Part of Me

Kellin’s POV

I woke up alone in an empty bed. My swollen tired eyes adjusted to the spot which was suppose to be occupied by my boyfriend but memories from last night entered my mind and I soon feel my eyes welling up.

I didn’t get the chance to dwell on it for very long though, because out of nowhere I felt my stomach twist in knots and within seconds, I’m flinging myself out of bed and running down the hall to the bathroom.

I fall to my knees and throw up down the toilet. Ugh, this morning sickness was horrible and exhausting. At least now I knew it was morning sickness and not the flu like I originally thought it was. When I had finally finished throwing up, I stood up and start brushing my teethe to get rid of the vile taste. I glance at my reflection in the mirror in front of me and frown at the mess I was.

I splashed my face with cold water hoping it would waken me up and make me look less of a state. It didn’t do much, I still had dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep and I could feel a headache creeping in. I left the bathroom and quickly got dressed before making my way downstairs.

I found Oli passed out on the sofa and even though he was asleep I sent him a death glare. The living room was a mess and there was a knocked over bottle of rum on the floor which had stained the carpet. There is no way I’m cleaning up after him.
So after our argument last night he came down here and got even more wasted, nice. I should have known to be honest.

I huffed dramatically and walked over to the kitchen which was joint to our living room and made it one big room. I started peeling and chopping up fruit and put the ingredients in the blender and started making my every morning smoothie. I was being loud on purpose because if it was the other way round he wouldn’t care if I was sleeping.

I was still really mad and upset with Oliver and the way he treated me last night. He shut down the subject immediately when I told him I was pregnant and even accused me of making it up just to get his attention. How fucking big headed can a person get?! The thought just anger me more and I was rummaging through cupboards noisily looking for the right size glass for my smoothie just to try distract myself from exploding.

“Can you stop being so fucking loud!” I hear Oli grunt.

I glance over and see he was now awake. His hands covering his face as he sat up on the sofa and hunched himself over his knees. I smirk, proud that my plan of pissing him off worked.

Just to irritate him further, I gathered all the dirty dishes and purposely push them into the sink making a loud clattering sound.

“Dammit Quinn, I have a bloody headache!” he yells, massaging his temples together.

“Well what do you expect when you stay up all night drinking.” I snap crossing my arms over my chest.

“Whatever.” He grumbles and gets up from the sofa and walks out the room without another word.

“Idiot.” I mumble to myself.

And I’m left alone in complete silence.

Out of nowhere I feel a tear roll down my cheek. I wipe it away feeling stupid, I did start that after all.

I was hoping he would come and talk to me but instead I feel like he’s upsetting me on purpose. I don’t even know if he remembers me telling him I’m pregnant, he did have a lot to drink and I dread having to tell him about it and get my heart broken all over again.

I sigh heavily and furrow my eyebrows.

I glance down at my tummy. What was I going to do? Was I really ready for a baby? They would need my full attention 24/7 and I would have to give up everything I ever dreamt of doing and dedicate my entire life to them. Was I ready to give up so much at such a young age?

I wasn’t sure what I wanted right now, but what I did know was how I often felt miserable and lonely. I have no siblings, I haven’t spoken to my mum in years and my dad calls in every once a month, depends how busy he is with work. All I had was Oliver. I missed having a family and a part of me craved having a one again. Maybe this was it…

A pair of arms snake around my waist and pull me against their warm body.

“Kells?”

The whisper of my name snaps me out of my thoughts and realise Oli was hugging me from behind resting his chin on my shoulder. His hair was wet which meant he had a shower, how long had I been spaced out for? Not that it mattered but his mood seemed to be a lot less moody now he had freshen up.

I reluctantly place my hand on top of Oliver’s and sigh. I adored and treasured moments like this, these days we were rarely affectionate to each other I couldn’t help but think how this scene was going to change in roughly nine months. There wouldn’t be moments like this hardly anymore, there would be a tiny baby around us which would need our love and attention every second of every day. Was I ready to give that up? Give up loving intimate moments with Oliver for a baby? A baby which was a part of me… a part of Oliver, a part of both of us.

I unknowingly started sobbing until Oli said something.

“Baby, what’s wrong, why are you crying?”

As if he didn’t know.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know.” I say through my sobs and wipe my eyes.

“What are you talking about love?” he asks, playing dumb.

I untangle myself from his arms and turn around to face him.

“I’m talking about me being pregnant!”

The soft features drops from his face and he frowns.

“I didn’t think you were being serious.”

“I’m pregnant, it doesn’t get anymore serious than that!”

“Well, you need to take care of it before it’s too late.” He says bluntly.

“Too late?” I question but literally after I asked I knew exactly what he meant.

This was the second time he’s told me to get rid of our baby and I couldn’t believe how heartless he was coming across. He never used to be like this, I don’t know what’s changed for him to act like this but I didn’t want him to make a decision about it now, I wanted him to at least think about it.

“You’re not seriously thinking about keeping it are you? We’re not ready for a kid Kellin!” he stares at me wide eyed as if I’m crazy.

“I-I don’t know what I want to do about it yet.” I whisper looking down at the floor.

“You’re getting rid of it.” he tells me.

“No I’m not.” I seethe.

“Yes you are Kellin!” he yells and that was it, I snapped.

“It’s my body, you can’t force me to do anything I don’t want to!” I yell in his face glaring at him.

I hadn’t even made up my mind about it yet but because of his shitty arrogance and thinks he can tell me what to do, I was being stubborn and acting out on the opposite of what he wanted me to say.

“How do you expect to take care of a god damn baby, huh? I’m going on tour soon and I’m not going to be around or have the time to take of it.”

And there was the truth. He didn’t want to give up his freedom of being young and reckless and he knew a baby would ruin his stupid band career. My fists shake by my sides as I started to shake in frustration, he makes me blood boil at his selfishness.

“You’re hardly around anyway, not to mention you can’t even take care of yourself.”

“Exactly! That’s a prime example that we’re not ready for a kid when we can’t even take care of ourselves!”

“I can take care of myself just fine, it’s you who’s out of control.” I accused crossing my arms and looking away from him.

“I’m telling you now Kell, if you choose this I won’t be here for much longer.” He says bitterly.

My head whips back round to look him in the eye and I gasp.

Tears rimmed my eyes and my heart was beating so fast right now. Was he seriously black mailing me? Threatening me to choose between him and our unborn child… how could he?

“Oliver, you can’t make me ch-“

“How can you choose a bunch cells over me? I’m your boyfriend! I’ve stuck with you for five years and helped you through all the shit and now you’re fucking me over with something which doesn’t even have a life yet!” he yells, staring at me as if I was something at the bottom of his shoe.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks fast and I was a lost for words at first because I was in shock. He had so much hatred towards it already and I didn’t understand why.

I soon found my voice though and I was letting rip on him.

“Stuck by me? I’m the one who’s stuck by you all those times you’ve fucked me over by cheating on me! And now you’re willing to leave me because things have gotten complicated!” I scream, shoving his chest. I was so heartbroken right now.

“It wouldn’t be complicated if you’d just listen to what I say and get rid of it.” he says angrily.

“Shut up! Just shut up!” I screamed, not wanting to hear another word out of his negative mouth anymore.

We stared into each other eyes for a minute, the tension between us right now could set a house on fire.

Without another word he storms away from me, grabbing his crash helmet from the counter and slamming the front door behind him. Seconds later I’m hearing the sound of his motor bike roaring to life and the disappearing into the distance.

I was now left alone and I hated that. I was hysterical and couldn’t find air to breathe I was in such a state. I grabbed my car keys and got into my car and drove off, I had no idea where I was going I just had to do something to calm me down and distract my mind from that horrid argument with Oliver.

I soon found myself parked outside a familiar house still sobbing my heart out but I was desperate for comfort and I needed to talk to someone else about this other than Oliver. And I knew this someone would be more than understanding, he always was.

I got out of the car and hesitantly knocked on the door and waited for it to be opened. When it opened, the overfriendly face of my best friend appeared with his warm welcoming smile which brought so much life to the conversation but once he saw the mess I was in the smile was gone in seconds.

“Kellin? What’s wrong, what’s happened?” he asks concern and almost panicky.

Immediately he had his arm wrapped around my shoulder in a comforting gesture and pulling me towards him.

I already felt so much better but at the same time so distraught. I shook my head and covered my face with my hands as I was still unable to stop crying.

“I-I’m pregnant Vic.”