But With You on My Horizon

Alex packed the last of the bags into the back of the car. Today was the day he and Lisa were driving off to California to spend the summer. Not his choice of the best day to go but he knew he didn’t really have a choice in the matter. It isn’t the driving instead of flying part that upsets him, but there is no way to make it to California from Maryland in a single day. Tonight in LA Jack was opening his bar and having a birthday party even though his actual birthday wasnt until tomorrow. Alex wanted to be there to celebrate with him. Sure, they could meet up and have a late celebration once Alex actually got to the Golden State, but it’s not the same. It’s more frustrating just knowing they could have made it on time and he even asked Lisa weeks ahead to plan the trip around it. She always came up with some sort of excuse and convinced him that it had to be this day with all their things, the dogs, and getting the “Gaskarths Do America” experience.

Alex’s thoughts were interrupted when he felt a kiss on his cheek. He looked down to see Lisa standing with both of the dogs leashed up.

“Hey there daydreamer,” she quipped, “I know we are bringing the cages, but I’m going to have these two use the bathroom one more time before we go. Do you think you can go back in the house and make sure we didn’t forget anything?”

“Sure thing.” Alex replied, closing the trunk to the car.

“Thanks, hubby! I’m so excited!” Lisa clapped her hands in joy, gave Alex another kiss, then walked around the car to the yard for the dogs to relieve themselves.

Alex walked up to and inside the house, closing the front door and doing a quick check of every room since he already knew that they hadn’t forgotten anything. He hung back for a moment, debating an idea, before pulling his phone out of his pocket. Easily finding the number he was looking for, he hit the dial button then waited. It took barely two rings for the receiver to pick up.

“Alex! What’s up my man? Where are you at?”

Alex laughed both in amusement at Jack and a little sorrow at the answer he was about to give the other man.

“I’m at home.” He told him. “Me and Lisa just finished packing the car. We are driving to California today.”

“Oh.”

That one word spoken in such a way was all Alex needed for tears to prick at the corner of his eyes. Neither spoke for a few moments, letting the new information process. Alex felt like such an asshole. Not only had things changed for them a lot recently, which they had been doing their best with, but now he couldn’t even be there for Jack’s own birthday. He felt like such a failure.

“Do you, um, do you think you will be here by my birthday?” Jack asked, obviously hopeful for a yes.

“There are places we are going to be stopping by on the way to check out. I wish I could tell you without a doubt that I will be, but I can’t. I’m sorry, baby. I know neither of us expected this to happen. Please believe me when I tried. I want to be there with you on your birthday because I know I have missed so much. I have put you through so much and now this. Not only missing your birthday but it’s the opening of your new bar and I’m so proud of you Jacky, you have no idea. All I can do is say sorry and ask for you forgiveness.”

By this point a few tears of both frustration and sadness fell down Alex’s face. He waited quietly for a response from Jack.

“I understand,” Jack finally told him. Alex breathed out a sigh of relief but it was short lived. “That doesn’t mean I’m happy with it.”

Alex tucked his other hand in his pocket and leaned back against the living room wall.

“I don’t expect you to be but I hate that you are upset with me now. Jack, you know I have tried my best. I have done whatever I can with what little I have-

“With what little you have?” Jack snapped. “I’m sorry did you forget the part where you have a wife, dogs and a home? What is so little about that?”

“You know I don’t love her Jack, I love you. That’s what I mean, I have to live here every day with a women who I just consider a good friend yet parade around like we are the happy Gaskarth family. All I want to do is be at home with you.”

“You can’t tell me that this whole situation isn’t easier for than me, Alex. That is complete bullshit. Not only did you have the choice to end all this, but you enver did. How do you think it makes me feel to be portrayed as second best when I know I’m not? You aren’t the one who had to watch the love of your life get married while you and I still sleep together. You don’t have to wonder each day if there will be time in his now domestic scheduled to txt or call since we hardly communicate outside of the band. You don’t have to go home alone every night to an empty bed when you know that your love is holding someone else in their arms. Or doing more.” Jack’s voice broke on the last part and he was taking in deep breathes that Alex could hear through the speaker.

The older man was really crying now after having to hear all that Jack said. Alex wasn’t happy where he was and wanted nothing more than to leave this and move in with Jack. It was his version of happily ever after. He hadn’t taken time to think about how much harder this has been for Jack though. In the past of course he thought about it and did his best to make up for it, but ever since the proposal he hasn’t done shit. Alex will admit because of tour he became complacent in the fact that he got to see Jack every day so he didn’t think about but afterward he didn't do anything. He was planning the wedding but he had plenty of moments to txt, call, hell even leave a voicemail for Jack and he didn’t. Up until now Alex didn't realize how much of a shitty boyfriend he had been.

Alex was about to speak when he heard the front door open to find Lisa standing in the doorway.

“Our little fur babies are in the car and ready to go!” She told him, seemingly ignorant to the fact that he was on the phone.

“Be there in a minute” He told her and waited until she had shut the front door again. Getting ready once more to speak, he didn’t have to because he heard Jack’s bitter laugh on the other end.

“Of course, one minute to talk and there she is again. Have fun, Alex, maybe I’ll see you when you get here.”

“Jack please don’t hang up on me I’m begging you!” Alex said in a rush to attempt to cease Jack from ending the conversation. Not hearing the beeps of a disconnected call, Alex kept talking. “I have been an awful boyfriend. Alright, I'm not even going to go into a line of wedding planning excuses for any other sort of thing. It was my fault and I’m sorry, but please let me make this up to you. Not just for this weekend but for everything. I know I can get a day when I get there that it can be just me and, whatever you want to do just say it. I’m going to treat you like I should have been, baby, if it’s the last thing I do. Please give me another chance to make this right.”

While Alex waited for Jack’s response, currently only getting sniffles and deep breathes from the other line, he wiped away to wetness from his own face. Jack was taking longer then before to say something.

“Jacky” Alex’s gagged on a sob in his throat. “P-Please, please let me be a better boyfriend.”

“Okay.” Jack said so softly Alex almost didn’t hear it.

“Really?” Alex questioned.

“Yes, you asshole.” Jack teased him with a watery laugh. “I don’t know what I want to do yet but I’ll think about it while you are on your way here. I’m sorry for what I said, babe. You didn’t deserve all that, I know you try and I know it’s not always easy for you either.”
“Don’t be sorry, I mean it. I needed that wake up call.I want to make sure you always know it and that you never have to feel like you are second best.”

Jack swallowed back the rest of his unshed tears.

“I don’t want to but I’ll let you go now. The sooner you get on the road the sooner I get to hold you right?”

Alex smiled wide at that comment. “Exactly, baby, Exactly. Just a few days.”

“A few days” Jack repeated. “I love you, Alex.”

“I love you more.”

“Don’t start that Gaskarth! Not when we don’t have time! Plus I’m always the winner anyways.”

“Psh, as if Barakat.”

Both men laughed happily into the phone, relief flooding their senses and making them feel both more at ease.

“I’ll see you soon, baby. Be safe at the party.”

“You know me well. You be safe on the road, too. Bye, Alex.”

“Bye Jack.”

The two men both held on the call a little bit longer just to take in the sound of each other breathing, a still moment in time just to have each other. A moment to know that the other was really there and that they were going to be okay. A silent reassurance. Alex took the phone away from his ear with a soft smile. He hated to be the first to end it but Jack was right. The sooner he hit the pavement, the quicker he could start making it up to Jack. By some sort of fate or telepathy, as Alex moved his thumb to end the call, the screen flashed and went back to his home screen indicating the other person had ended the call.

Soon, Jack. Alex thought as he shoved his phone back in his pocket, making his way towards the door. Knowing that getting back to his love would be his motivation for the trip. Soon.