Running

Three days later, my mom never came home. At three in the morning, we got a phone call from the hospital. Apparently, the plane landed wrong and there were no survivors. Could anything else go wrong? My boyfriend moves away, my mom dies, will my dad die too? I shouldn't even ask myself that. I don't need him dying on me. He's all I have left.

All my tears were gone from Ryan so I never cried when I found out that my mom died. I was more devastated than sad. There was only one thing left for me to do.

My dad didn't know what to do. He was sitting on the couch thinking, wondering if this was all a dream and when he'll wake up. Almost like me three days ago. He stayed on the couch and I walked up the stairs and into the bathroom. This was something I've never done before.

I opened the small drawer underneath the sink and pulled out a Bic disposable razor from a bag. My mom used these a lot. Thank God there were unused ones left. I pulled the tabs out from the back of it and the razor popped out. I grabbed it and slid up my sleeve, not caring if I die or not. I've had it with this life. There's nothing to life for anymore.

I placed the razor on my wrist and closed my eyes. I didn't want to see the blood because it would scare me. Letting go of my fears, I dragged it across my wrist.

I opened one eye and looked at my wrist. Nothing was there.
I'm supposed to be bleeding profuse. Why isn't it bleeding?
I dragged it across again and pushed down. I felt the sharp pain of metal entering my skin and I dropped the razor blade onto the floor. I grasped my bleeding wrist and started panicking.

Oh, my God, I'm bleeding! What do I do? Wash it off? Put a band aid on it? Disinfect it? What do I do? Questions rushed through my head.

I decided to do another. I was starting to like the pain and I wanted more. I did it again two more times so I had three deep cuts in a row next to each other.

I went to get a towel but I tripped and fell onto the floor. The last thing I remember was my dad asking me if I'm okay.

No, dad. Help me. I tried to say but nothing came out and I closed my eyes.