Part of Me

Vic’s POV

I was currently driving us back to Kellin’s place, the rain drops hitting my wind shield and the window swipers were the only sound filling the silence between us. Kellin’s occasional heart breaking sniffles would sometimes be enough to hear over the rain but I was just at that point that I honestly didn’t know what to say anymore.

I shift my eyes from the road to Kellin, his head was resting against the car window as he silently cried to himself, every now again he would wipe a tear away with the sleeve of his oversized hoodie.

He’s not once taken his eyes off the baby scan which is placed in his lap. He was hurting so bad right now, I knew all he was thinking about was that he had to make a decision between Oli and the baby.

I reach my hand over and gave his knee a light comforting squeeze.

“When we get back to yours I’m gonna make you the biggest cup of hot chocolate ever okay? I’m gonna make you the Vic Fuentes special, with marshmallows, whip cream, anything you want on it you got it alright?” I smile widely at him trying to lighten up the mood but my attempt to cheer him up fails miserably.

He just gives me what looked like a small fake smile before it quickly disappears and he sadly gazes back down at the scan again.

I sigh heavily to myself and look back at the road and run one of my hands through my hair.

That doctor’s appointment was hard on both of us. I mean, I came along as Kellin’s support, there was no way I would let him go through something like this by himself but I didn’t think it through properly and I didn’t see how bad this would also affect me.

The doctor even thought I was the father of Kellin’s child. Damn, that was a right slap in the face. She caught me completely off guard, I didn’t even have the chance to correct her... not that I wanted to. I guess there was a desperate part of me that wishes I was the father.

Then all this messed up shit and mixed feelings would make sense.

I’ve been in love with Kellin since school and knowing he couldn’t be mine I’ve stood by his side like any true friend would when your asshole of a boyfriend treats you like shit. And now I’ll never have my chance with him but I will never leave him alone in this. No matter how much it hurts me, if Oli wouldn’t support him through this he will always have me.

Five years ago ~ Flashback

I came to a sudden halt at the entrance of the lunch hall and just set my eyes on the most beautiful person in the room. The lunch hall was filled with hundreds of school students right now but all I could see was Kellin.

His smile alone could light up the darkness to anyone’s nightmare.

“Whoa, you got it bad Vic.”

The voice of my goof ball of a best friend pulls me back into reality. I look beside me and frown up at Hime.

“Shut up.” I say and punch his arm playfully.

“Why don’t you just go over there and tell the kid how you feel?”

“You know I can’t, Oli’s already got his claws sunken deep into him, I have no chance.”

“Right cos our ring leader has tabs on him first? You’re just gonna sit back and do nothing? Just watch the boy you like so much slip away.” He says sarcastically.

“What else am I suppose to do Hime? We both know Oli’s a lying cheat and he’s just gonna end up hurting Kellin but I can’t just sit and watch it happen. But Kellin will sure damn hate me if I screw things up between him and Oli, he’s already fallen for him so hard, I can’t-“

“Vic, chill. You’re getting yourself all worked up, is he really worth it?” Hime asks.

I glance over at Kellin and see that breath taking smile break across his face as he laughs at something Jordan has told him. I could see the sparkle in his eyes from all the way across the lunch hall and it still manage to give me that fluttering warm feeling inside of me.

“Yes.” I sigh looking back at Hime and dropping my shoulders down in defeat.

Man, I was pathetic. Pining for some boy that wasn’t even single.

“Okay, look. So the boy is more or less taken by Sykes but that doesn’t mean to give up on him just yet, right? We all know Syko is gonna fuck it up sooner or later so make sure you’re the one Kellin turns to. Be his friend, earn his trust, be his shoulder to cry on and eventually Kellin will come to you.”

I thought about what Hime said for a moment. This could be an advantage to always be there for Kellin and slowly lead him away from Oli and his corrupted ways and hopefully he’ll see that I’m better for him.

“Being his friend is better than not having him at all, right Vic?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I say a bit unsure but I didn’t really have any other choice. I wanted Kellin in some way.

“Come on, they’re probably wondering what’s taking us so long to join them.”

We walk over to our usual spot in the lunch hall and I couldn’t help but notice Kellin was awkwardly sitting at the table next to Oli being left out of the group’s conversation, when his so called boyfriend was paying all his attention on Josh. It angered me so much how this prick can completely ignore this beautiful talented being right beside him. If it was me I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off him, the world could past by and I wouldn’t even know ‘cause I’ll have my universe right in front of me.

Out of the corner of his eye Oli saw us approaching the table and he was quick to end his conversation with Josh and instantly have his arm around Kellin’s shoulder pulling the boy close to his side just to hurt me.

Oli knew how much I liked Kellin and he went out of his way to dangle Kellin in front of me with every opportunity he got. Yeah, he was a class A dick and to think we’re supposed to be friends.

When we reached the table Oli brought Kellin’s face close to his and started brushing his fingers through his hair affectionately. Kellin innocently blushed at the attention of his boyfriend and I notice how incredibly shy he became that everyone was watching them.

“You’re hair is so soft and actually getting abit long now too Kells. Maybe you should try wearing it differently for a change, like maybe have your fringe pushed back.” Oli suggests sweetly but I could see through his fakeness.

He was already trying to change him.

“Pushed back? But I like having my fringe the way it is.” Kellin defends.

“But I can’t see your pretty face as much as I like to Kells, and besides your hair actually looks sexy pushed back.” He smirks pushing his fringe back.

Oli turns to face me with a wicked glint in his eye, what was he up to?

“Vic, please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back.” He says pushing Kellin’s hair back out of his eyes once again.

The whole group went quiet and they all suddenly had their eyes on me but most importantly, Kellin glance up at me with his big blue eyes looking really insecure and uneasy. He had his bottom lip tugged between his teeth which made me swallow hard and I soon found myself torn between standing up for him and saving myself from the constant shit Oli would put me through if I differently.

Hime nudges me in the arm when I was obviously taking too long to response. I frown at being put awkwardly on the spot like this and just wanted everyone’s eyes off me.

“You’re hair looks sexy pushed back.” I say in defeat.

Kellin’s eyes grow wide and a blush appears on his pale cheeks. I flop down on to a seat at the table and act like I wasn't bothered by it and discreetly cover my face with my hand to try to cover up the embarrassment and humiliation my asshole of a friend just put me through. I turn my full attention to Hime who was sat beside me looking rather guilty.

Oli was a fucking prick to do that to me in front of everyone, knowing how much I liked Kellin as well. A huge part of me wanted to get up and leave but I knew it would only make the situation worse and more obvious to the rest of the group how I felt about Kellin.

“See, I told you babe.” Oli says with humour in his tone to Kellin.

I peek up through my eyelashes at Kellin but to find he’s already looking back at me with a confused expression on his face. But before either of us can read into it further, Oli has his fingers on his chin and guiding Kellin’s attention back to him.

~~

I had a chance with Kellin but I chose to sit back and just be his friend and stupidly waited for him to come to me when he realised his feeling for me. But Oli had his hooks so deep into him and took every opportunity away from me and now he’s totally fucked up Kellin for good and now there’s no way he will ever be mine.

He’s knocked him up making sure I can never have him.

My hands tighten their grip around the steering wheel, I was getting myself worked up about all of this but it wasn’t the right time to get upset about it now. I needed to have a calm and clear head for Kellin.

I pull up in front of Kellin’s place and cut off the engine. We both just sat listening to the pouring rain hit against my car for about five minutes when I decided we should head in.

I turn towards him and place my hand on his shoulder which he doesn’t even acknowledge until I squeeze him gently.

“We should go in.” I whisper.

I watch as he traces his finger around the ultrasound scan, tear drops landing on the picture in his lap and little sobs escaping his mouth. It was heart wrenching to listen to and I just felt so useless to him.

“Please don’t get upset again Kells.” I plead.

Knowing nothing I do or say will take this pain away from him or make it any better.

He takes in a deep shaky breath to calm himself down and wipe at his swollen red eyes once again. He puts the scan in his hoodie pocket and stares out the car window still avoiding eye contact with me.

“We can go inside watch a film or whatever and we don’t have to talk about anything at all. Or I could help you figure out what you wanna do about this and I can help you with what you want to say to Oliver?” I ask but he doesn’t response.

He just looked so broken it was actually hurting my heart so bad seeing him like this.

I sigh and attempt to speak again.

“I promise you I’ll never let you down-“

“Oli’s bike is here.” He frowns out the window in front of him.

He opens the car door and quickly steps out into the pouring rain without a single care in the world.

“Kells don’t walk out in the rain!” I shout but he ignores me and I hurriedly follow after him.

I don’t know what hit me first, Kellin’s body which was frozen on the spot by the front door or the strong wift of weed which burned my nostrils.

I look over Kellin’s shoulder and see Oli and a bunch of our friends gathered in the living area drinking alcohol and smoking weed. My hands curl into balls of fists as I feel my temper rising inside of me.

Oli was sat on the sofa smoking a spliff with Josh in his lap attached to his neck. The fucker couldn’t make it to his own boyfriends baby scan but he can sit here and get high off his face and let his best friend mark him up. He was a fucking disgrace. He hadn’t even notice that we were standing here watching him be the cheating scumbag we all know he is.

I could feel myself slipping, I was biting down on my tongue so hard to prevent myself from exploding. I was on the edge of snapping and when I was about to let rip, shockingly Kellin beats me to it.

“Are you fucking serious?!” he screams, getting everyone’s attention.

Tears were streaming down his face, his chest rising up and down in anger and most likely anxiety. His hair was dripping wet from walking out in the rain which now stuck to his face. The boy was in pieces and it broke my fucking heart to see him like this and to witness his boyfriend being so careless of their relationship.

“Kell, babe, what you doing here?” Oli asks, pulling Josh away from his neck.

I watch as Kellin marches over to the sofa Oli was sitting on, glaring at his shitty cheating boyfriend and his so called best friend cosily in his lap.

“I gave you the hickies you said.” Kellin confronts sassily.

“You did.”

I snort at his stupidity. Kellin has just caught him with Josh sucking the life out of his neck and he still has the nerve to lie to his fucking face about it.

“I-I needed you today and you let me down.” Kellin whimpers, wiping away stray tears.

“Not now Kellin.” Oli warns as if he was ashamed of the situation he’s got them into.

I couldn’t take anymore of his shit and pretend that the reason why Kellin was so upset isn’t his fault. That’s when I snap and step forwards.

“Who the fuck do you think you are Oli!? Your boyfriend is pregnant and he needed you today but instead of being by his side like any decent guy would, you rather pretend like you don’t know shit and get high and cheat on him in front of his fucking face!” I growl, watching Oli’s face fill with anger.

“Vic, please.” Kellin begs shaking his head at me to stop.

I open my mouth to protest but I suddenly feel guilty for speaking up and blurting out his personal business in front of everyone without thinking.

“Kellin’s pregnant?” Josh asks, glancing over at Kellin’s crying shaky frame before looking back at Oli for answers.

“I didn’t know until this morning Josh, honestly.” He lies

“You fucking liar, you’ve known since last week!” I yell, not standing for his bullshit any longer.

I was fuming I couldn’t believe the lies his mouth spoke. It like he’s actually convinced himself that his telling the truth.

Josh climbs out of his lap and yanks his hand away when Oli tries to bring him back down to his lap.

“Leave me alone Oli.” Josh says angrily.

“Josh-“

“Bro, Kellin’s pregnant? Mum’s going to fucking kill you.” Tom cuts in, leaning over the sofa clearly drunk.

“Don’t you dare say a fucking word to her Tom, you got that?!” Oli scowls at his little brother.

Tom back up hastily and Oli is quick to turn his raging temper back to me.

“Who the fuck do you think you are Fuentes coming into my house and running your mouth like you know shit?!” he growls.

“I know a lot more than you do, seeing as you couldn’t even be bothered to show up at your own scan. Do you even know how far along he is? Do you even care that you didn’t even hear your baby’s heartbeat for the first time?” I yell at him.

Oli stands up from the sofa and tries to tower over me, trying to be little me like he often did back at school. A lot has changed since then, the only reason I stuck around for so many years was because of Kellin. I wasn’t afraid of falling out with Oli anymore because I haven’t considered him as my friend for a very long time. So the actions I chose to act on right now I knew I wouldn’t regret.

I swing for him. My fist connects to his chin and he falls backwards onto the sofa and that didn’t stop me, I lunge for him.

“Stop it! Please just stop it, please!” I hear Kellin scream from behind me.

But Oli and I are too busy punching each other up to listen to anyone around us.

“You fucking piece of shit, I hate you! You treat him as if he’s nothing! He’s worth ten of you and more, you don’t fucking deserve him!” I scream pounding my fists onto any part of Oli’s body I could reach. All I could see is red, I had officially snapped.

“Vic stop!” I hear Kellin’s screeches again but I still don’t stop.

It’s not long that I’m being yanked off of Oli by the strength of Jordan and Oli’s pulled up by his little brother. We’re both fuming and ready for round two, despite that we’re covered in scratches and blood and the group of our friends standing in between us.

“I hate you both!” Kellin yells in fits of tears.

Oli and I break our deathly stare when we hear the crack in Kellin’s voice. I turn my head around and I feel my heart sink through my chest when I’m met with Kellin’s tearful face.

I step towards him to comfort him but he stops me.

“Kellin-“

“No.” He shouts which stops me from moving further.

I stare at him with regretful eyes and he just shakes his head at me with his bottom lip quivering, giving away the pain and hurt he was trying to hide from us.

Before I can react and apologies he’s running up the stairs away from everyone.

“K-Kellin, wait!” I call.

I shrug myself out of Jordan’s hold and follow in the direction Kellin ran in.

“He’s mine Fuentes!” Oli yells causing me to stop in my tracks and making me to glare at him.

I wasn’t in the mood for anymore of his funny business. He didn’t even care that his boyfriend ran upstairs crying.

I watch him wipe the blood off his chin and smirks at me with a smirk I knew too well.

“All you are is his pathetic shoulder to cry on and nothing more. He loves me and no matter what I do he will always love me and you will never come close to that. So run along Fuentes, go and be his knight and shining armour he pours his heart out to, ‘cause at the end of the day it’s my bed he lies in, not yours. “He gloats with the smirk not faltering from his lips.

I was going to snap back and give him a piece of my mind but shockingly I feel my eyes get wetter and my heart ache with pain. His words hurt me more than I thought and I swallowed down the lump which formed in my throat.

He brings a spliff to his lips and smirks when he blows out the smoke in my face as victory. He knew he had won this battle.

He was a revolting human being and as much as I wanted to rip his throat out I knew my emotional state would get the better of me and make me into a laughing stock. I hastily run up the stairs to get away from the situation and to find Kellin and when I do, he’s in his bedroom curled up in a ball on his bed crying his heart out.

My heart breaks at the sight and I want to kick myself for completely fucking this up.

“Kells, I’m so sorry.” I say, sitting on the edge of his bed and putting my hand on his back to comfort him and hope he forgives me.

“Just go away.” He cries.

“Kellin please.”

“Just leave me alone!” he chokes out from the pillow.

I feel my heart get crushed at his rejection. I open my mouth to beg for his forgiveness but I realise it’s no use, I’ll only make it worse.

So without another word I get up off the bed and leave Kellin alone crying into his sheets.