Falling Stars

Calli had never had to fake being happy when she felt so miserable before. All her anger and sadness when her planet was destroyed had been channeled into military training. She could unleash her feelings on the sparring mats or in the simulators or in real combat.

She didn't know what she was supposed to do with it sitting down to a fancy dinner in the royal palace. She wished that Lady Cecily was a Tesheni rebel or a Hork bomber pilot so that Calli could jab her fork into her eye, but Cecily was neither. Cecily was worse. Cecily was charming and poised and obnoxiously beautiful. She was taller than Calli, with the willowy sort of limbs that came from good breeding and a light diet instead of being honed by fighting. Calli was lithe and compact; Cecily was all flowing honey-brown curls and long legs.

Calli had never felt like she fit quite right in the palace and in the big, rustling gowns. But next to Cecily, she felt more aware of not belonging than ever before. She thought she must seem terribly awkward by comparison, and she felt like she couldn't breathe or move in the stupid sea foam colored dress she was wearing. She yearned to have her uniform back. Cecily's every movement seemed effortless and graceful, even though her skirt was bulkier and heavier than Calli's.

She kept her gaze mostly glued to her plate, trying not to stab her fork violently into her food as Cecily's trilling laugh grated against her ears. She had of course claimed the seat closest to Julian and kept leaning toward him and touching his arm. Julian seemed slightly baffled by the attention, but not entirely adverse to it. Though who could blame him?

Calli set her fork down, unable to eat any more. What she had managed to choke down felt like lead in her stomach. Lorian seemed to sense her unhappiness and tried to catch her eye and offer a sympathetic look. Calli stared stonily back before averting her gaze altogether. She wasn't interested in sympathy from Lorian or anyone else. She just wanted to escape. She half stood and pretended to swoon.

"Calli? Are you all right?" Lorian was watching her with a mix of concern and knowing.

"Actually, I'm not feeling so well," she said. It wasn't exactly a lie. She was feeling mildly nauseous. "If you don't mind, I think I should go lie down."

She bobbed a half-assed curtsy toward the Earl and his family before turning away. She could see Julian frowning slightly as she walked away, but Cecily had soon captured his attention again. Calli returned to her room and clambered out of her dress so fast she ripped the fabric. She glared at the pile of shimmery fabric, kicking it for good measure. She had grown accustomed to the capital dresses, but now she was growing sick of playing dress up.

She rummaged through her closet until she found a pair of dark, lightweight pants and a tunic style shirt. She didn't plan on leaving her room again that night, instead pulling out the canvas she'd been working on for Julian. She just stared at it for a long time, the paintbrush clenched tightly in her hand. It seemed like a stupid, childish gift now but she was still determined to finish it. Eyes stinging and jaw clenched, she placed the brush gently against the paper and moved with long, slow strokes. She managed to forget her turbulent emotions for a little while as she added final touches to the painting, trying to get the sparkle of the rising sun on the water just right.

For a few moments, as she took in the finished product, she felt a burst of pride. Then she realized it may as well be Julian's wedding gift and she felt like she'd been doused in ice water.

"You're in too deep, Calli," she muttered to herself. "What were you thinking?"

She stood with a sigh and moved the canvas to the corner to dry before flopping dejectedly across her bed. She tried not to wonder what Cecily and Julian were doing at the moment, but her mind wouldn't focus on anything else. Tossing and turning fitfully all she could think about was how long it was going to take for Cecily to have Julian wrapped around her perfectly manicured finger. Had she already pulled it off, or would it take another week?

Growling in frustration, Calli hopped out of bed and went out onto her balcony, vaulting herself up onto the overhanging roof. She went bounding among the turrets and spires, glad it was dark so no one would see her. She slid down a sloped part of the roof, fishing herself right above the gardens. It offered a pretty impressive view, the lights of the city spread out below her and the galaxy above her. She looked down and was glad that she wasn't prone to vertigo. She was up awfully high. She crouched down, gazing out over the capital for a while.

This was a perfect metaphor for her life; clothed in black and lurking above and away from the glitter and the normalcy. And she had been fine with that, until stupid Lorian dragged her here and disrupted her whole life. Now she felt torn in two, half of her aching to go home and the other half aching to belong here somehow.

Finally she roused herself and slipped back across the castle roof to her own room, dropping silently to the balcony and slipping inside just as she heard a knock at the door and Julian's voice.

"Calli? If you don't answer me soon I'm going to have Roark break the door down."

Calli flung a dress over the canvas and was across the room in practically a single leap, flinging the door open and startling Julian.

"I was in the bathroom," she said, her voice coming out more flat than she had meant it to.

"Sorry," Julian said. "I came to check on you. Are you feeling any better?"

"Not really."

"What's wrong?"

"My stomach is feeling sour," she said, turning away to shuffle back to her bed. After a moment Julian followed her, sitting on the edge and watching her as she lay there and stared at the ceiling.

"I'm supposed to have brunch or something with Cecily tomorrow," he said. "I was hoping you'd come too."

"Why?"

"To be a buffer. I don't know what to say to her and she's so...in your face. She's nice and all, but it's a little overwhelming."

"No," was on the tip of Calli's tongue but she swallowed it back. Julian was her friend, and she should make an effort to be nice to his future wife. Soon she would be gone forever anyway.

"Yeah, I'll come," she said. Julian looked slightly relieved. Clearly he had sensed her hesitation.

"Want me to stay for a while? Since you're not feeling good?" he asked. She knew she should wave him away but instead she nodded. He scooted closer and laid down next to her. They didn't talk much, but Calli didn't know what to say anyway. When Julian started nodding off, she forced herself to send him to his own room.

"Good night," he mumbled sleepily, shuffling out.

"Good night, Julian," she said softly.

Calli was dreading having to sit through tea and cake with Cecily, but she had promised Julian so she made herself get dressed and head to the elegant little room that was basically a miniature, more intimate version of the dining hall. Julian was already there, nervously smoothing his clothes.

"I forgot what time I was supposed to meet her and wound up getting here early," he said. Calli forced him to sit down and then took a seat herself. She eyed the assortment of pastries and mini omelettes and found that for once, she wasn't hungry for castle food.

"You'll do fine," she told Julian. "She obviously likes you. You could probably recount the history of the omelette to her and she'd find it fascinating."

"Great. Do you know the history of the omelette?"

"Someone didn't know how to make scrambled eggs and improvised."

There was a beat of silence and then Julian started laughing. Despite her gloomy mood Calli couldn't help but smile back at him. It was nice to hear him laugh. The door opened and Cecily strode in, seeming to take slight pause at the sight of them sitting and smiling together.

"Good morning, Your Highness," she said, dipping into another gravity-defying curtsy. Her gaze flicked to Calli. "Lady Calliope."

"Just Calli will be fine," Calli said.

"Of course, just Calli." Cecily smiled sweetly but Calli sensed something less than pleasant beneath her saccharine tone. She sat primly across from Julian, arranging the skirt of her blush pink gown and giving him a megawatt smile.

"I'm so pleased that you agreed to see me today," she said.

"Well, you are my guest," Julian said.

"Perhaps you'll show me your paintings today?"

"Uh. Sure," Julian said. Calli fought the urge to roll her eyes as Cecily batted her long lashes yet again. She was starting to wonder if Cecily didn't just have eye seizures. They made awkward small talk for a while, Cecily doing most of the talking and never missing a beat. The endless stream of chatter and tinkling giggles was only halted when one of the advisors poked his head in, apologizing profusely but insisting that he needed to speak with Julian for a few minutes. Calli was left alone with Cecily, who sipped her hot chocolate delicately.

"So," Calli said, reaching for a sugar cookie to occupy herself. "I've heard that Gastharn is lovely during its fall season. It is fall there now, isn't it?"

"Cut the act, just Calli," Cecily said, and there was no trace of sugar in her voice this time. She glowered at Calli over the rim of her cup. Calli froze, the cookie gripped in her hand.

"Beg pardon?"

"Don't play dumb with me. I don't know who you are or how you weaseled your way into the king's good graces. But it's very apparent that you're no more of noble blood than a sewer rat." Cecily sniffed disdainfully. "You're too short, and your hair is most unfashionable, and you are not at all the standard set for the wife of a king. You're not even suitable to be a handmaiden. I see the way you look at him, and it's pathetic. You're embarrassing yourself. He'd never be with someone of your caliber. Make no mistake, 'Lady' Calliope, King Julian is going to marry me, and when he does I'll make sure you don't get anywhere near him again. Not that he'll even want you to."

Calli's blood was rushing in her ears and it took all her willpower not to snatch up the small butter knife on the table and bury it in Cecily's face. Her green eyes were hard as ice as she glared at the girl across from her, but she didn't get a chance to say anything before Julian came back. Cecily's sneer vanished instantly and she was back to being soft and sweet. Calli tried to wipe the murder from her gaze, focusing all her attention on the cookie still in her hand.

"I'm full. Let's go see your paintings now," Cecily said, leaning toward Julian and looking at him dreamily. He took too big a gulp of tea and choked slightly. Cecily practically hauled him to his feet, keeping her hand on his arm. Calli stood slowly, her muscles taut from holding herself back from decking Cecily right in the face. Cecily whisked Julian away, Calli trailing behind.

She caught up to them as Cecily was teasingly telling Julian he should paint a portrait of her. He nervously mumbled something in reply and Cecily giggled again, leaning into his chest and beaming up at him before planting a kiss on his cheek. Calli dropped her gaze and fought not to gag.

She didn't know what upset her more; seeing Cecily all over Julian, or knowing that everything she'd said to Calli back in the tea room was true.