Sunday Mornings

Did you kick my parents out of your house?

James regretted opening the waiting message from Jess when he turned his phone back on after practice. He was heading out to his vehicle with Shea walking half a foot behind him. They had, as usual, driven together while Riley kept Peyton at the house.

James opted to wait to respond until he was at home, he didn't really know what to say to Jess. He had no idea if what had really gone down, and the conversation that had happened had even been shared with her.

So he drove in silence back to his house with Shea in the passenger seat. They were silent at least until Shea looked over at him and asked him, "Were you planning on stopping by tomorrow?"

James' brow lifted, "What's tomorrow?"

"That thing at the salon." Shea pointed out gently, and James sighed. He told him, "We're all gonna be there. Not all at the same time but every one of us is going, and coach and some upper management people. I think a lot of the training staff are gonna be there too."

"Yeah, Peks told me last week." James stated, he turned a corner and then admitted to Shea, "I'm just... I haven't decided if I'm going or not. I haven't been there yet and it's just... a lot."

Shea nodded his head and James was surprised when he didn't go on and on about why he should go, but simply told him, "Well, if you do go I'll be there around ten or so."

The rest of the ride to the house was quiet, and Shea didn't say another word as they both got out of the vehicle and James was grateful for that. He headed up to the front door, and it was pulled open and Noah went flying by him to get to Shea. James watched as Noah launched himself at Shea, who picked him up with ease before they all entered the house together.

"He has been waiting all morning for you to get back." Riley told Shea before she turned to James and smiled as she said, "And Peyton talked my ear off for hours. So she might be all talked out for you this afternoon."

"Doubt it." James stated with a smile as Peyton came crawling over to them. He reached down and picked her up, heaving a dramatic sigh before he told her, "You're getting heavy."

"No." She said, shaking her head and making the adults in the room laugh.

While Shea wrangled Noah and Isla and their things Riley looked over at James and asked him quietly, "How was your visit with Tina and Mark?"

He shrugged his shoulders and lied to her, "It was okay. Honestly, I'm glad they're gone, though. It was just too much."

She reached out and brushed Peyton's hair back, telling him, "Well, if I don't see you tomorrow I can pick her up on my way home from my appointment Friday. I'll probably get here just before you're supposed to leave."

"Sounds good. Thanks again Riley, for everything." James was glad that she hadn't made any assumptions, or comments about the charity event tomorrow. He was glad that she wasn't assuming that he was going to go, or trying to convince him to go in the event that he wasn't planning on going.

She nodded and leaned over to kiss his cheek gently before she smiled at Peyton and did the same to her. The little girl giggled, and Riley couldn't help but give her one more kiss on the cheek before she and Shea left the house with their own gremlins in hand.

James looked over at Peyton and asked her, "What do you wanna do for the rest of the day?"

"Down." She told him, so he sighed and put her back down on the ground and he watched her crawl back to the living room where she had a pile of toys sitting. So much for hanging out with her.

James dropped onto the couch and watched Peyton play on the floor for a few minutes before he finally pulled his phone out of his pocket and responded to Jess' text message.

Yup.

No more than half a minute later did his phone start buzzing with a phone call from Jess, and James wasn't at all surprised. He picked it up and held it to his ear as he asked, "What?"

"Jeez, do you have to sound so pissy all the time?" Jess asked him.

He sighed, "I'm sorry. It's been a long couple weeks."

"I figured." She stated, and she paused for a moment. James knew it was coming, he just didn't know how she would word it. He was, frankly, surprised when she spoke softly and asked him, "So... why did you kick my parents out?"

"Because your parents got the insane notion that I can't take care of my kid and 'offered' to take her off my hands for a few weeks." James told her honestly. He didn't want to start a fight between her and her parents, really, that was the last thing that he had wanted but he also didn't see the point in lying to her about what had really happened.

Jess sighed, "Seriously?"

"Yeah, apparently I can't even take care of myself so how can I take care of her? Oh, and let's not forget the nice little jab about how often I'm gone and how Riley's nice and all but Peyton should be with family." James muttered, unable to keep it all in. He was so fucking angry at Mark and Tina right now, but he hadn't said a word about what had happened to anyone so it was nice to finally get it off his chest.

She sighed again, "I'm sorry. I don't know what they're thinking right now. I think... they're just trying to grab onto anything that was a part of Quinn. It's been hard around here, and I don't say that to make you feel bad, really, I just wanted you to at least know where they might be coming from."

"So... you really didn't know?" James asked her curiously. He ignored the why and the reason, he ignored that whole half of her statement if he was being honest. He didn't care why, all he cared about was that they had said what they said, and it was over and done with now.

"Of course I didn't James. Did you really think I'd hear that and be okay with it? They had no right to do that, no right to say anything that they did. I'm really sorry." He knew she was being honest with him, but it did little to make him feel better.

He couldn't help but admit to Jess, "I don't know what the hell is wrong with me lately. It's like I moved beyond upset and straight into pissed off. Everything makes me mad right now, and I hate it because I take it out on the people who haven't even done anything wrong other than just being there."

"I'm pretty sure anger is a part of the process. You just have to figure out how to get beyond it." Jess told him quietly, adding in, "And you will get through it. One day. I promise you that."

"I can't keep living like this, but I don't know what to do to help myself." He was on the verge of a complete and total meltdown and there was nothing he could do to stop it. His eyes were tearing up, and when he went to wipe at them he happened to glance up from the floor to see Peyton standing by the coffee table with one foot on the rug in front of the other. He was quick to take in a breath, and tell Jess, "Jess, I gotta go. I'm sorry. I think Peyton's about to walk."

He didn't even wait for a response, he hung up and fumbled with his phone to open up the camera so that he could record whatever was about to happen. He held the phone out in front of him and looked at Peyton with a smile and told her, "Come on, you can do it. Come here."

She stared at him for a moment and James was so sure that she was just going to drop back down onto her butt, and then she took one small step forward and stopped again. She giggled over at James as he grinned at her and she bounced up and down in her spot for a moment before taking another step. She took three more quick steps and then James dropped his phone when she tumbled to the ground, smacking her head against the coffee table.

He was quick to swoop in and pick her up off of the floor as she cried, and he kissed her cheek softly as he bounced her up and down and inspected the tiny little scratch on her forehead. He bounced her around for another minute or so before Peyton finally stopped crying, and when she wiggled in his grasp James set her down and he grabbed his phone to take a picture of the tiny little cut on her forehead and he sent it to Riley.

When she didn't answer right away he called her, and before she could even get out a hello James asked her, "Do I need to take her to the hospital?"

"What?" Riley asked him in confusion.

"I sent you a picture. She started walking and then she fell and hit her head on the coffee table. I don't know what to do." James said quickly.

A few seconds later, no doubt after Riley had looked at the picture he had sent her, she asked him, "Is she still crying?"

James looked over at Peyton, who was sitting on the floor playing with toys and giggling, and he told her, "No... she's playing with toys."

"Then she's probably fine James. Kids fall all the time, it's kind of what they do." Riley tried to assure him.

James ran a hand through his hair and asked her quickly, nervously and a little too panicked, "What if she needs stitches or something? Kids also need those."

"Does it look like she needs stitches?" Riley asked him softly.

James sat down next to Peyton and inspected the cut on her head and then he sighed and told Riley, "No... but I'm not a doctor."

She let out a small chuckle and told him, "She's fine. It's just a scratch. Put a band-aid on it and she'll be good to go."

James' panic began to rise then, even more so when he had to admit to Riley, "I don't think I have any of those."

There was a pause, before she told him, "Alright, take a valium and I'll be over in a few minutes."

He put his phone on the coffee table and reached out to pull Peyton onto his lap. She let out a cry as she reached for her stuffed elephant so James reached out and grabbed it as well, and with Peyton content on his lap with her toy James held her closely to him and closed his eyes.

In and out. One breath in, one breath out. In through the nose out through the mouth.

This only further validated Mark and Tina's point, and it made him angry with himself this time. He should have gone to her sooner, he should have paid more attention, why did he even have a coffee table in the first place?

Riley came into the house without knocking, she pet the dogs and then approached them in the living room, she asked James softly, "You okay?"

"No." He told her honestly as she sat down beside him.

Riley tickled Peyton's feet and took a quick look at her head before she put a little Superman band-aid on the tiny little cut on her forehead and told James, "Find a place to put these, for future use, you're probably going to get good use out of them."

James looked over at the full box of band-aids and he told Riley, "I can't take those."

"Yes, you can. We have like five boxes at home." She told him with a chuckle as she set the box on the coffee table. James' quirked his eyebrow and she explained, "When you're the mother of a boy you learn that band-aids are your best friend."

James smiled and looked over at Peyton, and he surprised Riley when he told her, "I keep screwing up with her."

"What are you talking about? She fell, it happens, James. Do you think Noah nver fell and hurt himself at our house? That's what kids do. But I'll let you in on a little secret; they bounce back pretty quick." Riley told him softly, reaching out to pat his forearm gently.

"What the hell was I thinking? What do I know about being a parent? Why did I think I could do this?" James muttered, more to himself than to Riley.

"Do you feed her?"

"Yeah." What kind of question was that?

"Do you comfort her when she cries?" Riley asked him.

"Yeah."

"Do you hold her, and give her kisses, and give her attention and read her books and play with her?" Riley asked him softly and he nodded his head. She then asked him, "Do you love her?"

James turned to look at Riley when she asked this and he told her, "Of course I do."

She smiled softly, "Then you're doing everything you're supposed to be doing."

"I just... feel like I'm disappointing her... both of them." James admitted quietly, his voice shaky as he tried not to cry like he so desperately wanted to.

"You're never gonna disappoint either of them. That's not the kind of person Quinn was, and Peyton's... she's gonna tell you she hates you every other day when she's growing up but that's never gonna be true. You're doing the best that you can given what you're dealing with, and I think you're doing a pretty great job at this whole parenting thing. It's not easy James, it's the hardest job in the world but if you can get through every day without anything major happening you're doing fine." Riley told him, giving his forearm a squeeze. Peyton pushed her lips out, no doubt wanting a kiss and some attention and Riley told her, "Give you dad some love, he needs some."

Peyton looked over at James, he knew she hadn't understood anything Riley had said but the minute she looked up at him she pushed onto her feet, leaned against his torso and pushed her lips out for him this time. James leaned over and gave her a kiss quickly, before he picked her up and cradled her against his chest and he told Riley, "Thank you."

"Anytime."

- - -

James was nervous when he pulled his car into Quinn's old spot at the salon that morning. It was just after ten, and he had told absolutely no one that he was coming. In fact, he hadn't even been planning on going until nine-thirty that morning, when it hit him that this was important and he had to be there. There were things he had to start doing that he knew he would probably never want to do but deep down he knew that he couldn't hide away forever. This was something Quinn had started; cancer charity events at the salons, even back in Pittsburgh, after her first diagnosis. It was something that had always been extremely important to her, and James had gone to every single one so he couldn't start not going now.

Not when it meant so much to everyone involved, himself included, now. This was a vastly different event this year from all the other years, and as much as he knew it was going to be hard to be there he knew he had to be. It wasn't just about the charity or the fact that he knew how much effort Bianca put into it with Riley's help, it was about Quinn. He didn't want to disappoint her even more than he felt that he already did.

So he got himself and Peyton dressed and now she babbled away in the backseat while James sat in his parked car and tried to force himself to get out and go inside. He wondered if getting this far could be considered progress enough.

Still, against everything his body and his heart were telling him, James cut the engine, shoved the keys into his pocket and got out of the car. He was halfway to the salon doors when he realized he left Peyton in the car and he panicked as he ran back to get her.

When he pulled the backseat door open she was looking at him, and she let out a giggle, which made him sigh in relief as he unbuckled her from her car seat and picked her up. Once she was comfortably plunked on his hip and the car door was closed and locked James made his way to the front doors of the salon. As he walked up the sidewalk he looked down at Peyton and told her, "Don't tell anyone I forgot you, okay?"

She was playing with the hem of the neckline of his t-shirt with her tiny hands and she said, "No no."

James let out a laugh and kissed the top of her head. God, he loved that kid.

As he approached the big glass doors James took a breath of air in, let it out and then he pulled the door open and it chimed as he stepped inside. The place was packed, James figured you could barely walk in there, and his eyes met his coach first, who nodded in a non-verbal response to James' appearance. James managed to smile gently as his own response. It only took a few seconds for everyone to turn to the door and look at James and he felt extremely uncomfortable then.

Shea shot him a smile, Pekka too, and then James met Bianca's eyes and he smiled softly and he asked her, "Think you got room for one more? I could probably use a haircut."