Why Don't I Like Girls Anymore?

Saturday 26th March

7pm

I've now met Jay. Just like with Vanessa, he wasn't what I expected. I guess you can't read a book by its cover (if there ever was a more appropriate cliché.)

I didn't notice him enter the house until Vanessa called out 'You arrive, Lord Jay! Supper is ready!' much to her own amusement. I heard no reply.

Unlike with Vanessa, I didn't have the guts to go see Jay myself. I carried on reading my book instead, biding my time until dinner when I'd meet him. I only tore my eyes away from the book when my door opened.

I expected it to be Vanessa, checking up on me, but it wasn't.

It was that guy from the train, I was sure of it. They had the same clothes, the same dark hair, the same deep brown eyes.

He was Jay!

Jay didn't say anything to me. In fact, he didn't even acknowledge me. As soon as he entered the room he sat down in front of the computer and switched it on. I realized then that he wasn't snubbing me, he just hadn't noticed that I was there.

I tried to speak up, but my voice had disappeared. It must have been the aftershock of knowing that he and I had sat opposite each-other on the train without even knowing. I had described him, my step-brother to be, in such detail... I felt embarrassed, even though it was impossible that he'd read my diary.

Instead, I decided to move on the bed and make a rustle. He turned around and jumped slightly when he saw me there.

'You... from the train....' he said slowly, staring at me in confusion. Already feeling embarrassed, I felt myself begin to blush. I didn't like him staring.

'Um, yeah. I thought I recognized you.' I said offhandedly (or should I say lied offhandedly). 'I'm Simon.'

'Oh, so you're the son! Sorry... I didn't notice you there. You're so quiet.' He added with a small smile. That smile sent a little shiver down my spine.

An awkward silence followed and Jay cleared his throat.

'I'll just turn off the computer and...'

'No, that's alright.' I interjected a bit too loudly. 'You can use the computer, I'm only reading.'

'Oh, alright then.' he turned the chair away from me back to the screen. I returned to my book, although it could have been in Japanese for how much I could read of it. I caught myself staring at the back of Jay's head and then darted my eyes back to the book, concentrating on it like it was worth my life.

I couldn't resist one more look and, when I did, I found that Jay was already staring at me. I blinked, surprised, and he turned away hurriedly. Then, something I found strange, his knuckles on the desk clenched so much that they turned white.

Then he pushed himself away from the desk forcefully, slamming one finger against the 'Off' button on the computer.

'I need to go and...' he didn't finish his sentence before shutting the door. He looked angry.

Was it something I did? Impossible. He'd only known me for all of five minutes. He only got angry after I found him staring at me.

How confusing.

Vanessa’s just peeked around my door to tell me dinner’s ready. More on the Jay situation later…

Maybe he’s just in a bad mood?

10pm

I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I thought I’d hate this family entirely, turn into a martyr for my mum’s sake, but it seems that I just can’t help liking Vanessa and even dad is alright; better than he was before leaving us.

I just can’t figure out Jay at all.

He spent the whole dinner in silence, staring at his food as he ate it slowly and angrily, leaving Vanessa and dad to make conversation with me.

I caught him staring at me again and then he returned to staring at his lasagna with even more concentration after-wards. He looked angry again, but when he was staring, he didn’t look angry at all. He looked… I’m not even sure what the emotion was.

‘I’m not hungry anymore.’ He said after a while to his half eaten meal and left the table. Vanessa and dad carried on chatting. They were obviously used to Jay’s strange mood. I guess parents get used to things like that.

‘Don’t mind Jay.’ Vanessa said to me after dinner. ‘He gets in a bad mood sometimes and… everyone gets like that once in a while.’

I understood then that he was just having a bad day. It was just paranoia that made me feel like I was causing him to get angry.

Dad offered to get the computer running for me in case I wanted to use it, but I didn’t want to just yet, seeming as e-mailing Julian after one day would probably seem a bit desperate. I didn’t have too much to talk about anyway.

I read more for a while instead.

Now I’m going to go to sleep, seeming as there isn’t anything else to do. It seems like Vanessa has lots planned for me tomorrow anyway, so sleep is probably a good idea…

I'll admit, I've just sneaked Julian's T-shirt out from the bottom of my suitcase. It's the greatest comfort I have here.

Sunday 27th March

6pm

Just like I’d predicted, Vanessa took me out for the whole day.

In the morning we looked around the shops and, some of the smaller shops were closed but most places were still open even though it was a Sunday.

I mainly looked for souvenirs and bought Katie a little soft toy bear from Harrods and I found a set of mugs for Mum. (She always buys mugs whenever we go on holiday, seeming as she’s addicted to tea and coffee. The gift seemed fitting.)

I didn’t find anything for Julian or Clara, but I have two weeks to do so.

We went to lunch at a restaurant called ‘Maxwell’s’ which was busy but had great food. Then we watched the street performers at convent garden and got coffee.

Then we went on the London Eye. Seeing Big Ben, Buckingham Palace and all the other famous buildings from so high up was amazing.

Now we’re back home and I’m writing an e-mail. I can’t think what to write, everything sounds so stupid when I read it out loud.

Dear Julian or To Julian? Julian on its own?

Love from Simon? I haven’t even told him I love him just yet, so I don’t want to waste it on an e-mail.

For the actual content I’ve just written about what happened today and the whole strange thing about Jay. I won’t put down anything about my lavish description of him. I don’t want Julian to think that I like him in that way or anything.

Besides, I don’t think I have any room in my heart for anyone else.

Okay, I’ve decided. Julian on its own at the start of the e-mail means less worrying for me because he could decipher it anyway. And as for ‘Love from’?

I miss you,
Simon.

This is true. I miss him like hell.

I haven’t seen Jay all day but I know he’s coming back for supper. Vanessa is big on the whole eating-as-a-family thing. This means I’ll see him soon, which I don’t exactly feel overjoyed about.

What if I catch him staring at me again? Every time I do, I get a weird feeling in my stomach. It’s unsettling.

Perhaps I just need to be nice to him and he'll stop being so... angry.

He's probably just shy.