Why Don't I Like Girls Anymore?
11
Tuesday 23rd March
7am
Only this week and then we're on Easter Holidays. Hopefully then the school community will let up on the whole homophobia thing, although I bet most people are just too afraid of the popular kids to defy their rules and be friendly to me.
They're all pathetic. I'm just going to be friends with whoever the hell I want.
School, even though it's only for four more days before two glorious weeks off, will be much easier now that I've cleared things up with Julian.
Even though he was only apart from me for one day I missed him like hell. If he ever tries to distance himself from me again in an attempt to lessen my horde of haters at school, that attempt will be in vain.
I won't let us part again.
12.45pm
In art. Trying to draw a sketch of a Greek statue. Failing.
Ignoring drawing and writing inconspicuously under the desk.
My art teacher, Miss. Bedevan, is shooting me looks but I've given up caring.
Looking at Julian's half finished painting of a sunset and feeling like screwing up my drawing and eating it. He's unfairly amazing at art.
At least I'm better at English. That seems to be the only thing in which I excel Julian's skills. He's never been interested in writing, whereas writing is pretty much my life. I love this diary, it's a great vent for my feelings and somewhere I can organize my irrational, scattered thoughts.
Also good to look back on when I feel like having a laugh at myself.
At least Julian is back to normal now. (See? I'm calling this normal now, whereas this time last week I would never have called this normal.)
He's not stupid enough to openly show his feelings, but sometimes when he reaches for more paint with his paint brush, his hand brushes against mine in a way that makes me think it's done on purpose.
It makes my skin crawl, but in a completely good way. (If that makes any sense.)
Now I'm going to shut up, because I feel paranoid that Julian is able to read that.
1.30pm
Just got out for lunch. Before Julian and I could go to my secret wall we got beckoned over by Clara. Looks like lunch with the manga crew.
Don't get me wrong, I love Clara, but her friends... not so much.
Jade is so tall, so confident, that she scares me. Chloe is far too shy to hold a decent conversation and Jess is to busy trying to impress Julian to even bother with me.
Eating my sandwich begrudgingly whilst Clara and Jade talk about.... the School Rumble OVA. The new Code Geass series. More stuff that completely confuses me.
Jess and Julian are talking about Julian's sunset painting. Well, Julian is explaining the style that he uses with brush strokes and Jess is nodding in rapt agreement to his every word.
I just accidentally made eye contact with Chloe, who is also eating in silence. She blushed bright red and ducked her head down to the book in front of her. It was a normal book and not manga. Finally something I could talk about.
The epigraph of the book told me exactly what it was.
…one flew east, one flew west,
One flew over the cuckoo's nest
'Reading One Flew over the Cuckoo's nest?' I asked her across the table and her eyes darted upwards worriedly. She wasn't used to me talking. Normally I ate in silence just like her.
'Y-yes.' She said timidly and shut the book, her thumb wedged between two pages to keep her place.
'That's one of my favorites. I only read it a few months ago.' I decided to keep up the conversation. 'Have you seen the movie?'
'N-no.' She answered monotonously again and squirmed in her seat.
So you're shy, I thought. Tough.
'It's different from the book because The Chief doesn't have active narration, but it's still really well done. I recommend it.' I carried on and smiled at her.
Timidly, she smiled back and opened her mouth to speak.
'I guess that narration would be hard in a movie adaptation, but how does the Chief's secret get found out?'
2.30pm
In tutor.
Chloe and I ended up talking most of lunch. Everyone else, unsurprisingly, was surprised by the amount Chloe talked, to me of all people.
We mainly talked about writing and books and it turns out that she wants to be a writer as well. I never thought I would have had much in common with such a shy girl, but I guess I never had the chance to find out.
Perhaps I've made a new friend in this hellish school.
6.00pm
I miss Julian.
At least I'm eating my favorite kind of pizza (ham and pineapple, in case you were wondering), but it was the one he and I ate before he confessed to me, so it just reminds me of him.
Most things do.
11.50pm
Only three more days of hell left!
7am
Only this week and then we're on Easter Holidays. Hopefully then the school community will let up on the whole homophobia thing, although I bet most people are just too afraid of the popular kids to defy their rules and be friendly to me.
They're all pathetic. I'm just going to be friends with whoever the hell I want.
School, even though it's only for four more days before two glorious weeks off, will be much easier now that I've cleared things up with Julian.
Even though he was only apart from me for one day I missed him like hell. If he ever tries to distance himself from me again in an attempt to lessen my horde of haters at school, that attempt will be in vain.
I won't let us part again.
12.45pm
In art. Trying to draw a sketch of a Greek statue. Failing.
Ignoring drawing and writing inconspicuously under the desk.
My art teacher, Miss. Bedevan, is shooting me looks but I've given up caring.
Looking at Julian's half finished painting of a sunset and feeling like screwing up my drawing and eating it. He's unfairly amazing at art.
At least I'm better at English. That seems to be the only thing in which I excel Julian's skills. He's never been interested in writing, whereas writing is pretty much my life. I love this diary, it's a great vent for my feelings and somewhere I can organize my irrational, scattered thoughts.
Also good to look back on when I feel like having a laugh at myself.
At least Julian is back to normal now. (See? I'm calling this normal now, whereas this time last week I would never have called this normal.)
He's not stupid enough to openly show his feelings, but sometimes when he reaches for more paint with his paint brush, his hand brushes against mine in a way that makes me think it's done on purpose.
It makes my skin crawl, but in a completely good way. (If that makes any sense.)
Now I'm going to shut up, because I feel paranoid that Julian is able to read that.
1.30pm
Just got out for lunch. Before Julian and I could go to my secret wall we got beckoned over by Clara. Looks like lunch with the manga crew.
Don't get me wrong, I love Clara, but her friends... not so much.
Jade is so tall, so confident, that she scares me. Chloe is far too shy to hold a decent conversation and Jess is to busy trying to impress Julian to even bother with me.
Eating my sandwich begrudgingly whilst Clara and Jade talk about.... the School Rumble OVA. The new Code Geass series. More stuff that completely confuses me.
Jess and Julian are talking about Julian's sunset painting. Well, Julian is explaining the style that he uses with brush strokes and Jess is nodding in rapt agreement to his every word.
I just accidentally made eye contact with Chloe, who is also eating in silence. She blushed bright red and ducked her head down to the book in front of her. It was a normal book and not manga. Finally something I could talk about.
The epigraph of the book told me exactly what it was.
…one flew east, one flew west,
One flew over the cuckoo's nest
'Reading One Flew over the Cuckoo's nest?' I asked her across the table and her eyes darted upwards worriedly. She wasn't used to me talking. Normally I ate in silence just like her.
'Y-yes.' She said timidly and shut the book, her thumb wedged between two pages to keep her place.
'That's one of my favorites. I only read it a few months ago.' I decided to keep up the conversation. 'Have you seen the movie?'
'N-no.' She answered monotonously again and squirmed in her seat.
So you're shy, I thought. Tough.
'It's different from the book because The Chief doesn't have active narration, but it's still really well done. I recommend it.' I carried on and smiled at her.
Timidly, she smiled back and opened her mouth to speak.
'I guess that narration would be hard in a movie adaptation, but how does the Chief's secret get found out?'
2.30pm
In tutor.
Chloe and I ended up talking most of lunch. Everyone else, unsurprisingly, was surprised by the amount Chloe talked, to me of all people.
We mainly talked about writing and books and it turns out that she wants to be a writer as well. I never thought I would have had much in common with such a shy girl, but I guess I never had the chance to find out.
Perhaps I've made a new friend in this hellish school.
6.00pm
I miss Julian.
At least I'm eating my favorite kind of pizza (ham and pineapple, in case you were wondering), but it was the one he and I ate before he confessed to me, so it just reminds me of him.
Most things do.
11.50pm
Only three more days of hell left!
♠ ♠ ♠
Easter Holidays - Christian holiday based around Easter Sunday, which has no fixed date. I'm pretty sure most people have heard of this XD I just felt like explaining.One flew over the cuckoo's nest - Read it. Watch it. Bow down to it's awesomeness.
The Chief - character from OFOTCN. He is one of my faves after Billy and McMurphy.