.

I tried to push the feeling of jealousy away; it was petty of me. Just because we were dating didn’t mean the rest of his life stopped happening. He had a daughter with someone else, and he was a good father. If anything, it should make me like him more. He was dating me, after all. He clearly liked me, and I didn’t need to be such a baby about one little picture.

With another glance to the snoring wrestlers across the room to ensure they wouldn’t hear my conversation, I dialed his number and waited as it rang. Though I wasn’t surprised I got his voicemail, it still sent another pang of sad jealousy through me that I tried to ignore.

“Hey, it’s Jay. Just wanted to check in with you, and tell you Merry Christmas again. I know you’re busy, so just call me when you get the chance. Have a good night.”

Thankfully, Nikki came back in the room just as I hung up. The ache of the sad jealousy was lingering, so instead of dwelling on it, I let myself give back into the content sleepiness that had consumed me earlier. I gave my best friend a tired smile and she returned it, holding out her hands to me. She pulled me up off the couch and I slumped against her, mumbling,

“Why is bed so far away?”

“You don’t even have to climb the stairs, you big baby,” she teased, nevertheless wrapping her arm around me and towing me down the hall. She bumped the door to the guest room open and dumped me ungraciously onto the bed, making us both giggle. I was too lazy to change into my pajamas; score one to Jamie for wearing leggings. I curled up on the bed and let my best friend tuck me under the covers.

“Night, Jellybean,” she murmured, brushing a motherly kiss to my temple as she brushed my hair back from my face. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas Nik,” I mumbled, the warmth of the bed mixing with the warmth of the day, lulling me into a light doze already. My mind drifted to the recesses of my memory; skimming over the cold Christmas I’d spent huddled outside a Walmart, trying not to freeze. Over the one Christmas I’d spent with one of my foster families, even getting a present to open that year.

All the way back to the last Christmas I remembered with my dad. Just he and I, huddled under the tree as he helped me rip open the present I’d gotten from Santa. I felt his stubbly kiss on my cheek, smelled the pine-and-earth cologne he always wore. Felt his chest rumble with laughter when I squeaked in surprise at seeing my present.

Heard his soft, deep voice telling me I love you Jaybug as he tucked me in just like Nikki had. As much as I missed him, pieces of my dad, my old life, they somehow lingered with the new family I’d found.

If that wasn’t a true Christmas miracle, I didn’t know what was.