For Storms and Saints

“Hi, babe. Noa! You look so good, your hair is longer if I’m not mistaken?” Victoria approached us, wiping her hands on the front of her apron. I nodded as I watched as she kissed Frank softly on the lips, so soft I could barely call it a kiss, more like a peck on the mouth. Parting, they smiled at one another before Victoria turned back to me and pulled me into a slack hug. I feigned happiness, smiling at Frank over her shoulder. I wasn't trying to rile anyone up while I stayed. “Come on you two, go sit at the table.”

Once seated, Victoria played the role of happy, helpful wife as she served each and every one of us at a sluggish pace. She almost, almost reminded me of my own mother, who served us like this as kids but soon retired that role when we were old enough to do it ourselves. I sat on the left side of Theo, Frank to my left at one head of the table with Blaire across from me, Claire across from Theo with Victoria at the other head.

“So, Noa, how was France? Have you talked to your parents yet?” Victoria started the conversation, speaking over the kids gabbling about toys and TV.

“Um, it was okay. The people were rude, the food was amazing but not better than my mama’s, art and music shows fantastic. But I mostly worked in the loft I was renting out, did a lot of editing, meeting with publishers. I’m actually going to try and work on a new book but use my real name, I’m sick of hiding behind someone else. But I did find some family stuff my mother wanted to find out about, lineage and family tree information. My parents are good, thank you. I stayed with them the first week I got there, I’m happy they moved away from Louisiana.”

“Oh,” She looked surprised. “How...fun. Do you already have a publishing house you want to use for your new book? You said you’re going back to your place next week? I thought you’d be staying with us for a longer time period, I know how much the kids adore you…”

I smiled, swallowing the food I had put in my mouth. “Yeah, well the renovations will be over this weekend and I wanted to set up the guest room for my parents and of course the kids are more than welcome to stay over any time they want. The publishing house I’m working for now is going to take me on as an independent writer.”

Victoria seemed bored and unfazed about the news where as Frank looked overjoyed. “Noa, why didn’t you tell me this? When did Hachette agree to take you on?” he asked.

“Well it was about four months ago, but I didn’t want to say anything until I sent them my drafts and got them approved...which happened last night.” The happiness in Frank’s eyes made me feel bad for not telling him. We told each other everything when we were kids, secrets, fears, what we loved, what we hated, crushes, maybe crushes, heart breaks, the shitting things about ourselves no one else would accept. It was only natural between us that we share successes with each other too, like when he joined My Chem or when they got signed and went on their first tour or when I was first picked up by Hachette.

“Either way I’m happy for you, Poe. What variation of your name are you going to use? Are you going to go by N. Poe or your full name?” Frank was the only person in my life to call me Poe and it made my stomach tighten in a funny way, kind of like the feeling you get before you throw up or before someone leans in to kiss you.

“You know I can’t reach the level of greatness of the first Poe. I think I might go by N. Poe Isnard. You know my mama will kill me if I don’t use my last name.” I joked. Frank nodded and laughed, too. When he laughed, he would scrunch up his face that would also make the lines next to his eyes more visible and his smile would go from ear to ear and it would make him look younger in a way, carefree.

“Never upset Mrs. Isnard, Vic, she’s a silent storm.” Frank told Victoria, still giggling between words. Victoria’s face twitched and fell on one side when Frank called her Vic. When they first got together, that’s the only thing he would call her, making her embarrass and yell at him in the most public or private places by saying how calling her Vic made her sound like cheap and dirty, that Victoria was her God given name and her parents named her that because she was worth more than he made her feel. She said it so many times, I could repeat it in my sleep.

“That’s nice, but didn’t I tell you about the name thing, Frank?” She smiled tightly, shifting her eyes between me, the kids and Frank. The kids were thankfully still chattering with themselves, the girls taunting Theo about how he didn’t know karate.

“Do ya think I know karate, Auntie Noa? Because I do! I do, I do, I do!” Theo asked me, throwing his fork on the floor as she began to pout.

“Yes, we did talk about it, I’m sorry.” I heard Frank reply.

“I bet you do know karate, Theo, I bet you’re real good, yeah?” I asked him, patting his hair down.

“I am real good! See?” Theo turned to the girls, “Auntie Noa knows how good I am...you guys are mean…” I leaned down and grabbed his fork, standing up and left the table. I walked into the kitchen, placed the dirty fork into the porcelain sink softly and opened the drawer next to the fridge to pull out another one.

“I wish she’d give it a rest.” I turned to face Frank who was holding his plate, half empty of food and eyes cast to the floor. “After all these years she still fuckin’ hates when I call her anything but Victoria. Shit is annoying.” Frank made his way to the sink and tossed his plate in it, placing his forearms against it. His hair was growing out but still short compared to some of the lengths Frank’s hair has been over the past few years. It was flopped over his forehead, longer strands falling over his eyes. We stayed quiet for a moment or two before Victoria walked in, coming to a halt at the door.

“There you are, Noa...Theo is asking for you…”I nodded, looking at Frank once more before walking back out to the dining room. Theo was giggling and eating his food with his fingers making the girls giggle, too.

“Theo…” I rushed over and placed the fork in his tiny hand, taking his abandoned napkin to his face and wiped off the mess. I knew Victoria would flip her top if Theo got his clothes dirty or food in his hair. I sat with the kids, listening to them talk to me about how the girls were going to start kindergarten come their sixth birthday. Blaire was excited, but Claire was not. Claire was more like frank, quiet and reserved mostly and hated being with large groups of people. They were to attend Maplewood’s Early Scholars Academy and the only kids who got to go were the kids who lived in the neighborhood.

“I don’ like any of them! I’ll only know Blaire and when mommy took us to see the school, the teacher said that we won’t be in the same class! It’s not fair and I don’ wanna go.”

“Well, maybe you’ll meet a friend.” I tried to comfort her, “You know, school wa show I met your dad. I was new to school and your dad was super nice to me and now look, we’re best friends forever.” Claire stayed quiet, thinking.

“Really?” She mumbled towards her food.

“Yes, really, silly bear.” She looked up, a small smile dancing on her face. “Sound good?” She nodded, scooping more spaghetti into her mouth. I sat with them for a while, watching them all finish their food with light conversation before taking their plates and sending them off to get ready for bed

“Will you read us a bedtime story, auntie?” I told them, watching them push past each other to get up the stairs. I juggled the plates and cups, stopping short of the kitchen when I heard hushed voices over water.

“Frank all I want you to do this week while she’s here, is remember that I’m your wife.” Victoria hissed.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that every time you two are together, you act like she’s the only goddamn person in the world let alone the room.” Whenever Victoria cracks and curses, you know she’s beyond pissed. “I get that she gets you or whatever and supports your music and was there when Gerard called quits on the band, but Frank, you’re my husband and I need you to stop drooling on Noa like she’s the holy grail you found yourself. There are more important thing than your music and your friends, like me and your kids.”

Frank stayed quiet. He never talked back to her or stood up for himself and it made me feel sick. This was the way she talked to him in high school, like he was gum on the bottom of her brand new shoes. It wasn’t fair on him to be talked to this way and I tried to tell him about it years ago, but it only fell on deaf ears. Maybe that would change. Maybe he was getting too old to be treated like a child. I stayed and listened to Victoria tell him she’s going to go tuck the kids in and exit from the other side of the kitchen, leaving Frank in there.

Walking in as casually as possible, I found Frank facing me, leaned back on the island with his arms crossed across his chest. “How much did you hear?”

I sighed. “From when she wants to be acknowledged as your wife despite the hellofa rock you put on her finger.”

“Shit, Poe. I’m sorry. I don’t know why she’s acting like this. She seemed excited when I told her you were staying with us for a bit...I don’t know what’s gotten into her.” He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, sighing loudly.

“All you have to do is not drool over me, Iero.” I teased, placing the plates in the sink and walking back to him. I copied his stance, watching him.

“Oh, I’ll try but it’s so hard when you’re so perfect, what can I say? With your loud mouth and talent for getting into trouble, you’re perfect.” I had to remind the butterflies in my stomach that it as just a joke. He will never love me the way he so hopelessly loved Victoria and tiny family but a girl can dream.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m gonna try to go to bed.” I said, patting his shoulder before walking to the foyer and dragging my suitcase and carry on up the stairs. I could hear Theo crying about how he wanted me to read them a story followed by Victoria's stern voice telling him I was too tired. I rushed past his room so he wouldn’t see me and into the guest room which was filled with a bed with ugly pillows and matching comforter, ugly frilly curtains, a closet and wardrobe. The third bathroom was connected to the guest room which meant no sharing. I decided I’d put my shit away tomorrow, today was already too much for me.

I changed into black leggings and an old school My Chem shirt, flying face-first into the bed, my brain shutting off immediately.