Haven

Even though Peyton had been through the process before, it did little to ease her nerves.

At first, she wasn't even sure that she had done the right thing. She liked to think that she was a strong person, but being in therapy again made her feel like she was on the inside of a fish bowl. She felt vulnerable; more vulnerable than she had when she had first moved to Austin. Initially, it was just to get as far away from him as she could. Liam could never find her in an entirely different state, and Austin would be the last place he would look. Or at least, that's what she was hoping.

"I'm glad you finally took the time to come in," Janet told her with a kind smile, setting the notepad down on the table beside her chair. "I honestly think this move was good for you. You seem to be trying to face your problems head on now."

'If only you knew,' Peyton thought with a grim smile, picking at the holes in her jeans. "I'm trying to, I guess. Still having a hard time with... you know."

As much as she wanted to say his name, she couldn't bring herself to. It had been nearly a month since she had last seen him, but less than that since he had tried to contact her. She was faring pretty well for someone that was close to falling apart.

"Baby steps, Peyton," she teased, glancing over at the clock that hung over the wall.

Peyton only nodded in return before she checked the time on her phone, her knee bouncing up and down with anticipation. Her hour and a half was almost up, but it'd felt like so much longer to her. She wasn't a stranger to counseling by far, but the last time that she had gone to an appointment at her own will was something she couldn't remember. Janet was, at least, nicer than anyone she had managed to see in the past and she wasn't afraid to sugarcoat anything for the girl. She appreciated that, even though she wasn't one to take criticism very well.

"How are other things going?"

She knew that Janet was talking about her other side, one that she regretted telling her about almost immediately after. If she wouldn't have, though, Carrie would've brought it up to her therapist. She didn't see how it was especially important at first, but it was when it came to understanding the type of relationship Liam and Peyton had.

An abusive partner was something on its' own. But when the couple participated in a certain dynamic such as theirs, it was crippling on another level. Throughout the course of their relationship, Peyton had been forced to believe that Liam was only acting the way he was because he was her dominant. Of course, he had been wrong. And Janet didn't hesitate to let Peyton know that up front.

Liam was using his role as an excuse to abuse his power. Even if Peyton hadn't been submissive in nature, Liam could have easily taken advantage of her. Of course, that was only Janet's view on things, but she had been around long enough to have dealt with a variety of situations.

"I haven't... um, I haven't been able to slip into the right headspace in a while. I'm terrified to."

"And it might be that way for a while. I just want you to know that it's okay if you feel like you need a 'normal' relationship for a while before venturing into that lifestyle again. What you went through isn't something to take lightly, and I know that a certain level of trust is needed for those types of dynamics. And if you decide to jump back in, I encourage you to do so with caution and maybe try exploring different types of power exchange. Maybe something a little more nurturing."

Peyton felt her face start to burn with a blush and she told her that she would, glancing toward the clock again anxiously. Five more minutes and then she'd be done.

"And that's where we'll leave off for this time, okay? For now, your homework is going to be setting goals for yourself and exploring what makes you happy. Try doing something a little out of your comfort zone. I want you to make a list, too, of what you expect from your next relationship and if you decide to include it, what type of dynamic would you want?"

Anytime Janet used the word dynamic, her chest tightened a little more. She missed the feeling of safety that Liam provided her with

No.

She had to keep telling herself that Liam only wanted her to feel that way so she'd feel compelled to go back.

"I can do that," Peyton promised her, picking her bag up from the floor and leaving the room to make another appointment for next week. On her way out, she let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding, leaning against the wall.

"Shit."

"That bad, huh?" A familiar voice, smiling up at her when she walked out. Carrie stood up, linking arms with her friend as they started their walk outside.

"Horrible."

Carrie laughed as they got into her car, pulling a sweatshirt on over her scrubs. She turned the air on before pulling away from the curb, looking over at her friend. "Your horrible or mine?"

Peyton debated that for a second before a small smile made it to her lips. "Okay, whatever, mine."

"Drama queen."

"At least I'm a queen."

Carrie scoffed, slapping Peyton's arm lightly. Peyton didn't know how she had managed to get so lucky when it came to their friendship. They had managed to survive the shit high school had thrown at them, though she thought college was a lot more of a challenge. Peyton was a drop-out but swore up and down she was going to go back, even though she didn't really need to. She had a pretty good resume and in a bigger city like Austin, she could get hired on for nothing less than fifteen an hour. Carrie, on the other hand, had managed to graduate nursing school with flying colors at the age of twenty-one.

Carrie would've been happy staying in their little town, but as soon as things with Liam had gone down, she was ready to do anything she could for Peyton. Even if that meant moving a state away and starting over at entirely new hospital, even if the pay was better than she could've imagined.

@jarpad has started following you.

New message request from @jarpad

Peyton looked over at Carrie, who was too busy arguing over the phone with one of her self-entitled co-workers to notice that her eyes were as wide as saucers. Apparently, the girl was someone that Carrie had hated since high school, and she didn't know how she managed to get her RN in the first place.

Peyton held her breath as they came to a stop, opening the message hesitantly.

I just wanted to say thank you for that tweet. Crazy as it sounds, I needed to be reminded of that again. Cute pictures, by the way (: