18

“Happy Birthday, Baby!” Alex murmured as he gently shook Jack awake.

Blearily, Jack opened his eyes to see that the world was very much dark behind the glass of the living room window. Confused he sat up and cracked his back as his eyes adjusted to the low light.

After a few moments, things came into focus and Jack was struck by his unfamiliar surroundings. The wide, open space of the new studio apartment they had just moved into the evening before. Jack had falling asleep in Alex's arms on a sleeping bag in the middle of what was going to be their “living room.” Now, they were sitting in a sea of boxes, on a small island of golden light cast by a candle stuck in the middle of some brown lump that Alex was holding.

Jack smiled as the sleep faded and he glanced down at the plate, trying to discover what the strange substance was. “Couldn't you have waited ‘til the morning, Al?” Jack said in the middle of a yawn.

Alex just smiled in that adorable, coy way of his. “Technically, it is the morning. It's 3 AM. 3:23 AM, actually. And no, it couldn't wait because you only turn eighteen once and I need you to be awake when you enter into adulthood.”

Jack rolled his eyes and scooted closer to Alex. “You're such a fucking nerd. But you're an adorable nerd.”

For a moment, they just looked at each other, eyes sparkling in the light of the single pink candle. Alex's features danced and flickered along with the flame, giving him an ethereal kind of glow that made Jack's heart skip.

“Okay! You have two minutes left of being a child, Jay! Use them wisely,” Alex exclaimed excitedly as he glanced down at his phone screen.

Jack just looked out the window at Baltimore lit up like a thousand birthday cakes, streetlights buzzing and alive. If he could make a wish on every single one of them, he would only make one and it would be to stay with Alex until the end of forever.

He had the excitement of a child that almost made one forget that he was actually twenty years old. He was full of light that Jack needed in his life, especially right then. As Jack sleepily basked in the glow, he marveled at how he had managed to get so lucky. Alex was the one good thing he had left in a life that had fallen apart around him.

“You know, I don't think I'm going to miss being seventeen very much. It's been a pretty shitty year,” Jack said sadly.

Alex set down the plate and pulled Jack close, an arm wrapped around his shoulders. “I know, Baby. But it will get better, I promise. You're going to go to college in the fall and you'll have me to come home to every night. And we're going to make a better life here. Far better than the one you're leaving behind.”

Alex's eyes were full of the same driven and determined kind of light that had made Jack fall for him. He found himself smiling despite everything- the uncertainty, the fear, the shame. He turned around to meet Alex's gaze and murmured, “Just the two of us?”

Alex nodded and kissed Jack's temple. “Like always.”

An entire future danced in technicolor across the backs of Jack's eyelids, bright and promising. Looking at Alex, he could see it so vividly, just within reach. It was a future full of late night kisses and watching cartoons in their pajamas and making dinner in their boxers after long days at work. Their future, though bound to have unexpected moments of pain and darkness, was still so full of light.

It was a future that left behind the parents that kicked Jack out the minute they found out he was trans. It left behind late nights spent staring at ceiling fans wondering if there was some way out. It left behind the hiding, the regret, and the shame. It rose above all of the complications and brokenness to create something greater.

“Okay! Now make a wish, Jay!” Alex exclaimed with adorable enthusiasm as he presented the plate to Jack once more. Upon close inspection Jack could see that Alex had made him French toast, since the only things they had in their fridge were milk, eggs, and a loaf of bread.

“Hey, aren't you gonna sing to me?” he teased as he watched the candle flame dance, pink wax pooling and mixing with the syrup.

Alex rolled his eyes before complying. Jack loved Alex's voice and forced him to sing for him at every opportunity. Alex had a beautiful, soft voice that made Jack feel so peaceful. Alex was always too embarrassed to sing in front of other people, but Jack was different. As he launched into a quiet, raspy version of “Happy Birthday” Jack stared at the flame and contemplated his wish.

He had always been a big believer in wishes. He needed to believe in some kind of magic to survive his childhood. It made the bad stuff easier to stomach if he convinced himself that the world was full of the secret kind of magic and mysteries that he read about in his books. Even at eighteen, Jack had to make every last wish count. They were sacred and special, only presenting themselves on rare occasions- at the end of a candle, in the curve of a fallen eyelash, within the tufts of dandelion seeds.

When Alex's song finished, Jack lightly blew out the candle, watching the smoke rise lazily in the air between them. Then they sat in the darkness, feeding each other bites of French toast as they gazed down at the city below, so wild and alive. So full of promise and wonder.

The view was spectacular: a wide glass window pane that took up a large expanse of the north wall, looking out at Baltimore’s bustling downtown, thousands of buildings and landmarks marching off into the distance. They had both known that this place was the one the minute that they saw the view. It was so different from where they both came from and in the end, that's exactly what they had wanted.

After they had inhaled the French toast and exchanged a dozen lazy, syrup flavored kisses, Jack rested his head on Alex's shoulder and twined their fingers together.

“You know how much I love the city?” Jack said with a sense of wonder to his tone. The tiny pinpricks of light danced in his glassy eyes, giving him a kind of hope that he had once been too scared to embrace. The lights spoke to him in a kind of morse code promising stability, promising permanence.

“You know how much I love you?” Alex replied with a sly grin that he hid in Jack's hair as he kissed the crown of his head.

“To the moon, around the entire circumference of Saturn and back?” Jack chided and made Alex chuckle, his laugh reverberating through his chest and tickling Jack's bare skin.

“Wider than that.”

Jack grinned, pleased with himself that their corny joke still hadn't gotten old, even after all these years.

“Well I love you wider,” Jack said, matter-of-factly.

“You can never let me win, can you?”

“Nope, and I never will.”

Eventually, they ended up lying back down on their mound of blankets, curled up together. Alex's head on Jack's chest. They were both wide awake, but quiet and reflective. The apartment was filled with the kind of non-silence that comes with living in the city, the constant drone of cars passing by or planes flying overhead. It was a new kind of sound that they would both grow to love later on, and then wonder how they had ever tolerated pure quiet.

Jack was listening to that low drone as his head swam with happy memories and giddy feelings, an old kind of excitement that he hadn't felt in a long time bubbling in the pit of his stomach. It was the kind of excitement that couldn't be contained and needed to be shared with someone.

“Alex?” Jack whispered, making sure that his boyfriend was fully conscious.

“Yeah, Baby?” Alex murmured back.

“I'm really happy that I'm here with you. Is it dumb that I'm most excited for really stupid things, like buying groceries together or sharing a bathroom?”

“A little,” Alex teased. Jack rolled his eyes at him and squeezed his hand.

“I'm still going to use your toothbrush,” Jack added.

Alex giggled into his chest, and for a while, the only sounds were their rhythmic breaths, and the distant buzz of Baltimore’s electric heart beating beneath them. “Are you going to miss it? Being a kid?” Alex asked softly.

Jack didn't even hesitate before he chuckled. “I mean, I miss being able to sit in bed and read all day without having to go to work, but all of the other shit? Fuck no! I'm glad I'm not a kid anymore. I hardly made it through my childhood.”

Alex frowned, though Jack couldn't see it, as he recalled the long scars on Jack's arms that were still bright and prominent, even after six years.

“Things are... better now, though?” The way that Alex said it was both a statement and a question. Jack leaned down and kissed the crown of his head.

“Oh fuck yes, a million times better. But that's only because of you.” Jack said with a grin as he rolled over to kiss Alex again.

They were both smiling as they kissed, over and over, softly and sweetly. Jack’s fingers traced secret messages on Alex’s back as they kissed causing goosebumps to appear on his skin. Jack felt so giddy and alive when Alex pulled away, face flushed and lips slightly swollen, his dark eyes full of the same kind of joy.

“You make life brighter, you know that, right?” Jack murmured as he cupped Alex’s chin in his hands.

“If I'm the sun, then you're the moon, Baby,” Alex murmured back.

The two of them were grinning widely and stupidly as they curled back into each other. They lay like that on the floor until the sun started to ride over Baltimore, casting lazy shadows over their city of boxes. With the whole city stretched out beneath him and his arms wrapped around Alex’s waist, Jack felt safe. And he couldn't wait to see what eighteen would bring him, though he knew that he already had everything he needed curled up next to him.