Concealed

It was Minnie who woke me up. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. I was back in bed and Minnie’s tail was thumping on the bed as she licked someone who was petting her.

“Hey,” Cameron said quietly, smiling a little at me. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“You didn’t,” I said. I looked away, embarrassed. “What are you doing here?”

He sat down on the foot of the bed, his smile turning into a frown.

“What do you mean?”

I clapped my hands and Minnie walked over to lick my face.

“I figured I would’ve scared you off,” I muttered.

“Because you had a seizure?” he asked and I nodded. “That’s not the first seizure I’ve seen, Amanda, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. Well, I hope it will be your last.” He sighed. “I’m really sorry. I never should’ve mentioned your brother.”

I frowned at him. “You talked to my mom,” I said and he sighed again. “How much did she tell you?”

“Just an overview,” he said. “She didn’t go into any details.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I don’t want you to think I think less of you.”

I bit my lip and took a few deep breaths to keep myself from crying.

“You don’t think I’m weak?” I asked.

“Are you kidding me?” he asked with a breathless laugh. “You’re the strongest person I know, Amanda. I mean, your mom said you’ve been like this for over five years but look where you are!”

“In bed because I’m too weak to-”

“You’re not weak,” he interrupted. “There are people in the hospital because they didn’t fight their demons. You’re about to be published. Doesn’t that tell you anything about who you are as a person? About your strength?”

I stared up at the ceiling and Minnie licked my tears as they fell.

“I wish it was that easy to believe,” I whispered. “But it’s not. Every time I have a seizure, it reminds me how weak I feel mentally.” I wiped a tear away, annoyed. “Like you said, it’s been over five years.”

He sighed and held my hand. “I may not know much about PTSD, but I do know that it takes a strong person to get out of bed every day. It takes a strong person to live with their depression. It takes a strong person to make another person feel strong.”

I looked at him. “What?”

“Do you like steak?” he said abruptly and I blinked.

“Steak?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I may not be able to make brownies, but I make a pretty mean steak for when you’re feeling better.”

It took my tired mind a second.

“You still want…?”

“To see you?” he finished. “Yeah, I do. So? Besides, Minnie’s bone is still in my studio waiting for her.”

I smiled. “That would be great.” My laptop beeped and I asked him to bring it to me. I managed to sit up and unlocked it. I gasped. “It’s from the publisher,” I breathed and he grinned. “My meeting is the day after tomorrow at one in the afternoon,” I read. “Oh wow.”

“You’ll be great,” he said, correctly interpreting my nerves. “I’m going to let you get some more sleep. Let me know when you want to come over.”

“Okay,” I whispered and watched him walk to my door.

He stopped, though, and looked back at me. Our eyes met but I couldn’t read his. Gently, as if afraid he’d hurt me, he kissed my lips then left.

I touched my lips as Minnie curled at the foot of my bed.

-

I straightened my blouse obsessively as Rhonda drove to the office. I felt like I was going to be ill and my dad had made me take a Xanax before we left. It was good that I did; the last thing I needed was to have a panic attack right in their office.

“You ready?” Rhonda asked when we parked.

I could only nod as we got out of the car. Minnie walked right beside me. Her tail was wagging so I took that as a good sign.

Island Publishing, Inc.’s Oklahoma branch was small. The inside reminded me of a doctor’s office mixed with a lawyer’s office. I wondered how long they had been there; I could still smell fresh paint.

There wasn’t anyone at the front desk or a bell so we stood there awkwardly. Then I heard someone running, a loud thud, and a groan. Rhonda ran to the door.

“Are you all right?” she asked and a woman groaned from the floor.

“Don’t tell me you’re Amanda Peterson,” she said as we helped her up.

“Yeah, I am,” I said, feeling a little insulted.

“I knew I was running late!” the woman sighed. “God. I’m sorry. Come on in to my office. I’m so sorry about this. This is an awful first impression.”

Rhonda and I sat on the other side of her desk. The plaque said her name was Olivia Harper and I stared as she sat down. She had long brown hair that was messy from her fall and green eyes.

“I was told that my agent would be named Jenny,” I said and she scoffed.

“She was fired a day after you talked with Lance,” she said, typing into a computer. “I just moved here yesterday which is why it took so long to set you up. Terrible first impression,” she moaned in dismay.

Rhonda laughed. “Don’t worry, Miss Harper. We’ve met worse.”

“Miss Harper?” she repeated. “Oh! That’s my last name! God I’m a ditz.” She shook her head. “Call me Olivia.” She cleared her throat. “Anyway. I read your manuscript and I think I love it more than Lance does.” I beamed. “I’m surprised no one’s taken it yet. Did they give you any reasons?”

“Just that it’s not what they’re looking for,” I told her and she made a note.

“How long have you been at it?”

“A year and a half.”

She whistled. “Good on you for not backing down!” she said and I smiled. “How’d you hear about us, by the way?”

“Cameron Drake,” I answered hesitantly.

I didn’t want to ride on his name but Olivia just wrote that down. Either she had a good poker face or she was actually decent at what she does.

“Now, I know Lance told you that there are some mechanics that need to be ironed out,” she said and turned her monitor so that we could see it, too. “I am not the author of this book so I cannot go in and change anything. However, there are a few places where I think you can add more detail; maybe some more drama. Is this your first book?”

“Yes,” I said.

She nodded thoughtfully. “This appointment is basically us just getting to know each other. Are you her literary agent?”

Rhonda held out her hand. “Rhonda Knapp.”

Olivia shook her hand with a grin. “Awesome. Now, just like every author, I know your first question: How much we charge.” I just smiled. “It all depends on how much we need to do.”

“Okay,” I said. “Rhonda’s given me a good lesson on how that’s supposed to work.”

“I don’t want her to get cheated,” Rhonda said.

“Good,” Olivia nodded, her voice serious. “That’s very important information to have. If we just go with the basic, we can start publication in three months.”

“That fast?” I breathed and she smiled.

“That fast,” she confirmed. “I’ll write up a contract that will cover everything then you’ll come in and sign it. Some things will not be able to be negotiable but there are some that will. I’ll be able to get it to you by….” She checked her calendar. “Thursday afternoon. Will that work?”

“Sure,” I said.

“Great!” She stood up. “Again, I’m sorry for the less than professional meeting, but-”

“Don’t worry about it,” I interrupted. “Really, it’s fine.”

She shook our hands. “See you ladies in four days!”

We waved but didn’t speak about it until we were driving down the road.

“What do you think?” I asked Rhonda.

“They’re legit,” she answered reassuringly. “Trust me. I wouldn’t have let you go if they weren’t. I’ll check up on Olivia, though, if that’ll make you feel better.”

I nodded. “I mean, it could be that she’s flustered, but….”

“I totally agree,” she said. “Do you want to go out to eat?”

I blushed. “Cameron’s making me dinner tonight,” I mumbled and she giggled.

“Are things going to be serious between the two of you?” she asked, walking inside with me.

“I don’t think so,” I said and told her about my seizure. She smiled sympathetically. “I’m still shocked he wants to see me still.”

“Why wouldn’t he?” she asked. “You’re a beautiful, strong young woman.”

There was that word again. We said good bye and I went upstairs to get ready before telling my mom about the meeting. I frowned at my reflection in the mirror.

Could it be true? Could it be possible that I’m stronger than I think?