Haven

@jarpad: I need all the love I can get right now. Please please give me a few seconds of your time and write me. #AlwaysKeepFighting

Jared let out a sigh as he sank lower in the seat, pulling his sunglasses further over his eyes. He was finally back in Austin, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty as his thoughts drifted to his fans and even his co-stars.

He was constantly letting people down.

Hesitantly, he checked his phone for any new notifications. Even though he knew it wouldn't be the case, he was terrified people would be sending hate this way. What could he possibly need time away for? He had a perfect career, adoring fans that supported his work, a loving and supporting group of friends and family – why was someone like him depressed?

Up until twenty-four hours ago, he wasn't sure he was going to wake up today. As far as he was concerned, he was done. He was done with letting people down, he was done with being a burden to so many people and he was done living up to the impossible standards that he had set for himself.

He smiled bitterly to himself, almost letting out a laugh as he opened his text messages. A few from his parents, a few from other castmates, and one from the man that had point-blank argued with him yesterday when he said others were depending on him: "You're not okay. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first."

Begrudgingly, he did so. He made a last-minute decision to cancel after several arguments and tears, and a few more arguments and more tears later, his flight was booked to be back home in Austin. He was heading over to Jensen and Danneel's house for the night, mostly because he didn't know how he'd fare at home by himself. Going home meant facing an empty house and he didn't know if he could handle it.

It'd been months since Kate had left him, but it was a wound that hadn't completely healed all the way yet. They were together for four years and they had planned on getting married, up until she just decided that she couldn't do it anymore. Officially, it was because of his schedule. He was always in Vancouver filming or in a different city or state entirely for most weekends out of the year appearing at conventions. Even though it took a lot out of him, it was something he wouldn't trade for the world.

But Jared knew the reasons behind her leaving weren't just because of his work or his schedule or even leaving her on her own most of the time. Instead, it had more to deal with the fact that he couldn't hold himself together. He needed her a lot more than what she was willing to give him, and he understood that. She shouldn't have had to act as glue when he started falling apart again.

He remembered begging her, pleading with her not to leave.

He'd get on new medication, he'd start going to therapy more than once a week – he was up to twice now —but nothing that he said had worked.

She had left, and when she did, a piece of him did, too.

"Jared?"

He looked up at that, Cliff offering a small smile at him as soon as he stopped the car. "We're here, bud. You going to need help getting things in?"

"I got it. Thanks, though," Jared got out with a tight smile, shoving his phone in his jean's pocket as he unbuckled, climbing out of the van. He managed to get all of his bags and get to the door before Danneel swung it open, holding her arms out for him. He accepted the hug gratefully, willing himself not to cry as she held him. He couldn't break down yet. Just a little longer before he'd be able to do so without watchful eyes or worried expressions.

He was okay.

He had to be.

"You can sleep down the hall. I made the bed and set up anything else you'd need for the night."

He smiled at her, a real one this time, and thanked her again before heading upstairs. He knew she was worried; Danneel wasn't very good at hiding her emotions, unlike Jensen. Jared guessed that was why they worked so good together sometimes. She refused to let anything go until she had answers. And usually, he'd be glad to have a listening ear, but he was far too tired to try to talk about anything else tonight.

He was looking forward to going to bed and resting as much as possible before his appointment tomorrow. Shit. Jared rolled his eyes at himself, shutting the bedroom door. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed, determined to try to get some sleep. But after minutes of tossing and turning, he let out a huff and reached for his jeans, digging his phone out of his pocket.

Janet, his therapist, advised him against it, but he couldn't help himself as he scrolled through twitter. He was in shock. But when it came to his fans, he always was. They'd always been a safe haven to him and he knew the same held true for the fans.

@akfjarpadawg: Much love to an amazing guy. Hope you know we're all rooting for you. Put the mask on you first, worry about the rest later. <3 you, @jarpad!!

He sat up slightly when he saw the message under the hashtag he'd tweeted earlier, clicking on the profile the tweet belonged to before deciding to give the girl a follow. He'd gotten other tweets sent his way, but it seemed a little weird to be given the same advice that one of his best friends had earlier. He wasn't one to necessarily believe in fate, but he didn't know how else to describe it.

He cracked a smile as he scrolled through her profile, recognizing a photo op of himself and the girl as the header. He managed to find the original tweet before favoriting it and shutting his phone off, his mind more at ease now as he drifted off to sleep.

Maybe things would be better in the morning.