We Can Only Pretend for So Long

“You were in jail!? What the hell did you do now?”
“Lay off Ryan. Jesus.”
“Stay the fuck out of this Pelter, this has nothing to do with you.”
“It does actually.” He growled, stepping closer.
“You want a rematch from last year? Fine by me.”
“You guys, knock it off! What the hell is your problem.”
“Get in the fucking house Kyle. I’ll deal with you later.”
“Listen asshole-”
“Jacob please. Just go home, let’s just drop this. I don’t want to see officer Redmond twice in one day.”
Jacob glanced between myself and Ry.
My eyes scanned the whole yard.
Jacob and Ryan too close, both fuming.
Bri standing in the background with her arms crossed.
Jay off to the side, helpless like myself.
What a fucked up day.
“I said get in the house Kyle.”
“You know what, Kyle, you’re coming with me. Let’s go.”
Jacob’s hand wrapped around my wrist.
“Like hell she is. You’ve gotten her into enough trouble already.”
Decisions. Decisions.
Stay here and get lectured by my brother and his girlfriend, or go to Jacob’s and try to calm him down.
Turning I allowed Jacob to lead me to the car.
“Kyle!”
I heard Bri’s steps get closer, but Ryan’s voice stopped her, and almost me, right in her tracks. “Fuck it, let her leave. Who cares.”
After that comment, leaving seemed ten times harder.
If there was anything I’ve learned these past few months, it’d be how to hide my feelings.
“Are you sure Ky?”
“Just drive Jay.” My mind wouldn’t stop racing. It couldn’t. I had to do something to calm down. “Your dad’s not home is he?”
“No, he’s not.”
“So, I can take a shower when we get there?”
The car was silent for a moment, almost with a state of panic.
“Uh, yeah. That’s uh, that’s cool.”
Stepping out of the car both guys avoided my gaze.
“What the hell is wrong with you guys?”
“Nothing. I’ll get you some clothes, but uh, nope, never mind. I’ll be right back.”
“And I’ll, be in my room.”
Quickly they left, leaving me in the hallway alone.
What was that about?
They act like I’ve never showered here before.
Of course, I was eight.
“Here are some clothes, you know where the bathroom is. I’ll be in my room.”
It didn’t hit me until I was in the bathroom undressing as to why they were freaking out.
The only bra I had, was soaking wet.
My face turned crimson.
If I hang it up while I shower maybe it’ll dry quicker.
I hope.
Why can’t they have a sister?
My worries rushed away as I stepped into the warm water.
Heaven.
I can’t imagine anything feeling better than stepping into a warm shower after sitting in wet clothes on a cold day.
If there wasn’t so much going through my mind right now, the tears welling up in my eyes right now would be happy tears.
Blinking my eyes furiously I shook my head.
I am so sick of crying.
“Kylie? You alright in there? You’ve been in there for along time.”
I’ve been in here for like five minutes.
“I’m a chick, I take long showers.”
“Half an hour is a little much. You’re sky rocketing my water bill.”
“Fine fine.”
Half an hour should have been enough time for my bra to dry right?
Oh thank god!
A muscle shirt and a t-shirt would not be enough to keep this situation sane.
“Where are your brushes?”
Jacob shrugged his shoulders as I entered the room.
“Oh come one. Your hair is long enough that you have to brush it.”
“Are you really going to make a big deal out of this?”
“Do you see my hair right now? It’ll be ten times worse in the morning.”
Jacob snorted. “I gotta see this.”
“Oh, Ky, here’s a brush. I figured you‘d need one. And a ponytail. My girlfriend leaves her crap here sometimes.”
“Thanks.”
Jay has a girlfriend?
News to me.
Eagerly I jumped onto Jacob‘s bed, knowing just how comfortable it was.
“Ah, no. That is my bed.”
“But, I’m your guest.”
If depression was evident on my face, he didn’t care.
“Yeah, so you can sleep on the couch. Guests are supposed to be courteous.
Don’t just assume I’m going to let you sleep in my bed.”
“You are such a douche you know that?” Blank stare. “Oh fine. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
Shuffling I made my way towards the couch, plopping down next to Jacob.
“Get off my bed.”
“I’m not tired yet, I think I’ll sit on the couch for a while.
I hope you’re not too tired there Kylie. I may even decide to play some video games, or music.”
The groggy feeling instantly left.
“Well let’s go then. Play some music!”
“Calm down, why are you so jumpy all the sudden?”
“Are you going to teach me how to play the piano?”
“…………Did I say I was teaching you anything? I said I was going to play some music.
The only thing I’m going to do to the piano is smash your face into it.”
“You are too violent.” I called back, running down the stairs. “Ah!”
Jacob had to sit on the stairs as he busted out laughing at my body sprawled out on the floor.
“I give up. I’ll just lay here the rest of my life.” Quickly I shot up. “Did you just snort!? Oh my god! You sound like Gramma Pelter!”
A sigh of content escaped my lips as I lay back down on the floor.
“Good job Grace.” Jacob smiled as he stepped over me.
“Play Mayday.”
“What if I wanted to play A Day To Remember?”
“Them too.”
“You ask too much of me.”
“Jacob,” Slowly I rolled over, glancing up to meet his eyes. “Can you play your song too?”
“What-”
“You know which song I’m talking about. Please?”
Jacob stood over me, contemplating “You’re going to fall asleep on the floor aren’t you?”
“Uh no. At least I won’t if you play some music.”
A smile rushed over my face as I realized I had won the battle.
‘Have Faith In Me’ suddenly filled the air.
“You’re lame. You personally have to play it, not your music player.”
“So you caught on?”
“You don’t exactly sound like the lead singer you know? Not to mention you don’t have twenty arms to play all of your instruments.”
The guitar he picked up glistened in the light seductively.
“I’m a little rusty at this, don’t judge.”
“Always do Pelter.”
He worries too much.
Fucking perfect.
Not a note out of place.
I feel I probably could fall asleep right now.
“Don’t do it.”
“That’s not part of the song.”
“Improv. Keeping you on your toes.”
My laugh cascaded with the chords.
“Well you ruined that song Wilson, on to the next.”
“That excited to sing about your lover?”
“I had a dream last night we!”
“Don’t yell it! Sing it!”
“I think it’s time for you to go to sleep, you’re not supposed to be critiquing me right now.”
“I’ll go to sleep when you play that song.”
“Why do you want to hear that song so badly?”
“Why are you stalling?”
My face was now propped up, so I could glare a little better.
“Fine. Just shut up.”
“Snarky.”
“What was that?”
“I said, woo? Can’t wait to hear it? Oh who cares? Play.”
‘Age is just a number,
For how long we have knew.
To live out our lives,
Just us two.
Slowly I nuzzled back into the floor, and my heart slightly swelled and a tired smile graced my lips.
I don’t want to fall asleep during this, but my eyes are so tired.
I’ll just close them.
It’ll be fine.
To reach for the sky,
And touch the stars.
With us two,
The lyrics and piano created a beautiful motion picture in my mind.
Nothing is ever too far.
You could be my moon,
If only I could be
Two silhouettes walking towards each other on a road of music notes.
When they finally reach one another, they grab hands, and suddenly the music notes burst in all different directions, as if a bomb had went off.
The silhouettes slowly came into focus, two smiling beings happy just to be with one another.
Your rising sun.
Where we could take the
Earth and have so much fun.
Suddenly it was just Jacob’s voice, seemingly getting closer.
The feeling of being lifted from the ground happened in real life and in the vision as Jacob twirled me in a circle.
For without you my
Nights are dull.
I need you from sunrise
Till the sun should fall.

I just need you to be my
Everything
For anything, to something.

For to a what could have been,
To a could be.
To a can be.
To what can come to be.’
“I thought you weren’t going to fall asleep.”
I cracked my eyes open, seeing the exact face from the vision. “I thought you were going to leave me on the floor.”
“If you’re awake, why am I carrying you?”
“Because you’re a nice guy?”
My arms quickly flung around his neck as he went to drop me.
“Oh my god! You asshole, I could have died.”
“I think I have the better chance of dying, you could have broke my neck.”
“So you guys are slow dancing in the middle of the night, but you’re not dating? Right?”
Jacob and I glanced at the situation at hand.
My arms around his neck, his hands on my waist….I could see where Jay caught that thought.
“I get the bed!” I yelled, trying to break free.
“Nice try. You get the couch.”
“Shouldn’t you be nice to your girlfriend?”
“For the last time Jay, we are not together, you just have terrible timing.” Jay stared blankly before walking off. “Your brother is stubborn as hell.”
“You’d think he was your brother.”
“Really? Gonna go there?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Well now you owe me. My feelings have been hurt-”
“I couldn’t care less.” Jacob scoffed, walking away.
“You sir, are no gentleman.”
“Never claimed to be one girlie.”
My feet stopped moving for a brief moment. “Girlie? Really? What is your problem tonight? Been doing any drugs lately?”
“You have a guilty conscience don’t you. First thing to pop into your head is drugs?
Don’t worry, I’ll help you with your addiction.”
“What, by giving me more?”
Jacob stopped and turned. “You do drugs now?
What the fuck.”
“Calm down, it was a joke. Don’t kill me over it.
I already have a whole lot of people after me, I don’t need you in on it.”
Depression. Not my best friend.
“I started the mob Wilson. Come on, you need to sleep.”
Bipolar mother fucker.
I care about your feelings. I don’t care about your feelings.
I hate you. We’re friends.
Make up your damn mind.
“Are you going to your lame annual Christmas party thing?”
“I don’t really think I’m welcome anymore. And you’re right, it is lame.
We do nothing.”
“Well, my family is having-”
“I’m there. Gramma Pelter will be there right?”
Jacob barked a laugh before throwing a pillow my way. “Who said I was inviting you?
I was just telling you.”
“Same day? I’ll show up anyways. Gramma Pelter will let me in.”
“Oh I’ll make sure I’m the only one to answer the door. Do you have your phone with you?”
“Yes. Why?”
“I think it’s going off.”
Scrambling to my feet I try to find the phone.
“Who would be calling? Got it! Hello?”
“What the hell is your problem?”
“Who is this?”
“It’s Bri. What the fuck is your problem? First you try to break us up, then you make a big scene, then you try to kill yourself, and then you make another scene!?
Are you fucking kidding me? Gro-”
“It’s for you.” Tossing the phone to Jacob I lay back down.
“Hello? ….You get the fuck off the phone….I never liked you…..Because you’re a stupid bitch…quit proving my point….You act like a child I’ll act child. Fair trade to me….Right, I’m gonna hang up now.” I didn’t know whether to clap or to ask what the hell had just happened. “I do not like your friend.”
“I don’t have friends.”
“Ouch. What am I?”
“…..A bully.” Turning so my back was to him, I fake snored.
“You think you’re joking, but you really do snore like that. Just throwing that out there. Night Grace.”
“Night.”
__________
“You need to get over it, she’s 18, she can get a tattoo.
Make up with your sister you stupid asshole, she’s crying in her sleep.”
Is he talking about me?
Is this a dream?
“You and your little princess of a girlfriend need to get over yourselves.” Nope, this is real. “So what she says means more to you than your own sister? Just shut up. I’ll be coming to pick up her stuff tomorrow.”
Hold on, does that mean I’m, moving in here?
“He doesn’t want me there anymore?”
“Go back to sleep Kyle, we’ll talk about this later.”
I can’t tell if I’m crying or not.
I can’t even tell what I’m feeling.
Am I sad? Happy? Confused?
“Am I really that hard to live with?”
He sat down on the couch, pulling me into his side. “We’ll find out. I’m sure you’re going to drive me absolutely insane.”
“Thanks.” I chuckled, hugging his torso. “You’re going to regret this.”
This should be the part in the story where they kiss or something right?
……………I think I’ll just think about it and fall asleep.
Someday, we’ll get back together, it’s written in the stars.
I don’t know if it’ll be any time soon, but the simple knowledge that it will happen, gives me enough peace of mind to love my life. Even now.