Punch Drunk Crazy

"I can't go there."

Mike stared at him as if he had three heads but when Tom didn't answer Mike picked up the couch pillow next to him and threw it directly against Tom's face. Tom, completely stunned, turned to Mike, who exclaimed, "What the hell do you mean you can't go there?!"

Tom sighed and shoved his hands through his hair, tugging at the ends of the long dark locks. He asked softly, "I just can't. Who says I get to just show up and fuck up her life again?"

"Me!" Mike exclaimed, slamming his palms into his chest to emphasize is point. He continued, "I say!"

Tom sighed again, and he said, "I just don't think it's a good idea."

"Why the fuck not? It's a great idea man!" When Tom's brow raised Mike jumped up from the couch and exclaimed with hand motions and everything, "It's the best idea! All this 'I'm so sad, I hate my life, I'm lonely and my girl left me' you've been doing the last few months can be over! All you have to do is get up off your ass and go to her! Do all that romantic shit you see in movies!"

"Huh?" Tom asked.

"Show up with a boom box like Say Anything. Or challenge her to a high steaks game of basketball- she wins you leave, you win you stay like in Love and Basketball. Wait! You could show up at her apartment singing her favorite song like Heath Ledger… wait on second thought that's a bad idea; you have a terrible voice."

Tom's brow raised and he asked Mike, "Who are you even right now?"

"What? Kelly watches a lot of movies." Mike stated, cheeks flushed.

"Uh, not those types of movies." Tom pointed out.

Mike rolled his eyes, "Whatever dude, all I'm saying is do this big romantic gesture to win her back."

"That's not the kind of woman Sam is though. She'd hate anything like that." Tom stated softly. If there was one thing he knew it was that Sam would definitely slam the door in his face if he showed up with a boom box.

Mike sighed and told him, "So think of something else, just go!"

"Why are you so invested in this?" Tom asked him curiously.

Mike sighed as he sat back and he told Tom, "Because I know how miserable you've been and you have a chance to fix that. Dude you have a chance to make things right and get your girl back."

"You're such a romantic, who knew?" Tom joked, and Mike simply rolled his eyes at his roommate. Tom then sighed, pushed a hand through his hair and told Mike honestly, "I just... she ended things for a reason, she quiet her job, she moved to another state practically... all to get away from me."

"First off it's Washington, it's fifteen minutes away stop being dramatic." Mike told him firmly, and when Tom rolled his eyes Mike went on, "And secondly, you have no idea why she' quit her job. Maybe she just wanted to try something new. Maybe something happened. Maybe all these things actually had nothing at all to do with you, I mean hello, thinking they do is a little egotistical don't you think?"

"Now you're just trying to piss me off." Tom stated.

"If it get's your ass off this couch and over to Sam's new apartment then yes." Mike stated with a grin.

Tom glanced down at his watch, if there was ever going to be a time to do this; some big romantic gesture, he supposed now would be the time. If he waited any longer maybe things would already be too different for him to be able to fix them. He took in a breath of air and got up off of the couch, announcing, "Fuck it, I'm doing it."

"Atta boy!" Tom rolled his eyes as he grabbed his keys and he laughed when Mike told him, "Call me when you're done and let me know how it went."

"Seriously, who are you?" Tom asked as he pulled the apartment door closed behind him.

He wasn't sure why he walked so leisurely to the elevator, or why he didn't feel a little more panic in him when it seemed to take forever to take him down to the lobby, or why he didn't sprint to his vehicle and burn rubber leaving the parking lot. In every romantic movie he had ever been forced to sit through they were always in a hurry to get where they were going to produce this big romantic gesture.

Tom however didn't feel rushed at all. He took his time following his GPS to Sam's new condo, even screwing up and turning at the wrong time so that it had to recalculate another route. While he drove he took the time to make sure he knew exactly what he was going to say to her because something told him that showing up on her doorstep months later and simply saying 'fuck what people think, I love you' probably wasn't the greatest idea he had ever had.

He thought about telling her that he didn't care what people thought and that she shouldn't either because they were happy together. That Tom was the happiest he had ever been when he was with her and that something told him that she was the same way. He thought about telling her what a mess he had been over the last few months; how he could barely function but then he wondered if that might sound a little too codependent for her. He thought he might tell her that he wanted to fix things and make it work despite the nine year age gap between them because he cared about her, because he wanted her and only her. He thought he should tell her that he missed her.

But mostly he thought he should tell her how he really feels about her, even now after all this. He knew he had to tell her that he loved her, even if she didn't feel the same way.

- - -

Her two weeks in Germany with Paula had gone by far too quickly, and then Sam found herself getting on another plane where she enjoyed all that Turkey had to offer for a few days. Her trip to Prague had ended with a broken cell phone and way too many pastries and thus far her time in Buenos Aires had been a total bust, despite Paula meeting here there for the last three days of her trip.

Everywhere she looked she saw couples. Couples at restaurants. Couples at cafe's. Couples holding hands walking down the streets. Couples getting ice cream. Couples taking in the sights. Couples doing everything.

She should have expected it, but she didn't and all she could think about now was Tom. She thought about all the things they used to do, about how they held hands as they walked around in Memphis, the horse-drawn carriage ride that still brought a smile of her face and a skip in her heart. Every time she saw a couple together Sam was reminded of some time or another where she and Tom had done something similar.

So as she dropped onto the chair on the balcony of the hotel room next to Paula Sam sighed and she told her, "I miss him."

Paula turned to her, took a drink of her coffee and asked, "Who?"

With narrowed eyes Sam said, "Tom you idiot."

"I know, I was just trying to make you smile. Worked too." Paula pointed out, and Sam immediately dropped her smile. Paula chuckled and told her, "I told you so."

With another sigh Sam told her, "How is it possible to miss someone this much?"

"I don't know, I've never really been in love remember?" Paula pointed out.

"You were with Drew." Sam said softly, and she watched as Paula nodded her head slowly. Sam immediately said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up and upset you."

"You didn't upset me. Sam... Drew is exactly why I keep pushing you to fix things with Tom." When Paula said this Sam raised her eyebrow and so Paula continued, "I know I told you going on this trip would be a good thing, and I think it was for you; it gave you the chance to relax and think about life and figure out what you want. But I push you to fix things with Tom because I know what it's like to love someone so much and lose them, and I would give anything just to have a conversation with Drew some days so don't throw away something that could be great just because you're a little afraid. Life's too short Sammy."

"What if he doesn't want me now? What if I've waited too long and he's moved on and he doesn't want me anymore?" Sam asked her softly, she wasn't sure when she had gotten so insecure about the way Tom felt about her. If there was one thing Sam always knew it was how he felt towards her, but now she wasn't sure it was the same anymore and she couldn't honestly blame him if he no longer felt the same way.

Paula told her, "That's not possible. I don't even know the guy but from what you and Lauren tell me he's a really great guy who's so beyond totally in love with you."

"You talked to Lauren about Tom?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

Paula nodded her head and told Sam, "Just before I got on a plane to DC to make sure you we're okay."

"What did she say? Did she tell you how she made me feel like the worlds most disgusting cougar just to turn around and tell me that she's been slutting it up with a coworker?" Sam asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Paula nodded, "She did, and I already told her that I think she's an idiot. But she also told me that Tiffany didn't shut up about Tom for weeks after he joined you guys for movie night."

"She did?" Sam asked with a soft smile, remembering how surprising Tom had been that night with her. The way he was so engaged with her, the way he made the effort to be interested in My Little Pony and kids movies. The way Sam's heart had practically melted watching them together. The way she had decided that maybe a kid would be okay some day if it was with someone like Tom. No, not someone like him, just him in general.

Paula nodded her head, "Apparently she was quiet smitten with your boyfriend. I guess that made Lauren realize that maybe Tom wasn't such a bad guy after all. When she told me all the stories that Tiff told her... it didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that he's in love with you and your idiotic brain."

"How am I an idiot?" Sam asked in surprise.

"Because you're sitting here feeling sorry for yourself instead of getting on a damn plane and going to him and fixing things! You ran away from your entire life, literally and now it's time to get back to the real world Sam." Paula pointed out.

"I don't think I'm ready for that yet." Sam stated.

"You are, you just won't know it for yourself until you just go for it. Sam, go home and make things right with him. Don't leave it so that it's too late, trust me, you'll regret it so much in the long run." Paula told her softly, reaching out to grab her hand and give it a squeeze.

Sam sighed, tucked her coppery hair behind her ear and said quietly, "Maybe you're right."

- - -

With his vehicle in park in the guest parking lot to Sam's new condo Tom cut the ignition and pulled the keys out, dropping them into his lap as he looked up at the big building Sam now called home. It was raining, something Tom thought was fitting because wasn't rain a staple in romantic comedies when a big apology speech was about to be thrown out in an attempt to win someone back?

He glanced down at the piece of paper in his hand with the apartment number and the building code written down, and then he looked over at his phone in the cup holder. Maybe he should just call her once more, maybe she didn't actually change her number. He plucked the phone out of the cup holder and turned it on, dialling her number, which by now he knew by heart, but before hitting talk he once again hit the power button and all but tossed the phone back into the cup holder.

"Grow a pair of balls Tom." He muttered to himself as he tucked the slip of paper into the pocket of his jeans and grabbed onto his keys as he opened the car door. He took off in a run for the set of glass double doors at the front of the building, and he was damn near soaked by the time he got inside.

He stared at the large wall full of names and apartment numbers before he pulled the piece of paper out from his pocket and stepped up in front of the panel of numbers. He punched in the code, waited until he heard a loud clicking noise and then he yanked the door open and headed for the elevator. He stepped inside the elevator with an elderly blonde woman and a guy who looked to be in his forties, and Tom smiled politely as he reached over to press the button to the floor he was trying to access.

He stayed silence as they rode up each floor slowly, and the elevator came to two stops to let his company off before shooting up another floor and stopping once more for him. The doors opened and he stepped into the hallway, glanced at the number on the door closest to him before determining that he was to go to his left and he wandered down the hall. Toward the end of the hallway, much like in his own building, Sam's condo was nestled in the corner.

He stood in front of the door, double and then triple checking that he had the right apartment number, before he stood outside the door and stared at it in silence, not moving, like a crazy person. He was surprised, given how long he had been standing there staring at the door, that no one in the neighbouring condos had come out to ask him what he was doing.

Finally he told himself to get it together and he lifted his closed fist and knocked three times on the door. He held his breath as he waited, and his heart rate picked up to a near hammering state when he heard footsteps approaching the door. However, when the door opened to reveal a tall brunette male behind it Tom felt all of the air leave his lungs, and with it went all of his confidence.

"Can I help you?"

Tom cleared his throat, ran a hand through his hair and spoke softly, "I'm looking for Sam."

"She's not here right now." As if that wasn't obvious.

He asked, "Do you know when she'll be back?"

"Not for another five days." He was told, and then when Tom sighed the man across from him asked him curiously, "Can I ask who you are, and what you want with Sam?"

"I'm Tom, I just wanted to talk to her." Tom said softly, clearing his throat again as he scratched the back of his throat.

He was too late.