Azure

We've met before? My eyebrows furrowed at his answer, trying to think of any possible instances where I could have run into someone like him. Despite all my efforts, I came up empty handed so I pressed him more. When? Where? Did we talk? Did our eyes meet?

How many times did I pass him by without ever noticing his existence? And how many times has it been since he's noticed mine?

Alex didn't answer any of my questions, continuing to drive on silently. I jiggled the handcuffs that bound my wrists, trying to garner his attention by making a racket. Answer my questions instead of ignoring me, dammit! But when he finally did turn to look, he didn't look angry; instead, glancing at me with sadness and frustration in his eyes through the rear view mirror. I almost didn't hear what he mumbled under his breath. Beneath the hum of the motor I caught his words, "You really don't remember do you?"

My eyes narrowed at his statement, blood boiling in anger, "Remember what," I practically hissed. "What aren't you telling me? Why did you kidnap me? How did we meet? What are you hiding? Why did you take me away like this instead of talking to me like a normal person would?" The sudden swerve of the car caught me off guard. I didn't have time to brace myself, slamming into the door. I cried in pain as my hands twisted uncomfortably.

Alex had driven onto a small opening on the side of the road and was now making his way towards me. My heart raced as I looked around frantically in search of help, but my eyes stared down empty roads hopelessly. Why wasn't there ever anyone around? I pulled angrily on my hands, kicking the seat out of sheer frustration. I screamed, shaking my hands more furiously when they wouldn't budge an inch. I had to get away. I needed do get away.

He ripped the car door open, grabbing my chin roughly before pulling it towards him, "Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up!" I spat in his face, kicking him back with my foot. My breaths came out ragged and uneven as I warily watched him recover from my blow. I was expecting to get hit. Flinching away instinctively, I didn't expect the defeated sigh that came from his lips. My eyes opened to catch him lowering his hand, before kicking the side of the car with all his might. I stared at him wide-eyed, startled by the loud noise. His head snapped in my direction, eyes piercing me sharply.

I tried to swallow down the lump forming in my throat, diverting my gaze away from him. Alex grabbed me by the chin and jerked my face up once again. Wisps of hair stuck to my forehead. I was sweating. Struggling against his grip, I tried to move away, only to be shaken roughly. The movement jostled my hands around, creating a clanking noise as metal clashed with metal. We watched each other like that for a full minute before he released me.

"I told you to be quiet. I told you I don't- want to hurt you." I watched him with pity in my eyes. His fingers tangled in his air, tugging furiously as he paced back and forth. "This is all your fault. Why do you keep making me want to hurt you-"

"Do you want to hit me? Do you hate me? Then let me go." My words were harsh and cold as I pulled on my restraints once again, ignoring sting of pain, "Take these off of me and let me go if all I do is make you want to hurt me." There was a sudden feeling of fingers curling around my neck and air being cut off. I tried to wrench myself away, legs flailing and trying to push him away, but his hands only tightened their grip in return. I tried to take in gasps of air, but it was all futile.

Alex had his teeth clenched, his next words coming out rough; an unnatural sound for such a melodic voice. His face inches away from mine, I could feel his warm breath fan out over my flushed cheeks, "The only way I'd let you go is in a body bag. You fucking understand? Either you sit quiet and listen to me or I will kill you." Tears pricked my eyes, as I sat frozen in fear. When he finally released me, I inhaled sharply, body shaking violently as I coughed trying to catch my breath.

--

Three days after the incident happened, we ended up somewhere in Ohio. Most of those three days were spent at motels. Alex would leave me in the car and disappear for hours, returning with food and water. He wouldn't let me enter the room with him anymore after what happened the first time. Instead, he'd come late at night to drag me in for bathroom breaks before sending me back to the car. I wasn't complaining. The less time spent in his company, the better.

With each passing day however, I couldn't help the growing feeling of uneasiness in my stomach. Has someone realized I was missing? Did they find my phone in the ally? Are they looking for me yet? One downfall of staying in the car was that I couldn't check the news, though I don't know if I'd even be able to if I was staying with Alex.

We hadn't spoken a word to each other and the kind smiles and love confessions disappeared. I didn't know whether or not that was a good thing; whether or not it was better to have him infatuated with me than this cold shoulder treatment. I hadn't tried to speak with him either. The bruises around my neck were a reminder of what happened last time I tried to make "small talk."

The silence was getting more bearable, but the anxiety I felt only got stronger. Passing glances and accidental brushes of skin had me stiff and flinching in reflex. The short commands of "eat" or "let's go" could hardly pass of conversation. I would still catch him though; staring. Sometimes I would look away, too scared to see what the expression on his face would be. Memories of the way he looked upon me with such disgust and hatred would flash through my mind.

Sometimes, I would linger, and those times, all I could see was sadness. I think that's what I feared most. Despite the fear and hatred; beneath all that was a budding blossom of sympathy and pity. If I just reciprocate his feelings. If I just give him a chance.

I was beginning to miss the sweet smiles and hushed laughter. The thought was terrifying, but then I had to remind myself. Anyone in my position would feel the same. I'd rather have kindness than this tense atmosphere all the time. And then I would think... Isn't this better? If I allowed myself to get caught up so easily in his words-

What he did, what he's doing is not okay. It'll never be okay.

But then why do I feel so desperate to fix this? Why do I feel like there is something to fix in the first place? Like I'd done something wrong.

My thoughts were interrupted when I spotted Alex exiting the motel room, phone pressed tightly to his ear. His brows were furrowed as he spewed angry words from his mouth. I couldn't distinguish what he was saying, voice muffled through the glass. Like that, I watched him talk until he hung up with a heavy sigh. My eyes followed the rise and fall of his chest, startling myself when I looked up once again to see he was staring back.

Straightening my shoulders, I lowered my gaze, head dropping slightly. Between strands of hair, I could see that he was making his way towards me. He couldn't have seen me. I know he didn't. The windows were tinted pitch black so then why- The sound of the door sliding open had me curling in on myself, eyes squeezing shut. Nothing happened for a while. Just him standing there and me cowering in fear. The feeling of a warm hand sliding against my cheek made me sit up in shock, spine rigid and heart pounding.

Alex's hand paused in the air, mouth curling down slightly at the corners before returning to their natural neutral state. There was a second of hesitance and then he was touching me more boldly now; fingers carding through oils strands to push them back behind my ears. The lights from the motel bathed us in a soft green glow and I shivered at the warmth of his hands. December nights were cold and he didn't leave the car on when he left.

"Are you cold?" I stared at him blankly, wondering why he'd ask a question with such an obvious answer. Of course I'm fucking cold. But more than that, I was surprised by the soft tone of his voice, unsure of how to react. So I stayed silent and waited. He didn't stick around very long after that, retreating back to the room.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, shoulders relaxing as much as they could after being in the position that they were. My wrists were red and raw from the constant pulling. It was hard to get any proper sleep in this position too. Every time I would find myself dozing off, a sudden shift would send a sharp pain up my arms and I'd be awake again.

Sighing, I rested my forehead against my arm, eyes closing out of sheer tiredness, but my rest was short lived when the door of the van opened again, and this time, the jingle of keys had alert and anxious. Alex moved to undo the handcuffs, the restraints slipping through the roof handle. My arms dropped into my lap, muscles screaming in relief.

"Can you walk?" I looked up at him through my lashes before giving a single nod. Carefully, I stepped out of the car. It was a lot more difficult to maneuver than I'd imagined. My arms couldn't support the weight of my body and neither could my legs. My knees gave out as soon as both feet hit the blacktop. Alex's was there to catch me before I fell. "Can walk my ass," his words were low and muttered and I couldn't help the heat that bloomed in my cheeks at his comment. He practically carried my into the room, helping off my shoes and settling me into bed.

I think... I was so easy to accept because of how tired I was. Even if I tried to fight back, I didn't have the energy to do so. My eyes fluttered shut at the sudden feeling of warmth enveloping me. The sweet aroma of coffee and cologne lulled me to sleep.