Sunday Mornings

"Alright, kid, quick recap of our conversation from last night." James told Peyton as they sat on the couch, she was on her feet on his thighs and James was holding onto her back with his hands as she peered over at him. He reminded her, "Grandma and grandpa are gonna be here in a few minutes and you're gonna be extremely well behaved while they're here remember? No screaming, no hair pulling, and no biting."

"Juice?" She asked him and James sighed.

"In a minute." He told her, and when she pouted he said firmly, "No crying."

"Ya." She said to him, sniffling.

"Nope, you're gonna be a big girl while they're here." James told her, and as if on cue the doorbell rang and the dogs started barking. James took in a breath of air and he stood up and took Peyton with him to the door. He looked down at her and said, "Here goes nothing."

He pulled the door open and held Snoop and Nixon back with his leg as he ushered Tina and Mark inside the house. James was glad that for a few minutes they were both too involved with Peyton to even look at him, he really wished they hadn't come.

He wished it even more when Tina looked up at him, smiled softly and said, "Hi James."

He hoped his smile didn't look as forced as it really was and he asked, "How was your flight?"

She shrugged and Mark told him, "Long, you know."

James nodded, he knew how long some flights could be. Tina looked at him, motioned to Peyton and asked, "Can I?"

He nodded and handed her off to her, and he was surprised when she didn't bawl her eyes out the minute she was taken away from him like she often did. Part of him, the vindictive side he didn't like admitting that he had, was a little disappointed if he was being honest.

Without Peyton on his hip James felt like he had no safety net, he felt like he didn't have an excuse to be closed off, he couldn't hide behind the one and a half year old and he didn't like the feeling. James watched as Mark looked around the house, and he felt, even more, self-conscious than normal knowing that while he had spent hours cleaning in preparation for this it was still a mess.

If he had noticed Mark didn't say anything, all he did was turn to James and ask, "We brought Christmas presents with us, instead of mailing them later. Is there somewhere we can leave them?"

James nodded, "Yeah, we can put them in the closet by the kitchen if you want."

Mark nodded and took the bag in his hands, disappearing into the kitchen without so much as another word. James looked over to find Tina sitting on the couch with Peyton, the two of them seemed to be having some kind of laughter filled conversation that he didn't understand but he figured Tina didn't either and she was just better at playing into it than he was.

There was nowhere to go, he couldn't hide out no matter how much he wanted to, so James sat down on the couch a few feet away from Tina and Peyton and he was so absorbed in focusing on the awkward tension he was feeling that he hadn't even realized Mark had come back into the living room. At least not until he asked James, "So how's the season going?"

James shrugged, "Okay. Typical post Cup season. Not the best but could be worse."

"Lots of road trips?" Mark asked him curiously.

"No more than usual. They seem to be spaced out better this season I think." James knew exactly where they were going with this.

He knew it even before Tina asked him, "What do you do with her while you're on the road?"

James knew that coming from Tina it was an innocent enough question, he knew she meant absolutely nothing by it but he still didn't like the question. Maybe he didn't like it because he knew that while Tina was simply curious, Mark wasn't.

He sucked in a breath of air and then told her, "Riley takes her for road trips."

"That's very nice of her." Tina commented, and James smiled gently. She was too absorbed with Peyton to even be paying attention to him, this was the reaction he had wanted from her when they first came to see Peyton. He supposed better late than never.

"Yeah, they've been really good to us. Actually, I was gonna invite them for dinner one night while you guys were here." James told her honestly.

"That would be wonderful." Tina told him, she turned back to Peyton and then she looked at James and smiled as she asked him, "Is she walking yet? Jess mentioned that she tried a few times while they were here."

He shook his head, "She gets closer every time but never actually takes any steps."

"Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll walk while we're here then." Tina commented.

James nodded his head, I hope not..

He hated that he was so angry with them, he didn't even really understand why he was. Sure, he understood the irrational reasons for why he was so angry with them; the way they had treated Quinn and Peyton, the fact that they made no effort to check in on him or see how Peyton was doing after Quinn's death, the way they just didn't seem to care about family. James had, up until recently, always thought of Mark and Tina as family, and he had always thought that for many of the years he and Quinn had been together it had gone both ways but it seemed the more and more time that passed after Quinn's death it definitely did not go both ways.

But James knew those were all probably minor things that he had just blown way out of proportion in his head the longer he got to think about them. He knew it was rational to be angry with how they reacted to Quinn's third diagnosis; they made little effort to see her, little effort to be around and even less of an effort to be there for their own grandchild. That would make anyone angry, but most people would learn to move beyond that, to move forward, all that forgive and forget bullshit that James was tired of hearing about. He wasn't like that.

James wasn't a 'forgive and forget' kind of guy, he had never been. He had always had a hard time putting things behind him, on and off the ice. He was never good at getting over things, he was just really good at pretending he was over them. He could fake a smile, be polite, hospitable even, but it was always there, stewing and eating away at him until he had made a little thing such a huge, big deal in his mind. He had been working on that, he thought he had been getting better at it but now, here with Quinn's parents he realized he was just good at faking that too.

Hours later, closer to dinner, James found himself sitting on the end of the bed in his room absolutely dreading having to go downstairs. He knew that Riley and Shea would be arriving within minutes, and he wondered if he could get away with staying up here until they got here. The least amount of time he had to be alone with Mark and Tina the better.

He had opted to invite them for dinner tonight instead of tomorrow because after spending three hours with his in-laws he realized he couldn’t handle a whole evening alone with them as well. He didn’t know how he was going to make it through three days of this. He should have just put them up in a hotel. But then again if he had done that his mother surely would have found out somehow and he would be in the dog house with her for months. So he would have to find a way to suck it up.

He jumped up off of the bed when the doorbell rang, and he was sure he practically sprinted downstairs to answer it before Mark or Tina could. He pulled the door open so fast he nearly knocked himself off balance, and he was sure that they could both tell how keyed up he was when he spoke quickly, “Thanks for coming.”

Riley smiled gently, and she was the first to step inside, with Shea hot on her heels. James stepped back and let them take their shoes off, and before they ventured any further into the house Riley asked him quietly, “Rough day?”

He shrugged, paused, and then he nodded and told her honestly, “Four hours alone with them today was enough. Really, thanks for showing up, I know it wasn’t a lot of notice.”

Shea grinned over at him and told him, “Child free evening like we were gonna pass that up.”

James and Riley laughed, and Riley reached back to give Shea a gentle shove as Mark and Tina came around the corner and Tina had Peyton in one arm. James watched as he and Shea greeted each other, Riley of course instantly went to Peyton.

James felt a bit like a scolded kid when Tina told him, “James! You didn’t tell us Riley was pregnant again!”

Riley laughed at his almost terrified reaction and she told Tina, “I just told him a few weeks ago, and we wanted to keep it private for as long as we could, not that it worked very well, everyone could tell like a month and a half in.”

He was a little relieved and very thankful for Riley coming to his defense, especially with how politely she had done it. He would have just told Tina it wasn’t his business to be sharing things like that with people. Riley was much more elegant about it. Again, he was grateful they had come.

Tina disappeared into the kitchen again, and Riley leaned over the back of the couch to kiss Shea’s cheek before she told both he and James, firmly but quietly, “I am going to go help in the kitchen, be nice please.”

They both nodded, and Riley left them alone as Mark took a seat a foot or two away from James on the couch. There was a heavy silence between the three men for a few moments, before Shea asked James, “You catch any Jays games this year?”

James shrugged, “One I think. Honestly, the only thing on that TV lately is Bubble Guppies.”

Shea chuckled, “It’s Cat in the Hat for Noah. Drives me crazy.”

“That would explain the Halloween costumes.” James stated, he had been curious from the moment he walked into their house on Halloween to know the reason for Noah’s costume but he had never remembered to ask.

Shea nodded his head and explained, “We tried really hard to get him to pick something else… like a policeman or something but no dice. I even went so far as to try to get him to go as Roman this year like he did Peks last year but nope. The kid was adamant that he was going as Thing 1 and that Isla was Thing 2 and then somehow I ended up as the Cat.”

James couldn’t help but let out a laugh, “Brutal.”

Shea warned him, “Watch out man. You’re gonna have to dress up as some weird shit too. Even worse though because you have a girl. Have fun playing Princess, dude.”

“Like you won’t do the same with Is.” James fired back.

“True.” Shea stated, and then he muttered, “Why couldn’t I have all boys?”

“Girls aren’t so bad you know.” It was the first time Mark had said anything to either Shea or James since Shea and Riley had arrived so they both turned to look at him in surprise. He chuckled and told them, “I mean sure, at first having to give up your manly pride to have tea parties is a little difficult but once they get older they’re not so bad. Taya was a tyrant, still is, but I still love her on occasion.”

James let out a laugh and he said, “Yeah, she’s an interesting one.”

Mark nodded his head in agreement and he told them, “You’ll be lucky, though, if you get one like Jess. She was like a mini adult from the time she was two. I barely had to lift a finger.”

“Not surprising.” James and Shea said at the same time.

“Those two used to fight like nothing I’ve ever seen. It was always over the stupidest stuff too, it was like one second they were the best of friends and then the next it was like world war three over a damn jacket.” Mark stated, and then he paused. James knew it was coming before he even said it, “And poor Quinn was always stuck in the middle.”

James wasn’t sure why, but he couldn’t help but joke, “She was born in the middle.”

Mark let out a chuckle and nodded, “She’d hit you if you ever told her that, though.”

“Oh, I know. I learned that lesson about a month into our relationship.” James stated with a chuckle.

It occurred to him for a moment that this was the most normal and the most relaxed conversation he had probably ever had with Mark. Funny how it would be talking about Quinn that would be the reason.

Shea excused himself for a drink, and James was almost mad at him. He wanted to plead with him not to leave him alone with Mark, but he wasn’t quite that desperate, at least not yet. Maybe not until Mark looked at him, and spoke softly when he told James, “You grew on us, you know.”

James’ brow lifted, “I did?”

He nodded his head, “I hated you when I first met you.”

“So did Quinn.” James told him with a laugh, and Mark chuckled and nodded his head in agreement.

“It took me a while to realize that I hated you because of the way she looked at you.” When he said this James’ eyebrow raised again so Mark explained, “It took her a long time to introduce you to us, what was it, six or eight months? And I knew how she felt about you just by the way she looked at you that night, and I didn’t like it. You’ll experience it one day, with Peyton. I didn’t like the idea of my daughter running off to be with some hockey player, but mostly I just didn’t like the idea of her having another number one guy in her life. Sounds selfish, but one day you’ll get it.”

“I already do.” James told him honestly, and then he added, “It might get worse then but I’m already dreading the dating age with her.”

“You’ll start regretting even having her once she hits about eleven. That’s about the age I started really regretting having a second kid.” Mark told James, and they both let out a laugh.

“Miss Attitude even back then I take it.” James stated, and Mark nodded his head. James wasn’t surprised at all.

Hours later, after James had walked Riley and Shea to the door and thanked them for coming, and after he had put Peyton down and watched the Pens game with Mark and Tina he had finally decided he had put in enough time with them to be able to call it a night without seeming rude. He really was exhausted, and it was close to ten so he was safe to head to bed now instead of dragging things out any longer.

He said goodnight to both of them and shuffled up the stairs, stopping momentarily to quietly poke his head into Peyton’s room to check on her. Once he was sure she was fast asleep he headed down the hall to the guest room he was occupying and while he shed out of his jeans and t-shirt Snoop and Nixon pushed the unlatched bedroom door open and dropped onto their beds at the end of the bed.

James walked over to the door and shut it tightly this time, and he turned off the lights before he dropped onto his back onto the bed. He stared up at the ceiling, trying to imagine in the dark that there was a ceiling fan that he could watch spin around and around. It was something to occupy his thoughts with, it was better than where his mind would go to if it wasn’t occupied.

This was why James had trouble sleeping.

It was like every time he closed his eyes in the silence left once everyone else was sleeping all he could think about was Quinn.

He was so afraid of forgetting the little things about her that his brain wouldn’t give him a single night off lately.

He didn’t want to forget the sound of her voice, so he never bothered to cancel her cell phone.

He didn’t want to forget the sound of her laugh, so he would probably never delete the video he had on his phone from his day with the cup, when he had tried to tell her the world’s worst joke and she had laughed, and laughed at how awful it was.

He didn’t want to forget how she smiled so he would never delete the folder of pictures of her he had on his phone.

He didn’t want to forget the way she smelled, so in the first drawer of the dresser across the room from him, buried in socks and underwear was a half full bottle of her perfume. He never touched it, never even came close to it but he didn’t have the heart to move it.

He didn’t want to forget anything about her, so he hadn’t bothered to box up any of her things around the house. There was little bits of Quinn everywhere, and he hated it, but he didn’t have the heart to do anything about it.

It was like he was living in a never ending funhouse nightmare.