Collision

“I’ve got something for you,” Gerard said, when we both had cups of coffee in our hands and had found a hidden away bench to sit on outside, where there was little chance of us being found by anybody else.

“What?” I was pretty sure I hadn’t heard him right.

He shook his head. “I got something,” he repeated, retrieving a small wrapped parcel from – his coat pocket? I wasn’t sure exactly how he’d fit it in there, but he had. Amazing. “For you.”

Putting my coffee to the side, I took it hesitantly, and weighed it in my hand. It was light. “What is it?” I asked.

“You know, normal people open presents,” he said. The little quirk to his lips told me he was amused.

I frowned at him, then glanced down at the present. It was a flat rectangle. I shrugged slightly, and deftly ripped off a corner of the messily-wrapped paper. As I pulled it back to reveal a starry background, I realised what it was.

Shedding the rest of the paper revealed a second-hand copy of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, the very album I’d reached for all those months back in Loudmouse, where we’d first met.

I was pretty sure my grin was ridiculous. “You bought it?” I asked. I wasn’t proud of how much of a squeak my voice came out like.

He laughed. “I went back there the next day. I felt like it was, I dunno. A sign? Even if I never thought I'd see you again.”

“You’re an idiot,” I said fondly, as I kissed him, still gripping the CD tightly. I’d already decided I was going to have to find a special place to put it when I got home. “A very cute one. Thank you.”

“I’m the cutest,” he agreed happily.

“Shh, don’t ruin the moment.”

He stayed silent for all of two seconds, which was actually quite a feat for him.

“If I had eight arms like an octopus I’d cuddle you with all of them.”

“What?”

~*~

Two more coffees later, we eventually wandered back to Alex’s room. Through the small window in the door, I took in the surprising sight of my mother sat there, holding Alex’s hand, whilst they chatted quietly. I hesitated slightly – not sure I wanted to interrupt something which actually looked quite sweet – before pushing the door open.

My mother glanced up at the sound of the door opening and smiled at us. “Cam!” she said brightly. She actually sounded pleasant which was – scary. “Alex was just telling me about tour. It sounds all very… disgusting. Is it true that you didn’t even have showers?”

I groaned slightly. “Thanks, Alex,” I said, taking a seat next to her bed. Behind me, Gerard laughed softly as he walked over to the only other spare seat near the wall.

“And apparently Finley has met the love of his life,” she continued, apparently oblivious to my discomfort.

I glanced sharply at my sister, surprised she’d be telling our mother about her and Finley.

“A nice young man named Frank? Is that right?”

I bit my lip to contain my laughter. Oh, that made more sense.

“I’m afraid Frank has a long-term girlfriend,” I explained, shaking my head slightly and thinking back on the tour antics between the two. “Although I don’t blame Finley for falling head over heels with the boy. I might have too, in different circumstances.”

“Hey now,” Gerard said, raising an eyebrow. I turned and shot him an unabashed grin.

Which seemed to make my mother realise, once more, that he was there. “Oh yes,” she said, with a look which made me flinch. She was curious. That never ended well. “Young man – Gerard, is it?”

He nodded, looking only marginally freaked out at the attention. I had to give him kudos for that.

“What is it exactly you and my daughter here are doing? She isn’t one of those – how do you call it? Groupons?”

“Groupies,” Alex corrected with a slight snort.

Gerard looked alarmed. “I – no… we, we are good friends – um… she is amazing.” I smiled down into my lap as he fumbled over his answer.

“And you… are you serious about this… music thing?”

I outright laughed then, but quickly covered it with a hand to my mouth.

My mother turned to look at me, eyes narrowed and an affronted look on her face. “Well, I mean, there’s not much money in music, is all. Alex here is one of the lucky ones.” She had the tone of someone who was explaining a simple concept to somebody who had no chance of understanding it.

“Mum,” I began gently, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at the condescending tone she’d adopted. “His band is pretty successful.”

“What exactly do you mean by successful?” She didn’t sound impressed.

“They sold out the 02 arena,” Alex added, apparently deciding we’d suffered enough. “Three nights in a row. Their last album was certified platinum – in Europe and America.”

“We were beaten to the number one spot by Hannah Montana though,” Gerard added quietly, which made me smile even more.

“Oh,” was all my mother said. She turned to Gerard. “I still think you should make sure you have a backup plan.”

~*~

“What are you going to do now?” Mallory asked me as he appeared in the doorway. It was the last day of tour and I was back in my old bus, gathering up my things and packing them into a suitcase when he found me.

Alex had been discharged, because after some monitoring, the doctors were happy that she’d made a full recovery, at least physically. Aside from checking her into mandated therapy and rehab sessions, she was free to go.

Unfortunately, SAYF had already missed the last few shows, and as a band they’d decided they really didn’t think it was a good idea for her to perform so soon after anyway, so they’d pulled out, citing illness as the reason. I’m not sure if anyone believed it, but that didn’t matter.

“Me?” I was surprised that he’d sought me out, and even more surprised to be asked this. “I’m going home.”

“Just like that?” he asked.

“Just like that,” I confirmed, shoving some t-shirts into the suitcase with perhaps more force than was necessary.

“You’re an idiot,” he said fondly, with the sort of smile I’d come to associate with him. It was half-kind, half-disbelieving. “I have something for you.”

I was surprised, but I took the piece of paper he offered me without hesitation. “What is it?” I asked, but then I read the first line, and my heart leapt.

“You look after yourself, okay?” he said as he left.

He’d handed me a letter of recommendation signed by him, but attached with a staple to this letter was what had caught my eye and filled me with relief and joy. It was a print out of an email from one of the biggest music magazines in the country, offering me a position as a music journalist for one of their new columns. I couldn’t even believe it as I read it, even though it was printed right there in black and white. This was the best thing that could have happened, I decided. I owed Mallory a lot.

Later, I was dragging my suitcases off the bus, trying to stack them up neatly with my sister’s, who had already managed to create quite the towering pile. Apparently, she’d kept most of the gifts she’d received from fans, even the recent get well soon ones, which was sweet but also meant her luggage was ridiculous now.

Liza came over. She was smiling, but she didn’t look happy. “Hey,” she said, holding out her arms. I walked over and hugged her fiercely. “You better not forget me.”

“Or me,” added Gerard as he appeared at her arm.

Liza rounded on him, looking very unimpressed. “You fucker! We’re having a moment here, fuck off and get your own.”

I started laughing, and then I felt rather than saw another pair of arms embrace me, and then another one, and suddenly I was at the centre of a very squashed sandwich of half of the crew and bands. I spied Chantel’s hair, and Ray’s, and even Finley’s in the squish.

“Fucking killjoys,” Liza muttered, apparently put out. “We were having a moment.”

~*~

If there was one thing I’d learned from this all, it was that old adage that ‘There's no such thing as bad publicity’ was actually, surprisingly, true.

At least, if the emails that Finley proudly showed me about sales of their first and second EP (released quickly after the end of Whiteout, apparently to ride on the wave of notoriety that had followed) weren’t lying.

“Jesus Christ,” I muttered, shocked. “You little shits are famous.”

Two weeks later, I saw their first music video play on TV, and then in late July, they were invited to the Kerrang! Awards, nominated for Best British Newcomer and that’s when I knew that this was way bigger than I’d ever expected.

“I can’t believe you’re up for a fucking award.” I was talking to my sister, who was sat next to me in the car that Mallory had hired to take us to the awards show – which was being held in fucking Romford, of all places, in August. It wasn’t quite a limo yet, but it was damn swanky – it even had a little selection of different drinks to choose from. I’d instantly reached for the gin because I was feeling fancy.

“I’m terrified,” Alex admitted. She was attaching her earrings – little crosses which sparkly prettily in the overhead lights – and I glanced over her outfit approvingly. Apparently, awards shows dictated something a bit fancier than her usual look, so she’d even agreed to wear a cute, albeit short, black dress and heels. I was pretty sure I hadn’t seen her in heels since she was fifteen.

“We’re gonna win,” Finley said firmly from the other side of her. He had his hand on her thigh. I looked away from that.

“Don’t fucking jinx us,” Red replied sharply.

My phone vibrated, and I glanced down to see a new message from Gerard. Despite the fact the band had flown back home straight after tour, we’d kept up a steady stream of text messages. This one had a picture attached. I opened it, confused, but smiled as the picture loaded. Gerard looked glum, wearing a hoodie and sunglasses as he always seemed to be when he was in public. Frank was leaning into the frame, grinning widely, and holding two thumbs up.

I read the message underneath.

Good luck for tonight. We’re thinking of you all. xxx

PS: I took this photo earlier. I’ve already killed Frank. Tell Fin sorry.

Alex leaned over to see the message and smiled. “I never thought I’d say it, but that’s fucking cute,” she said. “Wait – are they on an airplane? Where the fuck are they flying?”

I glanced back at the picture. I hadn’t realised that, but it did look a bit like they were sat in an airplane, or maybe a train. “Busy little shits,” I said. “Probably doing more fucking interviews or something.”

The car pulled up next to a long line of other fancy black cars. As we all clambered out, I could see music fans gathered in tightly packed crowds either side of the entrance not that far away, pressed up against the metal barriers. Jesus, there were hundreds of them. More, even.

I took this all in with wide eyes before noticing a man striding over. “Susie Ain’t Your Friend?” he asked brusquely, ticking off their name on a long list. I could see my name written there in the guest column, which made me feel a little bit important. “Here are your passes. Don’t lose them.”

I took the offered pass and looped it around my neck, and that was when they were taken away from me to walk the official red carpet up to the entrance. As only a guest, I had to go around the crowd and sneak in that way.

I watched proudly with a grin as Alex and Finley walked hand in hand towards the waiting crowds, followed quickly by Red and Jack. Cameras were flashing and people were screaming and they looked entirely in their element.

As I walked by myself into the venue, I was struck by just how busy the whole affair was. There were too many people doing too many things I didn’t quite understand. However, the pass I’d been given appeared to work, because I was nodded through the first two doors into an almost empty auditorium. There were round tables set up neatly with little name cards on them, which made me smile.

As I stepped over the threshold, my phone buzzed again. I glanced down, confused.

Look behind you xxx

I spun around quickly, a wash of deja vu hitting me as I realised Gerard was leaning in the doorway, grinning like he'd pulled off the best joke ever. My stomach did a little swoop.

He looked good, obviously dressed up for the cameras in one of his many shirt and suit vest combinations, but his tie had little skulls on it, because of course it did. That made me happy.

We grinned at each other for ages.

“For fuck’s sake guys, just kiss and get it over with.”

That was Ray, appearing behind Gerard. Frank was next to him, laughing. His hair was longer, and it suited him. I noticed new tattoos on his arms which surprised me, because I didn’t even think there was space. Finley better not see that. He’d already added enough to his own tattoos in the last few months, with Alex's encouragement.

I gave Ray a lethal glare, because he deserved it, and he just responded with a small quirk of his lips.

Still when Gerard stepped closer and leant in, I leaned automatically towards him again, and then his lips were on mine. It was our first kiss in months. I could feel little sparks in my fingertips and I was smiling into it. His fingers found my neck, and my arms wrapped tightly around his waist, pulling him closer as if this would make it so he'd didn't let go this time.

And then the camera flash went off.

I was almost blinded by it, and I’m pretty sure I looked beautiful as I jerked backwards in surprise, face scrunched up as I tried to blink away the bright circles in my vision.

Gerard sounded just as surprised. “What the fuck, Frank!”

“I’m gonna put this in my scrapbook,” he declared. I could finally see that he was the one holding the camera. Of course he was.

“You’re a dick,” I added, but I couldn’t be mad at him really.

Greard shook his head.

Then he held out his hand and I took it, entwining my fingers with his, as we turned to face the auditorium together. I felt a bit like it was us against the world. And I couldn't be happier.