Part of Me

Kellin's POV

I stood backstage with the Pierce the Veil guys as they warmed themselves up to go on stage. This tour had turned out to be very successful so far with the numerous bands which were on it. Every show had sold out and all the venues were packed with screaming devoting fans every night.

The tour begun two weeks ago and on the second day of being completely on my own, I jumped on the first train which took me to the tours next destination to be with Oliver and the rest of my friends.

Vic and I were a little hidden from the rest of the guys back stage so we wouldn't be disturbed. Allowing the crew to have space to set up their back drop and set up their instruments, while the other members of Pierce stretched out their limbs and fitted their ear pieces.

I was sat up on top of one of the huge guitar cases they used for touring because my feet were sore and I didn't want to stand anymore. Vic stood in between my legs with his back to me as I fitted his ear piece under his shirt while he concentrated on tuning his guitar. We've been doing this every night since I got here and I really did enjoy spending these little moments together before he went out on stage.

"There, all set." I said and dangled the ear piece over each of his shoulders.

"Cheers Kell." He smiles and turns so he was facing me.

His smile widens when he eyes up the XL Pierce the Veil t-shirt I was wearing. I was wearing such a big size because I was now five months pregnant and my baby bump had gotten a lot bigger and I was super paranoid about people noticing it now.

Vic however, adores my bump and gave any given opportunity to admire it. Like right now for example, he quickly looks around to see if anyone was watching us which no one was, and places both hands gently to my pregnant stomach. The design on the t-shirt stretched over my bump making Vic grin up at me.

"I like your choice of clothing." He smirks.

Well, I am his best friend after all and best friends have to support and advertise their friend's bands in every way possible.

"Of course, I'm your number one fan remember, so expect to hear me cheering you on side of stage." I say proudly.

Vic and the guys have worked really hard for this tour and I was so proud of what they've achieved so far.

"I wished you'd play the new song you wrote."

"I told you Kells, we're not going to complete that song unless you agree to feature in it." he sighs.

I lent back on my hands and I roll my eyes. I tilt my head to the side and stared down at my best friend. He was so damn persistent about me being apart of that song and singing the part I wrote, but I kept turning him down. I wasn't cut out for music anymore, why couldn't he see that?

"Are you gonna be cheering me on inside of there too, squirt?" he speaks down to my tummy, rubbing it soothingly with his hands.

Ever since I reached the five month mark of my pregnancy he's kept asking me every five minutes if I've felt the baby kick yet.

I chuckle at his eagerness and place my hand over his on my bump. I did some research about the baby's movement, and its more at the end of the five month period and beginning of the six month, that the baby begins to kick.

"Patient Vic, give them a few more weeks and I'm sure by the end of this tour they'll be kicking me in the gut to every beat of your songs." I say in amusement making Vic laugh.

A cough comes from behind us making me jump with fright that someone had caught us. My heart beat quickly dies down when I see it was only Jaime.

"We go on in two minutes." Jaime warns and Vic nods.

I catch Jaime's eyes fall on Vic's hands which were on my stomach, giving us his disapproving stare. Ever since he found out I was still pregnant he's been keeping an annoyingly close eye on us. He made me feel super guilty every time Vic and I were together and gave me this knowing look which basically said I was in the wrong for keeping the baby a secret from Oli, but he just didn't get it.

I push Vic's hands away from me and carefully slipped down from the box I was sitting on. I felt bad for distracting his warm up.

"I should let you focus." I say and go to walk away.

"Aren't you gonna stay and watch our set?" Vic asks with disappointment in his voice.

"Sure, I'm just gonna get Oliver." I say giving him a small smile before leaving him to it.

I wonder back to Bring Me the Horizon's dressing room in search of Oli and to get him to at least catch one song from PTV's set.

I stroll into the dressing room and found Oliver inside, but to my horror I witness him sniffing up a line of white powder through a rolled up £20 note. My eyes widen in shock at this new found poison that has shockingly found its way into my boyfriend's system.

I knew he drank alcohol, he did that all the time that it didn't faze me anymore, and I knew he occasionally smoked weed but cocaine? No way. That was new and that didn't sit well with me at all. It made me feel uncomfortable and really annoyed, actually.

"Oliver what are you doing?" I march over to him to examine his condition.

"There's my Kelly bear." He grin's widely as high as a kite.

I always asked Jordan to keep an eye on him when they were on tour because I wasn't always able to. Oli didn't know his limits and he would most definitely push himself over the edge if nobody was there to stop him. There have been a number of occasions where Oli has ended up in hospital with either alcohol poisoning or from some reckless injury from stage diving or whatever. He just never knew when to stop.

"Since when do you sniff coke?" I ask accusingly.

His smile stretches across his face even wider and reaches for my hands, linking our fingers together as he pulls me to him on his chair.

"Do you really think you should be doing drugs before going out on stage? You need to focus Oliver." I tell him unlinking our hands.

"It's such a buzz when I'm out on stage Kells, I can't believe I've never done it before this tour." He slurs tilting his head back.

My frown hardens at his lack of professionalism. This was his career and his was treating it as a joke by constantly getting wasted. How would he ever be able to provide for me and the baby if he doesn't take his band seriously?

"How can you put on a good show when you're completely out of it?"

"The crowd will have no idea, they'll just think its part of the performance and love it anyway."

Right, because forgetting the lyrics to your own song and rolling about on the stage floor is cool? He's become so obsessed with this rock n roll lifestyle he has no idea that he's destroying himself and our relationship. I honestly didn't want anything to do with it, it was toxic.

Oliver climbs out of his chair and stumbles towards me with that creepy grin. He leans in to kiss me but I manage to dodge his lips but that only turned into a playful game I didn't want to play. He grabs hold of my arms and pushes me back firmly against the wall and kisses me roughly. The kiss was sloppy and forced and I refuse to kiss him back when he was under the influence of drugs. His hands left my arms and slid down my sides and I immediately panicked. Thinking he was going to feel my bump if he went any further, my first instincts were to push him away and that's exactly what I did.

His blood shot eyes stare down at me confusingly. I wasn't one to push Oliver away so of course, this took him by surprise. I was breathing heavily, anxiety getting the better of me.

"You've been holding out on me, Kells." He says coldly, his playful mood vanishing entirely.

I swallowed thickly as I started to shake with nerves. Of course he noticed me putting off sex with him. I was stupid to believe that he didn't seem bothered by it because he was constantly touring. But this was Oliver, he always wanted sex.

I desperately searched for an excuse in my head to use to get me out of this situation because it was becoming too risky.

"I- I just don't think fooling around is appropriate when you're high." I stuttered.

He snorts shaking his head and leans in to kiss me again but I turn my head to the side and put my hands on his chest to stop him.

"Kellin." He warns agitated. He hated whenever I said no to him which wasn't very often to be honest.

He grabs my jaw and forces me to look at him. His grip tightens as he squeezes my cheeks together in frustration. I whimper as tears stung my eyes as I gazed back at this unknown person who was suppose to love me. Alcohol gave him anger issues and drugs, well, they made him aggressive and turned him into an ugly monster I didn't recognise. How did he get to this?

He had suddenly become rather terrifying and his actions were unpredictable. I had several alarms going off in my head telling me to get the hell away from this person because he was dangerous and I had to protect my baby.

His hand loosens around my cheeks and I let out a shaky breath and tried to calm myself down. He leans his forehead against mine and ran his fingers down the side of my face as he brushes his alcohol smelling lips against mine. Cold chills ran down my spine at his tainted touch as he tries to seduce me but I just wanted him to leave me alone.

"L-later, Oliver. After the show, we-we can go back to the bus... Just, not here when anyone can walk in... okay?" I lied turning my face to the side once again.

He groans in annoyance and pulls back but keeps intimating close to me.

"Why are you wearing this trash for?" he questions, tugging at the Pierce the Veil shirt I had on.

"Uh, I'm just supporting my friend, Oliver." I mumble timidly, not wanting to make him angrier.

"How about supporting your boyfriend? Surely I'm more important than him?" he snaps.

"I'll change."

"Damn right you will." He growls and unexpectedly grabs hold of the bottom of my shirt.

"Stop! What are you doing?" I panic and grab his hands from pulling my shirt up further.

"Helping you change into something more suitable." He slurs in my ear.

Oliver tugs at my shirt again but more forcefully this time that I hear the shirt tear.

"Later-"

"Not later Kellin, now!" he yells throwing his fist at the brick wall beside of my head.

I scream at his sudden violence and flinched away from his fist. He almost hit me. I've never felt so relieved when the dressing room door opened and walked in Jordan and Josh with concern expressions.

My eyes were filled with tears and I cover my face with my hands too shaken up to say anything. Who knows what would have happened if they hadn't walked in.

"What's going on?" I hear Josh ask.

"Nothing." Oliver huffs.

"We were coming to see if you guys wanted to catch the end of Pierce the Veil's set?" Jordan asks sceptically.

"Great! I'm sure Kellin would love to, wouldn't you sweetheart?" Oliver says bitterly making my heart twinge.

I look up from my hands and sniffled. I watch Oliver wrap his arm around Josh's waist and pull him close to his side as he wore a sickening smug grin.

Josh seemed surprise by Oli's actions but didn't back out of his hold though. He loved getting attention from Oli.

"Think Josh and I are gonna give it a miss, we have some slight changes to make for our set before we go on stage tonight."

Oliver was purposely toying with Josh in front of me to get back at me for rejecting him. He did this all the time whenever we have a falling out and I was always foolish enough to let him do it. This was just him pushing the knife in deeper for saying no to him.

In my emotional state I feel my bottom lip quiver as my heart leaps into my throat and I run out of the room, too overwhelm to stay and watch.

I stood side of stage as I manage to get there for PTV last song. I wiped away the few remaining tears and took in a deep breath. I tried shaking off this awful feeling which had my body freaking out.

"You alright?" Jordan whispers making me flinch not expecting him.

"How long has he been doing coke Jordan?" I ask bluntly.

He stayed quiet but he had guilt written all over his face

"You're supposed to be keeping an eye on him so he doesn't go off the rails!"

"I tried okay, but you know what he's like, he doesn't listen!"

"So you just let him take whatever he wants? If we're not careful Jordan, he's gonna end up overdosing on god knows what!" I whimper, fearful of my boyfriend's reckless decisions.

Jordan looks thrown back by my words and opens his mouth to say something but we're interrupted by loud cheers coming from the crowd. Pierce the Veil's set had ended and they were now coming off stage buzzing with adrenaline.

Vic jogs over to me covered in sweat but a smile wider than ever on his face. I tried forcing a smile back but his facial features drop when he sees my watery eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asks in concern.

"Nothing, it's just stupid hormones." I whisper. "You were great out there, the crowd really love you guys."

"You coming back to our dressing room to celebrate with us?"

"Sure, I really need to pee first though. I'll meet you back there, yeah?" he nods and lets me go on my way.

I walked down the narrow corridors of the venue to find a bathroom while everyone else goes back to PTV dressing room to cool down. The next band playing were a band called A Day To Remember and BMTH were on after them.

I had to pass BMTH dressing room to get to the bathroom and I was hoping everything had calmed down what went down between Oli and me. I felt myself wanting to apologies to Oli and get him socialize with the rest of our friends.

I also didn't like the idea of him and Josh being alone together either. Now that I knew Oli's been taking cocaine behind my back, Josh most likely did it with him. Josh was pathetic like that. He would literally do whatever Oli told him to do, hoping that one day Oli would dump me and choose to be with him instead. It was pity school stuff really and we're supposed to be mature adults now.

I didn't bother knocking, not finding a reason to and push open the door. I immediately stop in my tracks feeling my blood run cold as the breathless sounds matched the disgusting scene before me.

I stood frozen in shock and what I saw broke my heart into a million pieces.

I think walking in on the two of them sniffing coke would have been like winning the lottery, compared to what I really walked in on. What I found was so much worse and totally unforgivable.

Josh was sat on the dressing table with his legs wrapped around my boyfriends waist with his head flung back in ecstasy as repulsive moans fell from his lips. Oliver, who had his jeans around his ankles, held onto Josh's thighs whilst his face was hidden in his common whore's neck as he sloppily pounds himself into his vocal best friend for a quick fuck.

"K-Kellin." Josh breathes when his hazy lust filled eyes fall on me.

I must of been standing there for about 30 seconds just staring at the two of them until Josh's voice brought me back to this disheartening reality. Letting out a low shaky sob, I backed myself out of the room and I ran down the empty corridors just wanting to get as far away from them as possible.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks and my heart was thumping violently against my chest that I thought I was going to throw up from the pain. I've lost count at the number of times I've walked in on them doing the dirty, but that was the very last time, I swear.

I had no idea where I was running too but my skin felt like it was on fire and my throat tightening with every second that passed had me panicking when I failed to take a breath. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed to get out of this building for some air so I headed for the fire escape at the end of the hall.

"Kellin!"

I hear my lying cheat of a boyfriend call out for me but I make a hasty retreat down the fire escape stairs.

My breathing was out of control but I kept on running down the many flight of stairs that my pregnant body allowed me to.

"Kells, hold on a sec!"

Even in his drugged up state Oli somehow manage to catch up to me and grabbed my wrist. He pulls me to a stop but I was hysterical by this point.

"Get your filthy hands off of me!" I screamed and shoved him off of me.

He stumbles back and falls into the wall with a thud. His trousers were still undone showing evidence of the vile scene which I just walked in on.

"Him, again?!" I scream unable to contain myself any longer.

I was trembling but I couldn't stop the word vomit what came out of my mouth. It had been bottled up for far too long.

"Just because I didn't let you fuck me like some scummy band whore, you go straight to Josh?!"

"Kells," he started but I shook my head at him to stop whatever bullshit excuse he was going to throw at me this time.

I felt so betrayed by him more than ever. I wasn't sure if that was because I was carrying his unborn child or if it was because I found out about the other drugs hes been doing behind my back or what. I just knew how much he hurt me right now. The second I tell him no, that I didn't want to become some band slut who let they're drugged up boyfriend fuck them in their dressing room before a show, he goes to find someone else. Not just anyone, Josh out of all people!

"You've been holding out on me for weeks Kellin, what the fuck do you expect? I have needs and you weren't fulfilling them!" his comeback was unreal. Did he really think cheating on me was acceptable?

"Have some damn self control! Don't cheat on your loyal boyfriend over and over again because you don't get what you want!" my voice cracks and I begin full on sobbing unable to hold it in.

I run my fingers through my black hair as I stressfully took in a breath. I really can't do it anymore. He just keeps on hurting me and I can't be dealing with his selfish actions anymore because I have a baby to look after now and their needs come first.

"I can't do it anymore Oliver." I sob looking up at him.

"Do what?" he says playing dumb.

As much as this was killing me to say but, I knew it had to be now otherwise I would just chicken out of it any other time and I'd be forced to stay with him. I can't live like this anymore... I had to finally let him go and think whats best for my future. What's best for my baby.

"Us. I can't. I'm sorry, but no matter how many times I forgive you for cheating on me or hurting me for what other reason, you just keep doing it and I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry Oliver, I-I love you but, you keep torturing me and I guess now its time for us to end this..." I cried.

"You don't mean that Kells." Oli says softly, brushing a strand of hair out of my face.

"I do, Oliver. I'm sorry, but it's over between us."

"No its not Kellin! It's just another one of my drunken mistakes, it doesn't mean anything, you know that. You love me and I love you. You'll forgive me later and we'll go back to normal." he says desperately and I actually felt sorry for him.

I shake my head. He was so blind by his actions that he actually believes that his behaviour is okay, when its bang out of line and I should have ended us years ago.

I felt sick to my stomach but it was time for me to admit the truth to him and move on with my life. Hopefully then he will understand why I have to do this.

"Not this time, you've gone too far and I need to move on with my life and focus on what's important and right now it's... it's my baby." I admitted and nervously bit my lip.

"Baby? But... you had an abortion." his brows furrowed together.

I didn't say anything and that's when his blood shot eyes blazed with anger and shoved me against the wall.

"You dirty little liar!" he growls looking down at my body and discovering my bump.

He stares at it like it was something disgusting and that made me angry and I barked right back.

"I'm having this baby whether you like it or not Oliver!"

"There's no way in hell you're going through with it."

"Oli?" I hear Josh yell from above us from the fire escape door. He had obviously came running after Oli. Ugh, pathetic, they were made for each other.

I glance back at my now ex boyfriend's high face and glare hatefully at him. I was ready to fight for my baby that he wouldn't know what hit him.

His fingers dug into my arms harshly that it made me whimper loudly. He was becoming that ugly aggressive monster again because he wasn't getting his own way but I was prepared to stand up for myself this time.

"Let go of me!" I tell him but his grip only tighten and I knew I will have bruises tomorrow.

"No, I'm taking you to the hospital to get rid of that thing inside of you right now!" he commands dragging me towards the stairs but I fought against him, trying to back out of his firm grip.

"Its too late." I laugh in relief.

He sends me a questioning glare and I was more than happy to burst his bubble.

"You're eleven weeks too late. I'm five months pregnant already, it's too late to have an abortion now." I state loud and clear so I wouldn't have to tell him again.

He clenched his jaw in anger and his eyes darken evilly that it actually scared me. Who knew what he was capable of when he was full of anger and under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I needed to act fast.

With him distracted by my words I push him away with all my strength and made a run for it, but I didn't get very far because he managed to wrap his arms firmly around my chest and stopped me from escaping. I screamed and kicked my legs out trying to break free from his hold but he was just too damn strong for me.

"Oli please, just let me go!" I beg him but he wouldn't give up and neither would I.

We were struggling on the staircase and I could hear Josh's footsteps getting closer to us from above. Hopefully he could make Oli let go of me and maybe talk some sense into him because he was acting crazy.

With all the struggling between us, Oli somehow picked me up and walked us over to the stairs. Full panic struck me and I was terrified for my life as well as my baby's life right now as he brought us over to the daunting looking stair case below. He had actually lost his mind and was convince that I could still get a abortion... Or somehow get rid of it for me. I had to get away from him.

"Josh!" I yell at the top of my lungs. He was my only hope now.

I stopped fighting for a second and managed to elbow Oli in the ribs which made him grunt in pain and loosen his grip on me. My feet touched the ground and I tried running, but he grabs hold of me again making me cry out in frustration.

"Please! If you really love me Oliver, you'll let me go." I sobbed through tears but he didn't let go.

I gave up fighting for real this time, knowing it was hopeless. I turned myself in his arms and glance up at my once loving boyfriend with teary heart breaking eyes. I felt my foot on the edge of the step but I lost myself in the eyes of the man I was so hopeless was in love with.

I reached up and caressed his cheek with my shaky hand and smiled a little when I see his raging temper soften back into the loving man I knew was hidden behind all the crazy toxic rock n roll lifestyle he lost himself to. His tight hold loosen around me and he let out a sad sigh.

"Let me go." I whispered softly and just when I thought he was going to, we were interrupted.

"Oliver!" Josh calls out as he reaches the level we were on.

Oliver's eyes suddenly darken wickedly as he stares deeply into mine, as if the sound of Josh's voice provoked him. He quickly traps me in his arms again and I feel my heart sink through my chest when I see the evil flash across my ex lovers face.

"You asked for this Kellin." he says through gritted teeth making me look up at him in pure fear.

And before I could figure out what his sinister words meant, he shoves me over the edge of the stairs.

I gasp and tried reaching out for him but I miss as he steps back away from me. I let out a blood curdling scream as I feel my body tumble down the concrete stair case of the fire escape as if I was some sort of rag doll. I hit my head harshly on the cold hard floor before blacking out.