Part of Me

Kellin’s POV

I’ve been sitting on my bathroom floor for about twenty minutes crying into my knees. I’ve got into such a state and now I can’t calm myself down and I can feel my body actually trembling in fear.

I was terrified of the truth what lay before me. I didn’t want to face reality and what it meant for my future… the future I may have well and truly fucked up big time.

I mean, I’m only twenty two I still have so much to do with my life, so much potential. There was so many more things I wanted to do, like, I wanted to go travelling, I wanted to sale my art in galleries, I wanted to hopefully one day start a career out of my singing but now all my hopes and dreams are inches away from being flushed down the toilet all because I stupidly fell in love.

FLASHBACK ~ FIVE YEARS AGO

It always sucks being the new kid, even when you’re seventeen it doesn’t get any easier, in fact it gets worse. This is the forth time in the last two years I have moved schools because of my dad’s job. My parents insisted I go to college and further my education but they made it very difficult for me to stick to one subject as I will start to study one subject and then when we move I have to study something completely different and unrelated to the last.

Not to mention it’s really hard to make any new friends because I never know how long I’m going to be in one town before we up and leave again.

Monday morning was a blur. I had chosen to study art because it was always one of passions and it always calmed me from my anxiety. I knew I could go far in art, I was always good at painting and expressing my feelings at then end of a paint brush.

I sat at the back of the class room and doodled in my sketch book with my headphones stuffed in my ears and zoning out into my own little world. I didn’t even bother to attempt to interact with the other students or to make any friends. What was the point, in a few months time I will most likely be at another school. I just had to focus on my art work and focus on sticking with it for my future.

It was finally lunch time and I couldn’t get out of the class fast enough. With my sketch book tucked under my left arm I pulled out my phone and started texting my friend Jack. He was basically the only friend I did manage to keep in contact with over the years of moving around. We grew up together in my home town and I was devastated when I had to tell him I was moving away but we promised to stay in touch no matter where in the country I lived.

I turned a corner hastily not knowing where I was going and didn’t really care either but I bumped into somebody, dropping my phone on the floor and seeing it break into three pieces on the ground.

I groan and crouch down to pick up the pieces hoping my phone was fixable.

“I’m walking here.” Says a Yorkshire accent filled with attitude.

I flick my hair out of my face and glance up at the voice with a frown.

There stood a group of about five guys in bomber jackets and skinny jeans which all held attitude in their facial expressions. Oh great, I had to bump into the so called “hard ass” group and now I’m going to get my butt kicked.

I slowly stand up becoming eye level with the guy I must have walked into. He was slightly taller than me and I see his intimidating stern expression soften as he takes a proper look at me, making me squirm nervously under his stare. A smirk quickly spreads across his lips revealing adorable dimples to form in his cheeks.

I find myself blushing at his grin and I knew then I was in way over my head with this guy. He was drop dead gorgeous and he was the type who knew it too and used it to all of his advantages. I take in his appearance; he had short brown hair, stunning brown green eyes, more like a hazel colour. I notice he had a few tattoos poking out from his shirt which only had my creative mind imaging what beautiful art work he had hidden underneath his clothing…

“What’s your name kid?” he asks snapping me out of my inappropriate thoughts.

I blush immensely and see all his friends raise their eyebrows at him, no doubt wondering why he was wasting his time talking to a nobody like me.

“Kellin.” I say timidly, looking down at my feet.

“I’m Oliver but call me Oli.” He grins.

Could this guy just threaten me already and get it over with, why was he dragging this out for?

“Why haven’t I seen you around before Kellin?”

“Uh, erm, I’ve just moved here.” I tell him.

“Well then, how would you like to hang out with me and my mates for the rest of the week huh?” my eyes widens at his offer.

Was he actually being serious? Did he really want me to be apart of their group or was this some sort of joke?

“Um, no it’s okay thank you.” I say, turning him down politely but this Oliver guy seemed like he didn’t want to take no for an answer.

“It’s no trouble at all Kells.” He says, slinging his arm around my shoulder.

My heart beat races at the little nickname he just called me and my whole body heats up by having his arm wrapped around me. Fuck, the good looking cool kid had his arm around me, relax Kellin don’t make a fool out of yourself now.

“O-okay, if you insist.” I give him a small smile and he returns with a bigger one.

“Good choice Kells.” He says and turns me around to his friends.

“Meet the rest of the lads, this is Vic and Jaime.”

He points to a tanned boy with long straight hair with chocolate brown eyes. His friend standing beside him was lighter tanned, much taller with broader shoulders and crazy spiky hair.

“And this is Jordan and Josh.”

He points at the other two who were standing the other side of him. Jordan was tall and very slim with short brown hair. The one who stood closest to Oliver I believed was Josh, he had long brown flicky hair, bright blue eyes and pale chubby cheeks.

“Guys, meet Kellin. I expect you all to be nice to him because I have a gut feeling that Kelly Bear and I are going to become very close friends.” Oliver says tapping me on the nose with his finger causing my stomach to do somersaults.

I see his friends smirk and shake their heads and some even roll their eyes in a humorous manner apart from Josh who just glared at me with much hatred.

~~

I pull my head up from my knees and wipe my tears away with the end of my sleeve. I needed to have clear vision for what I was about to look at next. I took in a deep shaky breath and plucked up the courage to unclasp my hand which was tightly grasping onto a little white stick which held my entire future.

Finally, after what felt like forever I glanced down to read the results I had been absolutely dreading.

And there it was. Those two pink lines which I so desperately didn’t want to see appeared on the stick. I feel my heart sink through my chest and in that very instant, I feel my whole world come crashing down on me.

All my hopes and dreams for my once bright future had suddenly vanished. Tears rushed to my eyes blurring my vision and my bottom lip quivered and yet again, I burst into a fit of tears and buried my face into my hands and cried my heart out.

Fuck, I’m pregnant.

I frantically reach for the box and turn it over to read the instructions on the back hoping that I had misread the test wrong. But I hadn’t, the test read positive.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

No, no this can’t be happening, we use condoms… sometimes… Oh shit.

My hand hits my forehead and I tug at my hair stressfully. How could I be so stupid? How could I let this happen?

I felt my stomach churn and I quickly lunge myself at the toilet and threw up.

For the last few weeks I haven’t been feeling myself, I thought I had caught the flu from Vic but it was far from the flu, it was symptoms of pregnancy.

I sit back from the toilet and put a shaky hand on my clothed stomach. I don’t even know how many weeks I am… we have sex all the time so it makes it difficult to even pin point this on a precise occasion when this could have happened.

I choke on a sob at the thought and yet again I’m an emotional wreck on my bathroom floor.

I finally made my way out of the bathroom and went straight to my bedroom and collapsed down onto the bed. I curled up into a ball and cry hysterically into my pillow.

How the fuck am I going to tell Oliver about this? We’re nowhere in hell ready for a baby. He was going to freak out and most likely leave me… that’s the sort of guy he was. He always runs at the first sign of trouble and I’ve given him the perfect excuse to leave me.

Our relationship has been one hell of a rollercoaster these last five years and we’ve been constantly on and off but we always come back to each other. I love him and I always will but with Oliver I never know what’s going on in that messed up head of his.

This isn’t going to help fix us or could it?