Sunday Mornings

It was eleven thirty by the time James pulled into Shea and Riley’s driveway. He put the car in park and both he and Shea got out and James followed him up to the front door and into the house. While Shea took his shoes off and ventured into the house James stayed put in the porch, shoes still on and waited. A few seconds later Riley came around the corner with a sleeping Peyton on her hip, she smiled gently at James as they approached him and Shea came from upstairs with the army green diaper bag on his shoulder.

As Shea handed James the bag and James slung it over his own shoulder Riley told him, “She’s been out since like six thirty.”

James nodded slowly as Riley carefully transferred the one year old from her arms to his, and once Peyton was tucked snuggly against his chest James looked over at Riley and told her, “Thanks for babysitting.”

Riley nodded and gave him a soft smile as she pulled the front door open for him, telling him, “Of course, any time James. I don’t mind in the least.”

“Thanks.” He wasn’t sure why he was thanking her so much, but he knew Riley wouldn’t care that he was talking just to fill the silence. He hiked the diaper bag up a little further onto his shoulders and with one arm under Peyton and the other across her upper back James turned and stepped out onto the porch. Once he was outside he turned back to Shea and Riley inside and said, “Night, see you tomorrow.”

Shea nodded and Riley smiled again, and James stepped off of the porch and headed back to his vehicle. He strapped Peyton into the car seat in the backseat and then got into the front seat and he sat in the driveway long enough to lean his head back against the seat and sigh. He took in a deep breath and then he lifted his head, turned the vehicle on and backed out of the driveway and headed home.

He reached out and changed the radio station and then with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the gear shift James leaned back in the seat and slowed his speed a little bit as he drove, aware of Peyton in the backseat once again. He had sold Quinn’s Jeep three weeks previous, and had bought a Mercedes SUV, the Ferrari sat in the garage and only ever came out when he didn’t have Peyton with him, which lately wasn’t very often. It had been his mother’s idea to buy an SUV, and he was glad she had suggested it to him and told him that it was entirely okay to sell Quinn’s Jeep, because he wouldn’t have been able to do it if she hadn’t.

He was reminded as he turned onto his street that this was, truly, the first time he would be alone with Peyton all night since Quinn had passed and the thought scared him a little bit, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that yet. He supposed that he had been spoiled all summer and during training camp and the first month of the new season with his mother here, or at least as spoiled as he could be given the circumstances. She had gone home earlier that morning and now James was beginning to panic knowing he was alone for the first time.

He had gone home to Whitby shortly after Quinn’s death, and spent a month there with his family and then when it came time to report back to Nashville his mother had come with him. It was his mother who got up with Peyton in the night when he had games, it was his mother who cooked their meals, it was his mother who had basically done everything for him over the last few months and James had to admit, he was afraid of having to do it all himself now, but he didn’t have the choice.

Ready or not.

He pulled directly into the garage, and picked up the sleeping Peyton in his arms before closing the car door with his hip and locking it as he unlocked the door to the house. Snoop and Nixon came running immediately upon hearing the door open, and James shifted Peyton to one arm so he could hang the other down to pet the dogs until they were content with the level of attention and went back to laying down in the living room. James dropped his keys into the bowl on the little table by the door and he went upstairs into the guest room, where he was currently residing.

He laid Peyton onto the bed and quickly changed out of his suit and into a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt before he picked her up and headed back downstairs. He knew he should have put her into bed, but instead he laid across the couch with her laying on his chest and he stared at her. Nixon laid his snout on James’ shoulder and he let out a loud snort of sorts, making Peyton squirm and James held his breath until she settled down and appeared to be back asleep.

Many hours later he woke up on the couch to Peyton’s babbling, he opened his eyes and looked at her, finding her still laying on his chest but holding her head up and babbling away. With a smile, James told her, his voice groggy, “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

She looked at him, shook her head and said her seemingly new favorite word, “No.”

He chuckled and wrapped both arms securely around her before he sat up and then plunked her into his lap. Once she was comfortable Peyton looked up at James and he looked down at her and he said, “You’re a handful.”

She giggled and bounced in her spot on his lap and Nixon approached them, he nudged her head gently with his snout and when Peyton put her hands on his head James reached out, covering her tiny hands with his much larger ones and showed her, again, how to pet the dog. As they did so Nixon’s tongue lolled out of his mouth and he rubbed his cold, wet snout against Peyton’s cheek making the one year old giggle and squeal.

James glanced at his watch, it was nearly seven thirty, so he announced, “Bath time.”

Peyton pouted, even though he knew she likely didn’t understand what he had said, but she was upset to have him remove her hands from Nixon. She cried when he stood up with her in his arms and she wailed the whole way to the bathroom as she reached her little hands out over his shoulders. James had learned from his mother that he couldn’t be soft and not do what had to be done just because she cried, a lesson that took him a very long time to learn.

After Quinn died, once he had been able to actually look at Peyton again, James would appear whenever she cried. Even when it was bed time and he knew she needed to sleep he would sit in the rocking chair by her crib for hours until she finally fell asleep and then they would both regret it in the morning when they were both cranky from lack of sleep. He knew he was over compensating, but doing things the way he had for the first month and a half were right for them, at least in his opinion. He needed the distraction, and it wasn’t like he slept much then anyway.

So instead of going back downstairs to lessen her cries James turned the bath on and got it ready while he undressed the outfit Riley had put together the night before when she had spilled all over herself. He lifted her over the edge of the tub and sat her down on the folded up towel and while still holding onto her with one hand he reached over for the baby soap on the edge of the tub.

Bathing had always been the one thing James had been really good at with Peyton from the time they got her, he wasn’t sure why but once he had been shown what to do and how to do things he was suddenly the only one who could bathe her without having her scream and cry the whole time. In fact, like right now, Peyton giggled through most of bath time with him.

He was sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the tub, and Peyton simply watched him as he absentmindedly gently dragged the soft soapy cloth across her back and little arms. He was pulled back to her attention when she splashed her hands in the water and giggled again, and James smiled gently as he carefully rinsed her off and then he pulled the plug from the tub and picked her up. He hadn't quite gotten a hang of the towel trick without an extra pair of hands, so he simply laid the towel out on the toilet seat and sat Peyton on it for a moment before he quickly wrapped her up and held her tightly against his chest as he left the bathroom.

He had just finished dressing her in a pair of white legging style pants with dark pink and red flowers on it and a dark pink short sleeve peasant top when the doorbell rang and the dogs went nuts. As he picked her back up he said softly, "Let's go see who's here."

"No." Peyton said with a vigorous head shake that made him chuckle as he headed down the stairs and to the front door.

When he pulled the front door open and found Ryan standing on the other side with a bag of groceries in each hand James asked, "What are you doing up at eight on a Monday with no practice?"

"I was up already and didn't feel like I cooking. I hoped that if I brought the food you'd cook for both of us." Ryan told him with a grin. James chuckled and shook his head in amusement and Ryan asked, "You gonna let me in?"

"No." Peyton said, shaking her head and Ryan let out a laugh.

He bent down enough so that he was face to face with her and asked, "Please?"

She shook her head vigorously again, "No no no no."

As James stepped aside to let the forward in he told Ryan, "Don't take it personally, it's like the only word she knows."

Nodding Ryan followed him inside the house and directly into the kitchen, where he set the bags of groceries down on the counter which was covered papers, bills, and God knows what else.

James glanced at the counter and apologized, "Sorry, I haven't had much time to clean."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders, "You should see my place."

"I have." James joked, and Ryan had to remind himself to chuckle. Not out of annoyance, or anything of the sort, simply because of the fact that he hadn't really heard James joke in a while. Not that he could blame him.

As James put Peyton in her high chair Ryan glanced around the kitchen once more and he asked him, out of pure curiosity, "When was the last time you got out of the house?"

"Yesterday." James told him as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I meant aside from work and without her." Ryan informed him.

James shrugged, "I don't know. Why?"

"I was just wondering." When he said this James turned to him and cocked his eyebrow. Ryan sighed and said, "Just looks like you've been holed up in this house for months. No offense."

"None taken. I basically have been." James told him honestly. He didn't need to lie, all anyone had to do was look at the state of his house to know he hadn't really left in a long time, unless it was necessary.

"You ever want to get out of the house… grab dinner or something let us know." Ryan told him and James nodded his head.

He knew what he meant; if he ever wanted a kid free evening half the team was ready and waiting for his call. James frequently took Peyton over to Riley and Shea's for dinner, and often they would join one of them grocery shopping. But James rarely did anything without Peyton, and if he did it usually consisted of putting her to bed and heading downstairs to watch a movie. He couldn't remember the last time he had gone out with the guys, even just for dinner. Probably even before Quinn got sick.

As James cooked Ryan occupied Peyton, every so often James would hear a loud squawk or giggle come from the near fourteen month old. It made him smile.

Finally James turned around, and Peyton looked up at him and threw her arms out at him. He simply stared at her, as if expecting her to say something. He was trying so hard to jump start her speech, but moments like this all he wanted to do was pick her up and hold her close and maybe cover her whole body in kisses and raspberries.

When it was clear James wasn't going to do what she wanted she knocked her sippy cup off of the highchair and held her hands up and exclaimed, "Ut oh!"

Ryan tried, and failed to hold back his snicker as James shook his head in amusement and bent down to pick the sippy cup up off of the floor. He put it back on the table and again she knocked it off and gave him a grin, showing off her mismatched pairs of bottom and top teeth.

"You're crazy." James told her and she giggled as he picked up her cup again. This time he placed it on the counter beside him and Peyton pouted. He sighed, and when her eyes welled up with tears and she was a second away from a tantrum he picked her up and held her against his torso, and then he handed her the sippy cup and was thankful that she didn't toss it onto the floor this time.

Instead she laid her head against his chest and James ran a hand over the back of her head as Ryan got up to finish cooking breakfast. James took a few steps away from the kitchen, toward the large windows by the back deck and he stood there, holding Peyton against his chest, rubbing her back.

He stared out at the backyard, at Snoop and Nixon who were laying in the grass, and he let out a small sigh. He patted Peyton's back gently as she fussed, and wondered when the next time Nixon would cry outside of Quinn's old 'studio' space would be. Maybe tonight, or tomorrow. He wondered when would be the next time he would get a bill sent to the house instead of the salon. Maybe next week. He wondered when the next time Peyton would cry all night and he would want to rip his hair out and cry with her would be.

James wondered about a lot of things, he still didn't know how the future worked anymore. Not without Quinn.