Chasing Second Chances

“Rise and shine Ella! It’s a new day, a chance for new beginnings.”

“If you don’t get out of my room right now, I will kick you.” I growled, throwing the covers over my head.

“Threatening a therapist? I believe that’s reason enough to send someone to the psych ward, at least for a couple of days.”

“You’re an evil bastard.”

“An evil bastard? First time I’ve been called that.” He shrugged his shoulders in nonchalance. “Get up cupcake, you need to make me some breakfast.”

“Okay, two problems with this scenario.” Groggily I sat up in bed, shoving my feet into some slippers. “One, do not call me cupcake, I am not a bakery item. Two, why am I making you breakfast? I’m not a maid.”

“Ah, but I’m a guest in your house.”

My eyes burned holes through his skull. “I never asked you to stay here and harass me.”

“I’ve suddenly got a craving for cupcakes. You should make some cupcakes.”

“I’m not making cupcakes for breakfast! We’re not children!” Huffing I shuffled past him towards the kitchen. “You’re an absolutely ridiculous therapist.”

“Why won’t you make cupcakes? Isn’t this what every little kid dreamed what being an adult would be like? Eating dessert for breakfast?”

“What are you twelve?” I stood there for a moment while he stared expectantly. “Fine, whatever, we’ll make cupcakes.”

“Score!”

“Seriously? Score?” My curiosity peaked at his childish demeanor.

Is this supposed to be some sort of therapy bullshit?

Show that’s it’s okay to still have a childlike hope?

It’s giving me the creeps.

“So what do we need?”

Glancing up to meet his eyes I shrugged. “Can’t say I make cupcakes too often.”

Tristan sighed as he shook his head. “You’re hopeless Ella.” A ping hit my heart at hearing those words. “Seriously, what kind of woman doesn’t know how to make cupcakes.”

“I literally lived across the street from a bakery Tristan, why would I need to know how to make cupcakes!? And another point, isn’t it a little unproductive to call a patient helpless when you’re trying to help them?”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry. It’s just a stupid saying.” I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at his sudden change in tone. “What? What’s so funny?”

“How did someone like you ever become a psychiatrist?”

“That, is a story for another time. Come on, I think we need to go to the store. I’m serious about these cupcakes.”

“Fine fine, just let me change.”

If I pretend that this is all working, he may leave earlier than he originally planned on.

Just, pretend.

You’ve been doing it for your whole life anyways.

Just put on a smile, and act as though you see the world in a whole new way.

Just pretend you see yourself in a whole new way.

“Alright, I’m ready!”

“Good! Let’s walk there.”

Stepping out into the warm morning sun, I couldn’t help but to think.

How could I hate so much, when everything was so beautiful?

We walked in silence, receiving a few stares.

“Everyone is staring at you.”

“What? Why would everyone be staring at me?” Quickly Tristan looked down at himself, scanning to see what could be wrong.

My eyes zoomed in on a scar across his chest, barely visible through his button up.

“What’s that scar from?”

“Huh? Oh, just an accident I had a while back.” My curiosity lingered as he changed the subject. “You know they’re not looking at me, they’re probably looking at you.”

“What?” Panic struck me like a bolt of lightening. “Why are they looking at me?”

“Um probably because you’re wearing a sweater in eighty plus degrees.”

Instinctively I rung my hands in the sleeves, pulling the cloth closer. “I always wear a jacket.”

I have to wear a jacket, or they’ll all know.

They’ll all judge me.

“It’s alright Ella, I’m not asking you to take it off.” I looked over at Tristan shocked. “So, what all do we need to get at the store?”

Why do I feel like he understands?

Like he knows what it’s like-

No, he can’t.

Someone as perfect as him could never understand.

“You just keep asking that question, maybe the answer will change.”

Eagerly I stepped into the grocery store, hoping to get this experience over as soon as possible.

“Oh dear, it’s so hot outside how can you wear a sweater?”

Anxiously I laughed, averting her question.

Stop staring!

Everyone please stop staring!

I just want to-

“So do you think we should do, vanilla or chocolate?”

“I, I don’t care.”

Just pick one.

Everyone is staring at us.

Staring at me.

I should just jump in front of a bus on the way home.

There’s no way I could survive from that right?

“You know, if you pay attention to one thing at a time it wouldn’t be so bad.”

“Right, sure.”

He moved in closer, whispering in my ear. “And if you’d stop listening to that voice in your head, you’d be able to relax.”

My gaze snapped his way as he continued to scan the boxes.

How?

How could he possibly?

Lightly I shook my head, wanting to finally take his advice.

A small smile graced my lips as the negative thoughts momentarily dissipated.

“Chocolate.”

Tristan turned my way, his own smile lighting up his face. “Sounds great to me.”