Last Year Was Complicated

Brett could hear the footsteps in the hallway approaching her locked bedroom door and she wondered who it was this time. Gia and Kelly had both spent a solid five hours between the two of them trying to coax her out of her hideout but she was having none of it. So she was surprised when she heard Antoine's voice through the closed door, "Brett?"

She didn't make a noise, in fact, she held her breath for some reason. She thought he had gone away when she didn't hear anything else from him, that was until she heard the doorknob turn. That sneaky bastard had picked the lock. She didn't look up from where she was laying; on her back on the floor by her bed, she kept her eyes focused up on the ceiling as he stepped inside of her bedroom and closed the door behind him.

"I don't want to talk." Brett croaked out, her voice was raw from all of the crying, and she knew she was likely a sight. She hadn't slept at all the night before, in fact, she had even kept Gia up with all of her pacing and cleaning, because she needed to keep busy and didn't know what else to do, but hey at least the apartment was spotless.

Antoine didn't give her a response, instead, he sat down with his back against her bed and he grabbed her by her shoulders, heaving her up to put her head on the pillow he had grabbed off of her bed and put on his lap. She rolled over to her side, to face the wall across from them because she really, really didn't want to be seen the way that she was and Antoine didn't argue with her. Instead, he simply pulled the elastic that was barely holding her braid together out of her hair and he worked his fingers into her hair to pull the braid loose.

They were silent for a long time before Brett asked her, "Is he here?"

The him that she was referring to was Tyler, Antoine knew that. So he told her, "No, we're the only one's here."

"We?" She asked him curiously, bringing her hand up to bite down hard on her fingernail on her thumb.

"Me and Jamie, he's in the living room with Gia and Kelly." Antoine explained to her. He then told her, "Most of the guys know by now, but if anyone has told Tyler neither Jamie nor I know anything about it."

"Good."

"You don't want him to know?" Antoine asked her in surprise.

She shook her head and closed her eyes tightly as she sucked in a shaky breath of air and she told him, "No. I want him to care about me because he wants to, not because he feels bad for me because of... because of..."

She stopped trying to talk, she knew that he knew what she was trying to say. His first response was to lean down and place a gentle kiss on the side of her head before he straightened up and he told her, "I'm-"

Brett was quick to cut him off, "Please don't say you're sorry. That's the last thing I want to hear right now."

"Okay." He told her softly, going back to running his fingers through her hair. Curiously he asked her, "When are you leaving?"

"I don't know. This afternoon I think. Gia's driving." Brett told him, sniffling as she shook her arm to lower the sleeve of her sweater. Antoine reached out and pulled it down for her and she immediately covered her face with it as her eyes started to well up with tears again. It had to have been half an hour before Brett spoke again, and when she did her voice was so soft that had he not been listening for it Antoine might have missed it, "I was late."

"What?"

"I was supposed to leave last night. I was supposed to get in late last night but... I was already running late when Tyler showed up. I was late Antoine. I was supposed to be there... I should have been there... I could have... I was late."

Antoine cradled her head as he pulled the pillow out from under her and then he sat her up and pulled her toward him to wrap both of his arms tightly and securely around her. It was the first amount of physical contact of any kind that she had since she had barricaded herself in her bedroom hours earlier and it seemed to make the dam break, so to speak.

Brett clung to him tightly, her nails leaving tiny marks in the skin of his arms as she cried and all he did was pull her closer, and closer to him. He rested his head on hers and rubbed her back while she sobbed, but none of it seemed to make a difference. Neither of them were sure how long they had been sitting there when Brett finally stopped crying and her tears seemed to dry, that or there was just nothing left to cry with.

That was when he asked her, "You hungry?"

She shook her head, "Not really."

He stood up, grabbing her hands and pulling her with him and he told her, "You have to eat something Brett. Come on, let's get you fixed up and then we'll go find something to eat."

Brett didn't have an ounce of energy in her to argue with him and despite the fact that every part of her was screaming at her to crawl into bed and never get back out she allowed him to guide her into the bathroom and then she sat on the toilet seat while he dug around in the drawers under the sink.

She didn't say anything when he wiped her face with a makeup wipe, or when he pressed a cold, damp face cloth onto her each of her cheeks to try to help with some of the swelling from her crying. She did, however, speak up when he grabbed an elastic and started to brush her hair, "What are you doing?"

"Putting your hair back in its braid." He told her as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

As he started sectioning pieces off and French braiding her short hair back and out of her face Brett asked him, "How do you know how to do this?"

"Kelly taught me once." He said with a shrug. When he tied off the elastic he took the now warm face clothes from her and hung them over the shower rod before he grabbed her hands and pulled her to her feet. Antoine stood her in front of the mirror and he asked her, "Better?"

"Yeah." She told him. She had to admit she was impressed. Every inch of smeared makeup was gone from her face, and while her cheeks were still a little red her eyes were no longer puffy and unsightly and her hair actually looked like it was hair and not a mop on her head.

Brett followed him out into the living room, and she ended up on the couch between he and Jamie, who simply reached out and clasped his large hand around hers and held it, no words were needed between them. Brett had to mentally yell at herself to keep herself from crying again, and Gia simply placed a milkshake in her hand.

"What's this?" Brett asked with her brow lifted just slightly.

Jamie explained, rather than Gia, "I went and got some food. We were just about to come and tell you when you came out here."

Gia told her, "Diner burgers and all the fries you could ask for... and milkshakes."

"I'm not hungry." She had to at least try.

Kelly called her out on it, because who else would, "Yes you are. I could practically hear your stomach growling through the closed door."

Brett had to admit that she was starving, and the smell of food was only making it worse but it was like she had absolutely no appetite or will power to actually eat. No one seemed to care about that because a foil wrapped burger and a box of fries was placed on her lap and it took Brett a little longer than everyone else to dig in. No one said anything because at least she took a sip of her milkshake. That was something.

Eventually, Brett did eat half of her meal and then she gave half of that half to Antoine and the other half to Jamie and again, no one argued with her because half of a burger and a handful of fries was better than nothing.

Finally, Gia looked at her watch and she told Brett softly, "We should probably get going."

"Yeah. We should." Was all that Brett said and so while Kelly and Antoine cleaned up their lunch mess Jamie brought Gia's bag out to Brett's car and did a quick once-over to make sure everything was good for them to leave while Brett went into her bedroom to change. Kelly didn't hug Brett, she simply reached out and gave her hand a squeeze before she got into her own vehicle.

Jamie kissed the top of her head and told her, "Call if you need anything?"

When she nodded he left, and then Antoine wrapped an arm around her shoulder and Brett leaned into his side and he told her, "I could come."

She smiled gently, "I appreciate it, but I'm okay. I mean... I'm not okay but I will be... someday I guess. At some point."

With a smile, Antoine knocked her chin gently with his knuckles and he told her, "You know how to get a hold of us if you need anything, really, anything Brett."

"Thanks."

"I love you kid." He told her, pulling the passenger door to her car open.

Brett dropped onto her seat and then she looked over at him and asked, "Hey... will you take care of my dog for a few days?"

Before Antoine could say anything Kelly was out of the vehicle, walking back to the condo and she told Brett, "Absolutely."

Brett couldn't stop the small laugh from bubbling out of her mouth at that, and she looked up at Antoine and told him, "Love you too by the way."

The drive back to San Antonio was quiet, which Brett expected. Gia drove and let Brett pick the music, which may have actually been a first. Brett managed to suck down a gas station slushie and a little package of peanuts when Gia stopped to pee, and they had to park down the street when they arrived at Brett's parent's house because the driveway was filled with vehicles. Brett didn't get out of the car.

Gia grabbed their two bags and then she told Brett, "You gotta face it babe, I'm sorry and I know it sucks but you have to."

"How about I just stay here. Here is nice, I like here." Brett told her, and Gia shot her a sympathetic smile and stuck her hand out. Brett sighed and took her hand, getting out of the car and she dragged slightly behind Gia the whole way down the street, up the driveway and to the front door. Gia knocked twice quickly before she pushed the door open and they both stepped inside, and almost immediately after they closed the door behind them Brett's dad came around the corner.

He wrapped her into a tight hug, and this time Brett didn't feel that overwhelming need to burst into tears like she had been feeling all day so far. Instead, she felt almost numb, like her entire body just shut down on her and was rolling through the motions. Maybe it was, she had read somewhere, she was sure, that sometimes in order to cope with grief people almost went into these catatonic states where they shut down and then came back to real life days later. If she could only be so lucky.

"Come on, I have your room ready and aunt Donna is in the guest room so Gia will have to stay in yours." Ryan told her, leading both girls upstairs as if Brett needed a tour guide to find her bedroom.

Gia put their bags on Brett's bed, and Brett asked Ryan, "Who's here?"

"Family. Grandma and grandpa, your mom's sister and her husband, Josie came." He told her, accounting for each of the vehicles in the driveway. He then added, "Your grandfather rented a room at a hotel, but he wanted me to tell you that if you wanted it he would stay here."

Brett shook her head but she told him, "We can go if he wants to stay here, it doesn't matter to me."

"I'll let him know. We're gonna have dinner in about an hour, but uh... I know... I mean I don't know but I know things are hard for you and our family is a bit much so you don't have to come down. I could order you some pizza later if you're hungry. But I also put some drinks in the fridge down the hall, if you get thirsty. I should get back down there." He was out of the door before Brett could even respond and suddenly she felt guilty again.

Guilty because she wasn't here.

Guilty because she didn't get to say goodbye.

Guilty because she hadn't been here all year.

Guilty because he had to do everything himself.

She felt so much guilt she thought it might swallow her whole and right now she thought that might not be such a bad thing.