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Confessions From the Past

The Beginning

Hey. I just needed to talk to you, I guess.

I hope that where you are is at least a slightly less confusing place than where I am.

Maybe this all my fault. Maybe I should’ve been more careful. If you’re reading this, Future Me, I’m assuming/hoping you know by now. I’m hoping you’re looking back at this crazy time in your life and smiling and shaking your head at your young, twenty-two-year-old self and thinking, “Don’t worry, babe. You figure it out.”

Let me just jog your memory on a few things since it’s been a while.

Currently, it’s 2016. You’re about to complete your bachelor’s degree in music and are considering getting a master’s in education. This is the beginning of your wanting to teach music to kids at the elementary level. (I hope you’ve followed through with this and aren’t still insanely broke. I hope it’s worth it. I bet it is.) You’re working your Boring Ass Job for a few more months and praying every single day that God will give you an opportunity to do what you love. You’re still trying to figure out what that is. You’re feeling pretty lost and like you aren’t good enough at anything to get a real job. All your friends have big kid jobs. You hate them for it. Remember that? The worst.

You’ve been in a serious relationship for a year and a half now, just looked at engagement rings again, in fact, a few days ago. You about shat your pants, per usual, at the thought of getting engaged right now even though you actually kind of want to be. You’re in love. More so than ever before. But…

Well, you know, ya know? Don’t make me say it. YOU KNOW.

I hope that what you’re doing over there in the future is wildly kickass in a way that you consider wildly kickass and not just what the world thinks is wildly kickass. I hope you’ve done lots of the things you always wanted to do in life. I hope you’ve been nice to people. (That’s this new thing that I’m working on. Just, like, being nice to everyone no matter what. Kindness goes a long way and if I’m known for anything in this world, I hope that it’s at least that. “She was the kindest soul I ever knew.” I like that. REMEMBER THAT.)

I hope that when you read this you smile and laugh a little at all the havoc we’ve been through. All the dumb little things. All the big things. All the little things disguised as big things. I hope you’re still surrounded by people who love you. I hope you’re happy. It’s funny though because, as I type this to you, I know that it’s me who is the one that has to make that happen. Right here. In the now.

Uck. Alright. I’ll work on it.