We Can Only Pretend for So Long
Ryan Phillippe
“Uh, Ky, did you and Jacob have a fight or something? You’ve been awfully cranky this weekend.”
“None of your business Ryan. Just mind your own perfect little relationship.”
“Yep. They definitely had a fight. She’s jealous of us.” I glared at my brother as he spoke into his phone.
“If I wanted her to know I would tell her. Can you two just stay out of my business for once in your lives? That would be fantastic.”
Over reacting much?
Of course, it’s what I’m good at. Obviously.
It’s what Jacob said isn’t it?
‘Just call me when you grow up a little.’
That’s not a cliché line at all!
God fucking Jesus!!!
It’s alright, everything was fake, we hate each other. Now we’re back to normal.
No speaking, no glances. This is how things are supposed to be.
And now that Christmas break is coming soon, I won’t even have to think about him.
Except for when I’m hoping he dies in a blizzard. . . . . . If it ever snows!
It was just raining the other day, and the electricity went out, and the dumbass came over, and then, and then, he called me beautiful.
No. Shut up.
That’s not the important thing here.
I got to speak to Steven.
Maybe that was all a dream.
Who knows anymore.
It rains in December, Pelter calls me beautiful, a ghost comes back from the dead to warn me about an ex boyfriend, and now I’m rambling to myself.
I have officially gone crazy.
Yay.
_________-
“Uh, Ky, you remember that douche bag Tayler?”
“What the hell do you think? Of course I remember him.”
Was he going to warn me like Steven?
“He’s here to see you.”
Say what?
“Hey Kyle, it’s been a while.”
“What are you doing here Tayler.”
Stuffing his hands in his pockets he looked down sheepishly.
Had I been the old me, I would have fallen for him right there and went crawling back to him.
The me now, could see right through that pathetic excuse of shyness.
“I heard from a little bird that you and Jacob broke up, I was, I was hoping that maybe we could get back together.”
Broke…up?
“Who, who did you hear this from?”
“I’m sorry, is it not true?” Jamming his thumb backwards he put on innocent eyes, “But I thought I just saw him on a date with Monny.”
Monny? Monny of all people!? He told me he couldn’t stand her, and now he’s on a date with her?
Fuck it.
“You know what, yeah. I’ve missed you Tayler.”
“R-really?” He obviously wasn’t expecting a positive response.
“What did you just say?”
“I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be with a real man, why don’t you remind me? Come on.”
Ignoring Ryan I pulled Tayler out the door towards his car.
“Kyle, are you serious? What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Ryan roared, holding himself back in the doorway.
There they are, so it’s true. Jacob and Monny really are on a date.
Well guess what, so am I, and I’m sure they’ll be happy to hear me yelling it.
“I’m going on a date with my boyfriend Ryan! What the hell are you doing?”
“Where do you want to go babe?”
Don’t call me babe you idiotic puke. “Away from here.”
“You got it.”
Do me a favor and don’t speak.
Quickly the scenery zoomed by, and I instantly knew where we were going.
He’s trying to be romantic. He’s going to our hide away.
I’d rather jump out of the car right now.
…..What if he’s stupid enough to try something?
No one knows where our hide away is, hence the words hide away.
Does it really matter anymore?
No one would really care if something happened to me anyways.
No, that is a lie.
Ryan would care. Dad would care.
I need to stop being so stupid and actually think!
Who says that Jacob was actually on a date with Monny?
Besides the imbecile driving way too fast in the rain.
Is he trying to kill us?
“Pull over.”
“What? Babe, we’re almost there.”
“Don’t call me babe you pig, pull over now.”
Glancing between myself and the road, his anger rose. “Why the hell do you want me to pull the car over? We’re almost there, we’ll have a nice make up. It’ll be nice and memorable.”
“Tayler dear,” Leaning across the seat I got in his face. “If you don’t pull the damn car over right now I won’t hesitate to rip your dick off and throw it out the window. Now, are you gonna pull over or not?”
With out so much of a warning he stomped on the brakes, sending us spiraling in the middle of the interstate.
“Get the fuck out of my car you crazy bitch!”
Yeah, turn it like you’re kicking me out.
Good job.
With a twist of a wrist I flipped him the bird before slamming the door.
Now, to walk home.
I must be, twenty miles away from my wonderful bed right now.
At least it’s raining. . . . Make that snowing.
I’m so stupid.
He was right. I am being childish.
But, how do I fix this?
What if he really was on a date?
What if he only did all of this to get my first kiss?
“Ry.”
“Kyle. What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Where are you? I’m coming to get you.”
“I’m kind of, on the side of the interstate. Heading towards the old barn.”
Maybe it was because I was nervous, or maybe it was because I actually had gone crazy.
Either way, I don’t know what made me bust out laughing, or what made me lie down in the wet grass, on the side of the interstate.
All I do know, is that by the time Ryan had found me, I was covered in a thin sheet of snow, and I was ready to pass out.
___________________
Please tell me I’m not hearing that beeping noise.
Oh god.
I am.
“Kyle? Are you awake?”
My whole body aches, even my eyelashes.
“I am, but I’m afraid to open my eyes.” I croaked. “Bri, how long have I been out?”
“Just since last night. It’s ten. They said it’s nothing too serious, but they would advise you to never do that again. Any longer and you might have slipped into a coma.”
“And that’s nothing serious?” I took the silence in gratefully.
“You’re too bullheaded to slip into a coma.”
I said I took it in gratefully, not fill it with him.
“I’ll, leave you two alone.”
No, Bri don’t.
Slowly I opened my eyes, letting them adjust.
Heart, please just forget about him, I beg of you.
“So you decided your bed wasn’t comfy enough?”
“More like someone’s car wasn’t.”
I noticed his back stiffen as I sat up, wincing with every move.
“He kicked you out of his car when it was snowing?”
“No. I told him to pull over, or I may not hesitate to rip a certain appendage off.”
“That’s the Wilson I know.” He chuckled, taking a seat.
“So, why aren’t you with Monny?”
“Why would I be with Monny? I don’t want that drama. She tr-”
“Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt, I need to speak to the patent in private.”
“Um, okay. By Kylie.”
“See you around Pelter.”
My eyes glazed as he walked out the door.
What if Tayler and Monny set us up?
What if he really doesn’t want me anymore?
___________________
“I’m telling you, go. We won’t be upset when you miss our annual Christmas party.”
“Bri, yes you would.”
“At first, a little, but I understand. Kyle, go. Fly to California and get your man!”
“Who says he’d even take me!?”
“He would be stupid not to.”
Answer on the tip of my tongue, heat risen to my cheeks, the doorbell rang.
“God damn it. We’ll continue this in a minute.” I grumbled, stomping to the door.
“Fly to California and get him? How did she think that would work?
“Hey beautiful. Wanna go out?”
“Listen, Nick, I’m sure I’ll feel guilty about this later, but just fucking leave.
Your goal to ‘pop my cherry’ isn’t gonna happen. Go find Monny.”
“What? Kyle, that’s not-”
“Leave! I’m having a very important conversation with Bri about Ryan Phillippe.”
“Okay PELTER. Jesus.”
My eye twitched as I glared at a, soon to be, dead boy.
“Don’t ever call me that ever again.”
“….PELTER.”
Mature.
Let’s see how you like a kick to the stomach.
“Ah god damn it. You even kick like hi-”
Quickly I slammed the door, not caring to hear anymore.
“Okay, back to Ryan?”
“Uh, Kyle, did you just kick your crush in the stomach?”
“And just how the hell do you think I just kicked Ryan Phillippe in the stomach? Next sub-”
God damn people never learn.
“Wh- Hey guys. Come in.”
My bright smile barely reached my eyes.
“I just saw the weirdest thing. Nick was gimping down the sidewalk clenching his stomach. “Sean commented, plopping onto the couch.
“Yeah, weird.”
“And he kept saying, ‘God damn Pelter corrupted her.’”
Everyone’s eyes slowly made their way to my face.
“What? He was pissing me off.”
Suddenly, as if pushed by a great force, I fell forward.
“Listen dick, I had no problem kicking Nick, I can most definitely kick you too.”
“Try it Wilson, it’d never work. I’m too fast, and you’re too weak.”
Everyone gazed questionably.
That’s right, for all they know, we’re still together.
My heart clenched.
I mean, they think we were actually dating.
“What’s going on?”
“Wilson, you wanna tell them or should I?”
“It was fake.” I captured Jacob’s eyes. “All of it.”
“Whoa, hold on! That couldn’t have been fake!” Bri yelled in protest.
She thought we were the perfect couple.
“Believe it honey.”
The way Jacob just plopped into the chair with that irritating smirk just saddened me even more.
“But you kissed.” Sean intervened.
“What!?”
Ryan roared in rage.
……He knew. Why is he so upset? He’s SEEN us kiss before.
“You had to be a couple, you’re just in a fight right now.” Josh nodded, coming to a ‘conclusion’.
“Remember making us stay in that cottage together?”
“Yeah.”
“This is us getting you back.” I finally spoke.
“Looks like you ended up hurting yourselves more than us.” Ryan answered, pushing past me.
Slowly everyone left, until Jacob and I were left alone.
“Look at that, our plan worked.” He smiled brightly. “Good job soldier, even giving up your first kiss to make it look real.” My eyes slightly watered. “What’s the matter? Are you gonna cry?
Oh, don’t tell me you actually believed all of that crap.
Ha. You did, didn’t you?
You’re so naïve.”
“Get the fuck out of my house Pelter.”
“Aw. You really do believe it was all real.”
Did seeing the hurt in his eyes make me forgive him?
No, because behind that cold exterior, there was no sadness, only amusement.
“You know Pelter, you can use this against me for the rest of my life, whatever, because yes, for a split second I thought this was all real.
I was stupid to think an asshole like you could ever change. Now leave.”
My hope is far too great.
My eyes are deceiving me.
My ears hate me.
None of this is real.
“I’m sorry Kyle.”
He’s lying, he finds my heartbreak pure entertainment.
I don’t care if he called me by my real name.
This is such-”Bullshit. You love this, I know you do. Only a twisted person like you would find this so amusing.”
Stepping closer, he pulled my face up to actually look at him. “Kyle. I’m being serious, I really am sorry.”
Is his face getting closer?
No way is he about to kiss me.
Oh hell. Why not?
A slight chuckle escaped his lips. “But you really are too easy to fool.”
That fucking asshole.
He knocked the wall twice before leaving the house.
I refuse to cry over him.
Too many years of my life I’ve wasted over him, and his stupidity.
“None of your business Ryan. Just mind your own perfect little relationship.”
“Yep. They definitely had a fight. She’s jealous of us.” I glared at my brother as he spoke into his phone.
“If I wanted her to know I would tell her. Can you two just stay out of my business for once in your lives? That would be fantastic.”
Over reacting much?
Of course, it’s what I’m good at. Obviously.
It’s what Jacob said isn’t it?
‘Just call me when you grow up a little.’
That’s not a cliché line at all!
God fucking Jesus!!!
It’s alright, everything was fake, we hate each other. Now we’re back to normal.
No speaking, no glances. This is how things are supposed to be.
And now that Christmas break is coming soon, I won’t even have to think about him.
Except for when I’m hoping he dies in a blizzard. . . . . . If it ever snows!
It was just raining the other day, and the electricity went out, and the dumbass came over, and then, and then, he called me beautiful.
No. Shut up.
That’s not the important thing here.
I got to speak to Steven.
Maybe that was all a dream.
Who knows anymore.
It rains in December, Pelter calls me beautiful, a ghost comes back from the dead to warn me about an ex boyfriend, and now I’m rambling to myself.
I have officially gone crazy.
Yay.
_________-
“Uh, Ky, you remember that douche bag Tayler?”
“What the hell do you think? Of course I remember him.”
Was he going to warn me like Steven?
“He’s here to see you.”
Say what?
“Hey Kyle, it’s been a while.”
“What are you doing here Tayler.”
Stuffing his hands in his pockets he looked down sheepishly.
Had I been the old me, I would have fallen for him right there and went crawling back to him.
The me now, could see right through that pathetic excuse of shyness.
“I heard from a little bird that you and Jacob broke up, I was, I was hoping that maybe we could get back together.”
Broke…up?
“Who, who did you hear this from?”
“I’m sorry, is it not true?” Jamming his thumb backwards he put on innocent eyes, “But I thought I just saw him on a date with Monny.”
Monny? Monny of all people!? He told me he couldn’t stand her, and now he’s on a date with her?
Fuck it.
“You know what, yeah. I’ve missed you Tayler.”
“R-really?” He obviously wasn’t expecting a positive response.
“What did you just say?”
“I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be with a real man, why don’t you remind me? Come on.”
Ignoring Ryan I pulled Tayler out the door towards his car.
“Kyle, are you serious? What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Ryan roared, holding himself back in the doorway.
There they are, so it’s true. Jacob and Monny really are on a date.
Well guess what, so am I, and I’m sure they’ll be happy to hear me yelling it.
“I’m going on a date with my boyfriend Ryan! What the hell are you doing?”
“Where do you want to go babe?”
Don’t call me babe you idiotic puke. “Away from here.”
“You got it.”
Do me a favor and don’t speak.
Quickly the scenery zoomed by, and I instantly knew where we were going.
He’s trying to be romantic. He’s going to our hide away.
I’d rather jump out of the car right now.
…..What if he’s stupid enough to try something?
No one knows where our hide away is, hence the words hide away.
Does it really matter anymore?
No one would really care if something happened to me anyways.
No, that is a lie.
Ryan would care. Dad would care.
I need to stop being so stupid and actually think!
Who says that Jacob was actually on a date with Monny?
Besides the imbecile driving way too fast in the rain.
Is he trying to kill us?
“Pull over.”
“What? Babe, we’re almost there.”
“Don’t call me babe you pig, pull over now.”
Glancing between myself and the road, his anger rose. “Why the hell do you want me to pull the car over? We’re almost there, we’ll have a nice make up. It’ll be nice and memorable.”
“Tayler dear,” Leaning across the seat I got in his face. “If you don’t pull the damn car over right now I won’t hesitate to rip your dick off and throw it out the window. Now, are you gonna pull over or not?”
With out so much of a warning he stomped on the brakes, sending us spiraling in the middle of the interstate.
“Get the fuck out of my car you crazy bitch!”
Yeah, turn it like you’re kicking me out.
Good job.
With a twist of a wrist I flipped him the bird before slamming the door.
Now, to walk home.
I must be, twenty miles away from my wonderful bed right now.
At least it’s raining. . . . Make that snowing.
I’m so stupid.
He was right. I am being childish.
But, how do I fix this?
What if he really was on a date?
What if he only did all of this to get my first kiss?
“Ry.”
“Kyle. What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Where are you? I’m coming to get you.”
“I’m kind of, on the side of the interstate. Heading towards the old barn.”
Maybe it was because I was nervous, or maybe it was because I actually had gone crazy.
Either way, I don’t know what made me bust out laughing, or what made me lie down in the wet grass, on the side of the interstate.
All I do know, is that by the time Ryan had found me, I was covered in a thin sheet of snow, and I was ready to pass out.
___________________
Please tell me I’m not hearing that beeping noise.
Oh god.
I am.
“Kyle? Are you awake?”
My whole body aches, even my eyelashes.
“I am, but I’m afraid to open my eyes.” I croaked. “Bri, how long have I been out?”
“Just since last night. It’s ten. They said it’s nothing too serious, but they would advise you to never do that again. Any longer and you might have slipped into a coma.”
“And that’s nothing serious?” I took the silence in gratefully.
“You’re too bullheaded to slip into a coma.”
I said I took it in gratefully, not fill it with him.
“I’ll, leave you two alone.”
No, Bri don’t.
Slowly I opened my eyes, letting them adjust.
Heart, please just forget about him, I beg of you.
“So you decided your bed wasn’t comfy enough?”
“More like someone’s car wasn’t.”
I noticed his back stiffen as I sat up, wincing with every move.
“He kicked you out of his car when it was snowing?”
“No. I told him to pull over, or I may not hesitate to rip a certain appendage off.”
“That’s the Wilson I know.” He chuckled, taking a seat.
“So, why aren’t you with Monny?”
“Why would I be with Monny? I don’t want that drama. She tr-”
“Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt, I need to speak to the patent in private.”
“Um, okay. By Kylie.”
“See you around Pelter.”
My eyes glazed as he walked out the door.
What if Tayler and Monny set us up?
What if he really doesn’t want me anymore?
___________________
“I’m telling you, go. We won’t be upset when you miss our annual Christmas party.”
“Bri, yes you would.”
“At first, a little, but I understand. Kyle, go. Fly to California and get your man!”
“Who says he’d even take me!?”
“He would be stupid not to.”
Answer on the tip of my tongue, heat risen to my cheeks, the doorbell rang.
“God damn it. We’ll continue this in a minute.” I grumbled, stomping to the door.
“Fly to California and get him? How did she think that would work?
“Hey beautiful. Wanna go out?”
“Listen, Nick, I’m sure I’ll feel guilty about this later, but just fucking leave.
Your goal to ‘pop my cherry’ isn’t gonna happen. Go find Monny.”
“What? Kyle, that’s not-”
“Leave! I’m having a very important conversation with Bri about Ryan Phillippe.”
“Okay PELTER. Jesus.”
My eye twitched as I glared at a, soon to be, dead boy.
“Don’t ever call me that ever again.”
“….PELTER.”
Mature.
Let’s see how you like a kick to the stomach.
“Ah god damn it. You even kick like hi-”
Quickly I slammed the door, not caring to hear anymore.
“Okay, back to Ryan?”
“Uh, Kyle, did you just kick your crush in the stomach?”
“And just how the hell do you think I just kicked Ryan Phillippe in the stomach? Next sub-”
God damn people never learn.
“Wh- Hey guys. Come in.”
My bright smile barely reached my eyes.
“I just saw the weirdest thing. Nick was gimping down the sidewalk clenching his stomach. “Sean commented, plopping onto the couch.
“Yeah, weird.”
“And he kept saying, ‘God damn Pelter corrupted her.’”
Everyone’s eyes slowly made their way to my face.
“What? He was pissing me off.”
Suddenly, as if pushed by a great force, I fell forward.
“Listen dick, I had no problem kicking Nick, I can most definitely kick you too.”
“Try it Wilson, it’d never work. I’m too fast, and you’re too weak.”
Everyone gazed questionably.
That’s right, for all they know, we’re still together.
My heart clenched.
I mean, they think we were actually dating.
“What’s going on?”
“Wilson, you wanna tell them or should I?”
“It was fake.” I captured Jacob’s eyes. “All of it.”
“Whoa, hold on! That couldn’t have been fake!” Bri yelled in protest.
She thought we were the perfect couple.
“Believe it honey.”
The way Jacob just plopped into the chair with that irritating smirk just saddened me even more.
“But you kissed.” Sean intervened.
“What!?”
Ryan roared in rage.
……He knew. Why is he so upset? He’s SEEN us kiss before.
“You had to be a couple, you’re just in a fight right now.” Josh nodded, coming to a ‘conclusion’.
“Remember making us stay in that cottage together?”
“Yeah.”
“This is us getting you back.” I finally spoke.
“Looks like you ended up hurting yourselves more than us.” Ryan answered, pushing past me.
Slowly everyone left, until Jacob and I were left alone.
“Look at that, our plan worked.” He smiled brightly. “Good job soldier, even giving up your first kiss to make it look real.” My eyes slightly watered. “What’s the matter? Are you gonna cry?
Oh, don’t tell me you actually believed all of that crap.
Ha. You did, didn’t you?
You’re so naïve.”
“Get the fuck out of my house Pelter.”
“Aw. You really do believe it was all real.”
Did seeing the hurt in his eyes make me forgive him?
No, because behind that cold exterior, there was no sadness, only amusement.
“You know Pelter, you can use this against me for the rest of my life, whatever, because yes, for a split second I thought this was all real.
I was stupid to think an asshole like you could ever change. Now leave.”
My hope is far too great.
My eyes are deceiving me.
My ears hate me.
None of this is real.
“I’m sorry Kyle.”
He’s lying, he finds my heartbreak pure entertainment.
I don’t care if he called me by my real name.
This is such-”Bullshit. You love this, I know you do. Only a twisted person like you would find this so amusing.”
Stepping closer, he pulled my face up to actually look at him. “Kyle. I’m being serious, I really am sorry.”
Is his face getting closer?
No way is he about to kiss me.
Oh hell. Why not?
A slight chuckle escaped his lips. “But you really are too easy to fool.”
That fucking asshole.
He knocked the wall twice before leaving the house.
I refuse to cry over him.
Too many years of my life I’ve wasted over him, and his stupidity.