Canary and the Coal Mine

Bad idea.

Baaaaad idea.

Dean caught the expression on my face, and his hand slid off his own leg to rest on mine. He gave my knee a reassuring squeeze; I looked up at him and didn’t even attempt to hide my grimace. Nikki, on the other side of me, squeezed the hand she was holding.

“It’ll be fine, Jellybean. We’re all your friends. I’m sure once everyone’s aware of that, we can find a way to get along.”

“I don’t think tonight’s the night to do this,” I started again. Seth voiced his agreement from the front seat and I slumped down further. “See? Seth’s got the right idea. Bryan and John are already pissed off as it is. You’re the only one that wants to stir the pot even more.”

Hiding my friendship with the Shield wasn’t anywhere near what I’d been hiding with... My heart churned just thinking his name. I was still tender, and if I wasn’t so exhausted and starved I may actually have started crying again. Nikki had come up with the idea to bring the Shield to our family dinner, get everything out in the open at once, and I was apparently crazy for thinking this was a terrible idea.

“Roman didn’t say anything,” Nikki argued. As I went to get the big guy on my side, she pointedly leaned around me to look at Dean, brow raised. “Are you worried about what the others will think?”

“I don’t care what they think,” Dean said simply; his hand squeezed my knee again and I glanced up to meet his eyes. “No offense, but it don’t bother me if your other friends ain’t happy about it.”

Nikki sat back smugly, tugging my hand into her lap to play with my fingers. “See? So quit worrying. You’re not alone in this anymore. If they have a problem with your friends then we talk about it as a family.”

“There shouldn’t be a problem. I think we’ve earned some damn respect from Cena and that annoying goat, sticking our necks out for Barbie,” Seth griped; Roman backhanded him across the chest.

“Ay, we offered to leave your grumpy ass at the hotel. If you’re comin’, you’re gonna knock the attitude off. I ain’t dealin’ with it all night. You hear me?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Seth muttered, slumping down in his seat. Yeesh, talk about a drama queen.

As much as I wanted to keep arguing my point, we’d run out of time. The only people gathered outside the 24-hour diner were Brie, Bryan, and John. All of them looked as unhappy as I was, which meant the night was probably gonna continue its downhill trend. Just great. No crowd around to keep everyone in check.

Thought I gave one last attempt to stop her, Nikki hopped out the second we came to a stop. Seth and Roman followed once the SUV was actually parked and off; the others gathering to Nikki all paused and studied the new additions to the group.

“I thought this was a family dinner,” John started, hostility in his voice. Seth bristled instantly; thankfully Roman nudged him to get him to keep quiet as Dean climbed out next. He stopped on the curb and turned, holding his hand out to me.

“We’re with ya, darlin’,” he promised softly, offering up the toothy grin I loved so much. I took a deep breath, nodded, and slid my hand into his. He helped me down and shut the door behind us, hand resting on the small of my back as he guided me to my friends – probably to keep me from bolting the opposite direction like I wanted to. They all turned their questions eyes to me and I tried not to wither under their stares.

“I promised no more secrets, so... no more,” I started nervously, leaning back into Dean’s touch just a hint as the realization settled on the group. “Everyone, these are my friends. Dean, Roman, and Seth.”

Brie at least offered a tight smile; John pressed his lips together and a scowl began brewing on his face. Bryan let out a sharp laugh and shook his head, eyes flooding with hurt as he turned to walk away.

“More secret relationships. No, this is great,” he barked, shrugging off Brie’s hold as she went to pull him back. “I love being kept in the dark. Really. I’m super happy knowing that Jamie doesn’t tell us anything anymore.”

“Bryan, please don’t get like this -” I squeaked out, the rest of my words drying up as he spun and fixed me with a furious glare.

“You don’t get to tell me how I feel right now, Jamie. After the shit you’ve been pulling lately, I don’t give a damn what you want –“

Brie went to cut in again but Dean beat her to it. He stepped in front of me and rolled his shoulders back to stand at his full height, facing off with my best friend.

“I’m sorry, is there a problem?” Bryan snarked; both men eyed one another for another heartbeat before Dean said coolly,

“You need’a lay off that attitude.”

“Oh, and you have any right to tell me what I do? Do you even know my first name?”

“I don’t give a fuck what your name is. You keep talkin’ t’her like that an’ I’ll make sure you don’t know it –“

“Hey, hey,” Brie said quickly, grabbing Bryan’s arm and pulling him towards the diner. “We’re all just tired and hungry. Let’s at least go get a table before we start down this road, okay?”

Bryan pulled free from his girlfriend and stormed inside without another word to Dean or another look at me. She gave me a tight smile before hurrying after him. John was next, and then Roman nudged Seth in ahead of him.

“You okay?” Dean asked me, turning to check on me. He reached out and rested a tentative hand on my arm, like he wasn’t all that used to comforting someone. I offered a smile as I nodded quickly, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“Fine,” I managed as Nikki slipped an arm around my waist. She tugged me forward and I let her lead me into the diner after the others, Dean at my side.

I could do this.

-x-

Okay, in hindsight, inviting the Shield to our family dinner really wasn’t the best idea. Even Nikki was beginning to realize the mistake, no matter how much she tried to pretend otherwise. Any other night and I wouldn’t let her forget that I was right.

The bonus of this gathering, which I hadn’t realized until the second we all sat down together, was that the three scowling men to my left had powerbombed over half of the bodies at the table. And, y’know, Roman tried to spear Brie in half that one time.

Tensions were a little high, to say the least. All I could do was pray no one would get put through this table. Which, with the way this night was going, was a very real possibility. Admittedly, anything would be better than the awkward, angry silence we’d all settled into.

We’d been here half an hour, and only now had all the scowls and side-eyes subsided enough that everyone cracked open their menus. The poor waitress looked terrified, circling the table of brooding wrestlers in a panic to try and get our orders.

As she rushed away to escape the tension, I made the mistake of looking across from me and meeting Bryan’s gaze. The anger and hurt in his stare was sharp enough to actually cause me physical pain; I dropped my eyes before he could do more damage.

Brie nudged him again, and as they launched into their hushed whisper-fighting, John cleared his throat. They thankfully fell silent as Papa Cena met my eyes said,

“We need to figure out what your next move is, kid.”

“What do you mean?” I rasped, voice still raw from crying. Dean slid my water closer and I took it with a quick, thankful smile. I didn’t miss the huff from Bryan, nor the look Dean shot him in answer.

“You threw Orton to the Shield tonight,” Roman said gently, leaning on the table to look around Dean. “You’re a heel now.”

“What?” I squeaked out, eyes widening. “No, I can’t - I’m not a heel. Letting you guys kick his ass was totally justified -”

“To the people around this table,” Nikki pointed out. “Not even Randy knows why you did that, and it definitely looks like you went rogue.”

Well, shit. She was right. I let out a groan and slumped back in my seat, scrubbing a hand down my face. Being heel was something I hadn’t wanted to be, like, ever. I was a fair, honest fighter. Sure, abandoning my tag partner was a pretty terrible thing to do. But come on, I had reasons, damnit!

“We can try to expose what Randy did,” Brie offered. “If we made it public I know the other wrestlers – and the Universe – wouldn't hold it against her.”

“We can’t do that without proof, though, or else it would be Jamie’s pull versus Orton’s pull,” John argued. He was the most tenured wrestler at the table and he knew the way things worked better than the rest of us put together. “He’s got Hunter and Stephanie in his back pocket. He could turn anything around on her. Even with that video from Reigns, we don’t have any proof he was dating Jamie. Anything short of Orton fessing up won’t work, and I don’t think he’s ready to admit he deserved what happened tonight. He’ll be milking everyone for all the sympathy he can get.”

Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I realized how clever Randy had been with all this. Given he’d been behind my back with another woman, I had no doubt he’d planned keeping us a secret for exactly this reason; I had nothing to hold against him publicly. I’m sure he hadn’t been expecting I’d snap like I did. And honestly, if I’d been in my right mind – if I’d talked with my friends before going AWOL on him – I wouldn’t have done what I did.

He'd planned on keeping us under wraps and doing whatever he wanted. He’d assumed that if I ever did find out, I’d stay quiet and let him get away with it to protect my image. Exactly like I as wishing I’d done. Was he ever going to tell anyone about us? Was I ever going to be more than his secret?

I couldn’t think about that right now; I was rehydrating. I had more tears and I could feel them welling up already. I had to distract myself before I broke down again. So, I focused on the next most worrisome problem behind Randy’s infidelity.

“So then what do I do? I can’t be a heel.”

“We’ll ride it out,” Dean suggested. “Keep y’fightin’ fair an’ show everyone you’re still the same ole Finch. The truth’ll come out eventually.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Ambrose has a good idea,” John admitted, shrugging his large shoulders; Dean threw him an unamused frown. “If we keep you doing what you’re doing, either Orton gets exposed for what he did or the Universe moves on. Once something more scandalous happens – and we know something will – everyone will forget about this.”

“So we just act like Jamie didn’t throw Orton to the traitors?” Bryan snipped, earning a collective scowl from the Shield as Brie stifled a sigh.

“Do you have a better idea?” she asked her boyfriend; he scoffed and shot me a scathing look.

“Yeah. How about we go back six damn months and Jamie can be open and honest with us, like we’ve always been with her?” I opened my mouth to try and defend myself as he gave a cold laugh. “Oh, right. I forgot who I was talking about. I can’t expect that from her. Clearly our years of friendship mean nothing -”

“What’d I just fuckin’ tell you, huh?” Dean snapped, slamming his glass on the table. Bryan leaned forward on his elbows and fixed Dean with his best shit-eating grin.

“I’m being honest and open about my feelings, so that I don’t hurt others by hiding things from them,” he threw back. Dean shoved back from the table and was on his feet before I’d registered what was going on.

“Attack her again, I fuckin’ dare you,” he spat, shucking his hoodie and rolling his shoulders back again, ready to jump the table. Bryan shoved to his feet and Brie all but dragged him back into his seat; John held him in place as he went to stand again. Dean, still fired up, went to circle the table and Roman scrambled to get in front of him, murmuring something under his breath I couldn’t catch.

After a tense few moments, Dean gave a terse nod and dropped back into his seat. Though he kept his mouth shut, he had a cold glare fixed on Bryan; my brother returned it heartily.

“Uh, does – does anyone need a refill?” the waitress asked as she inched towards the table, a pitcher of water in her hand. Nikki gave a nervous laugh and shook her head.

“No, thank you. Sorry, we’re all a little tired. Everything’s fine. We’re all fine,” she promised; the waitress bolted to the back again as Nikki muttered, “they better bring us our food before we get kicked out.”

“Look,” John said tactfully, leaning forward so he could look at all of us – and stop Dean and Bryan from glaring holes through one another. “For right now, we don’t have much of a choice. What’s done is done and fighting about it doesn’t fix the mistakes.”

The others nodded as Bryan scoffed and finally turned away; I dropped my eyes to my lap.

“Tomorrow we can figure out what our game plan is. Right now, let’s just get some food in us and take the night to let everything sink in before we do things we might regret. Can we do that?”

Seth, Roman, Brie, and Nikki all voiced their agreement. I felt eyes on me and finally looked up. Everyone was waiting for my answer. What did I say? I’d made this mess, and I’d do whatever it took to make things right.

“Yeah,” I said, clearing my throat. Dean nodded in agreement and gave a gruff sure. Now we all looked expectantly at Bryan. He glanced around at us and rolled his eyes.

“Why not.”

“Bryan, can you please just -” Brie tried, but fell silent as the waitress began to bring our food out. The conversation had been tabled for now – no pun intended. I’d been starving all night and couldn’t think of the last time I’d eaten but the food in front of me just made my stomach turn.

I took a bite of my eggs and grimaced as they slid down my throat. Breakfast had sounded delicious a bit ago - seeing as it was rapidly nearing 1am - and now it was just… ick. I felt Dean and Nikki eyeing me as I pushed my food around the plate.

“You were starving earlier tonight, and I know you haven’t eaten since then,” Nikki said quietly, nudging my arm gently. “Aren’t you hungry?”

“I was,” I murmured, beginning to nudge the plate away. Dean’s hand caught it before it got too far.

“Y’gotta eat somethin’, darlin’,” Dean added, so I tried some of the hash browns. Just as tasteless and gross as the eggs. I did force down a few more forkfuls, trying not to worry my friends again. After almost five minutes of painful silence, my best friend had apparently had enough.

“So, as Jamie’s newest friends, there are some things you need to know about her,” Nikki declared, propping her chin in her hand as she waved her fork towards the Shield. All three men perked up; I glanced at her in question.

“You come with rules?” Roman snorted; Brie let out a laugh as she popped a piece of fruit into her mouth.

“You’ve spent time with her so don’t tell me you’re surprised by that.”

As I scoffed in an attempt to defend myself, all three members of the Shield made noises of agreement. Dean shrugged, taking a sip of his soda as he offered,

“Think a warnin’ label is somethin’ t’look into with her.”

“Hey, I’m right here,” I tried, my first smile in who knows how long tugging at the corners of my lips; Dean shot me a wink over his glass. Seth crossed his arms on the table and gave my friends a scornful look. For a moment I braced for his snarkiness… until he asked incredulously,

“And which one of you thought Barbie needed a fucking bedazzler?”

“How do you know what a bedazzler is?” Nikki smirked, leaning around me to raise a brow at him. He jabbed an accusative finger at me.

“Because someone thought the Shield’s uniforms needed an upgrade!”

Brie and Nikki laughed as John snorted into his tea.

“Nu-uh,” I argued, a spark of warmth igniting in my chest as my friends began to mingle together. “Only Roman’s did! You only needed a dash of glitter in your manly shampoo to bring out your inner shine, Princess Sparkle.”

At his nickname, John and Dean both laughed out loud and Seth groaned. Brie gave the Shield a pleading look.

“Tell me someone has a picture of that,” she giggled; Roman held up his phone and as the rest of the table laughed more he began to search for it.

“Roman to the rescue,” Nikki cheered, high-fiving her sister. “This is gonna be –“

Bryan slammed his fork to the table so loud it echoed over the rest of us. Brie, Nikki, Seth, and I jumped as John, Dean, and Roman tensed at the expression on his face. He looked… well, furious didn’t cover it. The little bit of fun and happiness that had bubbled into my chest burst instantly as he made a face of disgust and shook his head.

“I’m sorry. Are we really doing this?” he snapped, looking around at the others. “Are we really pretending this is all fine?”

“Who’s pretending?” Roman asked him, deep frown settling over his face as he leaned onto his elbows to study Bryan. “It’s been a shitty night and we’re tryin’ to make what we can of it. Cena said it best. What’s done is done.”

“No, it’s not. It’s not done,” Bryan cut in, shoving his plate back and moving to stand. Brie took his hand, trying to keep him in his seat. “I’m glad everyone else is happy with being lied to and kept in the dark.”

“What’s your fuckin’ problem, huh?” Dean snapped, hand tightening around his glass like he was about to throw it across the room. Or at Bryan. “Finch didn’t tell you somethin’ personal t’her, an’ you’re pissed. We fuckin’ get it –“

“No, you really don’t,” Bryan shouted, last of his restraint snapping. He ripped his hand from Brie’s and shoved to his feet, chair falling to the ground with an echoing clatter. “Clearly, you don’t get it. None of you do. None of you get it.”

“Bryan,” John tried, but even he hesitated at the look he received in return.

“You don’t,” he repeated, the venom fading as his voice broke. Bryan took a step from the table as he finally looked at me again. The anger was gone; there was no malice in the look he fixed on me. Pure, unbridled hurt shimmered in his stare as he said quietly, “you don’t get it.”

No one at the table moved, no one spoke, no one did anything but watch as Bryan turned and walked out of the diner. For several moments we all sat still, the weight of his outburst resting heavily on all of us. Slowly, I pushed myself back and got to my feet. Nikki caught my hand and I gently pulled free as I stepped around her.

“Finch?” Dean tried, looking ready to get up with me. I gave a small shake of my head as I backed towards the door Bryan had just disappeared through.

“I’ll be back,” I said simply, then turned and followed him out into the night. It wasn’t hard to find him, half a block down sitting on one end of a bench at the edge of the sidewalk. Stuffing my hands into my hoodie, I slowly made my way down the block.

He didn’t say anything to me as I slowly sank down on the other side of the bench. The two of us sat in silence; thankfully, even for winter, Las Vegas was still balmy. Even this early in the morning the city was still bustling. Bright lights from the Strip outlined the palm trees across from us, making their spindly silhouettes glow. I turned my head and studied my big brother for several moments. His face was expressionless but I’d learned to read him pretty well over the years.

In all the chaos and emotion of the night, I’d been assuming Bryan was mad at me. I’d been taking his outbursts the wrong way. He wasn’t mad… he was hurt. It was clear this was about more than just hiding the fact I was dating Randy, or that I was friends with the Shield. Bryan was an even-tempered guy and to get him to this point… Well, it had to have been building for a while.

“We’re close to the Strip,” I finally said, my hushed voice sounding painfully loud after our silence. He hmm’d and nodded. I turned back towards the glow I’d been staring at earlier. “Where did you live, when you were rooming with Neil?”

Bryan didn’t move, didn’t look at me, and in the following silence I thought he wanted me to go. Until he lifted a hand and pointed down the road.

“Couple blocks off the strip, somewhere that way,” he told me simply, and then folded his arms back onto his lap. I nodded and let a smile play on my lips.

“You never took me by that gym you trained at. Xtreme Couture. I still wanna see it, meet everyone there.” Bryan didn’t answer at first, fixing his gaze on the glowing silhouetted trees, so I pressed on. “I was injured last time you were in Vegas, wasn’t I? You and I were gonna visit the gym and you wanted to teach me some MMA -”

“Why did you go to Randy for training instead of me?”

Bryan’s question threw me off guard and I cut off mid-sentence, unable to do anything more than blink at him as I slowly shut my mouth. Of all the things I was prepared for him to ask me about, this hadn’t been it.

“What?” I managed, and this time he turned to look at me. The pain in his eyes cut me through to my core and my heart twisted. His baby blue’s were burning, made brighter from the rim of red around his eyes. Fresh tears shimmered on his cheeks and for those few moments he showed me the depths of the pain I’d caused him.

“You told me you never wanted to wrestle again and six months later you’re in the ring as this – this person I don’t even recognize. You’re reckless and secretive and lying. You and I talked about everything, all the time. I was closer to you than Brianna at one point and…” he took a breath as another couple of tears rushed down his face. “It’s like you ran off with Orton and transformed into this Jamie Lawless person and I lost my best friend.”

“I never – I wasn’t leaving you behind,” I whispered, sad realization tightening in my chest as his words sank in. It was painfully clear now, why Bryan was so upset. Regardless of the intentions behind what I’d been doing, all my reasons, it’d come off as if I’d picked a relationship with Randy over my friendship with him. And that’s definitely how it looked. “I’d let you down, Bry, and I wanted to make it up to you.”

Bryan’s face twisted into confusion and his head tilted as he studied me.

“Why would you ever think you’d let me down?”

I turned and folded my legs up on the bench, hands pooling in my lap as I twisted my fingers together nervously.

“You did a lot for me, convincing Stephanie and Hunter to put me on FCW’s roster. I know it wasn’t easy for them or you to get me out of CZW. I had a contract, I owed money to Drake… you risked a lot to get them to invest in me. And I repaid you by getting injured before I could even show I was worth the trouble.”

“Getting injured wasn’t your fault, Jay –“

“No, but then I gave up. I hurt you a lot when I told you I didn’t want to wrestle. But I just didn’t want to be a diva anymore. I didn’t fit in with the other girls, I hated all the drama and I hated the limitations I had wrestling them. I really missed wrestling in the indies. Not Drake, not the crazy hardcore matches… but I missed the ruthlessness and the feel of it all, you know?”

Bryan nodded, but there was a look of regret on his face. I knew him well enough to realize he felt bad for not picking up on any of this.

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

“Because I just… I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t want to be a diva, but I didn’t want to go back to the indies, you know? I didn’t want to throw away what you’d done for me but I wanted to be more than what I was stuck being there. I wanted to show you I was worth it, wanted to thank you for all you did for me. I had this plan, that I’d get myself going again and surprise you with my comeback. We were on the road and I was going to the hotel gyms when you were on Raw or Smackdown. I ended up running into –“

I cut off at the emotions that surged through my chest and had to take a second to keep myself in check, turning away to take a deep breath. For several moments we sat in silence as I forced myself to keep it together. Seriously, drinking the water had been a mistake. Not being hydrated enough for tears had been a real help earlier.

“We were just talking at first. Workout buddies from time to time. I told him about my time in CZW, about the matches and stuff. He thought it was really cool that I wrestled guys. Said it reminded him of old school WWE. He was... really impressed with my drive to better myself, and I told him why I was doing it. Told him I wanted to show you what I could be, and he said he wanted to help me. That he liked the potential I was showing and wanted to help make you proud. I showed him some matches I found online and we started grappling, just to help get me back in shape. A few weeks after we started, he said he’d been talking about me to Hunter. About ideas he had, about how he and Steph had been looking for something fresh. Something exciting. And he thought I could be it.”

I let the words settle over us and we went back into our silence. I knew Bryan was mulling things over; I was trying not to cry. Going back over meeting… Randy… realizing that I did more or less go around Bryan with my training… I felt tears pricking my eyes and I added quietly,

“I just wanted to surprise you, Bry. I wanted you to see me make my debut and be like, totally blown away. You’d done so much for me and I knew seeing me wrestle was what you wanted”

“Jay, look,” he said quietly, turning to face me completely for the first time. I looked up at him and regretted doing so; seeing him still crying only made me finally spill a few new tears. “I was upset you didn’t want to wrestle because I thought that Summer Rae and FCW had ruined your passion for it. I thought that you were throwing away what you loved because of the injury and I felt like I’d let you down. And yeah, it hurt that you went to Orton to train. I mean, I get it now. I do. But that’s when the lying and sneaking started. Ever since you debuted, you’ve been different.”

He had a point. I’d lied to them about Renegade, about where my bruises came from, where I was going during the shows, what I was doing after, who I was with... I’d been lying and hiding things since the moment I became friends with Randy. How had I not noticed?

“And the thing is, I could’ve moved past it. I was trying not to be jealous, and I was starting to put the whole Orton thing behind me. And seeing you turn on him in the ring, and then having everything come out at once –“

“To be fair, I hadn’t meant for any of this to happen the way it did,” I threw out; he tilted his head just a hint to study me closer, asking softly,

“If it hadn’t, would you have told us?”

I dropped my eyes.

“I don’t know,” I admitted; at the hurt that came over his face I added quickly, “he told me he wanted things quiet until he got stuff settled on his end with his divorce. I was trying to respect him and his daughter.”

“By sacrificing your own friends. Jay, you’re not stupid. You know what red flags look like. Why’d you let this go on?”

“I thought I loved him,” I admitted; Bryan turned away as he let out a heavy breath. “He told me he loved me and I just... I let that take over.”

“You’re not the same person you were six months ago,” he said softly, shaking his head before looking back to me. “I respect you wanting to impress me, I do, but I can’t be happy with this when I know what you gave up to get here. I miss my best friend. We did everything together, we knew everything about each other. We've been to hell and back with each other countless times and now I feel like I don’t know the person you turned into. I’d rather have Jay sans wrestling than have Jamie Lawless.”

The pain that spiked in my chest took my breath away; hearing Bryan’s honest truth... I hadn’t been expecting that. He hated what I’d done, who I was now, and I’d pushed him away. I’d let my eagerness with debuting and my infatuation with Randy blind me to what I’d been doing the last few months – leaving my friends behind. Hurting Bryan, probably hurting John and the twins too...

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, voice catching as a sob bubbled up in me. Tears fell heavily onto my lap and I wiped them away with a shaking hand. I’d been so damn stupid with all this. My tunnel vision and childish ignorance had hurt the best part of my life. “I never meant to hurt you, Bryan.”

A warm hand wrapped gently over my trembling ones and gave a soft squeeze. Bryan’s thumb soothed over my skin gently as I sniffled into my hoodie. Even now, with all the turmoil between us, he wanted to take care of me. He was my big brother – my family – and I’d been terrible to him.

“I know, Jay. Really. I’m just... I need to process things. I can’t pretend all of this didn’t happen though. I can’t just trust you like I did before and... I just need some time.”

His words hurt, but they were fair. I nodded quickly in understanding as he tugged his hand back and got to his feet. He paused, expecting me to follow, but I couldn’t get up. My whole body was heavy, weighing me onto the bench as the realization of all I’d done came to rest on my shoulders.

“So where do we go from here?” I asked after another few moments, my voice feeling too small in the giant city surrounding us. I didn’t have it in me to fight like we had been tonight, but I couldn’t take not talking to him. Not knowing where I stood with Bryan was just as painful as the rest of my night had been. Maybe it made me selfish but I just couldn’t take it.

“Home?” he suggested softly, holding out his hand to me. When I hesitated, he quirked his lips just a hint and wiggled his fingers. “No matter what, I’m not leaving you behind. Let’s go, Lazy Jayzy.”

Despite the warmth bubbling in my chest at his words I actually snorted and rolled my eyes, slipping my hand into his and letting him tug me to my feet. God, he hadn’t called me that since CZW and he knew I hated it. He kept my hand folded tight in his as he led me back around the block to the diner.

The others were mingling on the sidewalk by the cars; a spark of hope ignited in my chest seeing all of them together talking. Seth and John were observing John’s car while Roman and Dean leaned against the SUV we’d come in, chatting with Brie and Nikki. It was... well, I didn’t have a way to explain the relief and hope and warmth that spread through me seeing them all together.

We dropped our hands as we finally rejoined them; Nikki gave me a questioning eyebrow raise as I wiped tears off my cheeks. As I gave her a small smile in reassurance, Bryan held out his hand to Brie, asking,

“Ready?”

“Yeah,” she said slowly, pausing at my side to give my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Bryan said simply, catching my eye before giving his girlfriend a tired smile. “But I need some sleep.”

“We all do,” John agreed, effectively sending our groups separating to end the night. He gave me a gentle nod as he got into the car. Brie and Bryan waved to Nikki and I – and the Shield, more by circumstance than by choice – before they climbed in. We watched them drive off before any of us moved.

Dean was at my side a moment later, handing me a to-go box as he gave me one of his gentle smiles that helped sooth the turmoil in my chest.

“Figured you’d be hungry,” he explained, setting a fork on top of the box. God, I should not have had any damn water. My eyes welled up and my feeble sniff had everyone turning to stare at me in alarm. Well, everyone but Nikki.

“Despite what it seems, sometimes, her one and only love is food,” she teased as I hurriedly wiped my tears away. “She cries over takeout more than she does over broken bones.”

“I feel like there’s an embarrassing story with that, and we all deserve to hear it,” Seth declared; Roman voiced his agreement as they climbed into the front. Dean opened the door for me and I crawled into the middle of the backseat; by the time he and Nikki settled on either side of me, I was already done with my toast and going for the eggs.

“Don’t get any of that shit on my seats,” Roman playfully warned; Nikki scoffed and gave him a look.

“You really do have a lot to learn about her if you think there’s a chance she’d let any of the food go anywhere but her mouth.”

As the others kept up the light teasing, Dean bumped my arm with his, making my egg drop back into the box. Just barely.

“You’re gonna get me in trouble,” I half-hissed, half giggled at him. He smirked and shrugged, stretching his arm across the back of the seat to lean a little closer to me.

“Good. Think I still owe ya for scarin’ me the other day.” I went to take a bite of my eggs and he nudged me again. I barely caught it with the box again and this time I backhanded him in the chest, giggling even more.

“Dean!”

“Whoops,” he snickered; as I went to say he was most definitely not sorry, he swooped in and grabbed the piece of egg, popping it in his mouth. When I gave him an incredulous wide-eyed stare he gave a bewildered shrugged. “Didn’t want y’to let it fall again. Y’know, with how clumsy you are.”

Dean caught my arm as I went to smack him again, both of us giggling quietly in the dark as we drove through the early morning city life of Vegas. As painful and stressful as the last few hours had been, one thing was sure:

I was so glad I had my friends with me for all of it.

-x-

The look of concern on Booker’s face lit the excitement in me and I could barely hold still. Warily, he lowered the clipboard to his desk and folded his hands over it slowly. If he was this worried it could only mean one thing...

“I’m gonna give you the green light to wrestle next week – hold it,” he said quickly, snagging my arm as I went to scramble out of the chair. “Only under a few conditions. Can you sit still long enough to hear them?”

“Of course!” I promised eagerly, settling back into my seat and trying not to fidget. He gave me an unamused frown as my leg started to bounce impatiently. Quickly I made it go still and gave him a wide smile; he let out another sigh.

“Look, I don’t know what it is you got goin’ on with Orton,” he began, and my heart sank just a hint. The moment I’d gotten to the arena, Booker had cornered me and told me we needed to have a performance review. So far, it’d been following up with my injury from Show but now... I steeled myself and went to defend what’d happened yesterday as he continued, “ - and frankly, I don’t care. You handle your business and I’m good with it. Problem is, Stephanie and Hunter do have a problem with how that went down.”

“I can imagine,” I said as diplomatically as I could, trying not to sound as bitter as I was feeling. Of course Randy ran to them about it. He’s gonna use all the pull he can to punish me. Really playing up the victim as much as he can, just like John said.

“Now look, kid. They’re not gonna reward that kind of behavior, so for Smackdown you’re on the bench,” he told me, honestly sounding like he didn’t fully agree with the decision. “So you won’t be put in any of the qualifying matches for Elimination Chamber tonight.”

“Understood,” I sighed, this time unable to hide the dejected tone. Booker looked as unhappy as I did, so I felt the need to add, “I get it, I do. It was my decision and I’ve got to face the repercussions.”

“Look,” he leveled with me. “I know you got a good head on your shoulders, and I know you wouldn’t be abandoning Orton unless you had a good reason. Like I said, I don’t care. Just keep your head down tonight and we’re good to go for Raw next week.”

Booker got up and I got to my feet – admittedly a little less excited than before – following him to the door. He opened it and went to let me pass, but caught my arm just as I was about to be home free.

“Look, one last thing. You gotta stop getting' involved in everyone’s quarrels around here,” he told me, more like advice than a true warning. “Running out to help with the Shield, that’s one thing. But I don’t want you meddlin’ anymore. Got it?”

I went to agree when I caught movement down the hall. My words caught for a second and Booker went to turn and see what I was gaping at. Quickly, I grabbed his arm and turned him back to me, nervous smile flickering on my face; he gave me a worried frown.

"No meddling. Got it. But, y’know, harmless pranks backstage are still okay, right?”

He took a few heartbeats to think over his answer before saying cautiously, “as long as they aren’t happenin’ to me.”

“Oh, good. That’s good. Okay, no meddling. Roger that.”

“Lawless, what -”

“There she is!” Brodus roared, catching sight of me as Booker turned to look back down the hall. A moment later, David Otunga came sprinting around the corner; both of their mouths were a marvelous shade of blue – a lot darker than I had been expecting.

Probably shouldn’t have used half a bottle of food coloring in their toothpaste, I thought to myself, taking off down the hall just as Booker turned to stare at me in disbelief. For a large man, Brodus could really hustle. He was closing in quicker than I expected, and I was running out of hallway.

I turned the corner fast and threw open the door to the parking garage, then ducked behind a cleaning cart to let them think I’d run outside. Once the door shut and locked, I popped up and turned to race back down the hall.

“I knew if I followed the shouting I’d find you,” Bryan snorted as I nearly collided with him; I squeaked in alarm and fell back against the cleaning cart, clutching at my chest.

“Good God,” I gasped, giving him a wary look as he snickered and gave me a hand to steady myself. “Would it kill you to make some noise next time?”

“You wouldn’t be so jumpy if you weren’t constantly harassing the roster,” he pointed out mildly; I huffed and smoothed down my shirt, clearing my throat.

“To be fair, Booker told me pranking it okay.”

“Yeah, and John gave you a bedazzler. I don’t always trust other people’s judgement calls,” he argued; I made a face of agreement as we heard the music hit to start the show. He jerked his head down the hall towards gorilla and I followed instantly, eager to put distance between myself and the angry, blue-mouthed men hunting me.

“Do you have a match tonight?” I asked, getting a simple shoulder-shrug in return.

“Kane and I heard about the Chamber qualifiers tonight and we’re gonna go out, put our names in the ring so to speak.” I nodded in understanding as he glanced down at me. “What about you?”

“Nah,” I sighed, shoving my hands in my pockets. “I’m benched ‘till next week.”

“Because of -”

“Yeah,” I said simply. It was easier to think Randy’s name – though it still twisted my heart and made me just a bit nauseous – but saying it aloud was different. Bryan just nodded in understanding. We paused just around the corner from gorilla and he turned to look down at me.

“Look, I just...” he gave a heavy sigh and scrubbed a hand through his beard. “I wanted to see how you were doing. You weren’t at breakfast with everyone and Nikki said you got to the arena early... I know we left off on a rough note, and I don’t want you to think you can’t be around me -”

“It’s okay,” I promised, giving him a gentle smile in assurance. He needed space, time to think, and it was the least I could do. “I slept in this morning and I wanted to get here a bit sooner than the rest of the roster. I had a feeling there’d be some words exchanged about last night and I wanted to get it out of the way.”

“Good. That’s good,” he told me, giving a small smile. As nice as it was to talk to him, it felt... strained. Not our natural friendly bantering, our easy conversations... it felt as distant as two acquaintances passing each other briefly in the store.

I went to try and start another topic when an angry voice hollered,

“Jeanette!”

Surprised to hear that particular voice, I glanced back and saw Damien rushing down the hall towards us. When I turned to Bryan again, I saw the dry, unamused look on his face.

“Okay, I actually didn’t do anything to him!” Bryan’s look didn’t waiver. “Really! I’m innocent this time!”

"Oh right. Like I’m supposed to believe that you’re -”

“I will not be ignored by you!” Damien announced, coming to an abrupt stop at my side and crossing his arms over his chest. Bryan blinked in surprise as I turned to face the disgruntled, robed man at my shoulder.

“When did I -”

“Last night you had the nerve to brush me off, and now you haven’t sought me out all evening!”

“I’ve only been here for half an hour -”

“Which was long enough for you to harass Brodus and Darren,” he scoffed, clearly not impressed with my attempted explanation. “Have you grown too good for me? Am I beneath your pranks now?”

“That’s not it at all!” I said quickly, holding up my hands. “It’s just, the last few days have -”

“Okay, hang on,” Bryan cut in; Damien gave him a distasteful grimace, as if just now noticing I wasn’t alone. “Are you actually upset she hasn’t come after you?!”

“I told you I was innocent,” I told him as Damien scoffed,

“I don’t believe this conversation has any need for a third participant.”

Bryan looked between the two of us incredulously as he began to back around the corner, shaking his head as he turned.

“I’ll catch you later,” he told me in goodbye before disappearing from sight. My heart sank just a bit; as much fun as I had harassing my first and favorite victim, I’d wanted to talk to my big brother a little more. If I can still call him that, I sighed to myself. Apparently, right now wasn’t the time to start getting into what had kept me up all night.

“Was it something I did?” Damien pressed from behind me. Well, might as well roll with the opportunity that had presented itself. I turned to look up at him and rested a hand on his arm; to my dismay he didn’t even flinch. Already my affect was wearing off him.

“What? No. It’s not you, Dames. It’s me,” I promised. My mind went to what had happened with Team Rhodes Scholars last week and I added, “I know Cody left you, but I’m not going anywhere.”

“Cody didn’t leave me,” he scoffed, but I caught the flicker of sadness in his eyes before he turned away. “It was mutual. And we’re still best friends. Unlike you and Randy Orton it seems.”

Ouch. Unintentionally, Dames had finally hit me where it hurt. Thankfully he wasn’t looked at me, and I could hide the flicker of emotions that burst over my face. When I didn’t answer, he glanced down at me and raised a brow.

“Although, I do admit, I admire your decision to have that degenerate handled by the Shield,” he added, and despite the turmoil bubbling in me I gave him a bemused smile.

“Yeah?”

“It’s a relief to see you’re finally coming to your senses, ridding yourself of unnecessary company.”

“I hear that,” I agreed, smiling up at the last person I thought I’d receive comforting words of wisdom from. He had no idea what was going on but he’d just made my day a hundred times better. “So, what are you doing now that you’re a free man?”

He straightened up a bit, tugging his robe by the lapels as he stared wistfully down the hall. I barely smothered my snort and stood patiently beside him, waiting for an answer.

“I’ve got to make a name for myself,” he declared, tipping his head back nobly and giving a determined sniff. “I need to stand out amongst the singles competitors and rise to be their leader. Take my rightful place at the head of the company.”

He was still staring misty-eyed into the distance and hadn’t noticed Sheamus as he came around the corner. He paused, taking in the scene, and shared a bemused smile with me as I shrugged my shoulders. I’d seen the lineup for tonight, and I knew Sheamus wasn’t planned for a match... I pointed at Sheamus, then pointed at Damien, and raised a curious brow. A wicked smile spread over his face and he rubbed his hands together menacingly, giving an eager nod. He and Dames had faced off last night and it was clear he was eager for round two.

As grateful as I was to Dames for picking up my spirits unintentionally... I just couldn’t take a night off. I mean, I’d already let him down yesterday. I couldn’t go for two nights in a row; that’d just be cruel. I gave the eager Celtic Warriro a quick nod and his grin widened.

“I’ve got a crazy idea,” I announced as Sheamus threw me a wink and slipped past us, heading for Booker’s office to solidify what I was about to do. “All the top wrestlers have a manager, right?”

Damien kept his head tilted up but let his eyes flick down to me curiously. “I’ve got nothing going on tonight. How about I get you a match, help you kick off this solo career right?”

Instantly a frown came to his face and he turned to look at me fully, the hint of mistrust coming back into his face. Excellent.

“You want to help me?”

I nodded enthusiastically as Sheamus leaned around the corner, giving me a thumbs up. Almost there...

“Why not? I let you down by not pranking you – apparently that’s a bad thing – so let me make it up to you.” Damien didn’t object, watching me with a guarded frown, so I pressed on. “Sheamus had the nerve to go after you last night. Why take that sitting down? I say you assert your dominance, show the universe what happens when someone messes with Jamien Sandless.”

“Now, now, Jeanette. Let’s not get carried away,” he began quickly; he knew he was no match for Sheamus. “Giving that barbarian a match is just what he’d want. We should leave him to his own misery tonight, let him think about what he’s done -”

“What? No way,” I scoffed as Booker came around the corner. He called Damien’s name and the robed man whipped around. “Go big or go home, that’s my new motto for Team Sandless. Hey, I’ve got some manager things to do, but you go knock ‘em dead tonight!”

“How did – how did you get the match set up!?” Damien called after me as I scampered away, giving him a two-fingered salute. “What kind of sorcery is this!? Jeanette? Jeanette!”

Snickering to myself, I ducked down a side hall ready to make my escape, only to come face to face with The Shield. All three men had their arms crossed, giving me matching looks of bemused exasperation.

“Oh, hey,” I laughed nervously, scratching the back of my neck and giving them a shit-eating grin. “I uh, didn’t see you guys there. How long have you -”

“First y’go contaminate toothpaste an’ now you’re sendin’ Sandow to his death,” Dean tsk’d, shaking his head in mock disappointment. “Definitely need your own warnin’ label.”

I went to argue when I heard the familiar shouting of Brodus and Darren from down the far hall, headed our way.

“I just heard her! She’s close!”

Instantly, I dove forward and slipped between Dean and Roman, hiding behind the wall of men at my disposal. I heard Brodus and Darren start down the hallway towards us, only to stop and go quiet.

“You seen Lawless?” they asked, sounding like they could seriously get the Shield on their side. Seth threw me a look behind Roman’s back and smirked dangerously; for a moment I really thought he’d throw me to the wolves.

“It look like we keep track of that brat?” Roman growled, arms crossing tighter. I heard Brodus and Darren muttering. If he wasn’t shielding me – pun only slightly intended – I would’ve smacked him.

“Yeah, well, seeing as you’re doin’ her bidding now,” Brodus had the nerve to say. All three men slowly unfolded their arms and straightened up a hint, taking steps towards them. Brodus and Darren were already backing around the corner. “Forget it. She ain’t here.”

Dean was the first to turn to me, giving me a look that said see? Trouble. I cleared my throat and gave them meek smiles.

“Right, okay. So maybe I’m a little troublesome,” I admitted as the other two gave me matching smirks. Seth rolled his eyes as Dean slung his arm around my shoulders, towing me down the hall with them. “How’d you even find me?”

“We went by your normal locker room to check in on you, and of course you weren’t there,” Roman explained, chuckling to himself; my heart warmed a bit more. They were looking for me? “We followed the shouting and -”

“Okay seriously, first Bryan, now you guys! I’m not just surrounded by screaming chaos -” they all gave me pointed looks. “Tonight was just a coincidence.”

“Pretty coincidental coincidence, darlin’,” Dean teased. “Better keep ya with us before y’get yourself caught in the middle of your mischief.”

“I’m not a walking trouble magnet, you know,” I tried, cutting myself off when I realized that, actually, that’s exactly what I was. “Whatever. Shut up. Don’t you guys have a match to interfere in or something?”

Dean’s arm stayed around my shoulders as the boys led me through the arena, up higher and higher into the back of the stands. To their usual entrance spot. Oh boy, this wasn’t gonna be good for whoever was in the ring. We turned down the hall that led out to the upper row of seats, and Roman slid forward to pull the curtain back to show me who was wrestling.

“Yeah, actually, now that you mention it...” Damien and Sheamus’ match had just started. “Thanks for giving us something to do”

“What?! No! They’re my friends!”

“As payment for saving your ass, you get to pick which one we go after,” Seth told me, smirking so wide it had to hurt. This time I crossed my arms and shook my head.

“Absolutely not. I’m not sacrificing someone to you murderous little hyenas.”

“Well, Finch, it should be pretty easy for ya,” Dean mused, arm sliding off my shoulders as he came to stand in front of me. I tipped my head back to pout up at him and he shrugged. “As Sandow’s manager, shouldn’t you be stickin’ up for him?”

“You’re really gonna make me do this?” I asked; all three of them nodded. Of course they were. Well, shit. Dean had a point... I sighed and turned to look down at the guys in the ring. “Fine, fine. Well... Between us, I don’t think Dames would hold up to an attack from the Shield -”

“Casper it is, then,” Roman declared, rubbing his hands together maliciously as the boys turned towards the stairs. Alarm spiked through me and I grabbed Dean’s arm. He flexed under my touch and my thoughts scattered for just a millisecond.

“No, he’s my friend too! Okay, okay, I pick Damien. At least let him get his robe on first for padding -”

“Sorry, darlin’, target’s already been set. Can’t change course now.”

“What? Of course you can! You guys aren’t freakin’ missiles -” Oh. OH. I let out a groan and dropped my hand as the boys smirked over their shoulders. “You guys were already gonna jump Sheamus, weren’t you?”

“What makes you think that?” Roman asked innocently, blinking those big gray eyes down at me. I gave him a dry scowl.

“You wouldn’t jump a heel.”

“As pathetic as he is, that robed crybaby is on the side of justice,” Roman confirmed, cracking his knuckles menacingly. “We defend our own. No matter how obnoxious he might be.”

“So you just made me deliberate for nothing,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. Seth scoffed and actually patted my head placatingly.

“Not for nothing, Barbie. It was fun watching you debate with yourself.”

“We’ll be back,” Dean told me as I swatted Seth’s hand off me, throwing a wink over his shoulder as their music hit. The crowd roared as the three of them sauntered out to throw the night into chaos. For a few moments I deliberated running out there after them. How cool would it be to jump the Shield from the stairs? Why hadn’t anyone thought to do that before? I asked myself, honestly thinking about running out to help Sheamus.

Except... well, I knew the chances of someone coming out to help him in my absence, and I knew what a real possibility it would be for that someone to be Randy. The exact last thing I wanted was to be anywhere near him. Sheamus would be okay; I most certainly wouldn’t be if I ran into the Viper. And, besides, I’m pretty sure Booker would materialize in the ring and rip me in half if I showed my face out there tonight.

So, I patiently waited up in the shadows, listening to the crowd roar as the boys tore Sheamus apart. I felt bad leaving him down there alone, but I knew it was the best thing to do, all things considered. When they finally returned and shoved the curtain aside I was surprised to see Dean hauling in a bloody-faced Seth.

“What happened?” I asked in surprise, scampering with them down the hall as they headed to the basement for their usual secluded locker room. Seth spit out a mouthful of blood as Dean grunted,

“Got kicked in the face. Shit, man, y’didn’t break a fuckin’ leg. At least help me walk, y’weigh a lot.”

“Fuck you. You weigh more than me,” Seth growled, shoving off Dean and trying to walk on his own. He took two steps and swerved towards the wall. On instinct I skirted forward and ducked under his arm, letting him slump onto me instead.

“Jeeze, you are heavy,” I huffed, holding him upright until Roman could swoop in and help steer him down the hall. He flipped me off, making Dean and I snicker as we followed them downstairs. We’d just reached their locker room when familiar music hit.

I hear voices in my head...

I visibly tensed and instantly the smile fell off Dean’s face. A dozen emotions swam through me again; I was really tired of feeling like this every damn time he came up but I just couldn’t help it. Seth and Roman disappeared into the locker room but Dean paused with me in the hall, hand coming up to rest on my arm gently.

“You good, darlin’?”

I let out a breath and gave a small nod.

“I mean, all things considered. Just a little... tender, you know?”

“I do,” he promised, giving a gentle squeeze before leading me into the locker room and shutting the door. Thankfully the music was muffled enough I could barely hear it. Coupled with Seth’s yelping, I could pretend that asshole wasn’t in the same building as me.

“You just have a busted lip, dude, you’re fine,” Roman sighed, giving an exacerbated look over Seth’s head to Dean, who rolled his eyes. “Jesus. I’ll go grab you some ice if it’ll shut you up.”

“And some food,” Seth said quickly, drops of blood spiraling off onto Roman’s hand. The big guy gave a shout of disgust and wiped his hand on Seth’s arm. “Ew! Really? Come on man!”

“It’s your blood!”

“That doesn’t mean I want it on me!”

“What makes you think I wanted it!?”

“Just go wash your damn hands -”

“Would the two’a you just shut the fuck up? Shit,” Dean snapped, throwing his vest down in irritation as I snorted into my shirt. Both men threw us scowls. Dean jabbed a finger at Roman. “Let’s go grab some food while bloody baron over there cleans up.”

Seth flipped him off moodily, stalking to the bathroom as Roman muttered but followed Dean to the door. As he went to leave I caught his eye and raised my brows.

“They have spaghetti today,” I hinted; his lips twisted up into a smile as he threw me a wink.

“I’ll see what I can do, darlin’.”

I smiled to myself as they disappeared down the hall. Seth’s groan of pain from the bathroom caught my attention, and I slowly made my way towards him. He was just inside, leaning over the sink, poking at his bloody lip with a tissue and grimacing.

“That’s only gonna make it worse,” I pointed out; he met my eyes in the mirror and scowled. “The tissue’s gonna stick to your lip and make a mess.”

As expected, he pulled the tissue back and it ripped as it practically adhered to the inside of his mouth. Stifling a laugh, I stepped into the bathroom and grabbed one of the towels off the wall.

Seth watched as I ran a corner under water, then motioned for him to go back to the main room. Begrudgingly, he let me herd him to one of the benches; he dropped down and reached for the towel but I held it back.

“Just tip your head back,” I told him; he eyed me suspiciously and jammed a hand on my hip. “I’m not gonna strangle you with the towel or anything. Just trust me.”

Slowly, he tipped his chin up. Gently I tugged his lip down and experimentally dabbed at the cut. He hissed but didn’t pull away, just giving me a look as I muttered sorry. Once most of the blood was off his lip and chin, I tossed the towel away and he moved to stand.

“Hang on, we gotta rinse it out really well,” I told him, pushing down on his shoulder. I spotted his bag on the floor and dug his water bottle out, tossing it to him. “There’s a lot of bacteria in your mouth so it’ll be good to keep rinsing as you can. At least until the bleeding totally stops.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled around a mouthful of water, before getting up to spit in the sink.

I bundled up the bloody towel and brought it to the bathroom to toss in the basket before stepping up to the sink beside him to wash my hands. We stood in silence for a few moments, until I’d dried my hands and made to go back to the bench.

“You uh, you doing okay?” When I blinked in surprise at him, he cleared his throat and turned away from the mirror, following me back out. “You, uh, you looked upset hearing his music...”

"Oh,” I said softly, shrugging my shoulders as I gave myself time to think. Because honestly, today, that wasn’t what was really bothering me. Sure, Randy was a painful thorn in my heart but... right now I didn’t care about him. Much. Seth must’ve caught something in my expression because he elaborated,

“I know I’m not Dean, but uh, you’re not so terrible all the time. You helped me so if you wanna talk...”

He trailed off awkwardly and I settled on the bench, smiling up at him in thanks.

“I appreciate it, I do,” I promised, and let out a heavy sigh. “Honestly? The whole – the cheating, it’s one thing. But... I just feel weird with Bryan now, and maybe it’s dumb but that almost hurts worse than everything else.”

Seth frowned and, to my surprise, he sat on the bench across from me. Elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped and hanging down, he looked up at me like he was genuinely mulling over what I told him. Finally he shrugged and asked,

“Why would that be dumb?”

“I mean, what Randy -” I cleared my throat, trying to get past the sting of saying his name, “- what he did hurt me deep. I lost something I was holding onto. But with Bry, I just... I feel like I’m losing a part of myself.”

Seth hmm’d and nodded slowly, shrugging his shoulders.

“It makes sense. Why do you feel like you’re losing him?”

“He’s been with me since I was 17. In CZW. He picked me up out of the hole I’d dug for myself and saved me from a really rough time in my life. We were inseparable, honestly up until I got injured in FCW. As close as I am to Nikki, I was closer to Bry. To say he’s like my brother isn’t even accurate. He’s so much more and I really hurt him with keeping secrets. I feel like...” I took a breath, feeling tears pricking my eyes again. I was not crying tonight, damnit. “I feel like I lost myself the last few months and I’m afraid I can’t get back to who I was before.”

Since my talk with Bryan last night, those words had been buzzing around in my head driving me crazy. Finally putting them out into the world was a welcomed relief. My words settled heavily between us and for several moments Seth didn’t say anything. His head was down, studying the tile, nodding slowly as he processed what I’d put out there. Had I piled on too much? Did Seth regret offering an ear to me? As I watched him worriedly, he finally looked back up at me.

“Look, I’m not gonna be a cheerleader like the Bella’s. I’m not gonna coddle you like Dean and Roman do. I’m gonna be straight,” he warned; I nodded quickly, eager to hear what he had to say. He sat up straighter and told me simply, “I don’t think you can get back to who you used to be.”

Slowly, I blinked and frowned a hint, thinking about the meaning behind his words. I tilted my head and asked softly,

“What do you mean?”

“I think that the old Jamie, the one that Bryan met in CZW, the one that he grew close to, I think she’s gone for good. You’re a new person now and with everything you’ve gone through, going back to who you were isn’t possible.”

Well, he had a point. And I didn’t like it. I didn’t like thinking that Randy had taken away a part of me so completely.

“What if I don’t like who I turned into?” I asked, and for the first time since I met him, Seth actually softened his look just a hint. “I miss who I was. I don’t like all the lying, the sneaking, the fact that I turned my back on my friends without even realizing it -”

“Yeah, that was a shitty thing to do, but that’s not who you are,” he argued, shaking his head. “That’s just what you’ve done. There’s a difference. I don’t know much about who you were before, but I know you now. You’re a spunky little brat that doesn’t let others push her around. That knows exactly where she stands in this world. It sounds like the you before, she would’ve let the Shield ruin her first match. She would’ve let Big Show walk all over her. She wouldn’t come out and fight us every damn night because it’s better to be quiet and behaved than to stand up for yourself and what you believe in.”

The shock of Seth’s raw honesty was more surprising to me than I had words for. Because... he was right. All through FCW I’d been quiet and held back, not wanting to upset others or assert myself. And granted, that’d gotten me in the good graces of some, and it’d definitely made Bryan and the twins happier having me stay out of trouble. Hell, I’d only pulled a handful of pranks and all of them had been lighthearted and mutual – nothing like I did now.

“Bryan said he didn’t like who I am now. That he missed the old me, and didn’t like Jamie Lawless,” I admitted; those words had stung the most. Because Jamie Lawless... she was more like myself than Westy, or Jennie Lee, and honestly, sometimes more like myself than even Jay was. My Lawless era had drawn me out of my own shell and I was finally blossoming, and it hurt that Bryan didn’t like what he saw.

“He doesn’t like losing the you he knows because the only you he sees now is the one that Orton had his strings on. The Jamie he’s seeing is the one Randy made. But the Jamie you are, it’s different than before, but you’re not a liar. You’re not a sneak, or a cheat, or a bad person. You were a little too trusting and it bit you in the ass. And the more you get to know yourself the more that stuff is gonna happen. He’ll see the real Jamie, and he’ll figure out you’re not all secrecy and bad decisions. Once he sees you without Orton, without all the secrets and the hiding... it’ll take time, but he’s gonna come around.”

I honestly had nothing to say. Seth had... how had he done that? He was the one I hardly talked to, the one that probably saw the snarkiest, brattiest side of me, and he’d manage to talk me up better than even Nikki had done yesterday. And like he said, he was being honest.

For a long time I just stared at him. So long, in fact, he cleared his throat and got to his feet.

“Look, sorry, I know that’s a lot. Maybe I’m way off, but that’s just my take. You don’t need to -”

I got up and without thinking, I wrapped my arms tight around his waist. Seth literally froze and held stone-still for several seconds. When I sniffed, trying to hold tears back, he reached down and tentatively patted my back.

“Thank you. Seriously. That – that helps a lot. You put a lot of my feelings into words and it really just – thank you,” I blubbered, pulling back when I realized how awkward this was. I hastily wiped my cheeks off – cursing my never-ending tears – and gave him a smile. He quirked one back and shrugged.

“Don’t mention it. You patched me up, I’m just returning the favor.”

I gave a watery laugh, rolling my eyes and grabbing his water bottle off the bench.

“Go rinse your mouth. Your teeth are red, Princess Sparkle.”

“Fuck off Barbie,” he griped as the locker room door opened and the smell of food drifted around us. Roman threw down the baggie of ice he’d been carrying.

“Ay! Seriously? We leave you alone for five minutes and you’re harrasin’ our guest?!”

“First of all, it was a lot longer than five minutes,” Seth threw back. “I could’ve bled out and you were probably stuffing breadsticks into your mouth again -”

Roman grabbed the bag of ice and chucked it after Seth; it hit him with a snap and they both went off on one another. Dean, rolling his eyes, came up to me and held out a plate piled with spaghetti and breadsticks.

“This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen,” I told him, taking the food and grinning up at him. He went to say something and cut off, face pulling into a concerned frown. His hand came up to cup my chin and, gently, his thumb swiped away a tear I’d missed.

“You alright darlin’?” he murmured, hand lingering on my face as his eyes flicked between my own. With a genuine smile, I nodded and reached up, patting the back of his hand.

“I’m good, honest. Seth and I talked and he actually helped a lot.”

“Good,” he smiled, pulling his hand back as the boys came out of the bathroom, still arguing. “Once ya get past the dumb hair and the nasally voice, he ain’t so bad. Usually.”

“You’re fucking hilarious,” Seth spat around the bag of ice on his face. “Where’s my food?”

“Upstairs, where your ass can go get it by yourself,” Roman pointed out. Seth made a noise of protest and Roman shrugged, smirking down at him as he threw out, “I would’ve grabbed you some but I guess I was too busy shoving breadsticks in my face. Right?”

The two of them launched off into bickering again; Dean didn’t even make an attempt to quiet them down this time. He jerked his head to the corner of the locker room and I followed him with my spaghetti. He dropped onto the floor and slumped back against the lockers, and patted the ground beside him.

Instantly I obliged, settling at his side as he turned on the TV to watch the rest of the show. Nudging his arm with mine, I held out my plate to him. His brows raised up in surprise as I held out the fork.

“Wow. Sharin’ your precious food with me? Must be special,” he teased, taking a bite and shooting me a wink that set my heart skipping a couple beats.

“Must be,” I said simply, shrugging my shoulders and giving him a smile that spread onto his own face. We turned back to the TV, letting a comfortable silence settle over us as we ate together; his smile didn’t fade the rest of the night.

-x-

Dean

“I’m just saying,” Finch laughed, turning to walk backwards and give Seth a playful smile. “Beating a game on easy isn’t something to brag about.”

As Seth launched off into another fuckin’ rant about video games, she glanced at him and threw a swift wink. Dean snorted to himself and shook his head; she couldn’t get enough’a fuckin’ with this guy. As annoyin’ as Seth was gettin, Dean was willin’ to put up with it all night if it kept that smile on his girl’s face.

Seein’ her cryin’ the last couple’a nights had been real rough. Especially when there wasn’t shit he could do about it. Sure, rippin’ Orton in half was always an option, but the snake had been keepin’ himself hidden when he was outta the ring, an’ he knew jumpin’ the fucker again in the ring would just make shit worse for Finch.

So for now, he was focusin’ on keepin’ her smilin’, which meant bein’ with her as much as he could. His boys didn’t mind, and she didn’t seem’ta mind either. She’d been with ‘em all night, an’ she’d been puttin’ off goin’ back to her other friends since the show was over. Sure, some’a that mighta been ‘cause she was havin’ trouble with goat face. But Dean liked’ta think it was ‘cause she liked hangin’ out with him.

They’d be goin’ their separate ways till Monday, an’ he was soakin’ up as much time with her as he could. Sappy as it sounded, he was worried about leavin’ her for that long. Sure, Wonder Twin was there with her, but he wouldn’t be. He was supposed to be keepin’ her safe an’ it just felt wrong t’leave her when she needed him.

“How about this,” she suggested; Dean snapped out of his head, finally focusin’ on the conversation around him. “You beat the game on legendary, then I’ll think about changing your nickname, Princess Sparkle.”

“Seriously? No, I’m not proving myself to you,” Seth scoffed; Roman snickered and shook his head.

“Yeah, cause you can’t.”

“I - what?” Seth yelped incredulously as they came to a stop, just outside the locker room of Finch’s friends. “You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“Says who?” Roman scoffed; Seth threw his hands up and gave Finch a scathing look. “Just ‘cause you can’t back up the shit you’re talkin’ doesn’t mean I gotta come try and save your ass.”

Seth shook his head in disgust and turned away, marching down the hall towards the parking garage. The three’a them busted out laughing as he disappeared around the corner. Roman reached down an’ tucked her into a hug before nodding at Dean.

“I’ll go keep him from locking us outta the car,” he said, taking Dean’s duffel and slinging it over his shoulder. “See you later, munchkin. Don’t get into too much trouble.”

“No promises big guy,” she teased, giving him a wave as he backed down the hall. Dean nodded at him, an’ once he was gone, he turned to Finch. She was smiling up at him an’ just that was enough to make him loose his train’a thought. “So, what’s the Shield up to until Monday?”

“Enjoyin’ the peace an’ quiet we’ll have without you an’ your mischief followin’ us around,” he teased, and got the reaction he’d been hopin’ for. She crossed her arms an’ pouted up at him, full lips sticking out, big green eyes stretched wide up at him in accusation.

“That hurts my feelings, you know,” she fake-sniffed, actually makin’ her lower lip tremble. “I bless you with my company, with free entertainment, and this is how you thank me?”

She huffed an’ flipped her hair over her shoulder, turnin’ to leave. Dean laughed and his arm instantly went around her waist, towin’ her back to him. She didn’t pull away; she turned in his hold and again, Dean’s mind short-circuited. She was so fuckin’ gorgeous, the way she was tryin’ to bite back a smile, the soft flush in her cheeks – Dean had to drop his hold on her before he couldn’t.

“Okay, okay. It’s pretty fun gettin' him all pissed off,” he admitted, hand reluctantly sliding off her waist. She stayed close to him, smile coming over her face slowly.

“Are you saying you’re sorry?” she teased; Dean scoffed and she laughed; fuck he loved that laugh. Especially hearin’ it when he knew all she was goin’ through. Loved it even more knowin’ she was laughin’ cause’a him.

“Your friends are waitin’,” he told her with a smirk as she giggled even more. “Go bother someone else for a change.”

“Oh, you’re gonna miss me,” she insisted, an’ then his favorite part’a the night finally came. She stepped up to him and got on the tips’a her toes, wrappin’ her arms tight around his neck. His arms went around her waist and he held her tight to him, breathin’ her in; a hint of roses an’ vanilla an’ exactly what he thought warm should smell like.

“’Course I am,” he murmured into her hair; he felt her smile against his neck. They slowly pulled back and she took a step back, small smile on her face and lookin’ genuinely sad.

“Thank you. For everything. You... you really saved me from all that happened, you know that?”

Dean quirked a smile at her, hands goin’ to his pockets as he started to back down the hall.

“Always will, darlin’,” he promised, enjoyin’ the flush of her cheeks an’ the flicker of a shy smile that he drew out. When she met his eyes again he said honestly, “you let me know if you need anythin’, okay? I’m a call away.”

“Thanks Dean,” she said softly. He gave her a small nod, eyes on her until she waved and ducked into her locker room. Smilin’ to himself, Dean turned and made to follow the boys out to the parkin’ garage. As he glanced down the hall, his hand froze on the latch and he paused.

Orton was watching him. Leanin’ on the wall, arms crossed, eyes burnin’ a hole through Dean. His jaw was tight, body tense, coiled to spring at any moment. Orton’s eyes flicked to the locker room Finch had disappeared into, then back to Dean.

He’d seen ‘em together. Seen ‘em laughin’ an’ teasin’ an’ huggin’. An’ he didn’t look too happy about any of it. For a split second, Dean really thought about goin’ after Orton right then an’ there. Just the two’a them, layin’ it out, an’ Dean could finally rip him apart like he’d been wantin’ to.

Except, he knew it’d just hurt Finch. People were already thinkin’ they were teamin’ up an’ knowin’ his luck, there’d be a camera to catch them fightin’ an’ they’d turn it around on her. Maybe that’s what Orton wanted. Maybe he wanted Dean t’give up everythin’ else an’ come beat the holy shit out of him.

Nah. Dean had a temper, but he also had a job to do. Protect Finch, no matter what. So instead’a goin’ after him, Dean pushed the door open. An’ just before he slipped out into the night he threw Orton a wink.

The look of pure fury on his face warmed Dean the rest’a the week.