Even If You Don't

Mari’s POV; Four hours later

“Mari,” I heard someone whisper as my shoulder was being shaken, “Time to wake up.”

“Go away, Luke,” I mumbled into the pillow my face was currently shoved into, making him chuckle.

“Come on, Mar,” he said, “I told you I was gonna wake you up for show time. You go on in half an hour.”

“That’s 25 more minutes of sleep!”

“You still have to get dressed.”

“Fine then, 24 minutes,” I reasoned, making him laugh a little louder.

“You can have as much more time to sleep as it will take me to carry you to your dressing room,” Luke said. Before I could even react to the statement, he was already pulling me out of the bunk.

“Luke!” I squealed as I dropped out of the bunk and into his arms.

“Thought you wanted more sleep,” he grinned smugly, making sure he had a firm hold on me before heading back out of the bus.

“You’re so annoying,” I grumbled but laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes anyway.

“Mhmm,” he hummed in acknowledgement, carefully pulling down on the door handle to get into the venue before kicking it back closed with his foot. He did the same with the dressing room door and we were immediately met with the rest of my band.

“How was your nap, Sleeping Beauty?” Vanessa giggled.

“Would have been better if I wasn’t woken up,” I replied, opening my eyes again.

“Hey, you would have given me the silent treatment for a week if I hadn’t woken you up,” Luke pouted as he put me down.

“Yeah,” Kaylynn snorted softly, “He learned that lesson the hard way in Glasgow.” I finally laughed, reaching up to kiss Luke’s cheek.

“Thanks, Lukey,” I teased. He laughed as well, shoving my shoulder.

“Hurry up and get ready,” he said, “You’re on in less than 30.”

“Okay, Gabrielle!” we said simultaneously, making fun of him for acting like our manager. Luke flipped us off as he left the room, closing the door as we all laughed at him.

~

45 minutes later

“Are you guys still with us?” Kenzie spoke into her microphone, causing the crowd to cheer. “Good!” she grinned, “So I’m sure everyone knows the drill by now: It’s time for our 5SOS cover!”

“We thought we’d switch it up a bit tonight, so one of us is going to pick the song!” Kaylynn explained.

“Oh, who’s the lucky winner?” Vanessa egged as if we hadn’t already decided.

“Mari!” Kenzie cheered, “What song have you picked for us this evening?!”

“Well, Kenzie!” I chirped, “I have picked the song that my four favorite idiots are too scared to do live!”

Kaylynn gasped dramatically, “We’re doing every 5SOS song ever?!” The crowd laughed along with us while the boys simply rolled their eyes as they came over to stand at the side of the stage – as they did whenever we began leading into the covers.

“Unfortunately, we don’t have that kind of time,” I shook my head, “But we do have time for the song that made me fall in love with the band.”

“You mean made you fall in love with Calum Hood,” she snickered.

“Oh, so that’s why she’s taking his solo!” Kaylynn smirked. I saw the boys teasingly nudging Calum out of the corner of my eye, making me groan internally – there was no way I’d be able to avoid that comment later.

“5 Seconds of Summer has now changed their name to Calum Hood!” I announced with an eye roll, “You heard it here first, guys!”

“So, no pressure or anything, Mari,” Kenzie said, “But if you mess up your solos, we’re gonna kick you out of the band.”

“You three can’t live without me and you know it,” I stated, beginning to hit the pedal under my foot.

The moment the rest of the band joined in with their instruments and ‘oh’s, the crowd burst into cheers. The boys, however, looked on with skeptical expressions, thinking there was no way that – even though the band was incredibly talented – that we could play a song as difficult as If You Don’t Know live and not have a least one mishap.

But if they had learned anything about us throughout the past month on the tour, it was that we loved to prove them wrong.

[Kenzie]

Tonight, we’re fading fast, I just wanna make this last
If I could say the things that I wanna say
I’d find a way to make you stay
I’d never let you get away
Catch you in all the games we’ve played

So go ahead, rip my heart out
Show me what love’s all about
Go ahead, rip my heart out
That’s what love’s all about

[Kenzie, Vanessa, Kaylynn]

I want you to want me this way
And I need you to need me to stay
If you say that you don’t feel a thing

If you don’t know, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go
If you don’t know, then just let me go

[Mari]

Let’s forget the past, I swear we’ll make this last
'Cause I remember the taste of your skin tonight
And the way that you look, you had those eyes
I remember the way it felt inside
And the name of the songs that made you cry

You would scream, we would fight, you would call me crazy
I would laugh, you were mad, but you’d always kiss me
And the shirt that I had that you always borrowed
When I woke, it was gone, there was no tomorrow

[Kenzie, Vanessa, Kaylynn]

I want you to want me this way
And I need you to need me to stay
If you say that you don’t feel a thing

If you don’t know, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go
If you don’t know, then just let me go

[Mari]

Go ahead rip my heart out
If you think that’s what love’s all about
Go ahead rip my heart out
Go ahead rip my heart out

I could feel tears start welling up as my voice cracked, silently reprimanding myself already because I knew that was what everyone would be talking about after the show. I had sung this song in my bedroom and at rehearsals countless times, but for some reason, tonight – in front of thousands of people – had to be the moment it finally broke me.

[All]

Go ahead rip my heart out
If you think that’s what love’s all about
Go ahead rip my heart out
Go ahead rip my heart out

[Kenzie, Vanessa, Kaylynn]

I want you to want me this way
And I need you to need me to stay
If you say that you don’t feel a thing

If you don’t know, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go

[All]

If you don’t know, then just let me go

Calum’s POV

The boys and I watched on, our heads tilted in confusion, as the song ended. We obviously noticed the crack in Mari’s voice during the bridge, but we just thought it was because her throat was dry. But when she looked down and wiped her face as Kenzie was introducing the next song, we knew it was much more.

But, because she was Mari and she was as strong as anyone else I’d ever met, she pushed through it, continuing with the rest of the show as if nothing had ever happened.

~

Half an hour later, the girls were bouncing offstage. Mari was smiling along with the others, but she was clearly avoiding looking at anybody – and I knew it was because of what happened during If You Don’t Know. My band had a few minutes before we went onstage for our own set, so I decided to head over to Mari. She was standing alone at the table where all the headsets were as she unhooked hers from her jeans and I thought it was the perfect opportunity.

“Hey, Mar,” I said, just loudly enough for her to hear, “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” she replied with a questioning tone, glancing at me before taking her earpiece out and putting the headset on the table.

“So what happened during that cover was just me hearing things?” She quickly shrugged, probably thinking I didn’t notice her pause briefly.

“Don’t know what you mean,” she said, turning to walk away. I grabbed her hand and turned her back around.

“You know exactly what I mean,” I said lowly, “Luke said you’ve been acting weird since Michael did something to annoy you before the show. And we all know you don’t get annoyed with him that easily.”

“We’ve been on this tour for what, a month?” she grumbled, “What could you possibly know about me?”

“I know that you’re holding something back,” I stated matter-of-factly, “I know that something happened to make you break during that song. I don’t know what it is, but I’m gonna find out.” Mari’s jaw tightening slightly and it was clear she was now annoyed with me.

“Good fucking luck,” she mumbled, tearing her hand out of mine and walking away.