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Confessions From the Past

The Chapter About Limbo


It’s the end of October, to be exact. Like, two days before November.

I’ve been avoiding writing to you like the plague.

I guess because even though a lot has happened, essentially nothing has. I don’t even know what to tell You/Me anymore. I think we’re kind of in this limbo phase of life right now.

Being a music teacher isn’t exactly everything you thought it’d be. It’s fun and wonderful and you love it and it’s awful and horrible and stinky and you hate it. You’ve taught, sang, and played for 12 Halloween preschool programs at this point in time (two more to go tomorrow) and all you can seem to think about while your fingers dance on those keys to the tune of “I’m a Little Pumpkin (Teapot)” is the fact that this time last year you were touring through Music City and The Smoky Mountains. You want to sing and play again, like REALLY sing and play again. Anything but Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes or a C major scale for the tenth time in 24 hours.

A few days ago your best friend said she was moving back to England after college. You’ve been holding out hope for the idea that maybe the two of you would move back to Nashville when she graduated and try the music thing again.

How are you supposed to do that now? That was the plan, that way everything! What is the point of this part of life if it’s not leading me to that?! I can’t go ALONE and I CAN’T stay stuck here FOREVER.

A few weeks ago, a close family friend passed away. You remember who. He was essentially like a second father growing up, as his wife babysat you and Jen for years and you were practically sisters with his daughters. They’d found the cancer just months prior. It was quick. He was strong and wonderful and wise and everything the world needs.

All I think I can say at this point from the things I’ve learned so far during this extremely new and confusing phase of life is that you woke up this morning being given another day to change anything and everything in your life that doesn’t make you completely and 100% happy.

Remember that. I’ll try to, too.