Status: i update when i feel like it

Even If You Don't

Just Me and My Shadow and All of My Regrets

Mari’s POV; 9am

I woke up the next morning the sun shining directly on my face. I groaned quietly, rolling onto my other side, opening my eyes to find Kaylynn watching TV.

“Morning, sunshine,” she giggled at my less-than-amused expression.

“Tell the sunshine to go away,” I whined, burying half of my face in the pillow.

“I don’t think I can do that, sorry,” she smiled, getting up and going to the window, “But I can close the curtain.”

“I’m already awake,” I sighed, “I might as well just pack.”

“Already done,” Kaylynn informed me, “Your sweats are on the bathroom counter with your toiletry bag, so all you have to pack is that and your pajamas.” I smiled slightly.

“Thanks, Kay,” I murmured, dragging myself out of bed and into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

I brushed my teeth, changed into my other clothes, and went back into the room. Kaylynn had turned the TV off and made both of our beds, ready to go get Kenzie and Vanessa to go to the boys’ house.

“You sure you still want to go?” Kaylynn asked, “We can just hang around here until we have to head to the airport.

“I’m sure,” I nodded, “I still have to kick Mikey’s ass in GTA one more time.”

“That’s my girl,” she beamed, holding her hand up for a high-five.

I grinned lightly again and we met the other two girls in the hallway after making sure we had everything we’d brought with us. Kaylynn had called Bryan after I went into the bathroom, so he was already waiting for us when we got outside.

Once we made it to the boys’ house, we didn’t even get to knock on the door before Ashton was pulling it open.

“Hey, guys!” he smiled brightly – way too chipper for 9:30am in my opinion, but hey, that was Ashton for you. “Come in!” he ushered us inside, “Guys! They’re here!”

“Wow,” Kaylynn nodded as she looked around, “It’s cleaner this time around.”

“Yeah, well, Ash made us clean when we got back from shows all week,” Luke said, coming into the room with Calum following behind him like a lost puppy. We made eye contact for a brief moment, but quickly looked away when the blonde started talking again. “Mike’s waiting for you downstairs, Mari,” he looked at me, “Said he’s looking forward to kicking your ass in GTA.”

“In his dreams,” I rolled my eyes. I tightly gripped the hoodie in my hands, holding it out to Calum. “Here, Cal...” I said softly, “Figured you’d want this back.” He barely nodded, taking it from me before I hurried downstairs.

I trotted to the main room of the basement where Michael was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, already playing Grand Theft Auto V. He had propped himself up against the couch, a second controller sitting beside him.

“Hi, Mikey,” I said softly, going around the back of the couch so I didn’t walk in front of him.

“Mari!” he beamed, pausing the game and waiting for me to sit down so he could hug me tightly. Michael ended his current game and switched to multiplayer so I could join in.


About 30 minutes of in-game horseplay and Michael's terrible jokes later, he apparently decided to get serious.

“We know what happened last night, kitten,” Michael told me as we continued playing the game. I let out a breathy laugh.

“I should have known Kay was gonna tell you,” I replied.

“How do you know Cal didn’t?”

“Because I know him,” I murmured.

“It’s okay to be upset about it, you know?” he said thoughtfully, “It was a really shitty reason to end it.”

“I know, but if he couldn’t handle the distance, I don’t want to make him stay with me,” I shrugged, “Maybe we just weren’t meant to be.”

“Like you believe that,” he nudged me. I laughed lightly again, laying my head on his shoulder.

“I don’t,” I confirmed, “But I’ll get over it. I don’t want to talk about that anyway. I’d rather talk about how many times I’m gonna kick your ass in the next six hours.”

“Oh, I love talking about dreams!” he sighed dramatically. I elbowed his side, picking my head up to look at him.

“Alright then, what do you say we make this a little more interesting, Clifford?” I proposed.

“How so, Duncan?” he returned with a small smirk.

“We turn away from the TV and try to kill each other without looking,” I said, “Whoever loses buys pizza for everyone for lunch.”

“Oh, you are so on,” he snickered. We put our characters in the same room and switched weapons to only our fists, then spun around so we were no longer facing the TV just as everyone else was coming down the stairs.

“What are you guys doing?” Kenzie asked with a small giggle.

“Mari’s buying lunch!” Michael chirped.

“Loser’s buying lunch,” I reminded him, rolling my eyes.

“Isn’t that what I said?” he smirked again, earning himself a shove.

“Here’s how it’s gonna work, Mikey,” I announced, “This is gonna be a clean game – that means no one will tell us where our characters are, no weapons except for hands, and if you put any one of your fingers near my controller, I’m gonna snap it in half.”

Michael gasped dramatically, “I can’t believe you don’t trust me, kitten.”

“I’d trust you with my life, Mikey,” I stated, “I just don’t trust you when we’re playing video games.”

He paused for a moment before nodding, “Fair enough. You ready for this, Duncan?”

“Born ready, Clifford,” I grinned slyly, “Okay, someone count us down.” Vanessa happily took initiative.

“3... 2... 1... Go!” she squeaked.

It was only about 7 minutes later that a winner was declared. Everyone started cheering as Michael and I snapped our heads back to the TV, finding the ‘WASTED’ screen over his character.

“Yeah!” I shouted happily, throwing my arms up.

Michael threw his arms around my waist and tackled me to the ground, lying on top of me. He started tickling my sides to make me laugh, but I didn’t mind, honestly; I knew I needed a good laugh after what had happened yesterday.

Calum’s POV

Since I was standing behind everyone, I got lucky in that no one noticed how tight my jaw was getting. Mari and Michael had been best friends pretty much since the moment we all met, but the way her face scrunched up in the same way that it did when she was with me made me jealous beyond all reason.

I knew it was my fault – and boy, did I hate myself for it – but that was the thing about me; No matter how badly I wanted to fix things, I was incredibly stubborn. And no matter how jealous I was now was going to make me admit to anyone else that I was wrong.


Mari’s POV; 10:30pm

Calum wouldn’t stop staring at me the entire time we were waiting in the airport terminal and I found myself desperate for our plane to start boarding so I didn’t have to deal with it anymore. His gaze made me feel so self-conscious and small that I just wanted to curl into a ball and disappear.

Finally, like God was speaking down from the heavens himself, the woman over the airport intercom announced that our flight to London was finally boarding.

I let out a small sigh of relief, quickly grabbing the peppermint hot chocolate from Starbucks that Michael insisted to buy for me off the table as we all stood up. After making sure we all had our carry-ons, the boys followed us to the gate entrance, all of them except for Calum having prominent pouts on their faces.

“Don’t be strangers, okay?” Michael hugged the other girls, “If you’re ever back in Sydney, we’ll take care of you.”

“My mum’s dog would take better care of me than you would,” Kaylynn shot him a glare, shoving his shoulder. I let out a breath as I giggled softly, keeping my head down but still knowing everyone had looked at me.

“I think I could out-care a dog, Kaylynn,” he scoffed, turning his attention back to the bassist.

“Don’t be so sure, Mike,” Vanessa chirped, “Cal was a search and rescue dog for half of her life.”

“Cal?” he raised his eyebrows.

“Cal,” Kaylynn interrupted, her tone menacing, “Short for Callie. I would argue it really is a great nickname for a bitch though, wouldn’t you?” Calum swallowed thickly when she looked at him. “Oh, right!” she exclaimed plainly, “Cal is your nickname too! I totally forgot! What are the cha-“

“Kay,” I whispered, making everyone look at me again, “It’s not worth it; Let’s just forget it and go home.” The girls agreed and began walking toward the gate while I remained in my spot. Luke and Ashton hugged me tightly before Michael took his turn.

“Stay in touch, okay?” he mumbled into my ear, “I’m gonna miss playing video games and causing trouble with you.” I let out a genuine laugh that time.

“You've got my gamer tag, Mikey – just text me whenever you wanna play,” I squeezed him lightly before letting go, “And if you’re ever back in London, I don’t mind sharing a bed with you.” I stole a glance at Calum, taking note of how his jaw had tightened, before looking at the other boys. “Thanks for bringing us on tour, guys. It’s a shame it had to come to an end,” I said, my eyes trained on Calum. I stood there for a moment before bending down to pick up my carry-on bag and turning around, walking toward the gate.

“Duncan!” I heard Michael call out. I turned, now walking backwards slowly. “Call me when you get back, yeah?” he told me, “Wanna know you got home safe.” The corner of my mouth twitched into a half-smile.

“Anything for my favorite person, Clifford,” I told him, noticing Calum shift uncomfortably.

“Hey!” Luke pouted, “I was your favorite person three hours ago!”

“Better start being more careful about talking with your hands then, Hemmo,” I shot back, pulling on the bottom of the shirt he had given me to replace mine when he spilled his drink on me at dinner.

He sighed, “I’m not getting that back, am I?”

“Nope,” I smirked, winking at him before turning around again and hurrying to the gate before I missed my flight.
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Title: "Invisible" by 5 Seconds of Summer