Punch Drunk Crazy

“So.” Tom turned to look at Mike as he dropped onto the bed next to his in their shared hotel room on the road. His brow raised and Mike asked him, “Your little…freak out last night… that a onetime thing or…?”

Tom sighed and assured him, “It’s a onetime thing. I don’t even know why I did it.”

“I do.” Mike said, and when Tom raised his eyebrow again Mike explained, “You kept it in for months because you didn’t want to cause any issues, and honestly I don’t blame you for exploding like that. I know I’ve kind of been giving you shit for how you’ve handle this whole thing but I guess I never realized the kind of feelings you really had for her.”

Tom nodded his head slowly and he said, “I wouldn’t care this much if it was Ari, dude, you should have known.”

Mike nodded, “I know now.”

Tom let out a sigh and leaned against the headboard of his bed and he said, “I thought the longer this went on the easier it would get.”

“And? Did it get easier?” Mike asked him curiously.

“Not really. I mean… I guess it doesn’t hurt like it used to because I think now I kind of understand where she was coming from more… but I still feel like this huge part of my life is missing, like a big chunk is gone and I can’t figure out how to fill it again.” Tom told him honestly, tapping his fingers against the back of his cell phone, which was resting on his thigh. He admitted to Mike, “I thought… Sam was… I thought I could stop looking when she came into my life.”

“Looking for what?” Mike asked him absentmindedly, more focused on the highlights on Sportsnet.

“You know… that whole forever thing that I always thought was bullshit.” Tom stated. He had, up until recently, never thought it was real. He had never understood how someone could find a person that they could be with for the rest of their life; the same person, every day for their whole life. The idea had always scared the shit out of him if he was being honest. Sure, he liked the idea of having a girlfriend, and he wasn’t so much of a macho guy that he couldn’t admit he liked the idea of being in love, but one person for the rest of his life? No thank you. That was until Sam came into his life and all of a sudden he wanted to spend all of his time with her and he wanted to wake up and go to sleep with her every day of his life. He figured it had more to do with her being the right person than it did with him changing his mind at all.

Mike turned to him, brow cocked and asked, “What, like marriage?”

Tom shrugged his shoulders, “I mean, yes and no. I’m not ready for that yet, probably won’t be for a while, but… I could see it with her dude. I could have honestly spent the rest of my life with her and it would have been… that sounds like the best life.”

- - -

At seven fifteen Sam’s buzzer went. Dom was late. Tom was never late. Then again, he lived right next door, how could he be?

Sam held down the button on her buzzer and said, “I’ll be right down.”

She didn’t wait for a response, she simply looked in the mirror by the door once more, did a lipstick teeth check, fluffed up her coppery hair and she smoothed out the front of her pencil skirt and tucked in tee combo before she grabbed her bag and locked up the door behind her.

Dom was waiting in the little lobby beside the buzzer list, and he smiled when he saw her, saying, “You look gorgeous.”

Sam’s cheeks flushed as she slipped her arm through his and linked them together, saying, “Thank you.”

It was silent in his car while he drove, Sam simply looked around the city and took things in on the way to restaurant. She was impressed when he jogged around the front of the car and opened her door, linked their arms together and walked beside her into the restaurant. He held both sets of doors open for her, and gave the hostess his name for their reservation.

They were seated at a table between two others, one middle aged couple on their right and an empty table to their left. Dom ordered a bottle of wine for them, as well as a water for each of them, and Sam was a little put off by his ordering for her. She had never been a fan of that, but she shrugged it off, figuring that maybe a lot of guys just thought girls liked that.

As she looked over the menu Sam asked him, “Have you ever eaten here?”

“Tons.” He told her as he too eyed the menu for a moment.

She asked him, “So what’s good, I’ve never been and this menu is a little… overwhelming.”

Dom chuckled at her, and Sam felt like it was less of a ‘haha’ laugh and more of an annoyed laugh. She glanced over the menu and toward him as he told her, “They have really good pasta, if you’re into all those carbs. The steaks great, but that’s a lot red meat. Honestly, whenever I come here I go with a chicken salad. They’re really good.”

Salad. Right.

She wasn’t sure why but she flipped over to the salad section of the menu. Sam had never, not once in her life, felt the need to order dinner with caution around a man. She had always ordered whatever seemed good no matter what it was, and yet, for some reason, here she was, looking at ordering something she knew wouldn’t even fill her up.

So when their waitress came by to take their orders Sam ordered a grilled chicken spinach salad with feta and wondered what she would order in an hour after their meal tonight. Their conversation didn’t seem to go much further for a while after their waitress left and Sam found herself looking at Dom and comparing him to Tom without even really realizing that she was doing it.

He wasn’t as tall, at least four inches shorter. His eyes were dark, not light. His smile was different, not quite as warm and inviting as Tom’s was. He was always so proper; Sam hadn’t seen him even glance at anyone else in the restaurant since coming here, and he while he held the doors and pushed her chair in for her he seemed to do them, not because he wanted to, but because he felt he had to.

Tom did those things because he wanted to. Tom even frequently glanced at other women in Sam’s company just to make her laugh, because he knew it didn’t bother her. Tom never cared what she ordered, in fact Sam could recall many late night orders of burgers or pizza between the two of them. Sam never felt like she had to be anyone but herself around him.

Dom kick-started the conversation again when he asked her, “So, how do you like living in Washington now?”

“It’s different definitely. My condos great.” But there’s something missing. There’s no boy next door.

“Just out of curiosity, what made you go for a condo and not a house?” Dom asked her as he took a sip of his wine.

Sam shrugged her shoulders and told him, “A house is big, and a lot of work and upkeep that I don’t really have the time for. I don’t need that kind of space for just me.”

“But, one day it won’t be just you. You know? One day you’ll have kids and a dog.” He said with a smile.

Sam smiled gently and said, “Not any time soon for me, so I’m content with where I am right now.”

“You don’t want children?” He asked her curiously.

She shrugged again, “Maybe someday but definitely not soon. I’d like to focus on myself for a while, my career and my person life and do things that I’ve always wanted to do.”

“Like what?”

“I’ve always wanted to travel and stuff like that. Things that aren’t exactly easy to do with kids.” Sam told him honestly.

He nodded his head slowly and she could already feel the judgement coming off of him. Even when he cleared his throat and asked her, “Where would you go? What’s on your travel list?”

“I’ve always wanted to go to Turkey, maybe Germany someday.” Sam said with a small smile.

“Germany?” He asked her in surprise.

Sam nodded her head, “I have a friend who lives there.”

“Those are some… interesting places.” Dom said slowly.

In an effort to take the heat off of herself Sam asked him, “Well, where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world?”

“Springfield Illinois.” He told her, not even having to think of it.

“Why there?” Sam asked him. After all of the travelling around the states she had done growing up the last thing she would consider doing was taking a vacation somewhere within America.

“It’s where my family is from. My parents and grandparents still live there.” He told her.

Sam smiled gently and she asked him, “Are you guys close? Your family?”

“How can you not be close with your family?” Dom asked her with a chuckle. Sam didn’t answer. She didn’t know what that was like, but she certainly didn’t tell him that.

Her attention was stolen when a couple sat down at the table to their left, the woman looked to be a little older than Sam and the man couldn’t have been in more than his mid-twenties. Sam watched them interact for a few moments before she turned back to Dom to find him watching them as well. She smiled gently and said, “Seems like lots of people like this place.”

He nodded his head and Sam’s brow lifted as he said, “Yeah, I don’t know what I’d bring my sister here though.”

“They could be on a date.” Sam said gently.

“God I hope not.” Dom stated, glancing over at them once more.

Sam’s brow raised just a tiny bit more and she asked him, “Why not? What’s wrong with them being on a date?”

“There’s gotta be at least ten years between them.” He said, looking at her as if she had three heads.

“So?” Sam asked him, slightly harshly. She felt the need to defend a couple she didn’t even know just because a few months ago she had been in their shoes.

“So… that’s just… not right. A woman should not be dating someone who’s young enough to be their kid sibling, or their nephew.” Dom stated in annoyance.

Sam couldn’t help herself, “But its okay when a man does it?”

“It’s not quite as weird.”

She rolled her eyes, “No, it’s just not as common.”

“Whichever, it’s just not right.”

Sam grabbed her napkin from her lap and set it on the table, and she got up, grabbing her clutch before she said, “You can eat by yourself, feel free to take my meal home.”

“Samantha, seriously?”

She turned around to face him and told him, “It’s Sam, and yes, seriously.”

With that she walked out of the restaurant, thanking her lucky stars to find a cab sitting parked on the street, empty, a few buildings down. She got in, and gave him her address, and on her way home she ordered in a pizza so that it would arrive shortly after she got there. Paula was right; she knew five minutes into the date that he wasn’t right, but did she know that she didn’t want to date other people, or just that she didn’t want to date Dom?

- - -

At ten o’clock the next morning Sam was being ushered into Mitchell’s office, her palms were sweating and she had been up most of the night trying to draft up her speech for their meeting that morning. She still wasn’t sure that she was doing the right thing here, but it felt like the only option that made sense for her.

So she sat in the plush chair in front of his desk as Mitchell sat down in his chair and he asked her, “I have to be somewhere for eleven, so what did you need to see me about?”

She smiled and clasped her hands together tightly in her lap, saying, “I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last few months and… I guess it occurred to me that my life has just kind of gone in a different direction lately and that’s left me trying to figure out what fits and what doesn’t anymore. I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity you’ve given me here, I am, but I think right now it’s time for me to move on and do something different for a while.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what do you mean move on and do something different?” Mitchell asked her curiously, leaning his forearms against his desk.

Sam looked over at him and told him honestly, “I’m handing in my resignation, and I think I’m gonna take some time to decide what I want in life.”

“Could I entice you to stay by telling you that you’re on top of the list for Partner next year?” He asked her curiously.

Sam a year ago would have stayed for that.

She shook her head, “No, you couldn’t. I appreciate it, and everything you’ve done for me but this just… isn’t me anymore. I don’t know what is, and if it even includes the law, but I’m really looking forward to figuring that out.”

“Well, if I can’t convince you to stay I’d like to say good luck and that I hope you figure it out.” Mitchell told her, and he stood up, held out his hand and when Samantha followed and shook his hand he told her, “Thank you for everything you did while you were here.”

With her only appointment of the day behind her Sam went back to her office with an armful of boxes. She set them all on her desk and started slowly packing it up, separating what she was keeping and what she was getting rid of. She took her three court outfits from the wardrobe in the corner and folded them carefully into the keep box, and then she went through her desk drawers.

In the bottom drawer she pulled out a picture frame that she had at one point had sitting on her desk. It was of her and Tom from their time in Memphis. It had been taken during their tour of Graceland. Sam glanced between the box of things she was keeping and the box of things she was throwing away, and then she looked down at the picture. With a small smile she carefully placed the framed photo in the box of things she was keeping and went on with her packing.