Punch Drunk Crazy

"Dude quit moping you look pathetic." Tom rolled his eyes as Mike told him this as he and Kelly walked into the apartment.

Tom was laying on the couch watching TV, in the same exact position he had been in three hours earlier when Mike had left the apartment that morning. Kelly scolded Mike, "Let him do whatever he wants. He's a big boy."

"He's an overgrown child." Mike stated as he lifted a few bags of groceries onto the counter.

Tom couldn't help but smile to himself when Kelly asked, "And you're not?"

He listened to the two of them bicker back and forth for a few seconds and then, when they both sat down on the couch as well Mike asked him, "What are you moping over anyway? And if you say Ari I'll hit you."

Tom rolled his eyes yet again and he informed Mike, "That ship has sailed."

"Good." When Mike said this he found both Tom and Kelly watching him in amusement. He shrugged his shoulders and explained, "I never liked her. She wasn't good enough."

Kelly couldn't help but giggle and ask, "You want me to leave? I can give you two some alone time."

Mike rolled his eyes and he fake laughed before stating, "Like he could pull a guy like me anyway."

Tom rolled his eyes and then he said, "I can't even get our neighbor to talk to me anymore, my game sucks lately."

"That's what you're all mopy, sad puppy eyes over? The neighbor?" Mike raised his eyebrow and when Tom nodded his head he said, "Dude, I thought I told you not to scare her away."

Tom narrowed his eyes, "I didn't! Not on purpose. I couldn't help it! It was totally out of my hands."

"Did you have sex with our neighbor? Was it awful? Is that why she won't talk to you?" Mike asked him with a raised eyebrow again, purposely trying to push his younger roommates buttons.

"No I did not sleep with her, the issue is not my dick, the issue is my age." When Mike's brow cocked again Tom explained, "Well… the issue is my age subtracted from her age."

"I don't get it." When he said this Tom groaned.

Kelly, feeling bad for one of, or both, boys explained to Mike, "She's older, obviously. Boy I sure do pick dumb ones."

Mike rolled his eyes, not giving her the satisfaction of a response, and he turned his attention back to Tom, asking him, "So what's the difference? Two years? Three?"

"Nine." He said it so casually that Mike thought he might have misheard Tom's statement.

So to make sure he had heard it correctly Mike asked him, surprise evident in his voice, "She's thirty?!"

Tom nodded his head, "She asked me to leave when she found out my age. Guess I was younger than she thought."

"Or she just has standards." Mike mumbled.

When Tom narrowed his eyes at Mike Kelly intervened, stopping an argument, that knowing the two boys in the room, could turn into a wrestling match, "I think Michael just means that while everyone says age is just a number, once you're actually presented with an age difference people generally feel differently."

"I don't give a fuck how old she is." Tom stated.

Kelly nodded, "You don't because you're twenty-one and, whether you want to admit it or not, the idea of being able to sexually satisfy a woman almost a decade older than you is a big bump in your ego. For her, it's less about the actual facts and more about what society pushes on us females."

Mike raised his eyebrow, "Do you have to remind us that you're all smart and collegey all the time?"

"That's not a word, and yes I do. I'm paying a boat load of money for my education, might as well make sure people know it." Kelly stated with a shrug of her shoulders.

Tom, more focused on the previous conversation, asked Kelly, "What exactly did you mean by that last comment?"

"You guys are so privileged to have dicks you don't even know it." When she said this Mike couldn't help but let out a laugh. In response to his laughter she informed him, "Seriously! It is proven that men have it easier when it comes to society than women do."

"Name one time." Mike told her, out of pure curiosity.

"Okay, say Tom goes out and has sex with three girls in one night. What do you say to him in the morning?"

Mike grinned and told her, "Atta boy."

She nodded, "Exactly. A girl does that and she's labeled a whore."

"That's a bit extreme." He told her and she rolled her eyes.

"But true. Guys can be with girls who are younger than them and it's perfectly fine but if a woman dates a guy younger than her it's weird and makes people uncomfortable. It's the double standard of society. Penis over vagina, everyone knows it." Kelly stated and Tom and Mike both looked at each other and as if on cue in a sit-com burst into laughter. Kelly rolled her eyes, "Laugh all you want, but it's totally true."

Mike told her, "I think you need to come up for air once in a while when you have your nose in your books."

"Also public bathrooms. You don't have sit on dirty ass toilet seats to pee. See, penis privilege." She stated it so casually, even leaning back against the couch and crossing her arms over her chest that Tom and Mike couldn't help but laugh.

"Three." Tom stated and when Kelly and Mike both raised their eyebrows he stated, "That's the most I've ever heard the word penis or dick come out of a woman's mouth in the span of one conversation."

"Just because I'm smart doesn't mean I'm a prude." Kelly stated, and she rolled her eyes when Mike wrapped his arm around her shoulder and smirked.

Before he could say anything Tom got up from the couch and headed to his bedroom, telling them, "Well I'm gonna go nap or something. I just got rejected by a woman, don't really feel like hanging out watching you two make out."

"I love you Tommy!" He rolled his eyes at Mike but didn't respond. Instead he dropped onto his bed, face down, and sighed loudly.

- - -

Sam was about to reach out for the large glass door leading into the apartment building when it suddenly opened for her. She paused, and turned to find Mike, the brunette from next door to her, holding it open. He smiled at her so she smiled back and when he waved his arm for her to proceed she did so, and then he stepped inside behind her as she thanked him.

She got her mail, and he got his and once they were in the elevator Mike turned to her and said, "So you're thirty."

Her cheeks flushed, and she covered her face, "He told you about our conversation?"

"Sort of." He said, and he smiled gently before he told her, "For what it's worth, Tom's young and he acts it. He's a total idiot, and he's immature and annoying and frankly a child."

"Is this you trying to help your friend? Because if so… you're a terrible friend." Sam told him, and he chuckled.

"I just mean… he's a guy making a shit ton of money playing a sport for a living… he's bound to act like a kid. And while he does act like a kid a lot, he's also nice, and he treats people well, too well if you ask me. Every girlfriend he's had, and it's been a small list in the time I've known him, he's let take complete advantage of him. He's too nice, but he is nice and I think you should give him a chance." Mike told her honestly, and Sam sighed gently.

She smoothed her hands out across the fronts of her dress pants and she told him, "Even with all of that information it still doesn't change anything."

As they stepped out of the elevator and onto their floor Mike asked her, "It should though. Who says otherwise?"

As they approached her door and she unlocked the doorknob Sam turned to Mike, she smiled gently and told him, "Have a good night."

She locked the door behind her, and dumped her work things onto the table with a sigh. She pulled her hair from the bun at the nape of her neck and unbuttoned the top two buttons of her silk blouse, pulling it out from underneath the waistband of her dress pants as she kicked her heels off and headed toward the bedroom.

As she was slipping a thick cardigan on when someone knocked on her door. So she padded down the hall and toward the door, opening it again to find both Tom and Mike on the other side of the door. She glanced between them, and then looked at Mike and joked, "Stalking is illegal you know."

He chuckled as Tom glanced at him in confusion. Mike nudged him, and so he cleared his throat, held up a six pack of beer and asked, "Neighbor hang out night?"

She should have said no, should have, but instead as she stepped aside to let them in she joked, "Sure, but you can keep the beer for yourselves."

As the two made themselves comfortable on her couches, Tom on one and Mike on the other Sam filled a wine glass with red wine before she entered the living room. She rolled her eyes as Mike lifted his leg up onto the couch to force her to sit on the same couch as Tom.

After a few seconds of silence Mike asked her, "So… you watch hockey?"

Sam glanced at Tom from the corner of her eye as she told him, "That would require me to have more than a few minutes of free time in a day."

"Right. Lawyer." Mike stated and she nodded. Curiously he asked, "So, where are you from?"

"Boston." She informed him.

"You don't have the accent." He stated and Tom hated that she laughed at what he said.

She shrugged, "Moved a lot as a kid, but I went to Boston for school."

Mike nodded slowly and he glanced at Tom, and then looked back at Sam and asked her, "And you're new to Arlington?"

She nodded her head and as she took a sip of her wine Tom finally spoke, "I've never understood how people can stomach that stuff."

She laughed, and he smiled until he caught Mike's look of complete and utter disappointment. However, Sam didn't seem to mind the change in the subject as she informed him, "I bet you've only ever had cheap wine. That's the difference. I was a beer drinker for a long time until someone introduced me to expensive wine."

For good measure she held out her glass, and with a stern look from Mike Tom took the glass and raised it to his lips, taking a small sip before he handed it back to her with a rather impressed look and admitted, "Actually that's not entirely terrible."

Sam smiled, enjoying her tiny victory, before she told him, "I win."

Tom chuckled, but their conversation halted so Mike cleared his throat and asked her, "Do you ever get out and about in the city?"

"Honestly? Not very often. I pretty much go to and from work and here." She admitted, before adding, "There is this one Italian place by where I work, makes the best pasta. I could eat there every day if I really wanted to gain three hundred pounds."

"If you like Italian you should try this place in Mount Vernon Square-"

"Alta Strada?" When she asked this Mike raised his eyebrow and Sam explained, "That's where I was talking about."

They both laughed and Tom glared at his roommate. Their trip next door was supposed to be so that Tom could get to know Sam, without her constantly thinking about the age difference, and how she shouldn't have him alone in her apartment. Now it seemed like instead of this working in Tom's direction Mike was taking all of the attention. So he skillfully pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a quick text to Mike.

You want me to leave you two alone?

Mike looked down at his phone as it buzzed, and then over at Tom before he got up, cleared his throat and told Sam, "I have to get going. My girlfriend's dog locked himself in the garage."

So she walked him to the door and as he headed to the elevator Tom got up as well and told her, "I guess I'll get going too."

She thought about Mike's words earlier in the elevator.

He's too nice, but he is nice and I think you should give him a chance.

"Or you could stay." When he smirked she rolled her eyes and as she closed the door she said, "Down boy, I meant for another drink."

He chuckled and sat back down on the couch where he had been sitting before, and he was surprised when Sam took her former spot back as well instead of sitting on the other couch across from him. He glanced at her and curiously asked, "So what made you come here? From Boston?"

"Oh no, I was living in Baltimore." His brow cocked so she explained, "My friend got a promotion that involved moving to Germany and I apparently can't say no to people. She asked me to take over the rest of her lease."

"Wait… your friend used to live here? The brunette with the really strong Massachusetts accent? That's your friend?" He asked her in surprise. He had only ever talked to her a handful of times, she was friendly enough but almost never left her apartment. When Sam raised her own eyebrow at his question he stated, "I share a wall with one of the bedrooms here… honestly she made me feel like a prude."

Sam let out a laugh, nodded her head and stated, "Yeah, that's Paula. Even when she was engaged she had boy toys… plural."

"She was engaged?"

Nodding Sam explained, "Oh don't worry, he was sleeping with other people too. Men mostly. They had a business engagement."

He nodded, his lips forming an 'o' as he pretended to understand. He glanced around her apartment and then he stated, "I don't hear anything from my room anymore. Do you ever have sex?"

She stared at him in surprise for a moment, and just when he thought he had perhaps gone too far she smiled and told him, "Well I've been here four weeks and I've failed to find any man who doesn't bore me to death."

"I'm not boring." He told her confidently. She blushed.

"You're a boy." She said.

He smirked, "I could show you how much of a man that I am."

"You men are all the same." Sam stated. Tom raised his brow and urged her forward with a motion of his hands and an amused expression. So Sam told him, "You have totally unrealistic expectations, and we women just go along with them because if we don't then we have to be alone."

"I think you're exaggerating." Tom told her and she shook her head.

"Nope. You want your women to be able to cook, and clean, and take care of you and support you all while looking the part. Dressed nice, puts effort into her appearance, waxes." She made a face of disgust at the last comment and he laughed. She told him, "You men don't even know how much of a hassle that is. Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that most normal men find it unattractive it would be like the 1970s down there all the time."

He let out a laugh, "Really?"

"Jesus, I am so cut off." Sam mumbled as she leaned forward and put her glass on the coffee table. As she settled back into the couch she told him, "So… I just thoroughly embarrassed myself, now you have to tell me something embarrassing about you to make this an even playing field."

"That's so not how this works." He informed her.

"Okay, pity me for what just happened and make me feel better by telling me something embarrassing about yourself." She said, and he smiled gently.

"Alright… well sometimes at night I lay in my bed and wish you had a guy over, just so that I could hear what you sound like." He told her, his blue eyes watching hers intently. He leaned his side against the back of the couch as he turned to face her, and she stared back at him, she wanted to look away. Desperately. But she didn't. And he smiled, and added, "Just so that I can hear what you sound like when you-"

She surprised him but cutting him off with her lips against his. It took only a quarter of a second before Tom responded, instantly deepening the kiss, pressing his hands to the sides of her face as her own hands wrapped around his middle and grabbed at his shoulders. He swiped his tongue across her bottom lip, and she made the softest sound, almost like a kitten squeak, before she opened her mouth to him. As his tongue brushed against hers Sam let out a quiet moan, one that caused Tom to smirk against her lips as he kissed her.

It was Tom who broke the kiss first, resting his forehead against hers for a moment before he pulled away and surprised her by saying, "I'm gonna go back to my place, you should go to bed."

She followed him to the door, "You're leaving?"

"You've had three glasses of wine, and… as much as I want to do this," He paused, brushing her coppery hair from her face, "I don't want to do this when you've been drinking. So I'm going to go home, before my body changes my mind and I throw you down on the floor right now."

She wanted to tell him he could do just that, her body was begging for her to give him the green light but instead she smiled gently, "Goodnight Tom."

"Goodnight Samantha."

She closed the door behind him and couldn't help but smile. Maybe Mike was right.

An hour later she had finally crawled into bed, and as she stared at the ceiling she wondered what she was getting herself into. She had kissed her twenty-one year old neighbor, and God did she enjoy it. She hadn't been kissed like that in, well, ever. She couldn't stop her mind from wondering that if he was that good of a kisser was he good at other things as well? Was there any harm in going there? Really? Were all her reasons just made up in her head?

Sure, Tom was gorgeous and he made her blush like a teenage girl, and he was an exceptional kisser and he made her wish, so much, that she was younger. If she was younger this wouldn't even be a conversation in her head. If she was even four years younger she would probably have already had her way with the neighbor.

Could she really go there? Because God did she want to.

She almost laughed when she heard two knocks on her wall. She knew she shouldn't have, but she knocked twice back.