Sunday Mornings

James was late getting to the restaurant to meet Riley for lunch by twenty minutes. Peyton had thrown a fit when he tried to leave the house, she was still screaming and wailing when he got into his car in the driveway. Riley was already seated, sipping on a glass of water when he dropped into the booth across from her and apologized, "Sorry, Pey had a meltdown this morning."

She smiled and assured him, "Don't worry about it. I know what getting out of the house with a baby around is like."

He nodded his head, "Yeah, I guess you probably do."

Looking over at him Riley gave him a soft expression as she asked him, "So how are things?"

"Good I guess." When he said this she shot him a look and he sighed, admitting, "Honestly I don't know. It's weird... it's like some days I'm so busy that I don't even have time to miss her and then some days...it's all I can think about. Some days I'm almost okay and then some days..."

"I know."

"Some days I feel like I'm gonna go crazy because I can't stop thinking about stupid things. Like how I can't stop trying to remember what the last thing we walked about was."

She sent him a soft, sympathetic smile and she told him, "You'll remember, one day. It'll hit you out of nowhere months down the line."

His brow raised, "Yeah?"

Nodding Riley told him, "It bugged me for about six months after my dad passed that I couldn't remember what the last thing he said to me was and then one day it just... you'll remember eventually."

Once their waitress came by to take their orders James turned to Riley, cleared his throat and asked her, "What did you want to talk about?"

She smiled gently, almost nervously, "I have some news."

"Oh?" James wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. The last time someone had 'news' for him it was Quinn's doctor, telling him he should probably make himself comfortable in her hospital room for a while, and that he should try not to leave for any reason.

"It's good news." Riley assured him, and when his brow cocked she took in a breath of air and James nearly choked on his mouthful of water when she told him with a small smile, "I'm pregnant."

"You are? Really?" Over the last five months James could honestly say that Riley had become something of a best friend to him. They had bonded over their mutual loss like he had never expected to, and he was sure that he probably wouldn't be standing today if it weren't for his mother and Riley. She nodded her head and he told her, "Congratulations."

"That's actually not all this lunch was for." Riley admitted softly, and when James raised his eyebrow she went on, "Shea and I were talking the other day, and we got onto the topic of names... I wanted to ask if you would be okay if we gave this baby the middle name Quinn."

James smiled and nodded, "I think she would have loved that."

"But are you okay with it?" Riley asked him firmly, she didn't want to do anything that might make his healing worse.

"I think it's a great idea Riley." When she smiled gently at his words he asked, "What kind of first names are you guys thinking of? Or do you not know yet?"

"We have one boy and one girl name picked out." Riley told him, stopping to take a sip of her water before she said, "Don't tell Shea I told you. But if it's a boy we decided on Ryder, and Jolie if it's a girl."

"And you'd go with Quinn either way? Even for a boy?" James asked her curiously.

She nodded her head, "Yeah. We like how they both sound. I just... I wanted to make sure you were okay with it."

"Are you kidding? I think it's great Riley." James told her softly.

She surprised him by reaching across the table and taking his hand in hers and she sent him a small, soft smile and told him, “You're gonna be okay you know.”

“What do you mean?” James asked her, brow raised in questioning.

She took a drink of her water and then she told him, “You think you're not gonna be okay, you think that the way you're feeling now is never gonna go away but I promise you it will, and I promise you that you'll be okay, and if you're ever not feeling okay just go cuddle that little girl of yours. Speaking from experience baby cuddles can fix those feelings.”

“Yeah, she's pretty good at that.” James said softly, nodding his head in agreement with his statement.

Riley looked at him with a soft expression and she went out on a limb and told him, "I speak from experience when I say that she's gonna be okay. I know you think that with just you around that she won't, but I promise you she's gonna be okay."

"Yeah? You mind filling me in on this insider secret you've got there?" James asked, forcing a small smile on his face.

Riley smiled gently, squeezed his hand and told him, "Because I grew up without a mom and everything turned out okay for me. Sure, it's a different situation, but I grew up with just a dad and as much as I would have liked to have had a mom around I love the way I grew up. I got to have the most incredible dad, who, yeah, tried to over compensate a little too much, but he was great. As much as there are things I wish I had got to experience in my life that only a mom could have given me my favorite memories are of my dad trying to do those things for me. So trust me when I tell you that Peyton's gonna be fine with just you."

An hour later he pulled into the driveway of the house, and he sat in the garage in the car with his head back against the headrest and let out a sigh. He didn't even want to go inside. He never seemed to want to go inside lately.

Everything inside that house was like a living motion picture right before his eyes. He couldn't go in the master bedroom anymore, he hadn't been in Quinn's studio space since before she died, hell even the Ferrari made him want to throw up every time he thought about getting into it because every time he did he was flooded with so many memories. All the drives back and forth from Whitby and Pittsburgh and Nashville. They had spent so many hours in that car together.

Sometimes he seriously considered selling the place, finding somewhere new for him and Peyton to start fresh but then every time he tried to do it he couldn't. As much as he hated all of those memories now James knew that one day he would enjoy them, he knew it would be a long time before that happened but he knew it would. He didn't want to remove any other memories from their lives.

He pulled himself from the SUV and closed the door before he locked it up and headed inside. Snoop and Nixon came running the minute the door opened, and James gave them both a pet and he let out a laugh when Peyton approached him, shuffing on her stomach using her feet to propel herself forward on the hardwood floor. She looked up at him and grinned and James hung his keys up, kicked his shoes off and leaned down, picking her up and settling her against his chest as he walked into the kitchen.

Jess looked over at him and smiled, telling him, “Your dog barked at Taya for tickling Peyton around him.”

“Nix?” James asked with a smile, and Nixon came running over when he heard his name. James reached down with his free hand to pet him and then Nixon looked up and licked Peyton's foot, causing her to let out a giggle. James leaned forward and kissed Peyton's head quickly before he tickled her stomach and bounced her up and down, earning a few loud giggles for himself.

Jess nodded, and she watched James with Peyton and when he looked over at her with a raised eyebrow she reached out and rubbed Peyton's foot as she told James, “Leaving tomorrow's gonna suck.”

“You don't have to.” James told her, he really wasn't looking forward to them leaving tomorrow either if he was being entirely honest.

She smiled gently, patted his forearm and told him, “We do. Our lives aren't here, and you need to do this on your own for a while, get the hang of it and learn how to do this by yourself. As much as I know we would both love to stay and help you we can't hold your hand forever.”

James smiled sadly and nodded his head, “Yeah, I know.

“So listen, Taya's at the store. We're gonna cook a big dinner tonight, and hang out with little miss attitude. So you can either hang with us or you know... actually sleep.” Jess told him and when James went to argue she shot him a look and he kept his mouth shut. She told him quietly, a sympathetic expression on her face as she spoke, “I know you haven't been sleeping. At least not at night, and I get that James. But you need to start forcing yourself to do things you don't want to do.”

James let out a small sigh, and he asked her, "Wake me up for dinner?"

Jess nodded her head and she gave him a small smile so James put Peyton in the high chair, kissed the top of her head and headed upstairs. He walked passed the closed door to the master bedroom and down the hall into the guest room, where he stopped only to shed out of his clothes before dropping onto the bed.

James figured he couldn't have been in there for more than five minutes when there was a nudge and a scratch at the door so he sighed and heaved himself out of bed, crossing the floor to the door and pulling it open to find both Snoop and Nixon waiting patiently in the hall. He let them both in, and closed the door again, turning and he smiled to find them both curled up on the bed, so as he got into the bed James moved Snoop over a little bit before the dog settled in with his snout under James' chin. As he pet Snoop slowly Nixon curled up behind James, at the foot of the bed, and he whined so James reached back with his other hand and gave him a pet too.

They both made huffing noises when James rolled onto his back, but seemed content when they realized they got more attention this way. James stared up at the ceiling as he pet the dogs, and he heard Taya come from the store, he listened to her and Jess, as much as he could from upstairs with the door closed.

The humming of their voices must have lulled him right to sleep because the next thing he knew there was a knock on the door. He mumbled something incoherent and the door opened, bringing with it a pool of light that made him squint his eyes. Taya stuck her head in the door and spoke softly to him, "Dinner's ready."

"I'll be down in a minute." James mumbled against the pillow, and he rolled his eyes, groaning as both the dogs trampled over him and off of the bed to follow Taya downstairs. He pushed himself up on his forearms, rolling onto his side and he slung his legs over the side of the bed, before he sat up and put his elbows to his knees. He sucked in a deep breath of air, pushed a hand through his hair and then got up.

He pulled his jeans up over his hips again, buttoning and zipping them up, before he yanked his t-shirt down over his torso and then he made his way downstairs and to the kitchen. He could hear Peyton the minute he opened the guest room door, and her little giggle filled his ears clearer and clearer the closer he got to the kitchen.

Jess was sitting in a chair in front of the high chair, which James approaching slowly from behind it. He grinned as he bent down and said, "Boo."

Peyton jumped, turned to him and threw her hands out to his face with a squawking noise that made everyone laugh. He leaned over and kissed the side of her head before he glanced around the table, finding both chairs on either side of the high chair taken. Taya informed him, "We're on baby duty for the night."

James nodded his head slowly and he wandered into the kitchen, filling a glass with water and downing half of it quickly. He filled the rest up again before he dropped into a chair across the table from Peyton's high chair. He stuck his tongue out at her, and she tried to mimic him as well, which made him smile gently as Jess asked him, "Have a good nap?"

James nodded his head, cleared his throat and said, "Yeah, thank you."

Jess nodded and she told him, "Of course. We were thinking we might watch a movie tonight."

Before James could say anything Taya grinned, "And you're not invited."

He rolled his eyes but made sure to smile at the same time so that she knew he was joking, and he told her, "I didn't want to be invited."

"Good." Taya said with a nod of her head as she got up from the table and started bringing the food over. She declined James' offer to help, so he sat back and watched as each bowl and plate was brought to the table; steamed vegetables, some potato slices that looked like he probably shouldn't be eating, and steak. He hadn't been hungry before, but now his stomach growled as if he hadn't eaten in a week.

As they ate it occurred to James that he hadn't asked them about their lives now since they arrived in Nashville days ago. So he took a drink of his water, cleared his throat, and asked them, "So what's new? What are you guys going home to?"

Jess shrugged her shoulders and told him, "Work, as usual."

Taya smiled as she informed James, "She has gotten much better at working less and making more time for having a life. It's impressive really."

James smiled gently, and he told Jess, "That's great."

She nodded her head, "Yeah, I figured it was time. Life's short."

James knew that all too well. But he was refusing to let himself linger on that, so he turned to Taya, brow raised and he joked with her, "Do I even want to know what you've been up to?"

Taya rolled her eyes, but she laughed before telling him, "Nothing really. Still trying to figure out what the fu-heck, I'm gonna do with my life."

"She's going back to school." Jess told him, knowing Taya wouldn't.

"Really?" James asked her, and when Taya's cheeks flushed and she nodded her head he smiled at her, telling her, "Good for you."

She shrugged her shoulders, "I mean... I still don't know what I'm gonna take, but that's why I'm starting with a few courses covering a bunch of stuff."

"You'll figure it out." James told her softly.

Taya grinned and said, "Yeah, maybe I'll meet some dorky college guy there too. My love life sucks lately, I think I'm due for some half assed romance."

James let out a laugh, and he told her, "I could probably still hook you up with one of the single guys in Pittsburgh you know."

Taya rolled her eyes, "No thanks. I'm not into hockey players. That was Quinny's thing."

James rolled his eyes at her this time, and Taya laughed at that. He joked, "And she still hated me when we met?"

Jess laughed and assured him, "Oh no. She just greatly disliked you but she found you amusing, that was the only thing that separated you from Crosby."

In that moment James wondered how different his life would be now if Quinn had agreed to let Rachel and Paul set her up with Sidney like they had originally planned. Maybe then it would be him going through this, maybe then James would be completely free of the crushing grief he felt every single day. There was a part of him, now that he thought of it, that wished she had met Sid first.

James made a mental note that sometime soon he should probably respond to those waiting messages from Rachel, and Paul, and even Sid. They had been sitting, not responded to, for weeks. James had been good at giving out the same message back to the texts that came in shortly after Quinn died, he basically just copied and pasted the same 'I'm okay, thanks for thinking of me' message into each and every waiting conversation but it never went further than that. That seemed to satisfy most of his former teammates and friends and those who it didn't knew better than to push.

James could say with certainty that Steven was the only one outside of his Nashville bubble that he actually carried on conversations with since Quinn's death. Steven had actually been the one to go through James' house in Whitby and get it ready for when he got home over the summer, he played messenger with everyone else they usually spent time with over the summer to let them know that yes James was okay, but no he wasn't ready for company. James wasn't sure if he had ever thanked Steven for that, but he hoped he knew how grateful he was for that.

"Did we lose you?" Taya asked, waving a hand in front of James' face.

His cheeks flushed as he pulled himself back to the present, and he told her, "Yeah, sorry. I was thinking about stuff."

"Like?" Taya asked, and Jess rolled her eyes so Taya said, "What? I was just curious."

James smiled gently and admitted, "I was thinking about Sid... and Rach and Pauly... kind of seems like a whole other life."

Jess smiled gently and she asked him, "It is kind of weird to run into some of those guys around the city."

"I just miss Rachel's bartending skills." Taya said with a grin, making both Jess and James laugh.

Curiously Jess asked James with a soft voice, "When was the last time you saw them?"

"The funeral... and before that, aside from when we played the Sharks... years. Since the trade probably." James admitted softly, he shrugged his shoulders and he said, "I haven't really talked to anyone in a while... except family."

"Maybe it's time to change that." Jess suggested softly and James nodded his head in agreement. Knowing and doing it were two different things though.