Even If You Don't

Mari’s POV; September 29th

Once we were back in Sydney after the Melbourne and Brisbane shows, we were all pretty bummed that tour was almost over but we were more determined than ever to make the second Sydney show – the final show of the tour – the best one we’d ever given. The girls and I had gone back to our hotel after soundcheck – we decided to get a hotel rather than stay with the boys at their house again simply because, in Kaylynn’s words, ‘you idiots are too messy and we will actually go insane if we stay there for an extended period of time’. The boys obviously rolled their eyes when she said it – the other girls and I were too busy laughing to really appreciate the unamused looks on their faces – but they reluctantly agreed to give us our space anyway.

We did our usual things after soundcheck – Calum and I went out on an impromptu lunch date while everyone else did their own things – before we all went back to the venue to prepare for the show. We went outside to meet fans for a bit before my band had to get our outfits for the show put on. The energy in our dressing room was crazy – we were all excited and nervous and terrified and pumped up at the same time – but we were all sure this was going to be the most memorable night of our lives.

~

An hour and a half later

“We hope you guys had fun tonight!” Kenzie announced, making everyone cheer.

“Yeah,” Vanessa agreed, “We hope we weren’t the worst openers you’ve ever had the displeasure of forcing yourself to sit through.”

“Geez, Nessa,” I laughed loudly into my mic, “Don’t kill the mood right before our last song of the tour.”

“And speaking of our last song of the tour...” Kenzie grinned, “We’re gonna let you guys in on a little secret, okay?” The audience screamed in response.

“I’m not sure they really want to hear it, Kenz,” Kaylynn shook her head teasingly, “They don’t sound like they do.”

“She has a point,” Vanessa giggled, “I think if they wanted it that bad, they could be a little louder.”

“They want it!” I played along, “Look at them! They’re practically begging for it!”

“I’m just not convinced, Mar,” Kenzie sighed dramatically.

“Well, I know they do,” I said thoughtfully, “How about you guys prove the rest of my band wrong, huh?” The crowd cheered again, so I went on, “On three, I want y’all to be as loud as you possibly can, okay?” They gave more cheers as I started counting. “One... Two... Three!” I gave them the floor and they definitely delivered, screaming louder than any crowd we’d had since we joined the tour.

“Alright, alright!” Kenzie laughed, “I believe you!”

“So,” Kaylynn giggled, beginning to explain what we were referring to, “When the girls and I started this band, we knew from pretty much day one that we wanted Lost and Found to be our name.”

“Right,” Vanessa nodded, “And we loved it so much that we just couldn’t let the opportunity to write a song about it slip away.”

“We know there are a lot of you who can relate to feeling like you’re so small that you don’t matter and feeling like you’re lost in the world,” I finished the speech, “But if you take anything from our music, we want it to be that you do matter and that you mean so much more than you’ll ever give yourselves credit for; And this is how the lost get found.” The fans screamed again at the mention of the song title, ready to sing our last song with us.

[Kenzie]

Hello, my friend
I remember when you were so alive with your wide eyes
‘Til the light that you had in your heart was stolen
Now you say that it ain’t worth staying
You wanna run, but you’re hesitating
I’m talking to me

[Kenzie, Vanessa, Kaylynn]

Don’t let your lights go down
Don’t let your fire burn out
‘Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don’t you rise up now?
Don’t be afraid to stand out
That’s how the lost get found, the lost get found

[Kaylynn]

So if you get the chance, are you gonna take it?
There’s a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it
There’s a girl on the streets – she’s cryin’
There’s a man whose faith is dying
Love is calling you

[Kenzie, Vanessa, Kaylynn]

Don’t let your lights go down
Don’t let your fire burn out
‘Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don’t you rise up now?
Don’t be afraid to stand out
That’s how the lost get found, the lost get found

[Mari]

Why do we go with the flow?
Why take the easier road?
Why are we playing it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I’m moving out of the grey

[Kenzie]

Don’t let your lights go down
Don’t let your fire burn out
‘Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe

[Kaylynn]

Stand out!

[Kenzie, Vanessa]

Don’t let your lights go down
Don’t let your fire burn out
‘Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe

[Kenzie, Vanessa, Kaylynn]

Why don’t you rise up now?
Don’t be afraid to stand out
That’s how the lost get found, the lost get found

[Mari]

So if you get the chance, are you gonna take it?
There’s a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it

~

Two hours later

“Now that’s how you end a world fuckin’ tour!” Michael shouted excitedly as the boys came offstage. They all had huge smiles on their faces, adrenaline still pumping through them from the show.

“Michael! Language!” Ashton scolded.

“We’re all adults here, aren’t we?” he pouted.

“Physically or mentally?” I snickered.

“You know what?” Michael grinned evilly, and I wasn’t even given a chance to respond before I was being thrown over his shoulder.

“Mikey!” I squealed in surprise, smacking his lower back playfully as he took me toward his dressing room while everyone else followed, chatting amongst each other.

“Yes, kitten?” he smiled innocently, pushing the door open with his knee. He came to a stop in front of the couch, and I squealed again as I was suddenly tossed onto it. The other boys had taken that moment to grab towels and dry themselves off.

“You’re insufferable,” I huffed, pushing my hair away from my eyes and looking up at him.

“You still love me,” he insisted, leaning down to kiss the top of my head before heading over for his own towel.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Clifford,” I mentioned, leaning back against the cushion and pulling out my phone to check the notifications I’d gotten before getting onstage.

“Hey, Mar...” I heard the timid voice of my boyfriend, making me look up. “Can I talk to you for a second?” he asked softly, “Like...alone?”

“Yeah, sure,” I nodded.

Calum took my hand and pulled me to one of the empty dressing rooms, closing the door behind me. He let go of my hand to pace, still not having said a single word since he pulled me in there.

“Cal,” I walked over to him, putting my hands on his shoulders to make him stop moving and look at me, “What’s wrong?”

“I’ve been thinking...you know...about how this was the last show of the tour and everything...”

“Yeah, I mean, we’re all thinking about that,” I replied, “We’re really gonna miss you guys.”

“That’s the thing... I was thinking about how you’re gonna be back in London and I’m still gonna be in Sydney...”

“I know, but I’m sure we can-“

“I think we should break up,” he blurted out. I felt the wind get knocked right out of me, my arms falling back to my sides.

“Break up?” I whispered, already feeling my eyes getting watery.

“I just...” Calum cleared his throat in an attempt to hide the crack in his voice, “After spending the last six months never being apart, I... I don’t think we’ll be able to handle being 11,000 miles away all the time.”

“Oh...” I swallowed, “Okay...”

“So... You understand, right?”

“Yeah, Cal,” I started chewing on my bottom lip, “I get it. It’s fine.”

“Baby girl,” he said under his breath, putting his hands on my cheeks, “You’ll always be my favorite part of this tour.”

“I know,” I nodded, reaching up to kiss him. I pulled back so my lips barely brushed his, “I just wish I could have been part of your everything else too.” Before Calum could respond, I was out of the room, leaving him alone in the deafening silence.