Sometimes Goodbye Is the Only Way

“Meet you at the entrance.” I texted Shea. I had to ride on the tour bus to the arena, and do everything normally like I would any other concert.

This meant that I would go to the concert in the tour bus, eat dinner and watch soundcheck. Anyways, I went to the entrance gate and boy did it feel weird to be on this side of things.

“Thanks for meeting me. I must be curious, why didn't you want me to pick you up like a real gentleman does?”

“Because I haven't been truthful. It clicked in the car that I knew who you were. I swear I didn't know when I bumped into you, it was an accident.”

“I should be upset but I'm not. So who are you Alexis? I want to know you.”

“You'll see. Just know that I want to get to know the real you Shea. That like you, I have to be careful with who I tell my secret to.”

I hated that it had to be that way. But I also knew that if anyone understood, it would be Shea. We found our seats and waited for the concert to start. Halfway through Luke’s set, I excused myself so I could get ready. Although I told Shea I had to use the restroom. I had never been so nervous in my life.

(Oh, oh)

What you doing in this place?

I started walking out onto the stage.

Well, I could probably ask you the same thing.

Another round, girl. What you think?
If you're buying, well, you know I'll drink

So make it seven on seven
Do you want it on the rocks?
A double shot of heaven
Spilling' off the top

And we'll go shot for shot for shot 'til we forgot what we came here to forget
Ain't a clock, a tick, a tock that's gonna stop a night we won't regret
So put your drink down, throw your camera up, flip it around and snap a payback picture
I'll send it to my ex, I'll send it to my ex and send 'em both a text
Saying we ain't going home alone tonight
Girl, you ain't gotta, I ain't gotta go home alone tonight.

Everyone concert I'd sing that duet with my brother. He normally sang it with Karen from Little Big Town. It was one of my favorites that Luke sang. I knew I'd have a lot of explaining to do.

“Shea come with me.” I said as soon as I got back to my seat.

“So you sing and you know Luke?” He folded his arms. “Why wouldn't you tell me?”

“Because.. I don't just know Luke. He's my big brother.”

“You didn't think I'd want to know that tiny detail?!” He yelled, pacing back and forth.

“Yes I did but it's not the first thing I usually tell a guy I just met or anyone really.”

*************
As I look back on the memories we've had together in Nashville, I realized that we had been through so much. I knew what it was like being with someone famous. Luke was obviously famous and now Shea. Hell he was the face of Nashville. Every game win, loss, ups and downs we had been through together.

It was like I hardly knew Shea anymore. Ever since the news that our son would never play hockey, that he has a heart problem called HCM; better known as Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. He could play hockey but he would need to take pills and limit his gaming time. If he would be anything like his father, he would hate having limited ice time. Shea blamed me for it, but it wasn’t anything anyone could have prevented. This was two years ago.

Logan is now four and it’s getting harder to avoid the subject of “why doesn’t daddy spend time with me?” He was afraid of hurting Logan or worse. I understood that, but Logan didn’t. I couldn’t force him to spend time with our son.

“You be good for Uncle Luke okay? Mommy and daddy have a team thing to do.” I kissed my little boy good night and gave Luke his overnight bag.

“Any change?”

“No. We hardly talk anymore. I’m getting sick of it. I can’t help my son, and I can’t fix my marriage. I don’t know what to do.” I sighed as I whispered.

“Lex, you know what to do. You and Logan can always stay here. You know that.” I knew Luke was right.

After we had gotten home from the event, I started packing a bag for Logan and myself. As much as I didn’t want to leave my husband, I knew it was what was best for my son.

“Alexis what are you doing?” Shea asked. It was the first thing out of his mouth to me at home in a while.

“I’m packing Logan a bag. I’m leaving you. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t put Logan through this.”

“Don’t. We can work this out.” He pleaded.

“No Shea we can’t. You won’t spend any time with him, and he always asks why. I’m out of excuses. It hurts him, and it hurts me. You’re withdrawn and have been for two years. I thought you needed time to process everything but then it turned into two years. I need to do this for our son. It’s what’s best for all of us.” I started to tear up. I wanted to stay and this was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

“Please Lex. I need help. I have come to terms with Logan never playing sports a long time ago, but I don’t know how to interact with him without hurting him.”

“And it took me wanting to leave for you to say that? To come to me? Shea I’ve given you plenty of chances. I’m done.” I walked out of Logan’s room to pack some of my things.

“You never once asked me how I was coping with everything. I needed you to be here for me. I get that you have the team but we, your family needed you. I am not taking Logan away from you. I need time to think, and you’re welcome to see your son anytime you want. I don’t know if I can do ‘us’ anymore.”