Part of Me

Kellin’s POV

The front door slamming shut woke me. I wasn’t a morning person at all and being woken up by my prick of a boyfriend would only set my mood as miserable for the rest of the day. I pull the duvet over my head wanting to fall back to sleep and not bother with face the day ahead.

I shoot up from the bed when I realise Oli was heading out for the day and I needed to talk to him before he disappears off the face of the earth for god knows how long.

I quickly run downstairs and out the front door not giving a single fuck that I was still in my pyjamas and had really bad bed hair. I needed to catch Oli before he drove away on that god for saken two wheel death trap I hated with an absolute passion.

“Oli wait.” I call out.

He was already sitting on his motor bike about to put his crash helmet on before I stopped him.

“What do you want Kellin?” he groans in annoyance.

I stood beside him awkwardly. We’ve been avoiding each other for the last few days and I haven’t mentioned about me being pregnant since that argument in the kitchen the other day.

“I uh, I have a doctors appointment today.” I mumble looking down at my bare feet.

“So?”

“So, I want you to come with me to it.” I frown, wishing he would be a little more considerate.

“I told you how I feel about all this Kellin.” He snaps.

“Please Oliver, don’t let me go on my own. I…I need you.” I beg him. I was holding back tears which were waiting to fall.

“I’m gonna be late for practice.” He mumbles putting his crash helmet over his head.

“I really need you, please.” I beg.

I place my hand over his which were on his bike handles but he pulls his away from mine. A little sob slips past my lips but I manage not to fall apart. He pulls his gaze away from mine not wanting to feel guilty for the shit he’s putting me through.

I’ve been an emotion wreck these last few days and I’ve craved the support from my boyfriend so much and the fact he can cut me off so easily breaks my heart. I know he doesn’t want a baby but can’t he at least try to be here for me while I figure out this mess we’ve made?

I hug my arms around my shivering frame not saying anything until Oli starts revving the engine of his bike.

“The appointments at 3pm. Please try to be there.”

He doesn’t say anything or look even give me a glance before he’s speeding off down the street on his bike. I’m left standing at the edge of the curb watching as he disappears out of my sight.

I break down into tears and make my way back into the house quickly before any of the neighbours see me crying and start poking their nose into my business and start asking questions.

I sit down on the sofa and bring my knees up to my chest and dialled Vic’s number into my phone. He picks up on the third ring and I’m already a sobbing mess.

“Kells?”

“H-he’s n-not coming to t-the appointment.” I stutter through my sobs.

“He’s a fucking asshole.”

Vic curses making me cry harder down the phone.

“Kells, calm down for me please. It’s not good for you getting upset like this.”

I wipe my tears away from my face with my hand even though more kept falling and nod at Vic as if he could see me.

“W-what am I g-gonna do? I can’t go o-on my own.”

“We’re gonna stick to the originally plan Kell, I’m coming with you. You’re not going on your own, I’m gonna be right there with you okay?”

“Okay.” I said taking a deep breath as I tried to stop myself from crying.

When I showed up at Vic’s last week in tears and told him I was pregnant he looked kind of devastated at the news. Nonetheless he still took me in and just held me as I cried my heart out to him. He was more than supportive and booked the doctors appointment for me and even agreed to come along to it with me because we both knew Oliver wouldn’t go.

“Now cheer up and no more crying and getting yourself down okay? I’ll be at yours at 2.30 to pick you up and drive you to the appointment.”

“Okay. Thanks Vic.”

“See you later Kells.”

I hang up and sigh heavily to myself. I sit on the sofa for a little while longer taking everything in. I was such a mess and more than grateful to have my best friend with me through this, even though the one I needed most wasn’t.

I get off the sofa and make my way upstairs to get dressed and ready for my appointment later on.

~~

When 2.30 rolled around Vic was here as promised and we were sitting in his car driving to the doctors. I texted Oli again the appointment time and the doctors address hoping he would change his mind and show up and support me through this. If only. That would be a bloody miracle.

I sighed in defeat and tried not to think about Oliver too much and focus on today’s appointment instead.

I signed myself in and sat down in the seating area with Vic and waited for my name to be called. I swear to god I was going to have a nervous break down because it felt like I’ve been sitting here for hours already. I couldn’t sit still, I was bouncing my leg up and down and tapping my fingers rapidly on the arm on the chair trying to distract my mind. All sorts were running through my mind right now. I knew I was pregnant, the test already confirmed that for me but I still had no idea what I was going to do about it.

I was still really young and right now my relationship with my boyfriend was falling apart. As much as I craved for a family and feel that unconditional love once again, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do this without Oliver’s support.

Vic puts his hand over mine and lace our fingers together causing me to snap out of my thoughts and to gawk at his sudden action.

“You’re gonna be okay, I promise.” He smiles reassuringly at me and I let out a frustrated sigh.

“I’m scared.” I tell him.

“I’m right here.” He says stroking his thumb across my knuckles.

He opens his mouth to say something else to me but we’re suddenly interrupted.

“Kellin Quinn?” A nurse calls my name making my head shoot up.

I stand up to let her know I’ve heard her and hesitantly glance back to Vic.

“Come in with me?” I ask with pleading eyes.

“Of course.”

We walk down the corridor behind the nurse and she leads us into a room where my doctor was waiting for us. With our hands still entwined we just stood there until the doctor told us what to do next.

“So which one of you is Kellin?” she turns and asks us.

“I am.” I say shyly, stepping forwards letting go of Vic’s hand.

“Take a seat on the bed for me please sweetheart, I’m going to ask you a couple of questions before we get started alright.”

I simply nod and sit on the bed liked she asked. Vic sits down on one of the seats behind me and I turn my attention back to my doctor.

“I’m Dr Elizabeth Eugene and I’m going to be your doctor through this journey, alright?” she gives me a friendly smile obviously noticing I was extremely nervous.

“You’re here because you took a pregnancy test and it read positive, correct?” she glance down at the notes on her clip board.

I nod and reply with a yes.

“When was the last time you had sexual intercourse Kellin?”

My eyes widen in shock and I felt my cheeks burned a hot red. I wasn’t expecting her to just come out and ask me that. But what else did I expect? This is the reason why I was here, to find out more about my pregnancy.

“Oh err, about a week and a half ago.” I tell her biting my lip.

“Do you and your partner use condoms?”

I feel my face turn redder, this was all so embarrassing to say in front of Vic. I was glad I had my back to him right now or I would have died of embarrassment for sure.

“Sometimes.”

“And do you have any idea of the date of conception?” she asks and I shook my head.

“Uh, no, not really. We have sex all the time.” I admitted looking down in my lap uncomfortably.

She just nods and typed down all the information I had given her into the computer. When she’s finished typing she moves the screen so I could see it and moves her wheelie chair over to the side of the bed.

“Okay sweetie, just lie down on the bed and lift your shirt up for me.” she smiles sweetly.

I do as she says, lying there incredibly anxious with my stomach exposed. Vic takes my hand in his and squeezes it reassuringly and I smile at him. He was good at distracting me from having a panic attack and passing out on the floor because that would definitely happen if he wasn’t here holding me together right now.

“This gel might be a little cold.” She warns me before squirting it on to my lower stomach.

I jump a little even though she warned me about the coldness of the gel it still made me jump. She flicked the light switch off making the room fall dark and sat back down at her computer.

I squeezed on Vic’s hand as the nerves began building up inside me. I was about to see my baby for the very first time and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it right now. I just felt sick with anxiety.

Dr Eugene puts the wand on my stomach and starts moving it around while looking at the screen and typing a couple of things into the computer. Suddenly a loud thudding noise fills the silence of the room and my eyes widen and I quickly turn my head and see a blurry flickering image on the screen.

“There it is.” Dr Eugene beams pointing to my baby on the screen.

I sit up slightly and blink through teary eyes as I just stared at the screen for a couple of seconds. It was literally the size of a pea but I feel my heart clench in my chest and immediately it’s filled with warmth and love and I feel tears rolling down my cheeks with joy. I couldn’t believe that tiny little bean was growing inside of me right now.

“It has a very healthy heart beat.” She tells us and I’m overwhelm with excitement.

“Vic, can you see it?” I smile excitedly at him, tugging on his hand which was still holding mine.

“Yeah, I see it.” he says getting up from his seat and standing next to me so het could get a closer look.

“Everything looks good so far guys. From looking at the size of your baby right now and the rate its growth is, it looks like you’re about five weeks pregnant.”

“Five weeks already?” Vic asks in a tone of disbelief.

“That’s right. You’re going to be a daddy sooner than you think.” She chuckles and Vic stands there with his mouth wide open speechless.

I see the shock and awkwardness on his face as she said that to him. Oh no, she thinks Vic’s the dad… now this is going to be incredibly awkward.

Dr Eugene turns back to analyse the screen having no idea of her misjudgement. I feel Vic’s eyes on me but I don’t dare look at him because I feel so embarrassed. I just focus my eyes on the screen which viewed my baby. It was perfect already.

“I will say your due date is August 18th.” She confirms.

August? That seemed like forever away.

She removes the wand from my stomach and hands me a tissue so I could wipe the gel off me and pull my T-shirt back down.

“I’ll print you out a picture and leave you both alone for a few minutes. When you’re ready, just go to reception and schedule yourself for your next appointment to see me in three weeks time, okay?” I nod as she turns back on the lights and hands me a picture of my baby scan before leaving the room.

I’m at a loss for words as I held the scan of my baby in my hands. I couldn’t stop looking at it. This tiny little pea was my baby and it was growing inside of me with its healthy little heart beat, relying on me to keep it safe and well looked after as I follow through with the next eight months.

I didn’t realise I was smiling so widely until I feel it disappear from my lips as the thought of Oliver enters my mind. I knew already he wouldn’t have the same exciting reaction as me when sees the scan. Him not showing up here has made it perfectly clear that he’s not interested. Hell, the doctor even thought Vic was the dad.

I feel my eyes water and a tear roll down my cheek as I feel my heart ache at a decision I’m going to have to make.

“I- I think I want it Vic… but Oli doesn’t.” I whisper shakily.

My lips quivers and I drop the scan in my lap and cover my face with my hands and burst into a fit of tears.

Vic’s arms are around me in an instant as he sits on the edge of the bed beside me. I bury my face in his chest and cling to his shirt and just cry.

“Hey, no matter what you choose I’m gonna be here for you. I’m not going anywhere okay? I promise you won’t be on your own.” He says kissing my head.

“I need him, Vic.” I choke on a sob and I feel Vic tighten his hold around me without saying another word.

I could feel my heart breaking in my chest as it begs for Oliver.

“I need Oliver.” I cry.